Chapter 9
MADDY
“No! It’s too early,” I moaned, ignoring my cell phone vibrating on the nightstand.
Slip curled his body in behind me, his chest to my back, and nuzzled into my neck. “Don’t people know not to call before midday?” His sleepy voice whispered into my ear.
We rarely got up before noon. I loved sleeping in. Relaxing. Being with him. We’d been in our new house on Bowen Island for six months. Neither of us had tired of the views, the walks through the forest, hiking around the island, or kayaking along the coastline.
But Slip had been playing more often. He was jotting down lyrics. Recording melodies and progressions. I had this niggling feeling that the pull to be with his band had grown stronger. I loved that. It also twanged my heartstrings. I didn’t want our time here to end. Having to return to reality, work, music, travel, and life in the public eye daunted me. But one thing didn’t. I no longer doubted being with Slip. Time together had given me the confidence in our relationship I’d needed. We had each other and would survive anything.
Just as I drew Slip’s arm across my chest and cuddled it against my breasts, my cell phone buzzed again. It was 7:08 a.m. It really was too early for calls. I picked up my cell, blinking to focus on the screen. Bridget’s name blazed across it. It wasn’t like her to call unless it was urgent.
Oh, shit . . . Mom!
I shot upright, knocking Slip’s arm off me, and answered the call. “Hey, Bridget. What’s up?” I tried to keep the worry out of my voice, but it had taken hold of every cell in my body. Mom wasn’t well the last time we’d spoken. Her lupus had flared severely, giving her a terrible fever and wheeze.
“Maddy?” Bridget sniffled. “It’s your mom. She’s in hospital again and not good. I mean, really not good. The doctor wants to talk to you.”
“Okay.” My hand shook as I flicked the cell phone onto speaker so Slip could listen in.
“Hi, Maddy. This is Dr. Raithna. How are you?”
“I’m fine. What’s going on?” Rubbing my chest, my fingers trembled. “You’re making me nervous. Is Mom okay?”
“I’m sorry. It’s not good news. It’s time.”
“Time?” Haze muddled with my brain. “Time for what?”
“Maddy?” Confusion edged into the doctor’s empathetic tone. “The infection your mom got in her lungs after surgery is back. It has worsened and isn’t responding to treatment. We’ve tried for weeks to get it under control, but her lupus has won. Adding in the years of Valerie’s excessive intake of strong prescription medication and alcohol abuse, her body can’t take anymore. It’s shutting down.”
“What? Shutting down? What infection?” My voice quaked. “What are you talking about? She had a bad flare-up last week, but that’s not anything unusual. She’s okay, isn’t she?”
“Maddy, no.” Dr. Raithna’s tone softened. “She’s been on a rapid downhill path for months.”
Months? No. No. No. The doctor didn’t know what she was talking about. “But we talk all the time. Take out last week, she’s been well.”
“You must have caught her on a rare, good day.” Dr. Raithna’s voice remained level but compassionate. “Bridget has done an amazing job taking care of her, but I’m sorry. There is nothing else we can do.”
What? Tears rolled down my cheeks. Mom had told me she was getting better. That she was living a healthier lifestyle, thanks to Bridget. No drinking. Fewer pills. Better meds. She’d said it was fine for me to go away with Slip. To work on our marriage. I’d always wanted to spend time with her because she’d been so sick, and I hadn’t wanted to miss a moment with her. Now this?
My whole body shook. My head throbbed, unable to fathom the news.
Slip wrapped his arms around me and let me sob against his chest.
“Maddy?” Dr. Raithna dialed down her tone. “We’re administering morphine to make Valerie as comfortable as possible. She’s slipping in and out of consciousness. In my honest opinion, she only has a few days left. A week, tops. If you want to see her, I suggest you come as soon as possible.”
“Oh my God.” My chin trembled. “Yes. I’ll be there as soon as I can. By early afternoon at the latest.”
