Chapter Two #2
He carries Lilah to the couch where she was sleeping moments before, and she nestles into her Papa’s lap, happy as a clam. He passes her some cheese and crackers, which she contentedly munches on. Vivianne leans across me to talk to Lilah.
“Hi, Lilah. I’m Vivi. Do you want to sit with me and eat some snacks while Mommy and Papa talk?”
Lilah looks between Dad and me, as if looking for permission. She seems a little hesitant, so I jump in. “Vivi is very nice. She might even let you have a cookie if you’re good.”
Lilah’s blue eyes light up as she climbs across me to settle into Viv’s lap. Dad motions for me to stand and follow him.
“That was a bit of a risk you took. What if I didn’t have any cookies?” Dad says quietly as he leads me towards the stairs.
I scoff. “Do you think I’m under the impression that your shortbread cookie addiction has miraculously disappeared in the last few years?”
Dad snorts, shaking his head. “No, I suppose not.”
“Where are we going?” I ask as we reach the top of the steps, and he walks down the hall. I have no idea where we could be going; I had planned on sleeping on the couch tonight.
“I want to show you something.” He stops in front of one of the closed bedroom doors, next to what I believe used to be Carter’s room.
When I come up next to him, he twists the doorknob, and I’m hit in the face with a pile of pink.
Pink walls, pink toddler bedding, pink toy chests. Princesses are all over the bedding, and there’s a painting of a castle on one of the walls. It’s beautiful, and Lilah will absolutely lose her shit.
“Dad…” I trail off. “This is beautiful. But I hope you know that we can’t live with you guys.” He has to know this, right? Why would they go through all this trouble… and shit, has Sophie or Carter seen this room? It’s a pretty damn big renovation.
“I know, honey,” Dad whispers, pulling me to his chest in a hug, and again, I feel warm and safe.
“And I love your independence. But I also want you to know that we will take care of Lilah any time you need us, and we would love for you both to stay here as long as you want.” He pauses, staring at me with a knowing smile.
“And hey, stop that. I can see the wheels turning in your head. We told Carter and Sophie the room was being turned into a new office space for me, and we locked the door whenever we weren’t working on it. ”
My arms tighten around his waist. “Thanks, Dad. We move into our new place on Monday, but I’m sure that Lilah will love using her new room until then.”
“Good.” He pulls back and looks at me. “All I want is for you to be safe and happy, Abbie. Whatever I can do to help that happen, I expect you to let me know.”
“I will.” I give a watery smile right as small little footsteps climb up the stairs.
“I held her off as long as I could.” Viv grins. “But she was insistent on seeing Mommy and Papa.”
“Do you want to see your room while you stay here, lovebug?” Dad asks, and Lilah nods as she approaches the door.
She gasps and shrieks, “Mommy! Princesses!”
“I think she likes it,” Viv chuckles. “Maybe my next book will be Princess Lilah’s New Journey .
” The words make my heart clench, and I can just see it now, a little illustration of my baby girl on the cover of one of Viv’s children’s books.
God, it would be so crazy to walk into a bookstore and see her little face on the cover of a children's book.
“That just sounds perfect,” Dad says, putting an arm around her shoulder and kissing her cheek.
I love seeing them together like this, so domestic, so happy . They both deserve it after everything they’ve been through. Now, I don’t have to worry about Dad being lonely anymore. Viv’s made him glow with joy in a way I’ve never seen.
A few hours later, Lilah has calmed down from the excitement of her princess room, and I’ve tucked her into bed.
Dad and Viv offered to let me sleep on Chase’s twin bed next to Lilah’s room, but I opted for the couch downstairs. Frankly, I think the temporary nature of sleeping on a couch appeals to me right now. It keeps me just that little bit on alert. Makes it so I can’t get too comfortable.
The bookshelves are illuminated by a single candle on the coffee table.
I stare at the flickering light on the otherwise dark ceiling, not quite willing to fall asleep.
While the stalker is never too far from my mind, it’s really the thought of facing Sophie that is keeping me up.
My best friend. I hate that I chose not to share this part of my life with her.
That we couldn’t compare pregnancy notes or decorate a nursery together.
That I kept myself from experiencing everything with Sophie.
I can’t imagine how much this is going to hurt her when she finds out.
If Lilah’s father had been some random hookup and not her husband’s best friend, I could have told her all about it.
She could have thrown a baby shower for me like I did for her, and we could have taken walks when I got near my due date to induce labor.
Since the father is Carter’s best friend, it became impossible to tell her about the pregnancy at all, given that she knew exactly who I was hooking up with.
She would have felt guilty keeping the secret from Carter, and then once Carter found out, he would have run to Jake to get him to do the “right thing.”
Ever since we all met back in grade school, Jake has been this really cool, laid back guy. I had a crush on him for as long as I could remember. But it wasn’t even until after Carter came back to Ivy Glen that I saw Jake again and he started seeing me as anything other than a platonic friend.
The thing is, I never wanted Jake to be with me out of guilt or obligation. I knew going into our… whatever we were, that Jake doesn’t do relationships. The last thing I wanted to be was some kind of ball and chain he resents.
I refuse to be the pathetic girl whose man is only with her because she got knocked up.
Who even gets knocked up anymore? I was on the pill, for goodness' sake. We used condoms. But somehow I managed to fuck that up. It feels like these years have been full of nothing but fuck ups, especially when it comes to my friendship with Sophie.
Fuck up number one, I ran to Pennsylvania.
Fuck up number two, I dug my heels in and refused to tell my best friend about my pregnancy.
Fuck up number three, I’ve continued, for two and half years, to lie and hide the existence of the little human that’s the single most important person in my life.
I’ve made mistakes, absolutely, and there are things I wish I had done differently, but I can’t regret my choices too much because I’ve become a better mom and person in general as a result.
So when I see Sophie tomorrow, after I beg for her forgiveness for being such a shitty friend, I’ll have to hope she understands.
And maybe…if she really does forgive me, she’ll let me keep my secret a little longer before Jake inevitably finds out.
Hell if I know what my actual plan is, but maybe finally being able to talk to my best friend will help me figure it out.