CHAPTER 15
ADDY
“You know it’s kinda creepy to just watch some one sleep?” Adam uttered, his eyes not even open.
“How’d you know I’m watching you if you were asleep?” I laughed. I had in fact been watching him sleep for some time now. I hadn’t been able to stop myself when I woke up pressed against his warm body. He just looked so relaxed and peaceful when I looked over his handsome face and I hadn’t taken my eyes from it since.
“I could sense it,” he replied as he opened his eyes and looked down to where I lay over him, my head rested on my hands over his chest.
“What are you? A Jedi?”
“Nah. I’m way cooler than a lame ass Star Wars character.”
“What’s wrong with Star Wars? I happen to like those movies,” I cried with mock indignation.
“You really are a geek under all of this beauty, aren’t you?” he chuckled as he ran a hand through my wild hair and smiled softly.
“Yep, and I’m proud of the fact too.”
It had been three days since Asher and Eli had been questioned by the cops, and since then things had been a little calmer. Asher had his attorney make a formal complaint about the way all three of us had been treated by detective Harding that day at the station. The very next day the chief of police had called Asher personally, to assure him it would never happen again, and to assuage us all with the fact that detective Harding was under investigation for the whole matter. The entire case, including the arson and destruction of evidence at the house of Joseph, had been handed off to the FBI now, meaning the local police shouldn’t bother us again with the matter. Since Asher had a contact on the FBI team handling the case, he felt reassured that things would calm down again.
Asher had bounced back from the whole encounter fine. The next day he had gotten back to work. I wasn’t entirely sure what he did all day in the office at the house, but it seemed to keep him busy.
Eli was a different matter though. He refused to talk about what had happened in the police station, but whatever it was, it had shaken him badly. He was quiet when we did see him, but we’d barely had the chance to see him. For the first day he’d said he was exhausted and spent the day locked in his room at the penthouse. Then, when we’d all gotten to return home the next day, once the repairs and rebuild were complete, he’d split his time between ridiculously long sessions swimming laps in the pool in the basement level, and hiding away in his studio, painting.
He smiled in all the right places when we ate dinner together and he still fussed over me when I did see him, but he just wasn’t the Eli we all knew, and I was worried about him. Judging by how exhausted he always looked, he wasn’t sleeping and his appetite seemed nonexistent. I knew Asher was worried too and he was continuously trying to talk with his little brother, but Eli just brushed him off every time.
“Did you sleep okay? You seemed really settled,” Adam asked.
“I was. No nightmares either,” I replied with a genuine smile. I didn’t know what was helping me more – daily video sessions with my counsellor, Laura, or the guys taking turns to sleep with me every single night, but I had been doing better over the last couple of days. I hadn’t had a nightmare for two nights now, and my anxiety had been better. I had a flashback the day before – a memory of my time, in the back rooms of that strip club – but when I came out of it I’d managed to calm myself down before anyone even noticed what was going on. By the time I went to seek out one of the guys to tell them what happened, just as I’d promised I would, I was calm again and holding it together.
I knew I had a long way to go, and tougher episodes would be ahead when worse memories returned, but I finally felt like I had a small grip on myself for the first time in so long, and it felt good.
My relationship with the guys hadn’t really progressed much, but we were all a little closer, spending more time together. Jordan and Adam were definitely touching and holding me more often. Kane was trying too, but he seemed to still find it all awkward when my brothers were around. When he had stayed with me while I slept the day before though, he had held me all night, and even kissed me a couple of times. The kisses had just been pecks, but it had still thrilled me to have him that close. Adam and Jordan had kissed my cheeks and my head, but we hadn’t shared any real kisses yet, and I definitely wanted that to happen next. It was scary though, knowing they were waiting for my cue. The idea of taking the reins and initiating anything, terrified me. I just didn’t want to mess anything up.
“That’s what we want to hear,” Adam said happily as he leaned forward enough to kiss my forehead. “You look better this morning. You’re cheeks are all rosy,” he added with a wide smile that took my breath away. I didn’t know how it were possible, but he looked even more handsome when he smiled.
