CHAPTER 6
ADDY
“Oh, for God’s sakes,” I groaned as I opened my eyes and looked around me.
“Baby? What is it? Are you in pain?” Adam appeared above me, leaning down until he was eye to eye with me. He’d obviously tried to wipe the soot from the fire, from his face, but I could still see it around his nose, and on his neck.
“Damned hospital again,” I groused, but the words broke, my throat scratchy and raw feeling. The words caused a coughing fit to burst from me, and I was relieved when Adam pulled me up to a sitting position, and wrapped his arm around me.
My eyes felt scratchy too and my knees were throbbing under the sheets I was covered with. I could remember everything that had happened. The explosion. Running to the office, desperate to get to Kane and begging any supreme being who would hear me for him not to be dead.
“Kane?” I rasped once the coughing started to die down.
“He’s okay. He has a concussion, and his oxygen levels are a little low, but he’s awake and annoyed,” Adam chuckled. Relief filled me. He was okay, Thank God.
“I have to stop waking up in the hospital,” I groaned again as I pushed my wild hair from my face and forced some air in, the coughing having finally stopped. There was a tube attached to my nose, which I assumed was because my oxygen levels were low too.
“Tell me about it. I swear I’m starting to go gray since you arrived with us.” I looked up to Adam as he spoke and relaxed somewhat, relieved to have him there with me.
“Is everyone else good?” I asked him as I ran my hand over his arm where it leant on the bed between us. I loved the feel of the hairs against my fingers, and the lines of veins and muscle rippling beneath.
“They’re fine. Asher’s arranged some security, so everyone’s safe too.”
“The explosion.” I paused as more coughs burst from me.
“Here honey. Try a little water,” Adam fussed as he reached to the table beside the bed and grabbed a bottle, opening it and handing it to me. I took a few small sips, my throat greatly relieved by the coolness.
“Better,” I gasped. “Thanks.”
“The doc said your throat might be a little raw for a few days.”
“I’m okay,” I assured him as I got back to what I wanted to know before. “Who set the explosion? Do we know?”
“Not who, no. But we do know why,” he answered. “When local PD came rushing to our place because of the explosion, they left just one guy watching your father’s house. The forensics people were supposed to go back to finish up in the basement today. That cop was knocked unconscious and the entire house was torched. By the time the fire department showed up, there was hardly anything left of the house.”
“The explosion was a distraction?”
“Yep, and maybe a threat too. Two birds with one stone.”
“A threat? To me, you mean? They want to scare me into keeping my mouth shut?” I realized.
“We think so, but Asher has a ton of security in the building and outside the door of this room. You’re safe, Addy.”
“I’m not keeping my mouth shut,” I declared resolutely. I was scared. I was definitely scared. If blowing up a building on our property was just a threat, I didn’t even want to imagine what other lengths the monsters would go to – or pay others to go to - to keep me quiet. But I wouldn’t be cowed by them or their threats. No matter how afraid and messed up I was, I was also damned grateful and lucky to have escaped and survived. I knew others would not have been that lucky. I knew as I lived the safe, secure life I had found with my brothers, that elsewhere others were suffering just as I had and maybe even more so, with no hope of rescue. I’d do everything I could to end that for as many as I possibly could. Even if it saved just one person it would be worth it.
“I didn’t think so,” Adam sighed. “But this could get dangerous, baby. The two men you saw at Lyle - Williams and Dartford - they’ve been arrested, but they had hours before they were taken in, to make calls and warn others that you’re alive and that you recognized them both. The two of them, and the many other monsters you could potentially expose, will do everything they can to silence you and stop you from testifying when it comes to it.”
“I know,” I nodded. “I understand that, and I won’t lie and say it doesn’t terrify me. It really does, but I have to do this. I have to stand up for every one of the people I saw being held and abused just like I was. I have to do everything I can to help save those….” I paused as my voice broke at just the thought of what I was about to say. “…those kids. They were at the auction I was sold at. Kids…in a cage, Adam! I can’t give up or roll over. I h-have to fight,” I whimpered.
I was glad when Adam didn’t say anything. Nothing he could say would make what I had said feel any less painful. Instead he just pulled me into his chest and held me there tightly. I clung to him, breathing in his scent, and praying I could be just a fraction as strong as I knew he was.
