CHAPTER 4
ADAM
I jumped up as Addy started to stir in her sleep, running my hand over her back to soothe her. It had happened a half dozen times already since she fell asleep and I hated to think of the nightmares she was having to make her make the sounds she made.
It had been a tough day for her and her brothers. Asher had tried hard to remain strong as he flitted between calls with lawyers in his office, and checking on us all constantly. Eli was devastated and had struggled to keep his emotions in check as he tried hard to be strong for Addy. And Addy was doing the same, reassuring us all and cementing her lies with false smiles and halfhearted giggles. She wasn’t okay. None of them were and it was killing Jordan and I not to be able to do more to help them all.
But what was there to do? The FBI forensics people were crawling all over the family home. They’d gotten into the cell and removed the body of that poor girl, but Kane had been unable to get any information about who she was or when she had passed.
What could I say to any of them to make any of that better? Their lives were being torn apart even more because of something their sick sonofabitch father had done, and the man wasn’t even here to answer for his sins himself. It was hard enough on Ash and Eli, but for Addy – on top of all she was already fighting to get through – it was just too much, and we all knew it.
Jord and I had been there for them all as much as we could, making food and trying to keep Eli and Addy busy. I’d tried to talk to Asher, but he just wasn’t ready and he’d brushed me off. Really all we could do was be there for them, so that was what we were doing. It just didn’t feel like enough though.
Asher and Eli had been reluctant to leave Addy that night. I’d basically had to strong-arm the both of them into going to bed and getting some rest, Jord and I promising one if us would stay with Addy. They needed sleep desperately. I had hated to see them both looking so pale and exhausted after the bombshell that had hit them.
I sat back as Addy calmed, desperate to just lie down and pull her into my arms. I didn’t though. I knew she felt safe with me now. She no longer looked terrified when I was near her. She let me hold her often when she was struggling and upset and she’d even hugged me a few times for no reason other than she wanted to, but after everything going on right then, I didn’t want to push my luck. Even if it was killing me to be so far from her when she clearly needed some comfort.
I clenched my fists before me until my knuckles turned white. I was so fucking filled with rage, but I was trying hard to keep a lid on it. I was just so angry at the idea of what Joseph Lyle had done to his own daughter, to that innocent girl Kane had found in the basement, and who knew how many others? And so fucking angry at what that evil old motherfucker was putting his children through right then.
Asher may not be ready to speak with me yet, but I knew him well enough to know the guilt of not knowing what his father was up to was tearing him up inside. And Eli and Addy were just devastated to know that someone they shared DNA with could be that sick and twisted. Eli had lived in the house where it had been going on for who knew how long, and I knew he was struggling with that, no doubt blaming himself in some way, just like his brother.
Addy whined loudly, then turned violently in the bed, twisting herself up in the comforter. I jumped up and touched her back, just as I had every time before, but this time she recoiled away and let out a startled cry. Before I could try to reassure her and bring her around, she started to fight, hitting, and kicking out so violently she almost fell from the bed. I just managed to grab her before she fell off, but that just had her screaming and fighting harder.
“Addy!” I gasped as I fought to get a hold of her hands. Once I had them both in one of mine, I wrapped myself around her tightly, stilling her fight, terrified if I didn’t she was going to really hurt herself.
She continued to struggle against me, her cries muffled against my chest and I felt like a complete bastard for doing it.
“Please wake up for me, baby,” I pleaded as I continued to hold her. “You’re safe, Addy. I promise you’re safe.”
At my words she stilled in my arms and her cries stopped, but she was shaking violently in my arms and so damned cold even under the comforter.
“Adam?” she whimpered so weakly I only just heard it.
I leaned back enough so she could look up and see me, but I still dare not let her go.
“Just me, baby,” I whispered. She was looking up at me with confusion and fear, her eyes bright red and her face way too pale.
“Adam!” My name slipped from her, along with a deep sob, then she was crushing herself against me even tighter than I had been holding her. I wrapped my arms around her, knowing that was what she wanted from me, and I just held her as she sobbed so hard it broke my fucking heart.
Fuck, it wasn’t even my heart anymore. It was hers. I had given it to her entirely, already. I had fallen for her so many times in the brief period she had been with us. Every time she bravely put her trust in me, or forced a smile to try and stop any of us from worrying about her. Every time she smiled and her beautiful face lit up. Every time she let that beautiful, tinkling laugh of hers out and embraced the small hint of happiness amongst all she was going through.
