Chapter Ten
JAKE
There’s just something special about a snowy day.
Chase’s laugh rings throughout the yard as he jumps and tries to catch snowflakes, while Carter and I continue working on the snowman he so desperately wanted to make.
We stayed at the hotel through Monday, sharing a room like we were in college again.
He promised Sophie we’d spend our Tuesday with Chase while she’s at work.
Being around Carter when he’s in dad mode is a little strange, but it suits him.
He adores his kid and has apparently taken on the role of family man in stride. It’s awesome to see.
I don’t relate, though. I don’t think I’d be able to make the transition so easily, especially given how freaked out I was when I thought Cassandra was pregnant with my baby. It wasn’t just that I didn’t want to be with her, but I had this gut-clenching fear of fatherhood.
Pretty sure that means I shouldn’t have kids. It wouldn’t be fair to them. Any kid of mine would deserve someone who actually wants to be a father, not mine.
“So,” Carter says, pounding the base of the snowman to make sure it's solid. “Are you going to finally tell me what happened between you and Abbie?”
I freeze, caught off-guard by the question. “Huh?”
He rolls his eyes. “C’mon, man. Why else do you want to hang around Ivy Glen all of a sudden?”
“I dunno.” I smooth the side of the snowman’s head. I’ve managed to dance around any previous questions about my motives for coming back here. I had been thankful nobody was asking, but I guess my luck finally ran out.
“I mean, I know you said you were just friends,” Carter continues. “But still, you seemed pretty into her this weekend, whereas she seemed… less than thrilled with you.”
Ah, he picked that up, did he? Not really a surprise since she wasn’t exactly subtle about her irritation toward me. Shrugging, I answer him. “Just been a while since we saw each other, so it was awkward. That’s all.”
Despite my rock-solid reply, Carter doesn’t look convinced.
“Look, I know you’ve been through a lot in the past three years, but you do realize that what happened to you was not Abbie’s fault, right? It had nothing to do with her and she would never do what Cassandra did.”
My stomach pitches and memories of that nightmare push their way to the forefront of my mind.
It was right after Sophie and Carter’s wedding.
I went out one night and got drunk. Too drunk.
Like blacked-out drunk. I kind of remember meeting Cassandra before everything went blank.
She was tall and skinny, with long brown hair.
Pretty, but acting like a typical puck bunny who is looking for hockey dick.
Except, she wasn’t typical. She was a fucking nightmare in a short skirt.
Drugged me and convinced me we’d fucked.
I’d never felt so much rage before. So much humiliation and disgust. So much shame.
I’d been with Abbie not long before and even though we weren’t in an actual relationship, it felt wrong when I’d thought I’d slept with someone else.
And it’s taken me years to try and overcome that.
I didn’t think I’d ever see Cassandra again… and then she showed up on my doorstep two months later.
“Jake, I have something I have to tell you.”
I remember just staring at her, trying to figure out who she was.
“Okay… what is it?”
“I’m pregnant.”
I frowned, confused. “Congratulations?”
She’d sighed, putting on a pretty good show of seeming flustered and distressed.
“Jake, it’s your baby. We slept together two months ago. Don’t you remember me? Cassandra?”
It had taken me a minute before I recalled waking up next to her naked in bed.
“Oh, fuck.”
My response hadn’t pleased her. She’d cried and accused me of being an asshole player who only used women for one thing.
Her guilt trip didn’t work, though, and I’d demanded proof that she was pregnant and threatened to bring my lawyer into it.
That’d freaked her out enough that she confessed it was all a lie.
She’d roofied me that night at the bar and set everything up to make it seem like we slept together. A fucking trap, the whole thing had been a lie.
Cassandra’s deception left me gutted and suspicious of every woman who’s approached me since.
That wasn’t the only consequence; I’d ghosted Abbie when I thought my world was burning around me.
By the time I was able to get my shit back together, she was gone, and it was too late to fix things between us.
I’d told myself it was for the best. That it was never supposed to be more than sex anyways. But I’ve never been able to stop thinking about her.
And after this weekend, I’m not so sure it was ever only about sex.
Carter has stopped working on the snowman, even though we are nearly done. I realize I’m just staring into its little black eyes like a total goofball, not saying a thing. Finally, I shrug again and put on what I hope is a convincing smile.
“I’m good, man.” Shaking my head and shoving those memories away, I glance back up at Carter. “I know it wasn’t Abbie’s fault,” I murmur. “But…you don’t go through the kind of thing I went through with Cassandra and not come out of the other side suspicious of everyone around you.”
Carter picks up some snow and pats it into the snowman as the silence stretches between us. He seems to be considering his next words carefully.
“Then … why did you want to come back here?” he asks at last. “Because you don’t trust anyone around you in the city?”
I chuckle. It sounds as forced as it is.
“No, I’ve actually been thinking about sticking around here more long term,” I say. “I’m getting sick of the party scene and don’t think Boston is the best place for me right now. Some time here might be just what I need.”
Carter gives me a skeptical look, clearly not buying it.
“What?” My tone is more defensive than I mean it to be. “It makes sense. I miss my family, and I’m tired of the city.”
“You miss your family?” Carter arches a brow. “You’re seriously going to try and convince me with that bullshit?”
Fair. Maybe I miss my younger siblings, but I certainly don’t miss Mom or my stepdad, Kevin.
They don’t miss me, either. I’m certain of that.
