Chapter 8
AVA
“I didn’t sign up for this shit.” I sat across from Beckett at the café next to my old office in Melrose, having lunch. I’d just spent five minutes laughing, with tears in my eyes, giving him an update on some errands I’d done for the band over the past few days. I’d sourced Haigh’s Chocolates from Australia for Flint’s dad’s birthday present. They were decadent and worth it. I’d called a plumber for Lewis to fix a blocked drain. The foul stench had been rank. I’d made a reservation for Cole at an impossible-to-get-into restaurant...Okay, that was for our date night, and he’d wanted to take me out. I was okay with that. I’d had the guys’ dry-cleaning picked up and returned. Scheduled three photoshoots and fittings with designers. I’d booked flights and hotels, organized cars, drivers, and security for an awards show they’d attend in Las Vegas. The list went on and on.
“Yes, you did.” Chuckling, Beckett stuffed a fry into his mouth and chewed. “You could’ve turned down the job and not worked for the band.”
Faking a grimace, I jerked my chin back. “Yeah, I’m not crazy.” Or maybe I was. Some days, I missed being a bodyguard...others not at all. Taking on the executive personal assistant role for The Flintlocks had its pros and cons. “This job offers better pay. Has more benefits. I have a nanny, and Josh can travel with me. It’s full of interesting tasks...most of the time. There is rarely a dull moment. However...” I sighed, smoothing my napkin across my lap. “It can be stressful. No day is the same. It’s not just the four guys I have to look after—it’s their partners too. That includes me...which is weird.”
But being Cole’s girlfriend had a lot of perks. I tried not to smile as I wriggled in my chair, pressing my thighs together. My pussy still throbbed after he’d fucked me senseless this morning. My legs still struggled to function. I wasn’t complaining about that. Or the job. No, talking about my work kept my mind off Cole...somewhat.
He’d asked me to move in for about the tenth time this morning, after he’d made me come so hard I’d seen stars. But I had a theory. If I kept avoiding the topic, I wouldn’t have to make a decision. I liked the way things were between us. After the hell I’d been through with my ex, Luther, and a bitter divorce and custody battle, I needed to make sure moving in was the right decision for my son and me. I didn’t want my heart, or Josh’s, destroyed again. There was nothing wrong with taking my time. I needed to be more confident and secure in my relationship before I took that next step. Catching up with my best friend was the perfect distraction.
I scanned the busy café again, out of habit. Tables, full of people eating lunch. Waiters, busy taking orders. The coffee machine, brewing. But no one was loitering outside. No paparazzi either. I got the odd glance, no doubt being recognized as Cole’s partner, but nothing that was cause for concern. Once a bodyguard, always a bodyguard.
My cell phone pinged again for the fifth time since Beckett and I had ordered coffees and burgers. I peered at the screen. Another meeting request from Blake, the band’s manager. Just because the guys weren’t working on a new album, life hadn’t slowed down. Cole, Flint, and Lewis had a bunch of events coming up over the summer. The tour documentary was nearing the final cut. April, the band’s publicist and my coworker in crime, was preparing the media kit and promotional campaign for the release on Netflix. The entire Flintlocks team had held several meetings over the past several months to discuss new projects, sponsorship deals, brand ambassador opportunities, and marketing promotions. But Flint had shut down many conversations, refusing to agree to anything without Slip’s involvement.
I hit accept on the notification, picked up my chicken burger, and took a mouthful. My phone pinged again. This time it was an email from Quill. Yeah, he could wait. Some days, I didn’t have time for lunch, but I hadn’t seen Beckett in two weeks. We needed a good catchup.
“Does that thing ever stop buzzing?” Beckett pointed to my cell phone.
“No.” I covered my mouth with my fingertips and finished chewing. “Not for very long, anyway. I spend half the day on administrative tasks, like paying the guys’ bills, helping April with content for social media, booking travel, and running personal errands. The other half is spent helping with wedding plans. I’m a highly overpaid travel agent and event coordinator.”
