Chapter Three
ABBIE
“Mommy? Where we go?” Lilah’s little voice asks from her car seat as I pull up to the curb at Sophie’s house.
When I texted Sophie this morning to let her know I was back in town and wanted to visit, she was so excited it made me feel even worse for being such a crappy friend.
Luckily, Carter is out of town for something, so I don’t have to worry about him telling Jake anything for now.
“This is mommy’s best friend's house,” I tell her, ignoring the pounding in my chest before undoing my seatbelt and getting out of the car. “She has a little boy that will be a good friend for you.”
If she forgives me for lying to her the last three years.
“Friend?” Her face lights up as I open up the door to the back seat and start unbuckling her. Chase is about three and a half now, which is a little over a year older than Lilah, but I don’t think they’ll have any problem playing together.
“Yes, his name is Chase.” Grabbing her out of the seat and propping her on my hip, I press a kiss to her cheek. My heart is pounding. What if this goes badly? How will I explain THAT to Lilah? I keep pressing on. “And his mommy’s name is Sophie.”
“Chase and Fofee.” She nods seriously, and I laugh as I set her down and hold her gloved hand. Please let this go well.
“Yes, good job, baby girl.” My voice is shaking. “Are you ready to go meet them?”
“Let's go!” she shouts, her breath puffing in the cold air, jumping up and down and eagerly leading me to the house with a tight grip on my hand.
I guess it’s time to get this over with.
Huffing as I let Lilah drag me up the steps of the front porch, I brace myself for a shitstorm. Anger, for sure. Maybe some crying.
Lilah steps on her very tippy toes to press the doorbell, and my heart pounds in my chest, wondering what the hell I was thinking, telling her like this.
A phone call would have been better. An “accidental” text.
“Oops, that was meant for my dad, sorry!” But at the same time, I wanted her to meet Lilah as a person, not a secret being hidden from her.
I can only hope I’m making the right call, because there are no do-overs.
All thoughts regarding would’ve, could’ve, and should’ve flee my mind as the door opens, and I’m met with a very happy, very pregnant Sophie.
Her eyes light up as she takes me in, a smile breaking out on her face.
Her auburn hair is cut just above her shoulders, shorter than I’ve ever seen it, but it suits her.
Her black leggings highlight the still-toned muscle of her legs, but the protruding baby bump under her oversized sweater tells me the only running she’s doing is after her son.
“Abbie, you know you don’t have to ring the?—”
“Hi! I Lilah!” her little voice rings out, and Sophie’s attention snaps to the short figure at my side. Her eyes grow wide with shock, and her mouth gapes open slightly as she tries to take it in.
Shit. I broke Sophie.
“Mommy?” Chase’s head pops into the doorway. “Who’s that?” His honey-brown eyes match his mom’s perfectly, and his hair makes me wonder if I’m looking at a literal miniature version of Carter. Black and cut just like his dad’s—longer on top and shorter on the sides.
Sophie, looking back and forth between Lilah and me, is at a loss for words. It would almost be comical if my lifelong friendship with her wasn’t on the line. “I… I’m not sure, bud,” she finally says.
“This is Lilah, my daughter.”
Chase looks at Lilah and holds out his hand. “I’m Chase. You wanna see my toys?”
Lilah releases my hand, grabbing Chase’s and letting him lead her inside. Leaving me standing on the porch, looking at the shocked face of my best friend.
“You… have a daughter?” Her voice is a broken whisper, tears filling her eyes as she looks at me.
Tears sting my eyes. I can’t look at her. I stare downward. “I… yes, I… I tried…”
“And you’ve been alone? This whole time?
” Shock is giving way to something that isn’t quite anger, but isn’t happiness either.
“Abbie, why wouldn’t you tell me? I could have been there for you, supported you like you supported me.
Who’s the dad—” Her sentence cuts off, her eyes growing wide once again, and really I shouldn’t be surprised that she put it together in less than a minute. “How old is she? Two and a half?”
Swallowing roughly, I nod. “Yeah, and it’s…I…”
“Oh.” I see her brain clicking the facts together. “Okay, okay.” Her expression softens. “Come inside. Let’s talk.”
“Yes, please.”
I follow her in and we settle on the couch in the living room. I eye the playroom, where it looks like Chase and Lilah are already busy building things together out of giant cardboard blocks.