“We’ll fight together, Addy, all of us. We’ll be right at your side the whole way,” he told me eventually.
“I’m just scared you’ll all get hurt. Kane…he could have died today. I want to fight, but I don’t want to lose any of you in the process.”
“None of us are going to let that happen. Asher has security covered for all of us, and we’re on high alert now. We’ll be safe, and so will you.”
I rested my head against his chest again and just tried to breathe. All of the talking had my throat feeling like it was filled with glass shards, and I was exhausted, despite the fact I just woke up. As I found peace against Adam, lulled by the steady rhythm of his heart, my eyes became heavy and my mind quietened until eventually sleep claimed me.
***
I had been discharged from the hospital a few hours later. My oxygen levels were back to normal, and apart from a sore throat and a hacking cough, I was doing okay. My hands and knees were pretty cut up from crawling over all of the rubble and glass in the office, but it was nothing I couldn’t handle. The cuts were only small and hadn’t even needed dressing, though that hadn’t stopped Eli from worrying himself into a frenzy when he saw my knees.
I’d checked in on Kane before we left the hospital, but he’d been asleep when I walked into his private room. He was being kept under observation for the night because of his concussion, but Asher had reassured me that Kane would be fine after a few days’ rest. I’d sat with him for a few minutes, so relieved to see his chest moving up and down beneath the white sheet, that I’d actually cried. He had a few cuts on his face and he was paler than usual, but otherwise he’d looked just like the Kane I knew, only more peaceful in sleep.
Now we were in the penthouse apartment on the top floor of the Lyle building in the city. Asher wasn’t happy for us to return home until the wall surrounding the property and all of the security systems were restored.
The apartment was spacious, and luxurious, with huge panoramic windows around a corner, looking down over the hectic city below. It had an open plan feeling that made it feel more like home, but it just wasn’t the same as the house I had become so comfortable in. It wasn’t as homey and no matter how high Eli cranked the heating, I just couldn’t seem to get warm.
Asher had explained there was a full security team in the building, two of whom were right outside the door of the apartment, but still I just didn’t feel safe the way I had at the house. I couldn’t even explain why. I guess it just wasn’t home.
Adam had cooked for us that evening, and I had felt better sat at the small table between Eli and Jordan, Adam, and Asher right opposite me. We’d tried to joke around like we usually did at dinner, but it was difficult when I was so on edge and all the others were so obviously tense with worry.
Asher and Eli had brushed off the fact that their entire childhood home had been burned down, but I knew it had to have impacted them in some way. Surely they had to have some good memories in that place, and now the whole thing was gone. Asher told me he was just mad that the evidence in the basement had been destroyed, and Eli assured me he was glad to see the back of the whole place, but still, I worried about them.
In fact, I think I was worrying about all of them, almost as much as they seemed to be worrying about me. Adam and Eli had both been fussing over me nonstop, since the moment I awoke in that hospital room. Jordan was trying way too hard to entertain me and make me laugh, when it was so obvious he wasn’t feeling even one iota of the happiness he was masking his feelings with. And Asher – well, he was worrying me the most. He had been so quiet and he seemed to be watching over all of us almost obsessively, like he was terrified we’d be torn from him at any moment.
I had tried hard to put a brave face on for them all, and be as normal as I could be, but I was scared too, and being in that strange new place only made it all worse.
When we went to bed that night, I had known as Asher showed me to one of the seven bedrooms, that there was no way I was going to even try and sleep. The whole thing had me riding the nervous edge of anxiety hard, and I was positive only more darkness would await me in my nightmares.
Asher had refused to leave me alone, dragging a chair in from the living room and settling in it beside my bed as I crawled in, dressed in one of Jordan’s t-shirts and Eli’s shorts.
The guys all had clothes at the apartment, since they crashed there occasionally, but I didn’t have anything with me. Asher had arranged for some of my things to be brought in the morning, which suited me fine, since Jordan’s t-shirt smelled of him and comforted me as I laid in bed and closed my eyes, determined I would not allow sleep to pull me under.