Tiny crinkles formed at the edge of Beckett’s eyes, and he bobbed his head. “So not much different from before other than a huge pay rise?”
“Yeah, I guess.” I missed field training, specialized security operations, and going on assignments with my team, but I didn’t miss the long days and being on constant alert. I still got plenty of exercise. Cole was a fitness freak like I was. He tried to outdo me on our morning runs, racing ahead and sprinting home before me. I let him beat me occasionally. I didn’t want to damage his ego too often .
“Do you like organizing the wedding stuff?” Beckett took a sip of his hot coffee.
“Yes and no.” I licked some burger grease off my fingertips. “It brings back nightmares of being married to Luther.”
“Understandable. That guy was a psychotic, narcissistic prick.”
“So . . . you really liked him?”
“Uh, no.”
“Good.” God, I loved Beckett and his wife, Opal. They’d helped me through some difficult times. “But Sutton and Flint are like two loved-up squirrels. They’re excited and know what they want, which makes life easier. Although Sutton gets pissed and frustrated with Flint. He wants nothing to do with the finer details. He wants to leave everything up to her and Quill.” I took another small bite of my burger and talked with my mouth half-full. “Their wedding planner knows his shit. He knows everyone in town and where to get the best deals on anything you need. He has dozens of venues, function centers, fashion designers, stylists, top-end suppliers, and hotel managers on speed dial. This guy is the bomb. The wedding is going to be huge.”
“So, why are you involved?” Beckett quizzed as he picked a piece of lettuce out of his teeth.
“Sutton is so busy with work, filming late most days. Quill CC’s me in on everything so I can discuss things with her when she’s home. He’s often running other weddings or events in the evening, so it’s easier for me to relay any updates.”
“You’re the middleman?”
A little giggle escaped me. “That...and so much more.” But what I did really dawned on me. I drew in a deep breath and my chest swelled. These people had entrusted me and placed their lives, personal details, and everyday existence into my hands. I didn’t take the responsibility, their privacy, or the honor lightly. I was in my element. “Nothing happens with any of The Flintlocks without me knowing about it.”
He let out a low laugh and waved a fry at me. “You always liked to be in control.”
I couldn’t argue. He was right.
He popped his fry into his mouth and chewed. “Have Flint and Sutton found a venue?”
“Yes. Thank God.” I put down my burger, grabbed the ketchup bottle, and squished sauce over my fries. “It’s going to be at Romans, that wedding venue on the beach at Santa Monica.”
Beckett pinched his eyebrows together. “Isn’t that place old, decrepit, and rundown?”
“Yeah, it is... was .” The old art deco place had been built in the fifties and hadn’t been maintained. “It was recently sold to Eriksons, a high-end restaurant group. They’ve closed it and are doing a full renovation.” Sutton wouldn’t even consider the place at first. It wasn’t modern and stylish or to her liking. But once Quill had shown her the designs and concept artwork for the restoration and rebuild, she’d fallen in love with it. Romans was on the beach, which was what Flint had wanted. And since they’d had so much trouble finding a venue with availability within their desired twelve-month timeframe, they’d jumped at the chance to have the wedding there. “It reopens in April next year. Sutton and Flint have secured a date in May.”
“Wow. In eleven months?” Beckett’s eyebrows shot skyward. “I didn’t think they wanted to wait that long to tie the knot.”
“Neither did I. But they’ve been realistic about setting a date. They want to enjoy being engaged. So unless something more amazing comes up beforehand, that’s it.” One item off the long to-do list.
Beckett tilted his head to the side and smirked, puffing air through his nose. “So there’s no chance of you quitting and returning to security anytime soon? Sam and Wells would take you back in a heartbeat.”
“Nice try. But no. I love my job. However, so many of the things the band is planning are subject to Slip coming home.”
“Do you think he will?” Beckett licked the salt off his fingertips.
