Chapter 3
COLE
I’d been in front of some rowdy, unruly crowds in my time, but I’d never been so terrified and nervous as I was standing in front of my daughter’s preschool class for meet-the-parent day. Twelve moms had turned up to voluntarily assist the teacher for the morning session. It was standing-room-only at the back of the class. I could handle the adults. I’d throw them a few flirtatious winks and smiles, and they’d be a captivated audience. But the twenty-five four-year-olds playing on the mat before me had me breaking out in a cold sweat.
I could never be a teacher...or a child entertainer. No. Fucking. Way.
The yelling and screaming, chaos and clatter filling the room was insane . . . and I played the fucking drums. The kids . . . this noise . . . created some serious decibels!
But I wanted to be there for Charlotte. My parents had never gone to any of my schooling events. They’d never attended careers days, teacher interviews, sports carnivals, or musicals. None. I was adamant I wouldn’t disappoint Charlotte...or Josh, Ava’s son, in the same way.
“I’ve never been in front of this many kids before.” I tugged on the lapel of Ava’s suit jacket to steady myself and ward off the dread loitering inside my chest. Riley, my bodyguard, stood next to her. He’d wanted to come along for a laugh. Great. But I prayed I didn’t need him to save me from this hyperactive crowd.
“You’ll be fine.” Ava placed her hand over my heart and tapped it. “Just remember, they are four.”
“You sure about that?” My pulse spiked as the kids jostled around on the mat, play-fighting, shrieking, and laughing. The moms stood at the back of the room whispering to each other in hushed tones, and the teacher wrote on the whiteboard.
“Yes.” Ava poked the center of my chest. “You’re a big kid. You’ll fit right in.”
“But you love me.” I caught Ava’s hand and winked at her. She did that sexy arch-of-one-eyebrow thing that always lured me in.
“Yes, I do.” Smiling, she slipped her hand out of my hold and waggled a finger at me. Hmmm . I’d love to grab it, suck it, and make her quiver all over...but unfortunately, this wasn’t the time or the place. She slapped my arm as if she’d read my dirty mind. “Now have fun. Charlotte is just happy you’re here.”
I was too.
I loved my daughter. And Ava. I wanted Ava in my life even more than she was at present. I’d asked her to move in with me again, for the third time, a few weeks ago, before we’d spread Phil’s ashes into the ocean. It hadn’t gone down well. She wasn’t ready. Not after the hell her ex, Luther, had put her through. She needed more time. Didn’t want to rush things.
But we’d gone slow.
We’d been together for more than a year.
How much more time did she need?
Every day, Ava and Josh melded more and more into my life and Charlotte’s. We spent almost every moment together. Wasn’t moving in with each other the next logical step ?
Or was my FOMO playing havoc with my mind?
Flint lived with Sutton.
Tia and Lewis had shacked up together.
Slip and Maddy were married.
I was the only one who didn’t live with their partner. And fuck...I wanted Ava to move in so badly.
We both hated driving through heavy traffic between my home in Laurel Canyon and her place in Los Feliz. Her house was super tiny and too noisy, and near a main road...and her dad lived there. When I stayed over, our kids had to share a room. Ava’s bed squeaked...a lot. I didn’t like to fuck quietly, and the walls were extremely thin.
We loved spending time together. She was the only woman I’d ever known who could keep up with me—in and out of the bedroom. She often kicked my ass, and I freaking loved it.
It wasn’t a deal breaker, but hopefully by the end of summer, she’d move in with me. I’d do everything possible to make it happen. Do everything to ensure she was comfortable and confident about being together.
I could be very persuasive when my tongue was between her legs. Hmmm. Later.
Right then, I was in dad-mode.
Being a father was a tie with drumming as the best job in the world.
I gave Ava a quick kiss on the cheek, then jutted my chin toward Riley. “Save me if it gets too crazy in here.”
“Cole, I can’t wait to see how you handle a bunch of kids.” Riley laughed, turned, and headed over to the side of the room with Ava.
Shit. What am I in for?
Charlotte jumped up off the mat from playing with the kids, ran over to me, and slammed into my legs. “You ready, Daddy?”