“Okay. I’ll be at my practice for the rest of the day. I’ll catch up with you tomorrow morning here at the hospital around eight.”
“Yes. Yes, I’ll be there.”
I ended the call and dropped my cell phone onto the bed. “Mom lied to me. Bridget too. She’s dying...like, really dying.” The day I’d dreaded had come. I’d known it would, but not like this. Anger, fire, heartache, and hurt burned through my veins and singed every cell. This was so my mother. She’d kept the truth from me. That was nothing new. Why this time? I didn’t need protecting. Fuck!
“I’m sorry, Mads.” Slip pressed his lips against the tip of my shoulder and rubbed my back.
“Slip...” Unable to move, I stared at nothing, my eyes too full of tears to see.
“Sweets, I’ve got you.” He slid off the bed and drew me to my feet. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close. Just the woody cedar scent of his bare skin cleared my head. His warmth soothed my heartache. “Everything will be okay. Why don’t you have a shower, and I’ll get everything organized?”
“Thank you.” I sniffled and nodded.
Somehow, I dragged my feet into the bathroom, bathed, dressed, and packed. We were on a plane by nine-thirty, in LA at one, and walked into the hospital by two.
I rushed down the corridor, gripping Slip’s hand so tight I was sure I’d cut off his blood circulation. He never complained. I burst into the private room and my heart faltered at the sight before me. Mom lay stretched out on the bed, hooked up to oxygen. An IV drip hung beside her, the tube leading to a bandage on her wrist. She struggled for every breath, wheezing and coughing with each rise and fall of her chest. Her eyes were closed. Her cheekbones protruded. Her skin, pale. Her arms, limp by her side.
Bridget shot up from the chair beside the bed and rushed over to hug me. “Maddy.” Then she gave Slip a hug too. “Hey.”
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yes and no.” Bridget wrapped her arms around herself and glanced at Mom. Dark shadows circled Bridget’s puffy eyes. It looked like she hadn’t had a decent sleep in weeks. “It’s been a long couple days.”
I slid over to Mom’s side. I sat on the edge of the bed and took her cold, frail hand in mine. She’d lost more weight than I’d noticed during our video calls. “Mom? I’m here. ”
Mom blinked her eyes open. A pained smile quivered across her lips. Tears welled in her eyes. She wheezed through her oxygen mask. “Oh, Madison. You came.”
“Of course I did.” I stroked her hair. With no makeup on, Mom’s cheeks were covered in red blemishes, but the rest of her face and bone-thin arms held a mix of yellow and gray hues. Her eyes that used to shimmer were now dull and sunken. The nasal gastric tube hanging from her nose ran behind her ears and was full of some creamy-colored fluid. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
She clutched my hand against the mattress. “I didn’t want you to worry.”
I’d worried about her for fucking years; a bit more wouldn’t change anything. “If I’d known your health was this bad, and you only had several months left, I would’ve stayed in LA.”
“I know you would’ve. But I didn’t want you to. You needed to start your life with Slip. You needed each other. You’ve taken care of me for so long, I didn’t want to be a burden anymore. I knew I didn’t have much time left, and I wanted to spend it with Bridget. You didn’t need to see me go downhill anymore.”
Was that selfish or selfless? I couldn’t think straight. “But you were fine on our calls. You looked well.” I hated I hadn’t seen her in person for months. She’d always been away whenever I’d been in town. Had that been a lie, too? Knowing my mother... yes .
“I only called you when I felt strong enough to do so.” She sucked in a wheezy breath. “I put on makeup to cover my blemishes.” Raspy cough. “Took meds or oxygen beforehand to disguise my failing health.” Hard swallow. “We never chatted for long. I was just too weak and in pain.” She winced and wriggled on the bed, gasped for air, then coughed, phlegmy and loud.
My chest ached just watching her.
“Hi, Valerie.” Slip came to stand beside me. “How you feeling?”
“Like shit.” She smirked.