I was relieved when Asher finally started to snore, finally getting the sleep he needed, even if it was in that uncomfortable armchair. When I opened my eyes I could see him in the light of the lamp he had left on, his arms folded and his chin resting on his chest. He still wore his jeans and sweater that he’d had on all day. I’d told him to go and change several times, but it was like he dare not let me out of his sight. I only hoped some sleep would help him to calm down his protective instincts, which seemed to be in over drive.
I slipped silently from the bed, grabbing the blanket from the foot, and wrapping it around my already shivering body. I didn’t understand why I was so cold when the whole apartment was way overheated, but I just could not seem to feel warm, no matter how many blankets the guys wrapped me in.
I left the bedroom and tiptoed down the long hall and into the kitchen. I was relieved some low lights had been left on so I could see where I was going. I didn’t want to trip, or knock anything that would wake the others. It had been a really stressful day and they all needed to rest.
I looked through the countless cabinets around me in the modern kitchen, until finally I found some instant hot chocolate. Maybe it would warm me up, I pondered as I filled a tea kettle and set it on the stove.
The thought of what came next wouldn’t stop running through my mind. I wanted to help the police and FBI to find all of the sick perverts who had been at those parties, but the only faces I could remember were those of Joseph Lyle, Hilton, and the two men who had been sat with him, as well as the innocents who cowered at their feet. I needed to get more of my memory back if I were to be any use in stopping it all, but that idea had me shaking instantly. The memories broke me each and every time they came, and it was more daunting than I could even begin to explain knowing how many more there had to be to come yet. What I had restored could only be a fraction of the two years I had lost – a fact I was very aware of.
Laura, my counsellor, had explained that I may never recover all of the memories, and I had been okay with that idea when she said it. The less hell I had to recall the better, right? But now I was doubting that, because maybe the more I could recall, the more people I could help and the more monsters I could put behind bars, where they belonged.
I needed to be stronger, I realized. If I really wanted to fight and face the monsters who had broken me and many others, in so very many ways, then I would need to face those two years head on and to do that I needed to be a hell of a lot tougher than I was or had ever been.
I had just settled at a seat at the small breakfast counter, my hot chocolate nestled between my hands, when the door of the apartment quietly clicked open. I saw the light from the hall spread across the floor just feet from me, then the silhouette of a man entering.
Fear filled me, even as I told myself I was being ridiculous. There were security right outside the door. They wouldn’t let just anyone in. Before I could address the overwhelming need pulsing through my body to flee, the figure stepped further into the apartment and I recognized him instantly.
“Kane,” I sighed breathily, so relieved that it was just him, and to have him with us all where we’d know for sure he was safe.
He turned to me with shock, his body instantly tensing and obviously ready to fight if necessary, but he relaxed again when he realized it was just me.
“Why are you always sneaking around in the middle of the night?” he asked with a huff.
“I’m not sneaking. I’m just sat here drinking hot chocolate,” I defended myself.
“Why aren’t you asleep?”
“Couldn’t sleep,” I shrugged. “What are you doing? You should be at the hospital under observation.”
“Had enough of their bullshit and discharged myself. I need to be here more.”
“You need to rest,” I sighed with a roll of my eyes. “You were almost blown up this morning!”
“Oh, so you did know what that huge boom was then?” he asked, his tone changing to something firmer that had this strange heat running through my body and straight to my core.
“What are you talking about?” I had to force myself not to get to my feet and start backing away as he moved towards me like a predator stalking it’s prey.
“Well, the only reason I could think you’d come running into that building like a fool this morning was because you didn’t understand how much danger you were putting yourself in,” he said, continually stalking to me so very slowly, his eyes dark and locked on mine.
“I wasn’t in danger.” I rolled my eyes again, trying hard not to show the heat coursing through me and the nerves that had me so on edge.
“Really? So the building wasn’t on fire, filled with smoke and falling down around you as you tried to drag my ass from it?”
“Well…yeah, but…”
“No.” Kane stopped my stuttering as he stopped so close to me my knees pressed against his firm thighs. “No buts. You put yourself in danger. You never do that again. Do you hear me?” he growled as he lifted a hand to my face and cupped it around my cheek so softly, sending a shiver down my spine.
“I hear you,” I replied breathlessly. “But I can’t agree to it.”
“You will agree to it.”