I stare at Sophie. She stares at me. Before she can say anything, I have to apologize. I have to get everything out and hope she understands. She deserves me laying it all in front of her instead of her having to poke and prod for information.
“I’m sorry.” The words spill out of me in a tidal wave of teary emotion.
“I’m sorry for being a shitty friend and for pulling away.
I couldn’t tell you. I knew that if I did, I’d be asking you to keep it from Carter because he would undoubtedly feel the need to make Jake ‘do the right thing,’ and I can’t have someone be with me out of obligation, I just can’t, I can’t…
” I take a deep breath. I’m talking too fast. “Plus, it was my own mistake for giving into him again even though I knew he didn’t want more with me, so I needed to take responsibility for myself and my actions, and that’s why I left, but I’m sorry, I’m so, so, so sorry?—”
“Stop it.” She grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. “Take a breath.”
I do so. She’s smiling now. My heart is still pounding, but her smile calms me in a way that I haven’t felt calmed in years.
“Okay.
“Okay.” She squeezes again. “Look, I understand why you wouldn’t tell anyone about Lilah. I don’t agree with the choice, but I get it. You’ve always been so self-reliant and independent, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, but I’m glad I know now.”
My heart is racing and my guilt doubles in the face of her easy acceptance and understanding, because what I’m going to say next is pretty shitty.
I listen to the kids playing for a moment.
This time, I speak more slowly. “Now that you know though… I’m going to have to be a shitty friend again and ask that you don’t tell Carter that Jake is the father.
Please. I’m not asking you to keep it to yourself forever, but… I just need time to figure it out.”
Tears well in her eyes as she looks at me, and the next thing I know, her arms are wrapped around me, holding me close. My own vision goes blurry as I realize that I’m crying too, and I clutch her back, careful not to squish her baby bump.
“I’ll buy you some time,” she whispers, still hugging me tightly. “You can’t keep it a secret forever, you know. Jake deserves to know he has a daughter. But I won’t push the issue just yet.”
“Thank you.” I sniffle, pulling back slightly. “First I need to get used to being back in town.”
Her expression turns hopeful but cautious. “Are you like, back, back? Or just visiting for a while?”
“I’m back for good,” I assure her. “I’m going to take over the clinic.”
“Oh, thank God!” She gives me a small, teary smile before wiping her eyes.
We stare happily for one another for a moment. Both of us are smiling. I look at the swell of her very pregnant belly. “Can I get you something to drink?” she asks. “Or…”
“The pregnant friend here should be relaxing, not getting up to get the other one anything!” I say. “Seriously, how far along are you?”
“About six months.” She rubs a hand lovingly over her bump.
“Wow! I didn’t realize so much time had passed!” She’d told me she was pregnant again, but I guess it’s been a while since then that we’ve really talked. It hadn’t really sunk in. I was too busy dwelling on what a shitty friend I am.
“It’s going to be so awesome having you around again,” she tells me, then her eyes go wide with excitement. “Hey! We can bring back girls' night now!”
I don’t know why I was so worried. This is Sophie . She always has my back.
“As much as I would love that,” I lean back into the couch and stretch my arms over my head, “I feel bad coming back and immediately asking my family to watch Lilah, and I don’t know anyone else that I would trust to babysit just yet.”
Sophie gives me a look that screams, “Are you being serious right now?”
“Abbie,” she shakes her head in apparent disbelief, “allow me to bring back the words you told me when I found out I was pregnant. You have so many people who love and care about you. Your dad dotes on Chase like he’s his own grandchild.
That really should have been my first clue that he was missing his own.
” She’s not trying to make me feel bad, but damn if that doesn’t sting a little.
“I can tell you with one-hundred percent certainty that he and Viv want to have Lilah from time to time, if not much more often.”
Her words hit me like a truck. I’ve been so used to being by myself all these years, the idea that I have people who want to be there for Lilah and me almost makes me tear up again.
Sure, we had Beatrice, but she didn’t really sign up to be an on-call babysitter.
She had been doing me enough of a favor by giving me a discount on daycare.
If I had to ask her outside of that, I felt like I was taking advantage of her.
Now, though? I have a whole-ass support system. Viv said as much last night.