“Sure am.” I ruffled her blonde curls .
As we took a seat beside each other on little green chairs in front of the class, a cherub smile lit her face. I was so tall my knees were bent up around my ears. Not the most comfortable position. I adjusted the drumsticks sticking out of my rear pocket and wriggled on my tiny seat. I couldn’t wait to get this talk over and done with.
“Alright, class. Quiet time.” Mrs. Dawn Falvey, Charlotte’s teacher, stepped forward from the whiteboard and raised her hand. It took a minute for the kids to settle, sit on their asses, and face the front. Big round eyes, toothy smiles, and snotty noses loomed before me. Mrs. Falvey softened her voice and talked to the class. “Good morning, everyone.”
“Good morning, Mrs. Falvey,” the kids replied in unison.
“And a big hello to all the moms who’ve joined us.” Dawn waved toward the moms, then held her hand out toward my kid sitting beside me. “Today is Charlotte’s turn to bring someone in to visit. She has brought her dad in to talk to us. Charlotte, would you like to introduce him and tell us what he does?”
“Yep.” Charlotte jumped to her feet. Harper, my cousin and nanny, had dressed her in black jeans, a sequin top, and boots. Total badass vibe. My kid had insisted on dressing like a rock star.
She lowered her red star-shaped glasses over her eyes, then jammed her hand onto her hips, struck a pose, and pointed her thumb toward me. “My daddy’s name is Cole. He’s a drummer.” My daughter was every bit the show pony. She’d being hanging around Flint way too much. “His band is The Fhintlocks. He plays moosic really loud with Fhint, Slip and Lewis. And...um...he has a really big kit too.”
I bit my lip, trying not to laugh. Oh...my kit is big alright! But I had to stay age appropriate. Ava and Riley pursed their lips, clearly trying not to laugh. Yeah, their minds were as dirty as mine .
“He’s teaching me to play.” Charlotte’s bright green eyes glittered bright. “I’m getting good, aren’t I, Daddy?”
“Yeah. You’re awesome.” I ruffled her hair, and she giggled.
“Thank you, Charlotte,” Dawn said as Charlotte plonked down onto her chair. “Mr. Tanner, would you like to tell the children how you became a drummer and what you do on a daily basis?”
“Sure.” I wriggled on my seat and wiped my clammy palms on my jeans. “I started playing the drums when I was about your age and went to lessons twice a week for years. When I was nine, I formed a band with my friends who lived on the same street as I did. We practiced just about every day, worked very hard, and started playing gigs when we were in high school. We were signed to a record label just after we graduated.” Blank faces loomed before me. Fuck, I’m boring them . Tough crowd, and not my usual demographic.
“We’ve released three albums and had some hit songs. You might have heard them on TikTok or YouTube or streamed them.” I got nothing other than open mouths and blank gazes, like I was speaking a foreign language. Shit. I scratched my cheek. What else could I say to four-year-olds? Think. Think. Think. “My band and I went on a huge tour last year and played lots of shows around the world. Right now we’re on a break, taking a long vacation, but when I’m working, I spend every day with my band, writing and creating music. We practice and play for hours, often till very late at night. We also do a lot of promotional work which involves photoshoots, being on TV and the radio, meeting fans at events, and performing. It’s great fun but a lot of hard work.”
Still nothing.
Fuck.
Great work, dick. Really connecting with these kids. Not!
Dawn stepped forward and clasped her hands together. “ That sounds very interesting and exciting.” She smiled sweetly at the kids. “Who has some questions for Mr. Tanner?”
“Me?” A boy with flaming red hair and a face of super-sized freckles shot up his hand.
Dawn pointed at him. “Yes, Floyd?”
“How many songs can you play?”
“Um...” Geez. I rubbed my forehead. How the fuck would I know? “Hundreds, if not thousands. I’ve never counted them before.”
A girl with black ringlet pigtails shot up her hand. “Do you know Billie Eilish?”
“Um...I met her at an awards show once. She’s really nice. But no.”
“What about Taylor Swift?” she asked again.