Ever since Slip and I had gotten back together after his stint in rehab, renewed our vows, and decided to spend time in Canada, she’d been nice to him again. She’d made him promise to take care of me. That would’ve had a whole new level of weight to it if she’d known she didn’t have long. Fuck!
“Are you in pain?” Slip eyed all the equipment on the other side of the bed. The IV, heart-rate monitor, and other machines I’d never seen before, all with screens displaying numbers and flashing with lights. None of it made any sense to me, but none of it looked good.
Mom squeezed my hand tight. Her chest heaved, but panic flashed in her eyes like inhaling air was impossible. She gasped and wheezed and coughed. I rubbed her hand as tears tumbled from the rims of my eyes.
After a few weak breaths, Mom sank against the pillow as if exhausted. “The pain is tolerable thanks to the morphine and whatever else they are pumping into me. But everything hurts when I cough.”
“Mom?” I struggled to form words. “The doctor said days. Is that right?”
She closed her eyes. A lone tear escaped and slid down her temple. She nodded. “All my organs are failing. Too far gone for treatment or surgery.”
I clenched my jaw until my teeth hurt. Anger spiked through my veins. Mom had refused so many treatments over the years. Refused to change her lifestyle. It was like she’d wanted to die. And I hated that. Hated that she could’ve had such a happy, healthy long life, but chose to destroy her body instead. “You could’ve avoided this. You could be enjoying life. Not lying here, dying.”
“Madison. Baby girl.” She touched my hand with the weakest of soft taps. “Don’t cry. It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay.”
“It is.” She slumped deeper into the pillows. “I didn’t realize how much my depression affected you, or how much I’d burdened you with my illness and hurt you with my inability to get better until you met Slip.” The faintest of twinkles glittered in her eyes as she glanced at him, then turned back to me. “You changed the moment you met him. I saw how happy he made you. I was jealous at first, but then, I didn’t want to stop you from living your life anymore. I knew before my lung operation my liver was failing, my kidneys were weak, and my lungs were too damaged. The surgery was only a temporary fix. The doctor gave me twelve months. I’ve gotten ten.”
Oh no. My heart shuddered. I sobbed, wiped my tears away on the back of my hand, and turned to Bridget. My shoulders slumped. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
She stepped in beside Mom on the other side of the bed. “Because I love her and respected her dying wishes. What I did was part of her palliative care agreement. What she requested.”
Mom’s eyes closed, and she seemed to drift off into sleep. I shuddered and turned into Slip’s embrace.
Bridget leaned over and kissed Mom’s forehead. Then she wiped her own cheeks, straightened, and put on a brave face. “She comes in and out of awareness. But over the next few days, those moments of being awake will become less frequent as her body shuts down. She can’t eat. Her body can’t absorb any nutrition. Her lungs are beyond damaged.” Bridget’s voice never faltered. Never broke. I didn’t know how anyone, medical professional or not, could remain calm when someone they’d loved and cared for was so ill.
I collapsed against Slip’s chest. He just held me, rubbed my back, and let me cry.
“Maddy?” Bridget sniffled but remained strong. Love and care for my mom welled in her eyes. “The next time she comes ’round, I’d say your goodbyes. She was good just now. I think she’s been holding on to see you. She’d only let me call you home when the doctor said it was time.” How Bridget remained so stoic, I’d never know. I was a complete mess.
How could I say goodbye to my mom? Someone who had frustrated me, angered me, used me, and lied to me all my life. She’d abused strong pills to control her depression. She’d popped addictive meds to manage her deteriorating lupus condition and pain. She’d become a functioning alcoholic and never listened to me or any doctor. But I loved her. I’d loved taking her shopping, out to lunch, to dinner, and to events for work...before I’d met Slip. She’d been my excuse to come home to LA.
What was I going to do without her?
I closed my eyes and curled deeper into Slip’s chest.