“That’s probably because I’m laid on a human hot water bottle,” I laughed.
A door slamming loud enough to rattle the walls caused me to jump, then freeze.
“Eli!” I heard Asher yell.
“I’m going to swim. We can talk later!” Eli barked back, both of them sounding pissed.
“I need to do something to get Eli to talk to me. He’s not okay and that’s stressing Asher out too,” I sighed as I rolled off of Adam and sat up on the edge of the bed.
“Good luck with that, baby. He won’t talk to anyone right now. Jordan even got him a bit drunk the other night to try and make him open up, but he didn’t get anything out of him,” Adam sighed as he sat up too.
“I have to do something.”
“We’ll talk to the others over breakfast while Eli swims and see what we can come up with. Try not to worry too much. He’ll get there,” Adam soothed as he ran his hand up and down my back. His hands were so huge just one of them covered a huge portion of my back. I loved that about him. I loved how small and protected I felt when he held me, or even just touched me, despite the fact I was not a petite woman.
“I’ll try,” I agreed. “I should take a shower and get dressed. Are you hitting the gym?”
“Yep, then I’ll get showered too and start on breakfast. Any special requests?” he offered.
“What’s Eli’s favorite? Maybe he’ll eat more if it’s something he loves?”
“French toast. That’s a good idea. I’ll make bacon too. No one can resist the smell of bacon.” He leaned forward and kissed the top of my head, then got to his feet. “See you downstairs?”
“Yeah,” I replied with a smile. Even with my worry for my brother, I couldn’t help the happiness I felt when I looked at Adam, Jordan, and Kane and knew they were mine.
Once Adam had gone, I stood from the bed and headed for the closet to pull out clothes for the day. I grabbed some jeans and a sweater, not exactly sure what I planned to do with the day, but paused when I spied the swim suit Eli had ordered for me during one of his many online shopping splurges he did every time he thought of something I needed.
I had no intention of ever using the thing, since I couldn’t actually swim, but maybe the pool would be a good place to corner my brother and get him to talk to me. It’s not like I’d actually have to swim. I could just get in the pool and stay in the shallow end. Surely if I hung around for long enough Eli would speak to me?
Thankfully, the cast had been removed from my wrist the day before and I had been given the okay to do light exercise with it. The wounds that had lingered on my back and around my wrists and ankles were also all closed up now, so technically I was pretty sure I was good to hit the pool. I just wasn’t so sure I should. But it had to be worth a try, right?
I pulled out the swimsuit and my robe, dumped them on my bed, then went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and tie up my hair, determination filling me with every move. I was going to get Eli talking, even if it killed me.
***
Eli didn’t even notice me walking into the pool room, too engaged in swimming laps back and forth, it seemed.
I hadn’t really been fully into the room before, except to pop my head in and see what was inside. The room was really nice actually. Even though there were no windows, the lighting made it seem bright and open. The pool was a huge rectangular shape and the floor and walls surrounding it were tiled in a mix of bright white and pale gray tiles in a modern, geometric pattern. There were some benches down each long side and off to my right was a door I assumed led to a shower and changing room.
I slipped off my robe and placed it on one of the wooden bench seats, then stood nervously staring at the huge pool. I didn’t know how deep it was, and I was pretty damned nervous considering I’d never even been in anything deeper than a tub before. My childhood wasn’t exactly conducive to vacations by the beach, or trips to the pool. Swimming was simply a life skill that had passed me by. I wasn’t exactly scared of the water, just very nervous.
Determined to do this for Eli, hoping catching him in a place that seemed like a comfort zone for him, would help him to open up, I walked over to the ladder at what I was guessing was the shallow end and slowly lowered myself down the rungs. The water was warm and it did feel good as I got lower and lower into it. I was relieved when I stepped off of the ladder and touched the ground, the water only coming mid-way up my chest. This was good. I could handle this as long as my feet stayed on the ground and my head stayed dry.
