Chapter 25 #2
He was about to talk back again, argue with me, but his mouth slaps shut, his teeth clattering together.
It feels like a slap in the face. I have no idea why I keep messing this up.
It’s too naive to think he suddenly stopped hating me and might start catching feelings for me.
He makes his way over to the ladder, and this time, I can’t even enjoy the sight of his half-naked body above me.
I quickly follow him up, not looking at him, not uttering a single word as I dry myself off. I need to get out of here. I need to get away from him before I do or say something stupi—All reasonable thoughts leave me as a warm, calloused hand grips my shoulder.
“Listen, I am fucking sorry, okay, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I know you’re not the only one responsible for the mess I am in now,” he says as he grips my shoulder, spinning me around, forcing me to face him.
“I used to not care about how I looked. No, it was more than that. I used to love how I looked. I was happy being bigger. But…” I don’t need him to finish his sentence, I know what happens.
How could I not realize that no one will be able to love their body after having been with that manipulative goat.
I should tell him it is alright, that I understand where he is coming from and that I would never blame him.
That he doesn’t need to explain himself to me.
That would be the reasonable thing to do, but I am not a reasonable man. Never was. Never will be. Years spent on the ship trying to get Celeste back has done nothing to make me more reasonable, and I don’t know what can possibly change this.
“Well, you should not let someone who abused you dictate how you feel about your own body,” I snarl back.
“Not when there are others who show you how insanely good you look.” That’s my actual issue here, that he still takes Peter’s word over mine.
That he still values what Peter told him, not what I have been showing him.
“What others? You mean you?” The goosebumps that rise on my skin have nothing to do with the fact I am still wet and half naked but everything to do with the frost in his tone. I am pretty sure he is related to the snow elves from Frostlight, with how cold his words are.
“Yes… me! What? My opinion doesn’t matter here, because it felt like you quite liked my attention earlier when we were walking here.” A low blow faulting him for kissing me when I have been doing the same to him.
I want him to tell me… need him to tell me.
Either that it is all just fake, that he has been playing with me.
Trying to win my trust, using me to get back to Peter.
Or, that he is feeling the same fucked-up things as I am.
At this point, it doesn’t even matter, as long as I know something.
Something to either help me get over him or enjoy the time we have left to spend together before he goes back to Earth.
“I did enjoy it, until you broke this kiss, scared someone of the crew would see you kissing me. Until you made sure you didn’t have to see my half-naked body when I was getting undressed.
Don’t come here playing my savior when all I was to you was a body to use, a steppingstone to get what you need.
That is what I have been to you since the very moment you saw me napping at the shores of Silvermist lake. ”
Shit. He looks genuinely hurt, like he really believes I broke the kiss when someone walked up to us because I am ashamed of being seen with him.
That I averted my eyes because I was disgusted by seeing him in just his underwear.
“You fucking, ridiculously stupid brat. I am not ashamed of you. But are you going to tell the crew what we are? This is a big ship, but it’s still a ship—a small, confined space where nothing interesting happens if you’re not involved.
What do you think will happen when anyone in the crew sees us kissing? ”
No sounds come out of his mouth as it forms a perfect little oh.
“Like I told you when I stopped by your hut earlier, if you want to stare at me with your mouth open, running your mouth, I’d rather have you on your knees.
I have better uses for your mouth than to listen to you talk down about yourself,” I say a throwaway remark.
Sure I imagined how it would feel to have those full, soft, plump lips wrapped around me. But I know it is never going to happen.
“You mean that?” he asks. I can’t quite read his tone, my own thoughts running around my head so loud they are drowning everything else out.
“Fuck, yes, I mean that, James. You’re a stubborn brat, a pain in the ass I have regretted kidnapping every day since that moment.
But never ever think I don’t genuinely think you’re the best looking man I have ever seen.
” My hook pushes into the skin of his neck, almost piercing it as I pull his half naked body close to mine.
I shiver as I feel his cool skin pressed against mine.
A sound escapes his lips before I mute it by pressing another kiss to his lips.
“Tell me this feels like I am just kissing you for shits and giggles, James.” Another kiss. He doesn’t even pretend to fight me on it this time. His body now flushed and hot, sinks into mine.
“Tell me you believe this means fucking nothing to me; tell me this feels like you’re just a means to an end to me. I dare you,” I murmur against his lips, biting his bottom lip again to draw out the sound he made when we were kissing earlier.
His skin on mine, the wanton noises he makes, him giving into this kiss so eagerly—it’s all overwhelming, enticing, but I am not the only one feeling this.
A shudder runs through my body as I feel myself hardening against the outline of his erection.
This is a boundary we should not cross. This is something we will never get back from.
And yet, right now, I don’t give a fuck.
Nothing has ever gone right in my life, nothing but James Barington grinding into me, looking for a friction only I can give him.
I pull my hook from his neck, tearing his underwear off him. My still-wet silk underwear, tenting obscenely, follows. “Fuccck,” he moans, head falling back, at just the sensation of our cocks touching each other without barriers.
“Tell me if you think this is just a game to me. Tell me if you want me to stop,” I say in a voice thick with barely contained lust, offering him a chance to withdraw the consent I feel his actions have given me, as my hand wraps around both our cocks.
Of course, I am unable to wrap my hand fully around them as I start stroking us together.