Slip’s touch, his hands circling my back, and his steady heartbeat calmed me. I had to be grateful for the good times I’d had with Mom. I was blessed she’d helped me pursue my acting career and taught me to be independent. I had to be at peace with the fact that soon she’d no longer be suffering. After twelve years of taking care of her, I’d be finally free of those responsibilities. But that hurt my ribs. Crushed my heart. I’d do anything to have her stay, be healthy, be here. Be my mom.
“Are you okay?” Slip asked Bridget.
She nodded. “It’s hard. I really love her, so it hurts to watch her suffer and fade away.”
“How long has she been really bad?” he asked.
“Since Christmas. The couple times you came to LA, she insisted we go away somewhere so you couldn’t see her.” Tears pooled again in Bridget’s eyes, but none fell. “Maddy, Val loves you, and she wanted to make sure you had someone in your life who’d love you just as much as she did. ”
So many mixed emotions hurtled through me. I was upset I hadn’t been here. Shocked my mother had thought of someone other than herself. Blown away that she loved me so much she’d let me go.
Fuck!
“Yeah. I know she did.” I sniffled. “It’s just hard to comprehend. She seemed so good two weeks ago.”
“It was her decision to hide her deterioration.” Bridget clutched Mom’s hand against the bed. “You know your mother. She was stubborn and set in her ways.”
“Oh, that’s for sure.” I couldn’t argue with that.
“Why don’t I grab you ladies some coffee?” Slip smoothed his hand over my hair. “Sound good?”
“Actually,” Bridget sighed, “I’d love to go home and get a few hours’ sleep, then come back tonight. Maybe we can take it in shifts, just so someone is here when she wakes...or doesn’t.” Her chin trembled, but her voice never faltered. “We can call each other if things get...to that point...when they’ll up the morphine.”
Nausea flooded my stomach. The end was too close. Too real. Shit. “Okay.” I nodded. “I’ll keep you posted.”
After Bridget left, Slip and I had an early dinner at the hospital café, then returned to Mom’s room. We sat beside her bed, sipping coffee. But Mom never roused.
Bridget returned at ten in the evening and we swapped shifts.
Nothing changed with mom’s condition overnight.
But I’d barely slept. After crying in Slip’s arms, I’d finally found my peace. This wasn’t a sudden illness. It was just sad the end was finally here.
We returned to the hospital the next day at eight to see the doctor.
After Dr. Raithna checked Mom’s vitals, machines, and reports, she shook her head. “She doesn’t have long. Her blood is poisoned with toxins. Her lungs are barely functioning. Her heart is struggling. If she doesn’t come ’round today, we will up the morphine administration tonight.”
Bridget and I nodded. I wouldn’t be so calm and understanding if it wasn’t for Slip holding me upright.
During visiting hours, Sutton, Flint, and our friends came by and said a quick hello but didn’t stay long to give us time with Mom. She’d drifted in and out of consciousness once late in the morning but had been barely comprehensible. At four o’clock, she had a huge coughing fit that seemed to wake her up.
But there was no light in her eyes. It was as if she were almost gone.
“Mom?” I clutched her hand and held it against my cheek.
“Oh, Madison. I love you. So much.”
“I love you. I don’t want to tire you or talk long. Just know I hope you find peace.” She had so many demons and had never fought them off. “Thank you for being a great mom.” Most of the time. “We had a few hiccups, but that’s okay. Life isn’t perfect or easy. But we always had each other. And now Slip is part of our family too. My life. We’re in a good place. He takes care of me and vice versa. He makes me so happy, Mom.”
“Just know that’s all I’ve wanted...You to be happy...and loved.” She wheezed and winced. Her raspy, rattly breath seemed to slice her chest. “I love you. And Slip. Always be there for each other. But promise me one thing? Live life. Cherish every moment. Love your family and friends. Don’t go down the path I did.”
“I promise.”
“I’m so tired.”
“It’s okay, Mom. You don’t have to fight anymore.”
“Is Bridget here?”
“No. But she can be within thirty minutes.”
“Please. Call her.”