“Nope. I’ve gone to events she’s been at, but I’ve never met her.”
The girl’s shoulders deflated like I’d destroyed her dreams. I knew a lot of fucking people, but more bands than solo artists.
A boy with a big round face and glasses rose to his knees and folded his arms. He pouted and drew his brow down over his eyes. Oh, a serious question was coming. “Do you get in trouble for playing too loud?”
I chuckled and wriggled on the chair to keep the blood circulating in my ass. “When I was a kid, yes. All the time. My mom didn’t like the drums, so I had to play them in the garage. But now I live in my own house, I can play as loud as I fu...freaking want and for as long as I want.”
A girl in the front row rubbed her snotty nose, then wiped her hand on her T-shirt. Yep, I would’ve done that at her age too. But ew... gross. “How fast can you play?”
“Hmmm.” I grabbed the drumsticks out of my back pocket. I shuffled off the chair and sat cross-legged on the floor. I tapped my sticks on the linoleum at pace. Tap. Patter. Patter. Tap. Patter. Patter, faster and faster. My hands were nothing but a blur. “This fast.”
“Wwwwow!” The kids’ eyes widened. The ones at the back of the group crawled closer, peering over the heads and shoulders of the other children and getting a closer look.
I didn’t stop as I asked the kids, “Do you know our song ‘Fast?’”
I sang low and steady. I could picture Flint wincing and Lewis and Slip laughing at my average ability to hold a tune, but I gave it a crack.
How did we fall so fast?
Thought this wasn’t supposed to last
I never thought I could feel this way,
You sent my heart into disarray
“Or what about this one?” I wound back my rhythm. “Fallen” was our biggest hit to date. I drummed my sticks on the floor and churned out the lyrics:
If somebody had warned me
That love made you crazy
I would never have fallen for you
If somebody told me
That love made your heart break
I would never have fallen for you
The kids giggled, laughed, and bobbed their heads. Some sang a few words, jumped to their feet, clapped, and danced. This is cool.
I stopped tapping and twirled my sticks around in my hands. “My band and I wrote those songs. Pretty cool, huh?”
“Whoa. That’s you?” a girl in a paint-covered T-shirt asked. “So you’re famous?”
I shrugged like it was no big deal. “Yeah, you could say that. ”
Avril, Charlotte’s friend, waved at my sticks. “Do you have to be angry to play the drums?”
I chuckled at the seriousness in her tone. “No. Drumming makes me happy. It’s a real rush.”
“What do you do if you drop a stick?” she asked. “Do you just use your hands?”
“No.” Grinning, I shook my head. “I usually have a cannister full of spares near my stool so I can grab one if needed.”
Jake shot his hand up into the air. “My dad says rock stars are bad. That you party and drink too much and take drugs. Is that true?”
What the fuck? But I wasn’t surprised a question like that had come from him. I’d met his snobby-nosed barrister dad in the parking lot a couple months ago. He’d eyed my Lamborghini SUV like it was a piece of shit compared to his Maserati. He’d invited every kid in the class to his son’s birthday—everyone except Charlotte. Asshole! Who did that to a four-year-old?
But crap, how did I answer that question? “Not all musicians are bad. As you grow up, you’ll experience many things. Some good. Some bad. You have to learn what is right and wrong. What you like and don’t like. Surround yourself with good people, learn to say no, and know when to stop.” I hadn’t always done those things, but I’d survived. Changed. Grown up. “I gave up a lot of bad stuff to be the best dad I could be when Charlotte came into my life. Didn’t I, sweetie?”
“Yeah.” She gave me a high-five.
The moms let out a collective sigh, but the kids just looked at me as if I’d fried their brains. Fuck. This adulting and being responsible thing sucked.
Macy, another one of Charlotte’s friends, tilted her head to the side and narrowed her eyes. “Do you have a girlfriend? My mom asked me if I could get your phone number. She thinks you’re hot and wants to go out with you.” Macy swiveled and pointed toward the back of the room. “That’s my mom in the green shirt.”
“Hi.” I waved at Macy’s mom.
Macy’s mom’s cheeks turned bright red as she shrank two inches and hide her face behind her hand.
