Chapter 14
14
I’m still feeling weak as I make my way back to the car. Meeting Richenda has totally knocked the stuffing out of me, and there’s a vicious whisper running round in my head as if on a loop. ‘You’re the other woman ,’ it’s saying. ‘A homewrecker , an adulterer .’ The photo of Cindy and Luke in Richenda’s sitting room is swimming before my eyes. He has a wife. They’re expecting a baby. He’s been having sex with me. As if determined to wring every ounce of disgrace out of the situation, my brain also reminds me of my smug remark to Lena about how I’d never sleep with a married man, yet that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. I feel like I’m going to be sick.
The fact that I didn’t know he was married seems immaterial. I’m still a member of Luke’s love triangle. A horrible thought comes to me. What if I’m not the only one? He could have a whole bloody harem for all I know. And what about Cindy? I don’t know the woman, but I’m certain she doesn’t deserve this. She’s already forgiven him once, and Richenda seemed determined that she should know what’s happened this time. Oh, God. I’ve literally ended a marriage.
This thought is too much for me, and before I know it I’m bent double, retching into the gutter. Thankfully, I was so nervous about executing my master plan earlier that I haven’t had much to eat today, so it’s mostly dry-heaving. Even so, I look around once it eases up, hoping desperately that nobody has seen me. When I finally reach the sanctuary of my car, my hands are shaking so badly that it takes me several goes to get the key into the ignition and, realising that I’m not really in a fit state to drive, I decide to sit for a while and try to collect my thoughts.
I need to talk to someone. I can’t process this on my own, but I have no idea what time Tash will finish work. Mike is the other obvious candidate, but he won’t be back until nearly seven, assuming he’s not going out somewhere with Sarah, and it’s only two o’clock now. I do have plenty of other friends, but they’ll also be at work and I’m not sure this is something I’d share with anyone except those closest to me.
The universe has obviously decided that I’m not suffering enough, as my phone pings with a message. It’s from Luke, who else?
Missing you. How are you fixed on Friday? Checked the rotas and neither of us is working. I have to relieve the carers at 5 but could be with you by 1? xx
I stare at the message in disbelief. Now that I know the truth, the barefaced duplicity of the man is stomach-churning. In fact, I worry for a moment that I’m actually going to be sick again, but that sensation is quickly replaced by rage. Without thinking, I start to tap out a message.
Are you out of your fucking mind? I met your mother today and I know everything. You are a lying, cheating bastard and I want nothing more to do with you. Text me again and I’ll report you to HR for sexual harassment.
I’m just about to press the send button when I remember the promise I made to Richenda just before I left her flat.
‘I know you’re angry,’ she’d said to me. ‘But I hope you can agree that the most important person in this at the moment is Cindy. I need time to think how best to break the news to her, and then I think we need to let her decide what to do. If you can find a way, without compromising your integrity now that you know the truth, of keeping a lid on this as far as Luke is concerned until I’ve spoken to her, I’d be grateful. I know he’s my son, but I don’t want to give him time to make up some cock and bull story to make himself a misunderstood hero in this. He needs to face the consequences of what he’s done. I love him, of course I do, but right now I want to strangle him.’
With a sigh, I delete the message and start a new one. The other thing Richenda did was make me swap phone numbers with her. I was reluctant, but she stressed the need for an open line of communication, and I realise that she might actually be my saviour in this.
Just had a message from Luke. He wants to meet on Friday. No prizes for guessing why. Any chance you could invent an emergency to divert him? Tilly.
Barely a minute passes before her reply comes in.
Leave it with me. I’m going to call Cindy shortly and ask her to come over. Depending on what she decides to do, I can certainly invent something to divert Luke. Suggest you reply to him as you normally would for now. Richenda.
More duplicity, more lies, but I have to trust her. With a heavy heart, I type out a reply to Luke.
Sounds fun. Looking forward to it. xx
Let’s just hope Richenda is considerably better at keeping her word than her son is. Feeling a little calmer, I start the engine and make my way out of the car park. When I get to the road, I’m paralysed with indecision. I would normally go back to the flat, but I don’t want to be on my own right now. A possibility forms in my mind. It’s unorthodox, bordering on unprofessional but, after the events of the last hour or so, I need something to remind me that I’m not a complete villain, and this might just do the trick. Flicking on my indicator, I nose out on to the road and turn towards the hospital.