Mom always viewed me as a mistake she made when she was young and stupid, and Kevin always considered me an unfortunate burden he was stuck with if he wanted to be with Mom: He made it pretty clear how much resented having to raise another man’s son.
Not that my dad was willing to step up to the plate for me either.
Shrugging, I say, “Okay, you got me there. I am getting tired of the city, though. My teammates are great, but everyone else around me feels fake. At the end of the day, why not come back here? The people I care about most are all here.” I toss some snow at him. “And the commute isn’t so bad, right?”
Carter laughs as he brushes the snow off.
Still, he arches a brow and I can tell he’s not buying what I’m trying to sell.
“Yeah, I mean the daily commute between here and Boston isn’t too bad.
I did it for two seasons after all. But…
not going to lie, I never thought I’d see the day where you got tired of city life.
Mid-life crisis hitting pretty hard, huh? ”
I roll my eyes. “Shut up, we’re only thirty-one.”
He laughs at that, and even though I can tell he doesn’t fully believe my reasons for coming back to Ivy Glen, he doesn’t dig further. I debate whether to bring up what I’ve been wrestling with so much since Sunday morning and the real reason I wanted to come home—Abbie’s daughter.
How old is the kid? The possibility that she could be mine haunts me, but Abbie surely would have told me if she was having my baby. There really can’t be a possibility that her daughter is mine. Just no way.
Still, I can’t stop thinking about it. What surprises me most is that the idea of being the kid’s dad doesn’t terrify me like I’d expect it would.
Instead, I’m angrier at the thought of someone else touching Abbie and getting her pregnant.
When I stopped seeing her, I managed to block out all thoughts of her with other men, but I can’t block those thoughts anymore.
Now they’re vivid and persistent and it’s pissing me the fuck off.
“Hey, Carter,” I cautiously begin, choosing my words with care. “I, uh, overheard Sophie and Abbie talking in the hotel lobby the other morning and they mentioned Abbie’s daughter… what do you know about her?”
Carter freezes, his hand holding the bubble wand stopping midair. He regards me for a moment before shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders.
“Honestly? I don’t know much. I haven’t even met her yet.
From what Sophie’s said, Abbie didn’t tell anyone about the kid—not even her.
She just showed up on our doorstep with the girl after she moved back and introduced her.
Abbie made some excuse about not wanting to worry Sophie, especially since she was a new mom herself.
I don’t know, man. It’s really strange, but Sophie says the girl is a sweet little kid. ”
I lick my lips before asking the question that’s been weighing the heaviest on me. “Do you know how old she is?”
Realization crosses Carter’s expression. “I’m, uh, not sure. I think she’s between two and three years old, based on how Sophie described her.”
I do the math. Fuck. There is a chance… nah, nah, she wouldn’t keep that from me. Would she? Fuck.
“I see.” I shrug, feigning nonchalance under Carter’s concerned gaze. “We always used protection, so…”
“Yeah, so did we,” Carter snorts.
We both turn to watch Chase, who’s chucking snowballs at the back fence and laughing like it’s the most hilarious thing in the world. Cute. Innocent. Destructive. Clearly Carter’s kid. I want to ask— what does Abbie’s daughter look like? But I realize Carter either doesn’t know or won’t tell me.
Chase looks over at us and smiles before running in my direction.
“Uncle Jake! Did you see how hard I can throw?”
I give him a grin. “Yeah, sure did buddy. You’re pretty strong, huh? Think you can hit that tree from here?” I point to a big pine in the corner of the yard about six feet away from us.
”Yeah I can.” He rolls up a snowball, pure determination in his gaze. Screwing up his face with concentration, he winds back and throws the snowball as hard as he can. It hits the base of the tree with a soft splat. “Uncle Jake! Look, look!”
Chuckling, I shake my head at his antics. “I’m looking, promise! You’re doing a great job.”
Chase giggles and starts rolling up more snowballs.
“You’re kind of a natural at this,” Carter chuckles.
I shrug. “Again, I grew up with siblings. You get used to ‘em. I do like kids, though. They’re entertaining. Just not for me.”
“For a second I thought you were going to say they were relatable.”
“Har, har.” I give him a lighthearted shove. “You’re just jealous of my free-spirited lifestyle.”
Carter laughs. “Yeah, right. I’ll take cuddling up with Sophie every night and running around the backyard with Chase over random hookups and nights at the club any day.”
I give him an exaggerated wince. “Ugh, you sound so domesticated. Gross. Though, I suppose I did already admit I was sick of the party life…so I’ll give you that.”
He grins. “You watch yourself, dude. Eventually you’re going to meet a girl who wants to domesticate you too, and you’re going to willingly wrap yourself around her pinky.”
Thoughts of Abbie flash through my mind at his words, startling me. No…no, that’s not happening. Not to me. Even if it is Abbie, that’s just not the lifestyle I want.
Clearing my throat, I quickly say, “So, uh, you’ll have to help me find an apartment to rent in town.”
Carter looks surprised by the abrupt change in subject. “Oh, yeah? An apartment. Wow. Okay, dude. I can do that.”
“Great.” I kick the snow. “Hey, why don’t we take Chase out for breakfast? On me?” Anything to escape the consequences of my questions and their potential answers.
Carter laughs and claps me on the shoulder, his smile knowing and sympathetic. “All right. Let’s do it.”