Chapter 28
Chapter twenty-eight
James
The next morning, I am sitting at the breakfast table, chatting with Belichime and Dexter.
In one of my new outfits, Seviin comes walking up to me, another person who used to hate me.
I am still not sure whether she likes me or not.
The best I can describe her interactions with me now is neutral.
Meaning that her seeking me out is still a bit weird.
But not only did my hostility bring me nowhere, I know now that none of the pirates deserved it.
“Hi James, I noticed that most of the crew got some human food back at the mermaid cove yesterday. We’re still docked now, so I was wondering if we could go out and get some supplies so we can maybe have the chef cook a human dish with your help.
I mean, you have kitchen duties tonight, and we can trust you with knives again,” she says with an empty smile.
Her face normally is always very expressive, and I am not really sure if she means it. Maybe she is just trying, I think to myself, so I force a smile as unsure and guarded as hers before answering.
“Sure, I am on the late shift anyway. Like you said. Do you have time to go after breakfast?”
“That’s perfect, we could even go to see the mermaids. You wanted to see more of Silvermist, right?”
She is right. I did want to go see the mermaids, but we didn’t have the time yesterday.
It’s weird she is trying like this, like it’s weird she knows I wanted to see the mermaids and have not been able to see them.
My instincts are screaming at me not to trust her.
Not so much because of her personally, but because of the sudden change in how she is treating me.
Lately my instincts, however, have been failing me, so for today I will just ignore them.
“I do. So where should we meet, at the docks?” Seviin agrees and then walks off to the table where she was having breakfast with her wife before. Killian has been watching the entire interaction, a smile playing on his lips.
“You should wear the purple robe. The mermaids love it when you dress up. You know you can ask them anything, right?” Belichime says excitedly.
Her beaming face, Dexter’s slow nod, and Killian’s smile reassure me.
If Seviin had ill intentions, they would have picked up on it and let me know.
Not to mention that despite what Seviin feels about me, she clearly cares a lot for Killian, and she would never go against his wishes like that.
And I no longer believe he would actually hurt me.
“I knew about the questions, not that it would help to dress up. Sorry to cut this short, but I don’t want to keep Seviin waiting, and I am going to take your fashion advice,” I tell Belichime, getting up.
“Right on time. Are you ready to go?” Seviin asks the second I set foot on the dock. She seems eager to get me to the main square. She loves food, so she must be eager to have human food for dinner tonight.
“Sure, hey… I am sorry, you know, about the berries that first night. How I kept treating all of you. I was manipulated. I know it is no excuse… I honestly do not understand why I fell for it all. But I saw you as the enemy when it’s clear you weren’t the problem.
” My apology comes out rushed and unprompted, but the effect of that pan flute magic has worn off a few days now.
The perspective it is giving me is not painting a pretty picture of the kind of man I showed myself to be here.
And when I leave to go back home with my brothers, I do not want to be remembered as the human who was nothing but a burden to most of the pirates. At the very least, I want them to remember me as someone who did his best.
“It’s fine, James, better men and women have fallen for his tricks… I understand Killian told you about Celeste?” she asks.
“Yes, he—“
“Well then, you know why we do what we do, no matter what it looks like to others. We have a good reason to make enemies, to fight our enemies with any means necessary.” The words are meant as an explanation, but with her tone and how stiff and rigid her body is right now, it feels off.
“Now come on, let’s go to the market before we go see the mermaids, you never know what happens with them. ”
A chill runs down my spine, but as I still choose to ignore my instincts, I just nod and follow her off the dock.
“I must say I am surprised you asked to spend time with me. I figured you still dislike me,” I admit when the silence between me and Seviin becomes oppressive.
“Well, you did make it very hard to like you in the beginning.” It’s not an answer as to if she still dislikes me.
Her silence does the talking. Back on board, you can always hear her warm, melodic voice.
She rambles, even with people she doesn’t care for.
Meaning she is willing to converse with everyone.
“I get that,” I admit. “I don’t want to come off like I am just making excuses, but back when you kidnapped me, I honestly thought I was happy with Peter, and you all were trying to harm me.
So to me, you lot took me from the man I loved just because Killian hates him,” I try to explain.
I am not even sure why it matters so much if Seviin likes me.