Am I still embarrassed that I was stupid enough to get pregnant by a guy who had no interest in me outside of sex? Um, yes. I’m not sure if that will ever go away. At least I have Sophie, my dad, and Viv to help me shoulder it now.
“Oh!” Sophie sits up straighter, her eyes bright.
“I’m going to Connecticut this weekend. Jordan has two playoff games for the Junior Hockey Division, and I’m heading up tomorrow to surprise Carter for his birthday on Saturday.
I may have a ‘special surprise’ for him.
” She winks and fucking giggles, making me roll my eyes good-naturedly.
“You should come! I can make sure you get set up in your own room and everything. We can have some time together to catch up! I’ve really missed you, and would love to just be able to hang out. ”
“I don’t know…” I trail off, biting my lip. I’ve never left Lilah overnight before. I suppose, if I was going to, Dad and Vivianne are who I would leave her with.
“Come on! Your dad and Viv are already going to have Chase; I’m sure they would love to have Lilah too.. Let’s call the hotel and get you a room, and then if they say no, we can cancel.”
“Well—”
Before I can give her an answer, she’s calling the hotel on speaker phone. “Hi, yes! I’m calling about my upcoming appointment. Are there any more rooms available in the block reserved for the Junior Thorns team this weekend?”
“Yes, we actually just had a cancellation,” the voice on the other line says, the sound of typing prominent in the background, “would you like to book the room?”
“Nope, we were just checking,” is on the tip of my tongue, but Sophie beats me to it.
“Yes, please. Can you reserve it under Williams? We have another room booked too, under Carter Williams, can you just use the payment information from that?” Shooting her an incredulous look, I try to brush off the wave of indignation that overtakes me as she waves me off.
“Of course. Is there anything else we can help you with?”
“No, we’re good, thank you!” They hang up, and she gives me a self-satisfied grin. “See? All taken care of.”
Pursing my lips, I have a snarky response ready for her, but then Lilah and Chase come into the room, each carrying arms full of stuffies. “Mommy, we’re gonna build a village!” Chase says proudly, dumping his load of stuffed animals on the floor.
“Mommy! Stuffies!” Lilah points excitedly, and my heart warms at how well the two of them are playing together. This is how it always should have been.
The kids start setting up their little “village,” with Chase being the ever-kind and patient one. He really is going to make a great big brother.
“So.” I huff out a breath, watching our kids play together like they’ve been doing for years. “How is everyone? Tom, Jordan, the rinks, your business?”
“Everyone’s doing good; Tom’s knee hasn’t been bothering him as much lately. Jordan’s good, still doing hockey, obviously. Rinks are under Carter’s management currently since he retired from the NHL, so he doesn’t see Jake as much as he used to.”
Ugh. Jake. I had hoped we could get through this conversation without having to talk about him anymore.
“I hope he’s doing well,” I try to make my shrug nonchalant.
“I couldn’t tell you.” Sophie shakes her head. “He stays in Boston mostly. If Carter does see him, he goes to the city.”
That makes sense. Jake’s never had a good relationship with his family, avoiding our hometown as much as he could.
Though I’m not sure why. That information falls firmly under girlfriend territory, which is a position I was never in.
“Like I said, I don’t ever want anyone to be with me out of obligation, which is why I haven’t said anything. ”
“I know…” she chews on her lip as she thinks, “he won’t be in Connecticut, by the way. We haven’t invited him.”
While I hadn’t thought about it, hearing the words confirmed makes me feel a little better. “Okay. I’ll talk to Dad and Viv tonight. It might be too much for them to have both kids.”
“But look how well they’re playing together,” Sophie says dreamily, watching her son make his stuffed animal talk to Lilah. “Sometimes it’s easier when there are two. They play with each other instead of asking you to entertain them constantly.” She laughs.
“They really are… oh my god. Did I tell you that they set up a princess room for her? Right next to Chase’s.”
Sophie barks a laugh, shaking her head. “See? And you were worried about taking advantage of them. They’re practically begging you to have her. Put the poor grandparents out of their misery.”
I mean… yeah, they do seem really eager to have her. Deciding to broach the subject with them when I get back to the house later, Sophie and I spend the next few hours talking and laughing like we used to, and I feel lighter than I have in a long time.