“I won’t,” I corrected him, more firmly. “Nothing will ever stop me from protecting the people I care about.”
“You care about me, Angel?” he placed his other hand on my opposite cheek so he was holding my face between both of his hands, staring deep into my eyes.
“You know I do, Kane.” I tried to turn my face from him, but he wouldn’t allow it. I looked up into his eyes again and let out the nervous breath I’d been holding. “I was so scared I’d lost you this morning,” I admitted.
“Addy…”
“I know,” I interrupted. “I know you don’t want this, and I’m not sure I could ever make it work either, but I…it doesn’t stop me from caring about you. It doesn’t take away these insane feelings I have inside of me for you. I…” Before I could utter another word Kane’s lips crashed down over mine hard.
I just sat stunned and amazed as he wrapped his hand around the back of my head. His tongue licked over the seam of my lips and that was when I realized I needed to react. I opened my mouth just a little and my tongue darted out, brushing softly over his. I was nervous and feeling unsure, never having really kissed much with the one loser I had dated years earlier. I was grateful when Kane took control back, angling my head slightly to the side as his tongue brushed over mine. He tasted of mint and coffee as he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me even closer against his rock hard body. I reached up, sliding my hands over his shoulders and linking them behind his neck, needing to be closer and never wanting the perfect, thrill filled moment to end. I moaned as my nipples, bare under the thin t-shirt, brushed against the roughness of his coat. That only seemed to spur Kane on as his kiss delved even deeper and became more desperate and furious. I moved my hands to his back, rubbing over the hard plains I found there, fighting to move on the stool I sat on, just needing more of him.
Kane was the one to end it, pulling away and taking in a deep breath, his eyes still locked on mine. I tried to move closer again, wanting his lips back on mine, but he moved his hands to the tops of my arms and held me in place.
“We can’t do this, Addy. I made your brother a promise,” he panted as his eyes turned from heated, instead filling with regret. I wanted to be annoyed with him, but how could I when he already looked so filled with guilt and confusion? He was loyal to Asher and he wanted to keep his promise to protect me. He couldn’t do that and be with me. I got that.
“I know,” I nodded as I forced some air in and sat back in the stool, putting some space between us. “I’m sorry.”
“Fuck. Don’t apologise. That was all on me and I don’t regret it, Addy. I mean that. That was the greatest kiss of my whole damned life,” he told me as he dropped his hands from my arms and stepped back a little more. “I just…I can’t break that promise. Now more than ever, Asher needs to know you’re protected and I have to give him that. I owe him so much.”
“I get it, Kane. You don’t need to explain. It’s not like it could go anywhere any way. I’m too messed up,” I looked to him with a smile, hoping for some levity, but he just scowled at me.
“Don’t say that about yourself,” he growled.
“I should go back to bed.” I got to my feet and rounded the counter, moving to the sink to empty out the hot chocolate I had barely touched. I hoped Kane would walk away, but when I turned back he still stood there, looking as torn up as I felt.
“I’m sorry, Angel,” he whispered.
“Me too,” I sighed. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, unable to stop myself. “Are we okay?” I found the courage to ask.
“Always, sweet girl. Go back to bed and get some sleep. I’ll stay out here on the sofa if you need anything.” He kissed the top of my head then released me. I had to fight hard not to look back at him as I padded from the room and down the hall.
I understood nothing could happen between us. Kane had a job to do, and I was sure I couldn’t really handle a relationship after everything, but damn!
That kiss had been spectacular and it had left me wanting more. In those few moments Kane had made me feel alive in a way I had never ever felt in my whole life. Knowing I was walking away from that had tears filling my eyes and gave me a small understanding of what people meant when they talked about ‘heart break.’ I guessed falling deeply, for three men I knew I could never have, would have that effect, wouldn’t it?
I was almost back to my room when I heard Asher cry out so loudly it made my heart start to pound hard, instantly. The cry sounded anguished and scared, so loud it seemed to echo through the whole apartment.
“Asher!” I cried as I set off running the last few steps to the bedroom. I threw the door open, but before I could run in, Asher was there. He shoved past me hard, knocking me to the ground effortlessly. By the time I sat up and looked after him, he was running down the hall, yelling and looking around him at something that clearly wasn’t there.