“I hope so. But life changes. We all know that.” I was no different. I had changed careers. Was dating Cole. Had full custody of Josh. I never had to deal with my ex ever again. Some changes were for the better. “You know Slip as well as I do. You’ve covered him more than I ever did. He’s no doubt scared of succumbing to booze and drugs again. He wouldn’t want to go back to rehab. Or re-injure his hip. He adores Maddy and doesn’t want to jeopardize his relationship. He seems happy and content with where he is. If that’s what he needs to live a good, clean, healthy life, I’m all for it.”
“Me too.” Beckett nodded, then lowered his chin. “But I miss covering him. The random people and events we’re working on during the band’s downtime aren’t as entertaining or exciting as The Flintlocks were. I miss traveling, and the fun the guys had, and the commotion we ran into everywhere we went. I look forward to every outing they have to attend. Those guys take the fans, the fame, and madness in their stride.”
“Well...” I threw him a sly smile. “Maybe everyone but Slip.”
“True. He got a bit messed up. But I’m glad he’s doing okay.”
“Yeah, he is.” I picked up my burger and took a huge bite.
“And you?”
Oh, there it was. My diversionary tactics had come to an end. And Beckett knew it.
A big grin inched across his face. “How’s Cole?”
The topic I’d wanted to avoid. Damn it. “How’s Opal?” Could I deflect the subject? Talk about his wife instead?
“She’s fine. But you know that. You saw her last week and told her nothing about Cole. So spill. I won’t let you get away with it.”
My phone pinged with yet another message, this time from Cole.
My heart fluttered against my ribs, but the knot in the base of my gut yanked tight. I wished the latter would stop. God, I wished it would.
I swiped open my phone and checked the image he’d sent. A selfie of him in a park, sitting between Charlotte and Josh, lit the screen. The kids hugged his neck. Big chocolate-ice-cream-covered smiles covered their faces. Cole’s goofy grin struck something deep inside me. Warmth spread through my entire body and pooled between my legs. I loved him. And the kids.
But a dull ache throbbed in my head.
Shit.
“Ava?” Concern drifted through Beckett’s voice.
I couldn’t take my eyes off the photo, unable to comprehend the mix of emotions swirling through me.
“Ava?” Beckett kicked my foot. “What’s up?”
“This?” I spun my phone around to show him. “See what I have to put up with?”
“Um . . . messy kids on a sugar high . . . or Cole?”
“The kids are great...” My shoulders sagged. “So is Cole.”
“So, what’s the problem?” Confusion rippled his brow. “Is there one?”
“Yeah. Me.” I pushed my half-eaten burger away and slumped back in my chair. “He keeps asking me to move in with him.”
“Why don’t you?” Beckett finished his burger, picked up the remains of mine, and demolished it.
I closed my eyes and took a breath. “Becks? I’m so fucking afraid.” I placed my hand on my stomach to ease the nausea. “Scared it will all turn to shit, like my first marriage.”
“Ava.” He wiped his fingers clean on a napkin. He reached across the table and clutched my hand. “Sweetheart, Cole’s not Luther. But don’t be pressured into doing something you’re not ready for. You take all the time you need. You’ll know when you’re ready. When it feels right. If he loves you, he’ll wait.”
“He is. We love each other. That’s not the problem.” I clung onto Beckett’s hand, trying to make sense of the doubts spinning around in my head. “I wake up next to him most days and feel like I’m in a dream. I’m afraid one morning, I’ll open my eyes, and it will all be over. That he’ll turn into an asshole like Luther.” I’d never forgive Luther for treating me like I was worthless, for taking custody of my son when I struggled after losing my mom, for being cruel and vindictive. I’d fought Luther for so long, I’d forgotten what it was like to be loved, respected and treated well. Then I’d met Cole. He was nothing like Luther. I had Josh back, thanks to him. After years of court battles and time apart, I’d wanted to spend every moment with my son. Cole had interrupted that plan...No...he’d changed it. He stole more and more of my time. More and more of my heart. He’d embedded himself deeper and deeper into my life.
