Chapter 29
Chapter twenty-nine
Killian
Swimming lessons and a fae feast, that was the plan. It was how I would convince James that being a part of the crew, of our family, was a good thing. And maybe, just maybe, it would convince him that I am not such a bad guy. But the swimming lesson had gotten out of control, to say the least.
I don’t even know what happened when we lost our restraint, but every moment of it is etched into my mind.
His kiss, how pained he looked when I broke the kiss.
The feel of his water-slick skin under my hands the entire time in the ballast tank.
How he needed it to be real. And now he is out there with Seviin, under false pretenses because I asked her to.
I mean, it was her remark that started this idea, so it was only fair she was the one who lured him out and took him to see the mermaids.
I was watching and overheard him tell her about his late shift in the kitchen.
He was unaware of the fact that he won’t be making it to his shift.
For a second I worried Belichime was going to ruin our plans. From the way she beamed up at Seviin’s request, it’s clear she doesn’t know about the plans. She has always been bad at keeping plans to herself when she likes the people it concerns.
“Captain, are you still sure about this?” Samuel asks, worried after I told him my true feelings about James.
“I am! My intentions have not changed since kidnapping him,” I explain, my voice harsh, snippy. I know Samuel means well, but right now, I cannot allow the complications of my changed feelings to ruin this. If anything, the change in my feelings makes this even more important.
“Okay, Killian, I trust you, you know I do. I just don’t want you to get hurt.
” I soften at Smee’s words. Of course my best friend worries about me.
He has every reason to, because I spent all night lying awake thinking of James.
The physical connection is there, it’s undeniable now.
But he doesn’t even trust me enough to work together, so he is going to break my heart, but I am too willing to let him.
“I know, Smee, thank you. Let’s get started. What do we need?” I ask, not about to let Samuel know he should worry even more.
Four hours later, Seviin walks into my quarter like she was supposed to do after getting back.
“He asked the mermaids how his brothers were, paid them 2 gold coins too,” Seviin announces, smiling.
I am not even sure if she is ready to accept it yet, but she has things in common with James.
Their love for food, reading, and of course, the love for family and all they consider family.
“He loves his brothers, he feels terrible he brought them here because he believed Peter. Peter also told James he would leave his parents gold pieces because his mother is very ill. He saw Peter place the gold on the desk…” I let the implications hang in the air.
James is a human; human leaders have made sure their subjects do not know of the other realms. They have myths, fairy tales, legends, but they are seen as cautionary tales, not as the truth.
Samuel and Seviin, however, are fae who lived in Silvermist for years. They know better.
“Shit, that… Is there a chance he left real gold, not just faun gold?” Seviin knows the answer to her question; she is just trying to find a way out.
She is holding on to hope she knows isn’t there on James’ behalf.
It speaks of how much he has won the crew over if even Seviin is taking a liking to him.
“I don’t think so…” I say, but I don’t tell them I am thinking about giving James enough gold when he goes back home to help his mother if he is not too late. Not wanting to dwell on this at the moment, I turn to Seviin.
“So how are his brothers doing? Did the mermaid answer him?”
She nods before she speaks: “According to the mermaids, they are good, but they do miss him, which was to be expected since they are truly that close.”
I sigh in relief, knowing they are safe now.
I expect Peter to just be waiting for James to crawl back to him.
I have underestimated him. Peter knows the risks of coming to the Obsidian Oath to come and play games in my territory.
He could easily get James back, or he could have when I just kidnapped him.
All he had to do was to lift Celeste’s spell and let her go home with me.
“Good, I am happy for him. I know what it is to worry for a sibling, let alone two,” I say, sitting back down at my desk, pouring the three of us a whisky. So we can go over what we still need to do.”
Seviin says she made sure James would not get changed out of the purple robes and asked Belichime to help her with it. The mess has been turned into a fae festival, table turned into stands with food and drinks and wares.
It is why so soon after docking we needed to dock again, the mermaid cove is the one place where we could get some fae ingredients, fae jewelry, and artwork.
The original plan was to let him walk into the mess, ready to start his shift and then see the makeshift festival grounds.
But two days ago changed everything for me.
“I am hungry and impatient, if everything is ready, I am just going to collect him from his hut,” I tell Samuel and Seviin, convinced my body language and voice were neutral and casual enough.