But ice prickled down my spine. Ava glared at me, then spun to stare down the women. I loved how feisty and protective Ava was. Yeah, Ava was mine. “Sorry, Macy. I have a beautiful girlfriend. Her name is Ava.” I pointed toward her, looking sexy as fuck in her black pantsuit. “She’s over there with my bodyguard, Riley.”
“Why do you need a bodyguard?” a boy with brown curly hair asked.
“Sometimes a lot of fans come to see me. So it’s his job to keep everyone safe.”
“Does he carry a gun?” The boy’s eyes widened as he took in Riley, then turned back to me.
I nodded. “Usually yes, but not today.”
“Has he ever used it?” He leaned closer, as if totally intrigued.
“No. And I hope he never has to.”
“Have you ever been hurt?” His interrogation continued. This kid was on a roll.
“Yeah. I’ve been hit in the face with a big camera. I’ve been scratched, knocked over, roughed up a few times, and mushed in crowds. But I love our fans. Most are really nice.”
“Okay, children.” Dawn tapped her watch. “Time is running out. Let’s see if there are any questions from the parents?”
Every hand shot up. Fuck! I flicked a finger toward Lucinda, one mom I knew. “Yep?”
“Any plans for new music?” she asked, twirling her necklace around her fingers.
“No.” I shook my head. “Hopefully at the end of the year we’ll start pulling something together. ”
She rounded her shoulders and smiled sheepishly. “Are you doing any gigs around town where we might see you play?”
“No, sorry. Like I said, we’re on a break.”
A short, curvy lady in a red dress raised her hand. “Is it true Slip quit?”
“What?” I grimaced and shook my head. “No. He’s just spending time with Maddy, his wife. That rumor is bullshit.” But nausea pummeled my gut. Like Flint, I wasn’t convinced he’d come back, and it fucking killed me.
“Mrs. Falvey?” a kid hollered from the floor and pointed at me. “Charlotte’s dad said a naughty word.”
“Yes.” Dawn threw me a stern glare. “Mr. Tanner, please watch your language.”
“Crap. Sorry. I mean . . . shit . . .”
The kids broke into fits of laughter, rolling around on the floor.
“Daddy.” Charlotte laughed and slapped me on the leg. “Don’t be naughty.”
“Charlotte?” Jake, the little shit, spoke again. “Why didn’t you bring your mom today?”
“I don’t have a mom.” Charlotte leaped from her chair, whimpered, and curled into my shoulder. She buried her face into my neck and strangled me with her tight little arms.
Struggling to breathe, I peeled Charlotte off me. I drew her into my lap and cuddled her against my chest. I kissed the side of her head and stroked her hair. “Hey. It’s alright.” I turned to the kids. “Charlotte lost her mom last year. But she is very lucky to have me, Ava, and other family and friends who love and take care of her.”
“I don’t have a mom either,” another boy said. “But I’ve got two daddies. They’re awesome.”
“I don’t have a mom either.” The snotty-nose kid wiped and rubbed her nose again. “I live with my grandma. ”
“See?” I nodded and kissed Charlotte again. “Everyone is different. And special.”
The lunchtime bell buzzed. Thank fuck!
“It’s time for morning break.” Dawn stepped forward. “Thank you for coming in today, Mr. Tanner. It’s been very interesting to hear about being in a band.” She smiled at the kids. “What do you say, children?”
“Thank you, Mr. Tanner,” the class hollered, then they jumped to their feet and rushed into the adjacent room to have their snacks. It took me a couple of minutes to ease Charlotte off me. I hated that she still missed Shelby, her mom, and Keith, Shelby’s partner. But I understood. I still missed Phil after three years.
After chatting with the inquisitive, overzealous moms and escaping the classroom, Riley drove Ava and me back to my house. Harper would pick up Charlotte later in the day.
Ava and I headed into my living room and sank onto the sofa. Damn, I’d never savored the peace and quiet so much. Preschool was a whole new level of chaos and noise I could barely comprehend. Fuck ! Was I getting old? No. No fucking way. I was twenty-seven next month. I was still in my prime.
