Chapter 26
Chapter twenty-six*
Killian
“No… no,” James moans, his eyes rolling into his skull.
I am sure he means it doesn’t feel like I am playing games, that it doesn’t feel like I am just using him.
Until he steps back withdrawing from my touch.
The hand that had been stroking me falls to my side, and my heart shatters for a second until he sinks to his knees.
“Wait what, James… I…” Minutes ago I was so sure he would never, and now his calloused hands start stroking me. Looking at my cock like it’s the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. “James… you don’t have to… I…”
But what was I going to tell him? Forming words is impossible when the guy you have been fantasizing about for days is on his knees in front of you.
“I know, that’s why I want it to be real, I want to make the choice this time.
” He doesn’t give me the time to let the words sink in, to really understand what he is telling me.
I shudder as the breath of his words brushes over my hard again cock and then he takes my full length in his mouth.
If it was not for my hook embedding itself into the wood of the wall my legs would surely have given out from under me.
My hand tangles into his soft brown hair, not to guide him, but to anchor myself, to give myself something to hold on to.
To ground myself in the fact that this is really happening.
“Shit, you take me so good, you perfect brat; you know this is real.” I groan, my hips bucking, thrusting into the warm, wet heat of his mouth because I am losing all control over my body.
The second I do, he pulls back, cold air brushes my cock replacing the warmth of his mouth.
“Uh Uh, Captain, you’re not in charge this time,” he says with a smirk that makes heat coil in my stomach…
“I am sorry, darling. I am all yours,” I rush to say.
I have never begged a man before, but I have never been with James Barington, either.
“Darling, I am not going to last,” I mumble as he takes me even deeper, gagging around me.
The intimate sound only makes this all even hotter.
And when he gently cups my balls, I am a goner.
Wood splinters as my hook drags down the wood panels, my hand squeezes tight around his soft, thick hair as I spill my release deep into his throat.
For a moment the only sounds are the waves breaking against the hull of the ship and our ragged breaths.
My orgasm is so intense I don’t have the oxygen to speak.
“Damn,” I sink to the floor, both because I cannot trust my legs to carry my weight anymore and because I want to be at eye level with James.
“That was amazing,” I finally manage to say, reaching out to him, but James seems to recoil.
“I should never have. I… please, Killian, I never wanted to use you to hurt you. But this is not me. Give me some time, okay?” he pleads with me.
My heart suddenly feels tight, and I hate how sad and heartbroken he sounds now, instantly regretting what we just shared.
I hate it more so because I know what the reason behind his doubt is.
My every instinct is screaming at me to not let him go.
To demand we talk about this, to tell him my truth—how I cannot stop thinking about how fierce he is, how brave he is.
However, since he told me he likes the scent of my soap, I cannot take a bath without thinking about him.
Force him to listen to me tell him how much he has gotten under my skin.
But I have learned my lesson. Every time I pushed him too hard, I only ended up pushing him away.
“Of course, James. We don’t have to make this bigger than it is. Let’s just get back to our huts, and we’ll see each other tomorrow, okay? I don’t feel used,” I tell him.
It’s weird I actually don’t feel used, I had no right to do so.
Every moment between us until now was because we got into a heated argument, and it always ended up with kissing.
I kissed him far before he saw the truth about Peter.
So yes, this is a mess, but he isn’t the only one to blame.
We’re both quiet when we get dressed, and we still don’t say a word as we walk outside, all the way to our respective hut or quarter.
Nothing about this day was how I wanted it to be, but…
for the first time since I came to Silvermist, I am not reaching for the rum.
It has become such a habit to at least have one glass, even more after James boarded the Obsidian Oath.
But something in me is telling me now that I need to stay clear.
If, for whatever reason, James seeks me out.
If he wants or needs to talk about what happens.
The next morning I make my way to the mess for breakfast. James never came to seek me out. I shouldn’t be surprised about it. He asked me for time, after all, but that didn’t stop me from holding out a little hope every time I heard footsteps behind the doors of my quarters.
“Oh, her name is Trix. She has wind power, which is very useful if you want to sail a ship this big when there is no wind,” I hear Dexter talking to someone before I see him.
. He is watching out over the oceans, never looking at the person he is talking to.
He is on watch this morning, a job he takes very seriously.
A job for which our second cat, Trix, always accompanies him.
And there is only one person aboard this entire ship that does not know her: James.
“Morning Dexter, morning darling,” I tell the men, struggling to keep my voice level, to pretend my breath does not catch in my throat at how good James looks in the Panatoean silk I got him a while ago.
Like my stomach does not tie itself in knots when I see the shadows under his eyes.
He should not be talking about Trix; he should be letting Herb into his hut so he can sleep better.
I know he did when he was suffering through withdrawal, making me wonder why he hasn’t now.
“Morning, Captain,” Dexter says, eyes still trained on the ocean.