The way they exchange looks suggests it wasn’t.
Still, they both tell me to just go ahead with it, and so I do.
Far too eager to spend tonight with James, pretending like this is a date when James doesn’t even know I want it to be.
My raised hand lowers slightly as I hear muffled laughter come from behind his closed door.
Belichime is with him like Seviin said. I want him to be happy here, and to hear him laugh like that, free and unrestrained, settles in my chest like a warmth, making me feel lighter.
I stand there listening to him laughing, having fun here aboard the Obsidian Oath, like I am a blushing maiden in love.
After what feels like an eternity, I raise my fist again, nerves suddenly coursing through me.
Making my stomach clench in rhythm with my fist pounding on the wood, the laughter stops immediately, and within seconds, the door opens, revealing James.
His hair mushed, cheeks flushed, eyes sparkling with pure joy.
When they lock on to me, the joy stays visible, making my heart jerk in my chest. “Kill- Captain, what can I do for you? I am not late for my shift, am I?”
He never called me just “Captain” before.
It was always Captain Hook, Captain Pestilence, or Killian.
Him calling me “captain” now suddenly makes me feel like we took a step back.
Like there is a distance between us now, and I am working so hard to eliminate it.
But his smile is so warm and soft, his face tilted a bit to the left, as he is waiting for my answer.
My hook rises, I can’t feel his warmth through the metal, but caressing his face with it has become one of my favorite things to do. The way he responds to it stops me from missing my hand. It makes me feel whole again.
“Captain? What happened to Killian?” I say, quickly withdrawing my hook when I notice Belichime sitting on his bunk.
“Nothing, I just figured I should respect you more.” He shrugs. I don’t want his respect, I want his body, his admiration. I want his laughter, I his trust, his secrets, and his dreams.
“But that’s not why you’re here, so tell me, or is it a big secret…,” he teases.
“As a matter of fact, darling, it is. A surprise. so can I please escort you somewhere?” And in a moment of careless hope or careless bravery, I offer him my arm.
The warmth of his hand on my underarm. The excited smile on his face, the fabric of the robes I gifted him brushing against the velvet of my coat—all feel intense.
As if his warmth is the first warmth ever to touch me. Like I never had someone smile at me.
It fills me with the same sense of joy as sailing into the open sea after being docked for a longer time.
“You may,” he chuckles. Something has changed. I want to believe I am the reason he is so much happier now. The chances are slim, so I don’t comment on the way he was laughing or how excited he is now.
“The robes look really good on you, by the way. You’re stunning, darling,” I murmur in his ear.
“Thank you, it was gifted to me by this really strict pirate captain, who has great taste.” Is he flirting with me? This feels so incredibly right walking him towards a surprise I organized for him, flirting, teasing, and laughing.
I wish with all my might that I could hold on to this.
To the feeling that being with James gives me…
but the second we reach the mess, his arm slides out of mine.
We can hear the murmurs of the others in the mess.
I am lying to them about what this means to me, what he means to me—that we have a physical attraction, maybe more.
We need to hide it. I cannot let the crew see how much he means to me.
As far as they know, he now knows about Peter, so he is on our side.
Only because that will lead him to get his brothers back.
Me falling for him is a risk, an even bigger one, since it doesn’t seem to be completely mutual.
I just smile through the hurt of his subtle rejection and push the door wide open.
“Surprise, darling, you don’t know where we are coming from.
What being a fae means. I cannot go back home without Celeste, but I can, we can, give you a taste of what it is like to be a fae,” I explain, unsure if he hears what I am telling him because he is watching the mess in awe.
His eyes are wide open, pupils so wide they hide the gold, and his jaws are slack.
“You did all of this for me—you and the crew?” he whispers, reaching behind me, his fingers wrapping around the leather cuff where my wrist used to be.
“We did, darling. It never was about you. We just… I need to get my sister back, I regret kidnapping you. But at least you know the truth and can get your brothers out now.” I don’t regret kidnapping him, because kidnapping him led me to get to know him.
I do regret the pain I caused him by doing so, the worry he must feel now on a daily basis because of the truth I am so happy he knows now.
“I regret coming to Silvermist. I am not sure yet if I regret being kidnapped. But you didn’t throw me this festival to sulk around. So tell me what I should do fi—“ he stops talking as he spots Seviin and rushes over to her.