I held onto the wall and just stood there for a while, watching Eli swim furiously up and down the full length of the pool, not once stopping to catch his breath. He was wearing goggles and as he swam his head dipped in and out of the water. When he reached the end he did this cool flip thing to turn around, then he went off again. It was pretty mesmerizing to watch.
Deciding I should try and get his attention I moved along the wall to the opposite side, closer to where Eli was swimming, and as he started back towards me I made a loud splash, slamming my hand down into the water. I soaked myself, but the move worked when Eli stopped and popped up from the water, looking all around him until his eyes landed on me.
“Addy,” he panted, clearly a little out of breath. “What are you doing down here?” he asked. He pulled off his goggles and smoothed back his wet hair.
“I thought I’d check the pool out,” I shrugged nervously.
“You enjoy swimming?” he asked with a confused look.
“Sometimes.” I looked away from him, hating that I was fibbing.
“Oh, okay. Well I’ll stick to this side if you want to do some laps? Is that okay?” he asked.
“Sure. You’re an amazing swimmer,” I commented, trying to sound casual.
“I was on the swim team in high school. Contact sports weren’t really my thing,” he chuckled, but it wasn’t real. His eyes didn’t sparkle the way they usually did. “I should get back to it,” he added when he saw I wasn’t buying the mask he was wearing.
“Maybe we could talk while we’re alone?” I suggested.
“About what? Is everything okay?”
“No,” I shook my head as tears filled my eyes. I had to take a deeper breath to keep them in.
“What is it? Talk to me, shortcake.” Eli stepped closer and placed his hand over my forearm, only making my tears build more and my throat tighten up. This was the Eli I knew and I missed him so damned much.
“I’m so worried about you, Eli,” I admitted as I looked up at him through watery eyes. “Please tell me what’s wrong so we can fix it. I hate seeing you like this.”
“Nothing’s wrong, Addy,” he sighed as he released my arm and stepped back a little. “You don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine.”
“No you’re not! I’m not an idiot, Eli. Something happened at the police station and it’s hurting you. We can all see it. Why won’t you talk to anyone?” I cried desperately.
“I can’t do this right now, Addy.” It hurt to see Eli completely ignore me as he moved to the edge of the pool and hoisted himself out in one smooth movement.
This was why I was so worried about him. He’d never once walked away from me, or even brushed me off before. He always had time for everyone. He wasn’t himself right now and it terrified me. What was he going through that it was cutting him up so badly?
“Eli, just wait!” I snapped as I tried to run through the water – which was not possible and probably made me look insane. By the time I reached the ladder and hoisted myself up to the edge again, Eli was already wrapped in his towel and storming towards the door. I ran to him as fast as I could and grabbed his arm, making him stop where he stood.
“This is all very dramatic, Addy,” he sighed, like I was nothing but a nuisance.
“No it’s not. I’m not the only one who sees what’s going on. Everyone in the house is worried about you. What the hell happened?” I demanded with a little fire in my tone now.
“Nothing. How many times do I have to tell you all?”
“You’re lying, Eli!” I snapped. “Just tell me what happened!”
Eli pushed his hands into his wet hair, and tugged at the strands as he growled loudly – a sound filled with anger, irritation, and pain. He turned and glared at me, then dropped his arms to his sides.
“Dad! Okay?! He’s what damn well happened!” Eli roared so angrily it took me aback for a second. “Our fucking dad happened. He ruined my life while he was alive and now he’s doing it from the fucking grave!” I looked up into Eli’s rage filled eyes, his chest heaving with his heavy breaths.
“Eli…” I began as I gripped his arm even tighter, desperate to do something to take the pain from his face.
“What’s going on in here?” We both looked to the door, where Asher stood in his gym clothes, sweating and looking worried.
“You know what?” Eli snapped. “Fuck this!” He ripped his arm from my grip so violently I lost my balance and stumbled backwards. I reached out to grab Eli before I went down, but he was storming towards the door.