I hadn’t felt like this about anyone for so long, if ever. It was hard to comprehend. Somehow, I had to kill the lingering doubts and fears from my mind. But how?
“Oh, Cole’s an asshole.” Beckett ate another fry. “He’s talented. Funny. Underneath all those good looks, and fancy clothes, and laid-back charm, he’s a great guy. He adores you and loves his daughter and Josh. He owns a huge house, has awesome friends, and isn’t short of a few dollars. He’s a total fucking asshole, right?”
Giggling, I pegged a fry at Beckett, hitting him on the chest. “Don’t you be sarcastic with me.”
“Ava?” He picked up his coffee and glared at me over the rim of the cup. “What have you fought so fucking hard for every day since we met? Even before that...since your divorce?”
“To have full custody of my son. To be a family. ”
“Bingo.” Beckett flicked an eyebrow upward, took a sip of coffee, then placed his cup on the saucer. “Thanks to Cole, you’ve got that. Cole and those friends of his are the tightest fucking family I’ve ever known. That is what you’ve always wanted. You deserve that. Don’t be afraid to take a chance on something amazing when it’s right in front of you.”
“Becks, I just can’t seem to take that step to move in together. Something is holding me back. Maybe Luther is still messing with my head. He knocked me up, and we got married, thinking it was the right thing to do. He promised to love me forever, and sold me a dream, and look how that turned out?”
“Yeah. Luther was a fuck fest. But Cole isn’t.”
“I don’t want to screw this up with Cole.”
Beckett’s eyes darkened with understanding. He nodded and rubbed my hand again. “You won’t. Trust me. You’ll know when the time is right. One day you’ll wake up and go, ‘Fuck, I can’t live another day without this person. I can’t breathe or stop thinking about them.’ You’ll want to spend every second with them and want to build a life together. You’d sooner risk being hurt again rather than lose them. You’d take a fucking bullet for them.” He softened his tone. “It’s okay to be cautious. Careful. But don’t be afraid to live or love someone with everything you have to give.” He stabbed a finger at me. “You need to own this, bitch. Cole fucking Tanner loves you.”
The back of my eyes stung as I nodded. “I know. It’s crazy. And good. But this isn’t just about me. It’s about Josh too. I need to be one thousand percent sure that this is right for him. He’s been through enough heartache with Luther. Josh needs someone to love him, give him a safe home, and be a person who he can look up to.”
“Isn’t that what Cole does?”
“Yes. You’re not helping.”
“Yes, I am. I’m eliminating your doubts. ”
“You wish.”
“Stop overthinking this. I’ve never seen you this happy. That has to mean something.”
“It does.” I nodded, then pinched my eyebrows together. “I don’t want to be stuck in limbo. So...I’ve given myself until the end of summer to sort my shit out.” I didn’t want to think about the consequences if I didn’t.
“You okay with that?”
Am I? Yes. “Yeah. I like deadlines.” I loved Cole. No question. I just needed to make sure my heart was strong enough for whatever the future held. “He’s a good man, isn’t he?”
“Total asshole, remember?” Beckett chuckled and wiped his fingertips over the sides of his mouth.
“No...he’s not.” I stared at the photo still displayed on my cell phone. My heart wanted to wrap around him and our kids. Love them forever.
Was that on our cards?
I loved dating Cole, being his girlfriend, and hanging out with the band. I hadn’t laughed or traveled the world or made new friends in years. Cole had given me a new lease on life. Sex with him was fucking phenomenal. My pussy quivered just thinking about it.
Was it wrong to want it all? Him. A family. Our kids to be together. Shit no.
So when would the calm come?
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to clear my head.
Visions of Cole flickered through my mind. His infectious smile. His will to never give up. His confidence, thinking he could take me down in a fight. No chance. His love and passion for his music, family, and friends. His devotion to our kids...and me.
Yeah . . . we were good. I loved him.
Could I take that leap and move in with him?
Hmmm. Guessed I’d know by the end of summer.