Chapter 9
9
‘You look very pleased with yourself,’ Tash remarks as I settle myself into the seat opposite her a few weeks later. We’re taking advantage of the fact that we’re both off shift at the same time to meet for coffee. Tash, typically, is nursing some kind of skinny oat-milk coffee, while I’ve gone all out on a large latte with a slice of carrot cake.
‘Life is good at the moment,’ I tell her as I take a sip, enjoying the richness of the frothy milk and the underlying hit of bitterness.
‘Mm-hm. I’m no Sherlock Holmes, but I’m going to guess this is Luke related?’
I smile at her. I’m aiming for an enigmatic, Mona Lisa -type smile, but I’m so happy that it comes off as a full-on beam. Lena thankfully disappeared off to some new war zone after a couple of weeks, leaving the flat free for Luke and me to enjoy a number of very pleasant afternoons together. He generally pitches up at around lunchtime, and I’ll make him a sandwich or something before we move things to the bedroom. To be fair, we haven’t always made it as far as the bedroom, but that’s the joy of having the flat to ourselves. The sofa, the shower and even (briefly, and very uncomfortably) the kitchen worktop have found themselves acting as impromptu props to our sex life.
‘It is,’ I agree. ‘Things are going well.’
‘And the mother?’
‘It sounds like she’s obviously quite confused, poor thing, and she does take up a lot of his time, but it’s fine. We’re working round it.’
She looks unconvinced. ‘But this can’t carry on forever, can it? I mean, what happens if the two of you want to move things to the next level?’
‘I don’t know. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, I guess. Lots of other people have to balance their relationships around vulnerable parents, don’t they?’
Having arrived in a buoyant mood, Tash has successfully punctured my little balloon of happiness, and I take a grumpy bite out of my carrot cake.
‘Sorry,’ she says, evidently noticing my change of demeanour. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you.’
‘You haven’t,’ I tell her with a sigh. ‘I suppose I’m just trying to live in the moment and enjoy what we have without complicating it.’
She smiles. ‘I’m sure you’ve got it all figured out.’
‘What would you do?’ I ask her after a brief pause.
‘About Luke?’
‘No, Mum. What if she was on her own and confused?’
‘That’s hardly likely, is it? She’s got the whole hippy love commune around her.’
‘Humour me.’
Tash thinks for a minute, taking a sip of her drink. ‘It sounds cruel, but I’d probably put her in a home. Some of them are really nice now, and they have activities and stuff. Plus she’s quite sociable, isn’t she, so she’d enjoy chatting the other residents to death, even if they couldn’t hear her or weren’t listening. It won’t happen though. I can see those four setting up their own little retirement village, with Zimmer frames clanking along the corridors at all hours of the night when the urge takes them.’
‘Tash, I’m eating!’
She giggles. ‘You did ask. Has Luke talked about residential care for his mum? I mean, I know she has people going in and stuff, but it must still be a hell of a burden on him.’
‘I did mention it once, but he made it clear that he sees it as his duty to look after her and keep her at home for as long as he can. It’s quite touching, really.’
Tash stares into her coffee for a while before speaking again. ‘You don’t think it’s some sort of guilt trip, do you?’
‘How do you mean?’
‘Maybe he feels bad about moving away to Milton Keynes, and this is all an over-the-top response to try to redeem himself. Or they could be enmeshed. Does he ever mention his father?’
‘Slow down there, agony aunt. His father left years ago, apparently. He had an affair, they got divorced and he moved to Australia. Luke doesn’t have a relationship with him.’
‘There you go then,’ she announces triumphantly.
‘Umm…’
‘It’s obvious,’ she continues, as if explaining something to a particularly dim toddler. ‘The father does the dirty and abandons them. Luke becomes the de facto man of the house and she relies on him for everything. Well, not everything , obviously, because that would be both weird and illegal, but you know what I mean.’
‘I do worry about the places your mind takes you sometimes,’ I observe.
‘Luke starts to feel trapped,’ she continues, ignoring me. ‘How to get out from under your mother’s apron strings when there’s nobody else to help her? He decides to take radical action and moves to Milton Keynes, only it’s a disaster. She completely unravels and he’s forced to return home with his tail between his legs.’ Her eyes light up. ‘Maybe it’s all an act.’
‘What?’
‘The mother. Maybe there isn’t actually anything wrong with her at all. She’s just putting on this vulnerable act to keep him where she wants him.’
‘Hang on. In the space of, what, five minutes, we’ve gone from putting her into a home to her being some scheming Machiavelli?’
‘I’m just exploring all the angles. Although, if she were making the whole thing up, putting her into a home would be a sure-fire way to smoke her out. A week of easy-chew food and light entertainment would drive her to come clean in no time, I reckon.’
‘So you’re saying he should put her in a home as a test. If she’s genuinely vulnerable, she’ll take to it well and, if she isn’t, she’ll have to ’fess up.’
‘It’s worth a try.’
‘It really isn’t. I think it’s nice that he wants to look after her. Lena was banging on the other day about how the younger generations look after the older ones in most cultures, and it’s got to be better than just stuffing them in a home and forgetting about them the moment they start to become mildly inconvenient. He wants to be there for her and I’m going to support him in that. Anyway, enough about me. How’s your life?’
‘Oh, peachy. Days like today are my favourites. Lucifer is in preschool for the whole day and Greg’s at work, so I can actually spend a few hours pretending that I’m a functioning independent adult.’
