Chapter Six #2
“He is a dangerous man,” I whisper, my voice shaky and uncertain.
Ethan searches my eyes for a moment then takes a deep breath. “I am dangerous,” he states with confidence, a statement I know is true.
“You don’t understand, Ethan. He is a very dangerous man,” I warn him. Tristan coming here is not good. My being here is not good. What have I done?
“He left.” Ethan continues to search my eyes.
I feel my heart racing so fast I know that Ethan can feel it. I know he can feel mine because I can feel his. Whatever happened with Tristan makes Ethan worried. “He wanted me?” I already know the answer.
Ethan slowly nods. “Yes,” he confirms, knowing he didn’t need to answer but chose to anyway.
“My father.” I know that my father is behind this—he is always behind everything.
He was supposed to be my protector, my savior, the one man in my life who was supposed to love me the most. And in the end, he is the one who destroyed me.
He is the one that has turned me into what I am now. A drug addicted. A porn star.
“Yes,” Ethan states in a low dark voice. I can feel his heartbeat speeding up with the mention of my father.
I must get out of here. I must put as much distance between me and Ethan and this place as possible. I have to go back. I have to.
I quickly walk around Ethan and make my way to the front door.
I put my hand on the doorknob but before I can turn it Ethan’s arms are wrapped around my waist. Pinning me between him and the door.
“I have to go.” The only thing I am sure of right now is that I don’t want Ethan or anyone else to get hurt because of me.
I am not worth this. I am not worth anything. I am nothing more than a shattered vase.
“Jenn,” he whispers into my ear, once again taking me from my own thoughts. He saves me without knowing. He stops me from going underneath the waters that are trying to drown me.
I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to leave him. He is the only man that has treated me like a human being and not an object. It is crazy to say it, but I am falling in love with him. And I don’t know exactly what that means but I do know I won’t let him suffer for me. Not me.
I have seen the pain in his eyes. I have felt his hurt through his touch. He has already been through so much I don’t want to add to his pain. Or his suffering.
I want to save him like he has already saved me in the short amount of time that we have been together.
“I should have never come here.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I regret them. I see the pain growing in his eyes.
He keeps his eyes on me. “I’m not just going to let you go.” I can tell he is not just telling me. He is saying it to himself, too.
“He will destroy this entire place. Everything you love and care about he will destroy to get what he wants,” I mumble, staring down at the doorknob watching my hand shaking.
Partly from the withdrawals my body is still going through.
Partly because I know what will happen when I go back.
And partly because I don’t want to be without Ethan.
How can I feel this way about him? How the fuck did this happen? Any of this?
“So, you’re just going to leave.” he states in a shaking voice. I feel his breathing start to increase on my skin.
“I have to go back,” I whisper, not wanting him to hear.
His body stiffens against mine, letting me know that he heard me, that what I am about to do is starting to sink in. “What?” he asks in a dark voice, making my heart sink.
Ethan releases his hold on me. He grabs my arm, forcing me to turn around. He quickly walks into me so his chest his now against mine. He tightens his grip on my arm as he lifts his free hand and rests it against the side of my face, forcing me to look at him.
“If I go back, he will leave you alone. Will leave this place alone,” I state through my tears. I can do this. I can do this. The words echo repeatedly inside my head.
“I will never ever let that fucking happen.” Ethan’s eyes are locked on me.
Even with his body pinning me against the door keeping me in place, I can feel my entire body start to shake.
This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.
Looking at him right now fucking breaks me.
Seeing his eyes like this fucking breaks me.
“Ethan, I am not going to let you or anyone else get hurt because of me.” I say with as much confidence as I can.
He shakes his head. His eyes rapidly searching mine. “I am not going to let you go back to him, to your father, to the other men.” His voice is stern and angry.
“It’s okay. I can handle it.”
“Do you hear what you are saying?’ Ethan states, anger growing in his tone.
“I can handle it, Ethan. For you. For this place I can handle it.” I hear the words repeat over and over inside my head. I will believe these words. For these words must become the truth.
“Fuck no and fuck that,” Ethan states not letting me respond.
He leans in and smashes his lips to mine.
he drops his hand from my face. He pulls back just a little and releases his grip on my arm.
I slowly lift my arms above my head. He grabs onto my wrists without needing to think.
He quickly unbuttons his pants with his free hand and pulls down his pants and boxers allowing them to fall to his ankles.
He leans back in, his lips colliding with mine.
I open my mouth for him, feeling his tongue enter without needing a second to think it through.
He leans into me as I feel his hand go between us.
I lift my leg, positioning it against his side and wrapping it around him.
He leans further into me, pinning me firmly against him and the door making sure I can’t go anywhere.
This is becoming so natural for the both of us.
The only thing that feels right and real right now.
I feel him grab his dick and position himself at my entrance, this time not pulling away.
He deepens the kiss as he pushes his dick into me, my heat wrapping around him.
He releases his dick and grabs onto my hip as he starts to move in and out of me.
This time he is not slow or gentle. He is filled with desire and need. Our words spoken to each other quickly melting away.
I hear him groan as a moan escapes my throat. The tears escape my eyes and roll down my face as I start to move with his motion, making my eyes roll back into my head.
He is trying to change my mind. he is trying to consume me, so I don’t leave. But my mind is made up. Even after this. This is just reaffirming what I need to do.
Ethan, Shawn, and Emory have created something beautiful here, something I won’t let Tristan and my father destroy.
So if giving myself up to them will save Ethan, Shawn, Emory, and this place from being destroyed then I will give myself up.
I will let Tristan have me. He can do whatever he wants to me if Ethan and the others will be safe.
Ethan will be okay. Shawn and Emory will be okay. And this place will not be touched so they can continue to help others.
But in this moment, this moment right here, this belongs to me and him, and no one, not even Tristan, will be able to make me forget what Ethan has made me feel. He was able to put some of my shattered pieces back together again. He was able to see something in me that I didn’t even see myself.
And for a short time, I have been able to feel what love is supposed to be like and I will forever be grateful to Ethan for showing me a different way. He showed me that not all men hurt women or abuse and use them. He showed me that some men are good, loving, and gentle.
I will wait for the right moment to leave. And that moment is not right now.