A cry slipped from my lips as I braced to hit the hard tile floor, unable to regain my footing enough to stop it from happening, but I didn’t hit the tile. I didn’t realize how close I was to the edge of the pool, and before I knew it I was plunged into the water and sinking down fast.
My mouth was wide open from the cry I’d released, which meant I instantly took in a huge breath of water when I hit it. Panic filled me and I started scrambling to get my feet to the floor. The fact I was in the deepest end of the pool hit me, and ratcheted up my panic as I flailed to get to the top. I managed to pop up out of the water, taking in a huge and desperately needed gasp of air. I tried to cry out, but I was spluttering up water, then I was sinking again.
Just when I thought I was actually going to drown, strong arms came around me and propelled me upwards. As soon as I emerged to the surface I gasped for air, while also coughing up water. My hair was covering my face and my arms flailed frantically for something to grab on to.
“Addy! Addy! Calm down. You’re okay. I’ve got you!” Eli yelled, and I realized he was the one holding onto me. I forced myself to stop flailing, but the coughing continued as my lungs burned. I tried to push my hair from my face, but my hands were shaking too hard to do anything.
Eli lifted me up from the water, then I was in warm arms, being dragged from the edge of the pool and onto the tile. By the time I turned to look behind me, Asher had me resting against him, seated between his legs as we both sat on the cool tile. He pulled my wet hair from my face and pushed it aside as I coughed and spat up what had to be at least half of the pool water.
“Fuck!” Asher cursed breathlessly, as he rubbed up and down my back and held me up enough to get the last of the water up. “Try to breathe for me, sweetheart, please,” he coaxed and I forced in a couple of deep, burning lungful’s of air until I finally felt able to catch my breath.
“Should I call 9-1-1?” Eli gasped as he appeared beside me, water dripping off of him. He wrapped me in a towel.
“Yes. She almost fucking drowned!” Asher snapped back.
“No!” I cried. “I…I’m okay. I’m okay.” I leaned forward and held my head in my hands, just trying to calm myself down.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t think. I just….” Eli started, but Asher was clearly angry as he cut him off.
“You just fucking what, Eli? You could have killed her!” he raged. “Addy could have hit her head on the tiles, or fucking drowned if you’d both have been alone in here when you stormed out. Would you have even noticed with the rage you were in? What the hell were you thinking?”
“Asher, don’t!” I tried to argue, but my throat was raw and I was still out of breath.
“I’m sorry. I…I just wanted to get away!” Eli cried and I could see his eyes burning with tears. I reached for him and clutched his hand, hoping it would reassure him.
“Get away from what? What is going on with you?” Asher demanded.
“Everything! I can’t do this, Ash. I’m not like you!” Eli yelled as he fell to his butt on the tiles and covered his face with the hand he had free. “I’m not strong enough to deal with all of the fucking mess dad made for us. I c-can’t handle any more, Ash. I’m sorry…I know I’m letting you down, but I…I just can’t do this,” he murmured tearfully, and he broke my heart by how much pain I heard from him.
“You don’t have to deal with it, Eli. I told you I’ll handle it. What happened with the questioning – that will never happen again,” Asher explained more calmly.
“They showed me pictures of that girls body. The M.E. said she died of dehydration. She must have been so scared,” Eli went on shakily. “We did that. We left her there. We c-could have saved her.”
“Fuck!” Asher lifted me onto his lap, keeping one arm firmly around me, then he shuffled until he was at Eli’s side, pulling him in for a hug too. “That’s not true, Eli. We didn’t know she was there. The annex built in the basement was sound proof so we had no chance of ever knowing she was there. We didn’t do it. Dad did. We can’t take any more guilt on our shoulders for that motherfucker. Do you hear me? He was a sick bastard, and I have no doubt he destroyed many lives in his lifetime, but we are not going to let him destroy ours. He’s gone and we’re all still here. I know it’s not easy but we have to try and get past what he did. We need to live the lives we deserve, the lives we know that old bastard would fucking hate!”