‘Poor Isaac.’
‘He’s all right, don’t worry about him. Did I tell you that Greg and I are talking about trying again?’
‘What, another baby?’
‘Don’t sound so surprised. People do have more than one child, and maybe we’ll get a nice one this time. It probably wouldn’t do Isaac any harm to have a brother or sister, so he learns to share.’
‘You’re sounding like Mike now.’
‘And how is Mike?’
‘Don’t change the subject. Another baby is huge news. Mum will be delighted, although she’ll probably start on at me again.’
‘We haven’t actually made it yet, and I’m definitely not saying anything to Mum.’ She laughs. ‘We’re just talking about the possibility, that’s all.’
‘Lot of pressure on you, given that Greg’s hardly ever around.’
‘Didn’t I tell you? His deals came in, so he’s flavour of the month and he thinks they might promote him off the back of them.’
‘Nice. What would he be? Drug pusher in chief?’
‘He’d be the guy controlling the drug pushers. Kind of like the sinister mobster in the background. The point is he wouldn’t be travelling so much, so could spend more time with me and his evil offspring. It would be nice for Isaac to realise he has two parents. At the moment, he probably thinks I conceived him with a turkey baster.’
‘He’s three. I very much doubt he spends any time thinking about his conception.’
‘You’re right. I’m anthropomorphising him, or whatever the equivalent is for toddlers. Tell me about Mike. Is Sarah still on the scene?’
‘She is. I don’t know what her magic is, but she’s definitely got under his skin. They went away to Norfolk together last weekend. I’ve never known anyone get that level of commitment out of him before. Not since the disastrous Caroline, anyway.’
‘Maybe he’s growing up. Do you like her?’
‘I do, actually. Just as well, given the amount of time she spends at the flat.’
‘Has he talked about introducing her to his parents? That’s the biggie. Once you do that, there’s nothing between you and engagement.’
‘He hasn’t said anything to me, but then it’s not really any of my business.’
‘Nonsense. He shares everything with you. I sometimes think he’s more of a brother to you than I am a sister.’
‘Now you are talking nonsense. Probably malnutrition from whatever isn’t in your coffee.’
* * *
As I make my way home after seeing Tash, two things are playing on my mind. The first, and more minor, is the idea of her and Greg having another baby. I’m not fooled by all her satanic references – she absolutely adores Isaac – but I know she found it hard adapting to motherhood and I wonder how another baby will affect her. Maybe it’s easier second time around, although I remember how haggard she looked when Isaac was tiny and neither of them were getting much sleep. Mum and Dad would be over the moon to have another grandchild, although I’m sure Mum will use it as an excuse to start ramping up the pressure on me to get married and start a family.
Which brings me on to my principal dilemma. Tash has absolutely nailed Luke’s and my problem. Although I’m more than happy with the way things are at present and I know our situation is far from unique, I’m struggling to see where we can take the relationship from here when he’s totally at the beck and call of his mother and insists on keeping us apart. I’ve suggested a few ways we could gently introduce me to her, but while Luke may be very easy-going about most things, he’s made it abundantly clear that he’s not interested in any outside influence where she is concerned. I find myself turning Tash’s words over in my head. Is it a guilt thing? Is she manipulating him? Having not met her myself, it’s impossible to form even a vague mental picture of this woman who has such control over him. I don’t even know how old she is. I mean, if she’s relatively young and we are serious about a future together, we’re going to need to find a way around this.
I can feel my mood plummeting, and I can’t even talk to Luke to cheer myself up, as he’s on shift today. Instead, I decide to try to reframe our situation. Our relationship is still very new, I tell myself firmly. There’s no need to rush to the next stage; we should take time to enjoy what we have now. If it’s meant to be, it will happen somehow. The problem is that I really like him, and not just because it’s been a while since I was in a relationship. I liked Simon the pilot, but it was clear fairly early on that we were never going to be the love of each other’s lives; we just didn’t have enough in common. With Luke, that’s not true. He gets me, and I get him. Yes, our relationship is largely physical at present, but there’s deeper stuff going on underneath; I can feel it. Sometimes, when he looks at me in that intense way he has, it’s like he can see right into the core of my being. It’s a little uncomfortable, but also thrilling.
My phone pings with a message in my pocket, and I pull it out to see that it’s from Luke. That’s the kind of thing I mean. It’s almost like he knew I was thinking about him.
How was coffee with your sister? Miss you. Dr Patel on top form today. She told a rugby injury that he might like to consider a sport that didn’t involve playing Russian Roulette with his bones xx
I smile as I read it, before typing out a reply.
Using your phone while on shift, Doctor? I’m sure the good consultant will have plenty to say about that if she catches you. Suspect the rugby player is not the only one playing Russian Roulette xx
His reply is instant.
Dr Patel loves me nearly as much as she loves you now. She’s a pussycat when you get to know her xx
She might be a pussycat, but she still has sharp claws! Suggest caution. Are you still OK for tomorrow PM? xx
Wild horses wouldn’t keep me away. Counting the hours till I see you xx
I smile. OK, so our situation isn’t ideal, but it’s still pretty bloody good. It’s a positive sign that he cares enough about his mum to do everything he does for her; plenty of children would just bundle their parents off into a home at the first sign of trouble. Yes, I could do a lot worse than Dr Luke Milne, I tell myself happily as I let myself into the front door and head for the stairs up to the flat.