Ava curled toward me and kissed me on the cheek. “You were amazing with the kids. They loved you.”
“I think I bored them with the real-life shit, but they loved the drumming.” I hooked my arm around Ava’s shoulders and drew her against my side. “I hated seeing Charlotte get upset about her mom. It kills me. She still misses Shelby.”
“Yeah. Let her feel that. Let her talk about her mother.”
“Yeah, I do.” I kissed the side of Ava’s head and breathed her in. Her hair smelled so good, of something sweet and rosy. “Just seeing Charlotte crumble in front of the class hurt my chest. I wish I could take that pain away. You’re awesome with her, too. I hope I’m the same with Josh. I love that little guy. ”
Ava ran her hand across my stomach in soft, slow strokes. I loved her touching me, anywhere and everywhere. She smiled at me. “Do you think being a dad is your calling?”
“God no. But I love it and I’m doing my best.” I rolled toward Ava and kissed the small of her neck. “Would you like to give this daddy some loving?”
Giggling, she pushed me away. “Later. I have to get back to the office. You guys may be on a break, but the workload hasn’t stopped. There’s the tour documentary to finalize, events to get you to, socials to maintain, fans to keep happy, and your everyday lives to run. Travel bookings and emails are never ending.” She sighed, sinking deeper into the sofa. She bit her lip and wrinkled her nose. Too sexy. “And I’m helping Flint pull together a certain you-know-what for you-know-who.”
I jabbed my finger against her arm. “I can’t believe you won’t tell me what he’s got planned. Is it gonna happen soon? Sutton is dying for that ring on her finger.”
“Trust me. I know.” Ava rolled her eyes and laughed. “She keeps asking me if I know something she doesn’t. It’s so hard not to say anything. It’s stressful.”
“I have a solution.” I swiped my fingertips down her cheek, then brushed the tip of her nose. “Move in with me. It would ease the stress. You’d be closer to work. With Charlotte and me. Closer to the band. Closer to Josh’s new school.” I leaned forward, eased her jacket aside, and kissed the top edge of her shoulder. “And I could do many things to ease the tension in these sexy shoulders of yours.”
She clutched my hair and drew me back. She caught my chin and softened her tone. “Cole...we’ve talked about this. I like the way things are for now. I don’t want to burst our bubble.”
“It won’t burst.” I took her hand and entwined our fingers. “We’d make it better.”
“I love you. I really do. You’re the best thing that has happened to me in years.” She swept her fingers through my short hair. “But we’re still new. I’m finding my feet. After the hell Luther dragged me through, I need to take this slow. I want to be more confident in my job. In us. In this new life. Ensure Josh is okay.”
“I understand that. I’m the same about Charlotte. I don’t want to pressure you, but at the same time, I do. I’d love for you and Josh to move in here. We can be a family.” That scared her. I understood that. Trusting someone again was hard, but I would do anything and everything for Ava. Being patient wasn’t easy, but a must.
“I want that too. But I don’t want to mess this up.”
“You won’t.” I was more worried about me fucking up things rather than her. “But if you do, or I do, we’ll deal with it. Together. I want a life with you.”
She pressed her lips to mine, lingered there for a few seconds. Hmmm . I loved the taste of her mouth on mine. She broke our kiss and licked her lips. “I’m yours. We’re good. I promise. But can we just enjoy dating for now?”
“Yes. But why delay the inevitable? Is there anything I can do to change your mind? Speed up the process? Or am I missing something?” That wouldn’t be a first.
“No.” She swept her fingers through my short hair. “You’re amazing. It’s been so long since I’ve had a boyfriend. We have fun together. I like having you woo me.”
I slid my hand up her thigh and gave her a sexy smile. “If I have to court you, may I take you out tonight? Dinner. Drinks. Dancing. Harper can mind the kids.”
“I’d like that.”
“Hmmm. Good. But you know I like a challenge. If I have to make love to you every day to prove that we belong together, I will gladly do so.”
“Better start convincing me. ”
I popped open the button on her dress pants and slid my hand into her panties. “Gladly.”