* * *
‘Hello again, Jonathan,’ I say as I walk into his room again. The visitor seat is occupied by Will, who has a large sketch pad open in front of him.
‘Tilly, what a lovely surprise,’ Jonathan exclaims. ‘I was just about to start today’s crossword when Will arrived, but he’s not a crossword person. Now that you’re here you can help me if you like.’
‘I’ll try,’ I tell him. My mind is still in total turmoil but I realise that this might provide a welcome distraction, for a while at least. Will lifts his head from the sketch pad and studies me for a moment.
‘Are you all right, Tilly?’ he asks. ‘You look a little pale.’
‘I’m fine,’ I assure him. ‘Just tired. You know how it is.’
‘I don’t know how you nurses do it,’ Jonathan says sympathetically. ‘Right. One across. “Agriculture in remote Chinese dynasty”. Seven letters. Any ideas?’
‘Nope,’ I tell him after thinking about it for a moment.
‘Remember what we did the other day,’ he encourages. ‘One part is the answer, and the other tells you how to get there. So, in this instance we’re looking for something that means “agriculture” and the remote Chinese dynasty is the clue. What Chinese dynasties can you think of?’
‘Ming is the only one I know.’
‘That’ll do. Now, what about the remote bit? What other words do you know that mean the same as remote?’
‘Umm. Far away, distant, isolated.’
‘Good! Take far and Ming, stick them together and what do you get?’
‘Farming.’
‘Which is our agriculture,’ he says triumphantly, filling it in. ‘Now, the R in farming gives us the initial letter in two down, for which the clue is “Controversial novelist in a hurry to pass”. What do you think?’
Half an hour later, the train crash that is my relationship with Luke has been beaten to the back of my mind by a flurry of clues, and I’m surprised to note that I’m starting to get them. Two down turned out to be ‘Rushdie’, and I’ve learned to spot some of the clues within the clues, even getting one without any help from Jonathan at all. Will has spent the entire time engrossed in his sketch pad, and hasn’t taken any part in the problem solving.
‘What are you working on?’ I ask him as Jonathan folds up the paper.
‘Will’s a keen artist,’ Jonathan tells me with a smile. ‘He’s good too, although I would say that, wouldn’t I?’
‘Can I see?’
Will looks mildly uncomfortable and clutches the pad to his chest. ‘Umm. Confession time. This one has you in it, and I wouldn’t want you to be offended.’
‘You can’t say that and not show me!’ I exclaim.
He sighs and turns the pad round so I can look. The picture may be hastily drawn, but he’s captured the likenesses perfectly and it’s obvious straight away that it’s a picture of Jonathan and me engrossed in the crossword. Far from being offended, I suspect he’s flattered me somewhat in his depiction, but it’s impossible to tell how. I just know that I somehow look better than if he’d taken a photo.
‘This is superb, Will,’ I enthuse.
‘It’s just a sketch,’ he says modestly. ‘I find it relaxing.’
‘You should see his paintings,’ Jonathan tells me. ‘They’re beautiful.’
‘I’m sure they are, if this is anything to go by,’ I agree. ‘I’m no artist, but I can see you have a real talent, Will.’
Will blushes modestly as he turns the sketch pad back so it’s facing him. I’m just about to ask if I can see any of his other pictures when my phone rings. It’s Tash.
‘I’m sorry, I’ve got to take this,’ I tell them as I back towards the door.
‘Thank you for dropping by again, Tilly,’ Jonathan says with a warm smile. ‘Do come again if I’m still here next time you’re passing. I think we might make a crossword solver out of you yet.’
As soon as I’m out of the room, I press the button to answer the call.
‘I’ve just got off shift but I’ve been thinking about you all day,’ she says. ‘Is now a good time to talk?’
‘The best,’ I reply. ‘I’m in the hospital myself, heading for reception.’
‘Don’t move a muscle when you get there. I’ll come and find you.’