“Yes, morning, Captain,” James says, his voice coming out softer, shy almost. Something he never was, but he asked me for time and space to think about this, and I am not going to keep messing this up by pushing him too hard, too fast.
“Did Belichime tell you we are docking near the mermaid coves today? We need to restock the ship. Maybe you could join her on an expedition, since you’re a free man now,” I say, sounding way more casual than I feel.
I want to be the one leading him around the mermaid caves, showing him all there is to see.
And as a free man, he could just decide to get off the Obsidian Oath and never return anymore.
“No, she didn’t, but I might ask her. It would be good to spend some time with someone who is happy to do so,” he says, voice clipped. Like me suggesting that he goes with Belichime is me rejecting him when all I am trying to do is do exactly what he asked of me.
“Oh, I bet she would love that,” Dexter adds in. Like his sister he is a great young fae, but he isn’t the most apt in reading the room.
“You should both drop by my quarters before we dock to get your pay for the past week,” I remind Dexter and tell James.
It’s true for now he is no longer our prisoner but a part of the crew.
He works, so he gets paid. But I need to talk to James, ask him why he seemed so offended when I suggested exploring the mermaid caves with Belichime.
He asked me to give him space. So what does he expect? .
“Sure, but right now, I want some breakfast,” James answers me before he brushes past me, briskly, but not fast enough to hide the scent of my soap clinging to his skin. The scent of pine and sea salt and now of hope.
“I am here to collect my pay,” James tells me two hours later as he walks into my quarters.
“Sure, James, close the door and have a seat, please.” I manage to keep my voice even, not revealing there is more I want to discuss with him than just his pay.
He doesn’t comment on it, just walks towards the door, stiff like someone replaced his spine with an iron rod.
After closing the door, he sits down. He is looking towards me, and to most people it would seem like he is looking at me.
Sadly for him, he is doing the same trick I used to do so often; he is staring at a point behind me.
To avoid making eye contact without making it look obvious.
“For kitchen duty you get two gold and one silver coin. And James, listen, I want to do as you ask and give you some time to think about this. That is why I suggested you should go explore the mermaid cove with Belichime instead of me. However, when I suggested it, you almost seemed offended,” I inquire gently.
It’s more of an observation than a question.
“I am not. I like her. I don’t know what to think of us, Killian.
No matter what he has done to me, I am still together with Peter.
I didn’t have the chance to break up with him.
And I want to go home. I just need to stay here a little longer until we have a plan in place to get my brothers to safety.
You have a scar on your fucking throat from the time I tried to kill you.
Come on, even you should see how fucked up this is… ”
He is right this is all kinds of fucked up, and it’s not easy to see a future for us.
Especially not since we are just truly getting to know each other.
Still, I feel it might all be worth it; but if James doesn’t see it, I am not going to try and force him, so I just tell him, “Don’t overthink this, it’s and you should relax too, enjoy your day with Belichime. ”
“Yes, of course. It was just physical, but you’re right. Thank you,” he tells me with a genuine smile. I should be glad I eased his mind, but I eased his mind by acting like what I feel for him is nothing but physical attraction.
“Great, I just wanted to check in on you. I honestly hope you enjoy your time here aboard the Obsidian Oath, now that you’re no longer a prisoner.
And please reconsider working with me to get our siblings back,” I say with a forced cheeriness.
I need to talk to Samuel. I have been trying to act like James wasn’t getting under my skin for far too long.
Right now though I need my best friend. I can’t force James to see that this could be something real, but it doesn’t mean I can’t try my best to make him see the kind of man I really am.
“Well, here is your pay, and if you ever need anything, come find me, okay? Have a good day, darling.”
Darling, the nickname I gave him to mock him, now suddenly feels so right. Luckily, he doesn’t notice it, or he pretends not to. He just takes the money, gives me a half smile, and then tells me, “Sure, Captain, thank you, and you have a great day too.”
At the end of the day, we’re docked near the mermaid’s cove.
One would expect that there would be nothing to restock at the mermaid cove, since they live underwater, but nothing is further from the truth.
Because all kinds of creatures who did not find a shelter to live anywhere else in the nine realms have made a home in the mermaid caves, a system of caves that now form a village surrounding the mermaids’ cove.
James, Belichime, and Dexter are in the town already; as usual Samuel and I are the last to disembark the Obsidian Oath.
As one of the only two fae without partners or family aboard, and as best friends, we usually hang out together, and we usually stay on board until we are sure everything is settled.
“I am starving. It was a good idea to have dinner here, but we’re always so late,” Samuel chuckles, unaware of the turmoil in my mind.
“Yes, let’s hurry and get some food in us quick,” I say before letting out a deep breath I didn’t realize I was holding. “There is actually something on my mind. It has been for a while, and I need to talk to you about it. I need to get my head screwed on straight again,” I admit.
“Not sure if I am the right person to screw anything on straight,” Samuel chuckles before his face softens. “All jokes aside, you know I am here for you, Kilian, with whatever it is.”