Twenty-three minutes later, Bridget shot through the door. Slip and I headed out into the corridor to give them a moment alone.
By five-thirty, Mom had slipped into unconsciousness. Her monitors beeped and flashed red.
We called the nurse. She called the doctor.
At ten o’clock that night, Dr. Raithna dialed up the dosage of morphine.
My gut cinched. My heart cried. I kissed Mom on the forehead... goodbye .
Within an hour, her breathing slowed.
Her rasping eased.
Peace washed over her face.
We stayed with her all night.
Surrounded by the people who loved her, Mom passed away at 7:02a.m.
***
Five days later, after Mom’s memorial service, family and friends came back to my house in Sherman Oaks, where Mom and Bridget had lived. Mom had pre-planned everything—the service, the wake, the catering. It was hard to comprehend that something involving my mother had been stress-free.
As I cleared some empty glasses off a table and headed into the kitchen, Sutton drifted over to me. “Hey, Maddy? You don’t need to do that.” She took the glasses from me and handed them to one caterer, and mouthed ‘ thank you’ to them. The lady smiled and left us, picking up more used dishes and glassware on her way back to the kitchen.
Sutton hooked her arm around mine and drew me across the room. “Let’s go outside and get some fresh air. ”
Is that possible in LA? Doubtful. But outdoors was what I needed.
I swiped a bottle of water off the table, and we headed outside. We joined Tia, Ava, and the guys on the lawn.
“How are you holding up, Maddy?” Sadness hooded Ava’s eyes as a small, concerned pout touched her lips.
“I’m okay.” Numbness had set in. I wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing or not. “It’s still sinking in. It’s hard to believe she’s gone.”
“Do you need our help with anything?” Tia asked as she nibbled on a mini cupcake. Mom had loved her sweets.
“No. Thank you. Timothy’s here for a couple days. We only have a few things to finalize.” My brother didn’t care about Mom’s affairs. They hadn’t been close for years. Mom had gotten rid of so many of her belongings and had her will, finances, and insurance in order. Bridget had made plans to live with friends. They’d known the end was coming. All I had to do was move the last of my things to Slip’s place before I sold the house. I didn’t need it anymore. Although I owned it, it had been Mom’s home more than mine. I hadn’t lived there full-time for years.
I stared at Mom’s favorite potted azaleas, sitting in a row at the end of the patio. They were blooming with tiny pink flowers. She’d spent hours fussing over those stupid plants, trimming them, talking to them, watering them. “I already miss her.”
No more shopping outings and long lunches. No more wildlife shows on TV. But it was weird. I wasn’t miserable. Mom had been sick for so long that her passing hadn’t come as a total shock. I’d been angry she’d lied again, hurt she’d kept information from me, but in the end, I was glad she could rest in peace. “Today isn’t a sad day. Mom’s no longer suffering or in pain. I can’t be upset about those things.” I glanced at each of my friends, grateful for how lucky I was. “And I can’t thank you all enough for being here. ”
“We’d do anything for you, Mads.” Ava snaked her hand around Cole’s waist and rested her head against his shoulder. “We’re here for you and Slip. Always. But we miss you. After things settle down, we’d love to come and see you if you’re finally up for it. The kids are on summer vacation. We’ve wanted to visit you guys for ages.”
I glanced at Slip. We hadn’t had any visitors yet. We’d delayed having any guests to make sure we took the necessary time to get better. We were still a work in progress but doing well. If Slip needed more of a break before we faced reality again, I would support him one thousand percent. But he smiled and gave me a subtle nod. I turned back to Ava.
“We’d love that.” I slid my hand into Slip’s and gave it a gentle tug. My handsome husband hadn’t left my side. “We’re ready. Aren’t we?”
Slip’s eyes glinted as he drew me against his side. “We sure are. But why don’t we make it a big event?” He skipped his gaze across our friends. “We’d love everyone to visit. Would you all like to come for July Fourth?”