Whether it’s some self-preservation, because the person who still seems to dislike me the most is now taking me on an impromptu outing, or because she is important to Killian, and I want her to like me because of it.
It doesn’t matter because Seviin is not picking up on me trying to get closer with her:
“Killian…? So you don’t have to call him Captain anymore?
” It feels like someone drops a bucket of ice water on my back.
After being so careful, is this what will ruin everything, what will get the secret out, and reveal that I am not so sure if what I feel is hatred anymore…
the fact that I forgot to call him Captain?
“I… well, I don’t, I am not really a crew member, am I? After all, the new plan is for me to get back to earth with my bro—“
“Never mind, I was just curious,” Seviin cuts me off and with that, she leads me deeper into the main square, seemingly excited about getting food. It could be the one thing we have in common.
“Come on, Seviin, let me get you a human treat. We just had breakfast, but a little snack won’t hurt, right?”
For the first time, I find myself not making a self-deprecating joke about my figure.
A figure I used to love, curves that made me proud, and a body that gave me confidence.
Yet another thing Peter took from me. Somewhere along the line, he made me believe I truly would look better if I were skinnier.
That he desired me despite my curves, not because of them.
The memory of Peter’s constant remarks about my weight, my fullness, changes.
They shimmer and shift in my mind until they make place for the memories of Killian, who always seemed to get annoyed at my throwaway remarks.
Once even accusing me of trying to gain pity.
Suddenly, I realize that wasn’t because he is an asshole.
No, he must have genuinely thought I had no reason to be disappointed with my figure.
“I am never going to say no to sweet treats,” Seviin says, her voice light and bright, already making her way to the human stand where Belichime and I had coffee yesterday. It left me with no real chance to deal with the sudden realization.
“Ready to go see some mermaids?” The past hour was good; we had a drink with a little treat, we discussed what to eat and got all the ingredients. Seviin was really slow, though. If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought she was savoring every minute we spent together.
Now it feels a bit like she is distracting me, keeping me away from the Obsidian Oath, and my unease prickles at the end of my neck.
Making the hairs there stand up straight, it is like a shadow just hovering behind me.
Never actually blocking out the sun, but the knowledge it can every second now is still giving me the chills.
“I am. So how does it work? Belichime told me you can ask the mermaids anything, and that it helps if you dress up,” I ask, gesturing at the outfit I have on right now.
“He got it for you, didn’t he? Killian?” Seviin seems to finally look at me for the first time since she asked me to go out with her today.
“He usually isn’t like this. You have the power to hurt him even more, James. And don’t even pretend you don’t know. You’re not as stupid as you wanted us to believe when we just found you. Impulsive maybe, but not dumb.”
I don’t know what to tell her. I am not sure I have the power to hurt him.
There is some tension between us, and the swimming lesson two nights ago proved that theory.
It is just physical though. She should not be aware of that fact at all.
We have been absolutely quiet and careful about the two kisses and the make-out session that ended with me on my knees.
It’s a good thing she didn’t seem to expect an answer as she just continued walking, slower than I am used to from her.
She seemed to be excited, slightly chaotic even, most of the time.
“You know the crew loves Killian, right? We would do everything for him. And go really far to protect him,” she says instead of waiting for an answer.
“Yes, I’ve seen that,” I admit hesitantly, not because I dislike the fact that the crew cares so much for him.
In fact, it gives me joy, since it’s so different from how Peter ruled.
I always wondered why Peter didn’t have friends; he seemed anything but friendly to his subjects.
He was more of a really strict father. What scared me was the way Seviin said it as she was leading me towards the edge of the water.
One swimming lesson would hardly be enough to keep me from drowning if she were to push me in, thinking she would protect Killian from me.
Not to mention the fact that the mermaids weren’t the most trustworthy creatures out there.
Several pirates, people I had come to trust, told me as much.
Whatever happened, they surely would not come to my aid.
They might only make things worse. Maybe the smart thing to do would be to run back to the Obsidian Oath, but there is this small part of me that wants to trust her.
I want to hold on to the belief that she would never do this to Killian.
Peter made me think all the pirates were murdering savages without any morals.
He has lied about everything, that much is clear now.
I am choosing to do better, give Seviin a chance because she has never just been mean to me.
Her only fault is assisting in kidnapping me, and I would have done the same if it was to free my brothers.