She was beautiful, brave, and so incredibly sexy. The stronger and more confident she got with all of us, the deeper I fell for her. She was perfect and I was drawn to her in a way I didn’t even understand.
I didn’t know if anything could ever come of it. Addy was healing and she had a long way to go. I was pretty messed up too. Then there was Asher and Eli. Would they condone Addy and I being together? I wasn’t great relationship material – an ex addict who hadn’t even had a girlfriend in the last six years. The closest thing I had ever had to a genuine relationship was my high school girlfriend and that had been a long time ago.
Even if we could overcome all of that, I knew Jordan was into her too. I’d seen the way he watched her. He had fallen for her completely and I knew she returned at least some of those feelings, judging by the way she looked at him when she thought no one was watching. I knew I should step aside and let her be with Jordan. He was the better man – closer to her age and much better suited to give her what she needed.
I’d tried to step back. That was why I had sent them on the date to Central Park alone that day, but it was killing me. I wanted Addy in a way I had never wanted anyone or anything before and I just didn’t know that I could ever really step back and be the bigger man.
“I’m sorry,” Addy sniffled as she calmed down some and pulled out of my arms enough to look at me again. Her eyes were even redder and she just looked so frail and exhausted.
“We’ve talked about this,” I scolded gently. “No apologies. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“You should look at your shirt before you say that,” she laughed through her tears. I looked down and saw the large wet patch on my t-shirt, then shrugged.
“It’s fine. How are you feeling?” I asked
A myriad of emotions rushed over her face as she considered her answer, before settling on, “Tired,” with a deep sigh.
“You need to get some more sleep.”
“Will you hold me, like this? Just until I fall asleep? I know it’s stupid, but I…I just feel safer when you hold me,” she told me shyly.
“It’s not stupid. You are safe when I hold you. I’d never allow anyone to hurt you.” She smiled weakly and nodded.
“I know that,” she confirmed, filling me with a strange sense of pride that I made her feel safe.
“Good.” I laid back into the pillows behind me, then grabbed Addy’s hips and lay her on top of me. She gasped a little, but didn’t fight me.
“I can’t lie here. I’ll squash you,” she argued, but even as she spoke she was settling her legs between mine and laying her head on my chest.
“Enough crazy talk, baby. Get comfortable,” I ordered instead.
“I like when you call me ‘baby,’” she sighed as she settled against me, her ear right over my chest where I knew she could hear my heart beat.
“Good.”
“Did Ash and Eli go to bed?” she asked, already sounding sleepy.
“Yes. I made them get some rest. They’re fine for now,” I assured her.
“That’s good. You’re amazing at taking care of us all. Thank you, Adam.”
“You don’t need to thank me for that. Just close your eyes and sleep, okay? Jordan and I have everything under control.”
“’kay,” she mumbled, then her body fully relaxed as her breaths evened out and I knew she was asleep. She fit so perfectly against me as I wrapped my arms a little tighter around her. It was like she was made for me. But I couldn’t shake the thought of just how perfectly she seemed to fit with my brother too. They were made for each other. I couldn’t take that from them, even if it would kill me to let her go.
ADDY
I woke up abruptly, but this time not from a nightmare. No, it was the heat that had awoken me. I was so damned hot I felt like I was starting to burn up. My eyes snapped open and I found myself looking at a bare chest – no, not looking, pressed right up against.
It came back to me then, waking from the nightmare and falling back asleep laid on top of Adam. He had made the world’s most comfortable mattress, and I didn’t even remember falling back asleep. Had I been crushing him all night?
I placed my hands on the bed either side of the broad chest and lifted up enough to apologize to Adam, who likely couldn’t breathe by this point, but it wasn’t Adam I found watching me with a sleepy smile on his face.
“Jordan?”
“Morning, princess,” he replied, his voice a little hoarse from sleep and so sexy sounding. I looked from his sleepy face and back down to his bare chest below me. He wasn’t as wide as his brother, but he was definitely muscular. I couldn’t stop myself from following down the chiseled lines on his chest, down his abdomen and to… Thank God. He’s wearing shorts! There was no disappointment there. Nuh-uh. None at all.
“You want a picture, babe? We could take some together?” Jordan teased, snapping me from my heat inducing thoughts.
“Ass!” I cried playfully as I slapped his rock hard chest.
“I think we’re a bad influence on you. You’ve been cursing up a storm lately,” he chuckled.
“I have not!” I cried.
“You said ‘bastard’ yesterday. Heard it myself.”
“Well, I had good cause for that,” I pointed out. “Where’s Adam and how did you get there?”