“Only if you stay away from the grill.” Flint chuckled, but was dead serious. “I don’t want burned sausages and steak again.”
“Hey?” Slip drew his chin back and laughed. “I’ve learned to cook...kind of.”
That element of our time away had been fun. We were much better in the kitchen now thanks to YouTube videos. We’d mastered some amazing dishes. Thai chicken was our go-to favorite. Making cookies often ended up in a sticky, sexy mess. Hmmm. Especially ones that involved chocolate. He didn’t call me sweets for nothing.
“But are you okay if we drink? Not a lot. Just something.” Caution veered through Cole’s tone. “I can’t do July Fourth without beer. It would be criminal. ”
“Yeah, it should be fine.” Slip nodded. There was no quake or hesitation in his voice. “It’ll be another good test. I don’t want to drink anymore, but you’re more than welcome to.”
“Count us in.” Lewis rubbed Tia’s lower back. “We’ve wanted to visit for months, too.”
“We certainly have.” Tia stuffed the last bite of cupcake into her mouth, then patted her lower belly. “The three of us will be there.”
“It’s a date.” I giggled and flicked my finger towards Tia’s abdomen. “So, how is the baby coming along?”
“So far, so good.” She stuck out her tummy and smoothed her hand over her barely there bump. “I’m ten weeks. Am I showing?” Tia turned sideways, one way, then the other.
“Ah... a little.” Not really, but, hey. I was so happy for Tia and Lewis. Smiling, I swiveled my head to Sutton and Flint. “And what about you two? Can you come?”
“Abso-freaking-lutely.” Sutton wrapped her arm around mine and hugged it tight. “We’ll be there. I’ve been itching to see your new house. I can’t wait.”
“Me either.” I rested my head against her shoulder. But something hard yanked low in the depths of my stomach. Something I hadn’t felt in a long time. I missed this—hanging out with our friends. I had to go back to the studio in two weeks. Then life would be different yet again. I wouldn’t have to come to LA to see Mom anymore. I wouldn’t have to run her around to appointments. I didn’t need to plan secret rendezvouses with Slip anymore. So would I make the trip home as often as I used to?
No? Maybe not? I didn’t need to...and I didn’t like that.
My best friend was getting married.
Tia and Lewis were having a baby.
Cole’s and Ava’s kids had grown so much in the past few months.
I loved Slip. I loved our life on Bowen Island, but...for the first time in years, I missed LA and being close to our friends.
What was with that?
Was Sutton’s wedding and not being a part of every step the root of the problem? Or was it not seeing Tia’s belly grow each week? Or was it missing out on playing with Cole’s and Ava’s children? I didn’t have baby fever in any way, but I loved Charlotte and Josh.
For the past few years, I’d been so consumed with working in Vancouver and flying home to LA to take care of Mom, I hadn’t had much time to myself or to think. Slip had been my element of fun; Sutton, my grounding. But now, after having time away, I’d reevaluated what was important to me. Losing Mom had hit home hard. These people were my world—my life. Sutton was my closest friend. She couldn’t wait to marry Flint. We’d seen each other through more relationship ups and downs than I cared to remember. Now...we were both happy. In love. Facing new chapters with the men who’d changed our lives. Flint was perfect for Sutton. I wanted to be part of her celebrations. I wouldn’t let her down. I’d be there as much as I could.
“Sutt.” I swept her hair back over her shoulder and smoothed it down her back. “I’m here for three more days. Once today is over and Mom’s affairs are finalized, I’ll have some spare time. Would you like to do some wedding stuff? Dress shopping? Lingerie hunting? Cake tasting or anything else you’d like?”
“I’d love that.” Excitement flashed in her eyes, but then she softened her tone. “But it’s okay. There is no rush. You just lost your mom. When you’re ready, we’ll sort out some dates to catch up.”