“I’m sorry. I know I should be stronger…” Eli began, but again Asher stopped him.
“You are so fucking strong, Eli. I don’t want to hear that bullshit anymore. After everything dad put you through, and you still find the strength to rise above it and be the amazing, loyal, good guy that you are. The only reason I can keep myself together is because I know, no matter what, you will always have my back.”
“He’s right, Eli,” I whispered as I squeezed his hand in mine. “You’re amazing. I don’t know how I would have survived the last month without you taking care of me. I am so lucky to have you both as my family now.”
“I could have killed you.”
“No. It was an accident, and I’m fine,” I assured him. “It was partly my fault for making out like I can swim. I really can’t,” I added with an awkward smile.
“We figured that much out when you were drowning, sweetheart,” Asher chuckled.
“Are you sure you’re okay? Maybe we should take you to the ER to be safe?” Eli questioned.
“I’m sure. Adam’s making French toast for breakfast. There’s no way I’m missing out on that.”
“I don’t want either of you letting what our so called father did upset you anymore than it already has. I’ll handle anything else that arises, but it’s over for the both of you. I won’t let him take another thing from either of you. You’ve been through enough,” Asher said so vehemently it was obvious he wasn’t going to allow us to argue.
“He’s taken enough from you too, Ash,” Eli pointed out.
“Don’t worry. I’m not letting him have anything else from me either. I’m getting him out of our lives for good. The house is gone and I’ve donated the land to a charitable housing project. They can build on it, or sell it and take the money for the charity. Next, I’m getting rid of the business. I don’t want one single piece of what that man built to remain in this world.”
“What will you do with the business gone?” I asked.
“Anything I want,” Asher smiled. “Don’t know what that is yet, but I’ll figure it out. We’re free, all of us. The money from the sale of the business will make all three of us wealthy enough to never work a day again, if that’s what we want.”
“I just want to paint,” Eli said, and there was no missing the relief in his voice.
“I know, brother. Maybe you could set up a gallery too, to sell your work? I always wanted to go to one of those fancy openings,” Asher mused, sounding so much lighter.
“What about you, Addy? What do you want to do?” Eli asked.
“I don’t need any money. That’s your money…the two of you. I’m happy just having a home with you,” I told them.
“You’ll take the money, Addy. It’s yours and neither of us will take no for an answer. If you don’t want it, give it to a charity or something, but it’s yours regardless,” Asher said firmly.
“I don’t care about money, Asher. Having the two of you in my life is more than I ever could have wished for,” I sighed.
“You’ll always have us. We’re not going anywhere,” Eli promised.
“Come on. Let’s get you upstairs so you can get warm and into dry clothes. Are you sure you feel alright? It’s not hard to breathe or anything along those lines?”
“I’m fine. I might give the pool a wide berth for a while though,” I laughed.
“Why were you even in it if you can’t swim?” Eli asked.
“I just wanted to try and speak to you. I thought you might open up more in a place you like to be,” I shrugged.
“Jesus, sweetheart. I’m really starting to worry about your self-preservation instincts,” Asher declared with an exhausted shake of his head.
“I’ll admit, it might not have been my best idea.” Asher scooped me up and got to his feet, carrying me over to the bench. Eli followed after us and wrapped my robe around me.
“You can put me down. I’m okay now,” I argued, but Asher wasn’t listening, or didn’t want to. He carried me bridal style up the stairs and I was relieved when we passed the kitchen and found it was still empty. The last thing I needed was the guys worrying about me.
Asher didn’t put me down until we stopped outside the door of my room. As soon as my feet were on the ground I turned to Eli and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tight. I was so relieved he’d finally let out the pain that was haunting him, and when he held me back I sighed in relief. I had my brother back. It had almost killed me to get him to open up, as it turned out, but it was worth it to see Eli looking more like himself again.