“We switched in the middle of the night so Adam could get some sleep. You barely stirred when I picked you up from Adam and laid you on my chest. Did you sleep okay?”
“Better than I have in weeks,” I answered honestly. “Sorry. I should move. Can you even breathe?” I tried to slide off of him, but he wasn’t having it. He wrapped his arms tighter around me and held me in place.
“Of course I can breathe. You don’t weigh anything,” he scoffed. “Stay right there. I like you against me like that, unless you’re uncomfortable?”
“Definitely not.” I lay my head against his bare chest again and took in the faint smell that was all him. There was a smattering of hair on his chest and I ran my fingers over it, loving how coarse and tickly it felt.
“I think we should sleep like this every night if it makes you sleep better,” he told me.
“As nice as that sounds, I don’t think it’s practical,” I laughed.
“I’ll make it work. Adam too. We’re good with it,” he replied like it was all so simple. “Were you good laid like this with Ad too?”
I blushed at that question. I’d been fine with Adam – more than fine. Laying across the both of them felt perfect. The more time I spent with each of them, the more secure and safe I felt with them. It had come to a point where they were the ones I looked for over my brothers, after a flashback or when my anxiety hit. I loved my brothers of course, but they just didn’t soothe me and make me feel as secure as Adam and Jordan did.
“I guess so,” I hedged.
“You know he has feelings for you too, right?” Jordan asked, completely shocking me.
“Have you guys talked about this or something?” I gasped.
“No, but I know my brother. I haven’t seen him looking as peaceful as he looks with you, for a very long time. He’s falling for you, Addy, just like I am.”
“Oh God.” I covered my face with my hands and took a deep breath. “This is insane.”
“You don’t have feelings for him?”
“Of course I do!” I cried as I lowered my hands and lifted enough to look at him. “I have these insane feelings that I have no control over, and not just for Adam, but for you too, and…” I stopped myself from saying what came next. I’d said too much.
“And…?”
“It doesn’t matter, Jordan! I’m too fucked up to do anything about it anyway, so what’s the point?” I rose up to my knees and swung my leg over Jordan, moving until I was sitting on the edge of the bed with my face buried in my hands.
“Kane, right? You like Kane too. Is that what you were going to say?” Jordan asked as he sat up behind me and ran a hand over my back.
“It doesn’t matter! I can’t do this! I can’t even think about these stupid feelings when I’m such a mess. So much is going on. I shouldn’t even be having these thoughts about all of you. How could I ever have a real relationship anyway?” I got to my feet and backed away from the bed, just needing some space to try and calm down. I was freaking out, tears filling my eyes. I had to stop it. My brothers needed me that morning. I had to be there for them. I refused to be falling apart and adding to their turmoil.
“We’d make it work, beautiful. All of us. We can find a way to be together if that’s what you want?” Jordan shuffled down the bed and settled at the foot, facing me where I had nervously paced to.
“All of us? What are you talking about?”
“You, me, Adam, and Kane. If you want all of us, we could find a way to make that work. You’ve heard of polyamorous relationships, right?”
“What? No! How could we….all four of us? You’re crazy,” I bumbled.
“Asher has a friend, Harris. He’s in this relationship with one woman and three other guys. They all live together. The guys aren’t together like that, but they’re all with the woman. Evie, I think her name is.”
“So you think we should do that?” I questioned with disbelief. “Me, with you, Adam, and Kane?”
“Why not? If you have feelings for all of us, and we return those feelings, why couldn’t it work?”
“Christ Jordan!” I hissed. “Maybe because I’m so traumatized the idea of ever having sex again makes me start shaking instantly. Maybe because I can’t even bear to take my clothes off anywhere near a reflective surface! Maybe because I can’t get through one god damned day without having panic attacks, flashbacks, and screaming the house down nightmares!” I could hardly breathe when I was done, and just as I’d said, just the mention of sex had me shaking hard.
“Addy…”
“No. I can’t! Please just go, Jordan. I need to be there for Asher and Eli today. I can’t do this right now,” I dismissed him, pulling away as he got to his feet and tried to come to me.
“Okay,” he agreed as he backed away towards the door, but kept his eyes on me. “But just think about it, okay? I know you’re scared and it seems like this huge thing right now, but it could work, princess. We could all be together. Maybe we all need each other too.”
I didn’t say anything. I just watched as he turned and left my room, quietly closing the door behind him.
Think about it? Was he insane? I was too scared to consider a relationship with just one of them, let alone all three! As if that could even work anyway! It was a ridiculous idea…wasn’t it?