I appreciated her thoughtfulness, but I didn’t miss the longing in her voice. Time was ticking. Her wedding was in eleven months. She’d want to get as much done as soon as she could. And I wanted to be there for her. “I’m okay. I’d actually like something else other than losing Mom to focus on. I’d love a day out. Do you know how long’s it’s been since I’ve been shopping?” I hadn’t been to a mall since Slip and I’d set up house in January, six months ago. No clothes stores, day spas, or specialty retailers. My God...my hairdresser was going to have a fit when I saw her next week. I had to get my hair cut and colored before returning to work. I couldn’t wait. I looked forward to being pampered again. Bring on the manis, pedis, facials, and salon treatments. They were the perks of my job I loved.
“Too long, right?” A playful but cautious smile lit her face as she nudged her hip against mine. “I’m always up for some retail therapy. But only if you’re sure.”
She didn’t have to tiptoe around me. I needed this.
“Yes, I’m sure. It’s a date.”
“Perfect. I really need to get things moving for my wedding. Time is ticking, and Flint has been less than useful.” She slumped her shoulders and shook her head. “He thinks everything will just happen like magic.”
Well ...he had people waiting on his every whim, so I understood that.
“Sutt?” Flint slipped his hand underneath Sutton’s hair and rubbed her neck. “I know you’re behind it all. I don’t want to get in the way. I’m happy with anything you want.”
“See?” She rolled her eyes and sighed. “Useless.”
The wedding meant so much to Sutton. She was hurting. I didn’t want that. I’d do everything I could to help.
As the afternoon lingered on, guests began to leave. By five o’clock, everyone had gone. I shut the front door behind my neighbor, the last person to head off, and ambled down the hallway into the living room. Bridget headed upstairs to rest.
Slip drew me to a halt by the sofa. “Mads, are you okay?”
“Yes.” I lowered my chin and nodded. But then I met his gaze. I couldn’t lie. “Actually...no. I miss everyone.”
He drew me into a hug and kissed the side of my head. “Yeah. Me too. Why don’t we stay in LA for a bit longer? We don’t have to go back to Bowen Island straight away. Not until you start work in two weeks.”
“Really?” Light filled my chest. My pulse did a quick skip. “You want to do that?”
“Yeah. We can take more time going through and packing up your mom’s stuff. You can spend time with Timothy before he heads back overseas. We can catch up with our friends. And most of all, enjoy some fucking sunshine and heat.”
That would be good. We’d had nothing but rain and gray skies for weeks on the island. Summer heat hadn’t hit. We needed some Cali sun.
I snaked my arms around Slip’s waist and rested my head against his shoulder. “I miss your... our house here.”
He combed his fingers through my long hair. “Then let’s stay.”
“Are you sure you’re ready to do that?” I pressed my lips together and met his gaze, searching for signs of doubt, worry, and concern, but found none. He’d been sober for ten months. There had been a change in him recently. When we’d gone to the local restaurant for dinner or headed to the mainland for a night out, he hadn’t had to have a timeout away from people who were drinking. He hadn’t constantly fidgeted with his wedding ring or stress-bead bracelet to keep his mind off the alcohol. I wasn’t na?ve—maintaining sobriety was a constant battle—but now it didn’t seem to be as hard as it used to be for him. Damn, I loved my man.
“Yes.” His confidence never cracked. “It’s just an extended visit.”
“I’d love that.” I gave him a quick kiss, then tugged on his shirt. “And I love you. ”
Slip always seemed to know what I needed, when I needed it. I’d lost my mom. She’d left a huge gap in my life, and I wanted to fill it with spending more time with friends. Mom may have been very ill for a long time, but she’d lived life to the fullest and had a great group of friends. I had that too. They were my family, and I wanted to be around them more often.
When I returned to work, Slip and I would have to find a balance between my job in Vancouver and our life in LA with our friends and Slip’s music. I was confident we would because we had each other.
Today I may have laid my mom to rest, but she’d given me the greatest gift. I’d been given a new lease on life. A life that was my own. One I could devote to my husband, my friends, and my career. One that I would not waste.