I opened my mouth to call out to him, but stopped when Kane appeared from nowhere and tackled my brother to the ground so quickly I barely registered what was happening.
Adam and Eli came running from their rooms as Asher and Kane wrestled on the ground, Asher fighting with everything in him to get free of Kane. Kane was struggling, my brother taller and way bulkier than him, but he was holding his own.
“Fuck!” Adam cursed as he sped past where I sat on the ground and dove in to help Kane keep Asher down.
“Addy?” I turned and found Eli crouching behind me. “Did he hurt you?”
“Of course not!” I cried. “Asher wouldn’t,”
“He’s having a night terror. He doesn’t see any of us right now. He’s back in whatever hell he survived,” Eli sighed tiredly.
“Should I help?” Jordan asked as he came stumbling from another bedroom his hair wild from sleep. He rubbed at his eyes, dressed only in a pair of knee length shorts, his chest bare.
“Maybe. Kane shouldn’t even be here,” Eli replied.
“You okay, princess?” Jordan asked as he stooped beside me and bent down a little.
“I’m fine. I just got knocked over. Help Asher, please.”
“This used to happen a lot when he first got out, but hardly ever now. I think the explosion triggered something for him,” Eli explained.
I watched on in horror as Jordan jumped in, grabbing the arm Asher had managed to get free and pinning it to the ground. All three of them were struggling to subdue him, despite the fact Adam was bigger than Asher. Tears filled my eyes as I realized that whatever Asher was seeing had to be something horrendous for him to be fighting so hard. Whatever that was, it was likely something he had lived through and that hurt so much. I hated to think of my kind, protective brother going through anything that would traumatize him so much.
“Damn it Ash! Wake up!” Adam boomed, and suddenly the fight seemed to stop. Adam, Kane, and Jordan seemed to relax just slightly, but they didn’t let go of Asher.
I heard Adam and Asher talking quietly, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying. Finally the others released their grip and stood up, backing away a couple of steps.
“Asher?” My voice shook as I looked to my brother with so much worry. He sat up instantly and his bright blue eyes locked on mine. They were bloodshot and he looked pale. “Are y-you okay?” I asked shakily.
“What did I do?” Asher barked as he turned from me to Adam, his face set hard as stone.
“She’s okay, brother. You just knocked into her. She’s fine,” Eli tried to soothe him.
“I’m fine Asher,” I added. “Can I hug you? Please?” I pushed to my feet and Eli jumped up to help me. When Asher’s gaze returned to me, he gave a single nod and I ran to him, launching myself against him and wrapping my arms tightly around him.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he whispered as he held me close and pressed his chin to the top of my head.
“If I’m not allowed to be sorry for nightmares, neither are you,” I told him as calmly as I could. Eli walked over and wrapped his arms around both of us. I could feel him shaking too, and realized seeing Asher that way had shaken him as much as it had me.
“When did you get here, Kane?” Adam asked as we all pulled back from the hug.
“Not long ago. I discharged myself. I need to be here,” Kane explained.
“You still need to rest. You have a concussion,” Adam told him firmly.
“I will. I was just getting settled on the sofa.”
“Sleep in one of the bedrooms, for Christ’s sake, Kane. We have security covered for now,” Asher told him.
“We should all get back to bed,” Adam spoke up.
“I can’t stay with Addy. Not tonight. I won’t risk another nightmare,” Asher declared.
“I’ll be fine. It’s you I’m worried about,” I argued.
“I’ll stay with Asher. One of you guys good to stay with Addy?” Eli asked, looking between Adam and Jordan.
“I will. Come on, beautiful. Time to get some sleep,” Jordan said as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and turned me back towards the room I’d been in earlier.
“Will you both be okay?” I paused and looked to Asher and Eli with worry.
“I’ll check in on them, honey. You just try to get some rest, okay?” Adam said as he gave me one of his devastatingly handsome, comforting smiles. I nodded gratefully and allowed Jordan to lead me away, but I couldn’t help taking one last look at Kane before I walked into the room. He was watching me too and he forced a half smile as our eyes met. He had said we were good, and the smile said that too. I just had to hope he meant it, because I could handle not acting on my feelings for him and the others, but I couldn’t stand to lose any of them from my life.