Chapter 15
15
‘It turns out you were completely right,’ I tell her once we’ve hugged and settled ourselves in a couple of seats. Although we’ve spoken on the phone, this is the first time I’ve seen her in the flesh since we fell out and I’ve missed her hugs. ‘It’s even worse than we thought. Luke’s a shit of the first order, and I never spotted it.’ The tears are starting to flow again and she puts her arm around me protectively. I notice a couple of people glancing at me curiously, but a fierce stare from Tash, still in her uniform, is enough to make them look away, although I’m sure they’re eavesdropping like mad.
‘You said it was worse,’ she prompts.
‘He’s married,’ I tell her in a whisper.
‘That’s not a total surprise. We did wonder.’
‘There’s more. His wife’s expecting a baby.’
‘Fuck.’
‘Exactly. I feel like the worst person in the world, Tash.’ The tears intensify into a flood as she tightens her embrace.
‘You didn’t know. You’re not to blame,’ she tells me fiercely. ‘You’re just as much of a victim in this as the wife.’
‘Hardly,’ I tell her with a bitter laugh. ‘At least I can walk away. She’s having a baby with him, for God’s sake. A fucking baby, Tash! What does that make me? A distraction while she’s not in the mood? I feel like such an idiot. I really thought he was genuine, and I actually bought all that bullshit about his mother. He must have been laughing his socks off at my naivety.’
‘What was she like?’
‘The mother? Terrifying, but I kind of liked her. There’s absolutely nothing frail about her though. Another lie.’
‘What are you going to do?’
‘I’d like to tell him where to go in every language possible, but his mother thinks it’s up to Cindy – that’s his wife – to decide the first move. It’s not like I can even go and sabotage anything, because the bastard cleverly avoided telling me where he actually lived.’
‘I could ask Greg to widen the search of the electoral registers. I can’t believe Milne is that common a surname.’
‘No. You’ve done quite enough, thank you.’
She pauses for a moment, her face thoughtful.
‘What?’ I ask.
‘I was just wondering how come Cindy gets to control everything. What about you?’
‘I think she’s probably more important than me in this, don’t you?’
‘Well, yes. I see that, given that she’s married to him and expecting his baby, but you’re hardly a bit player. You should get to have your say.’
‘Oh, I will. Don’t you worry about that.’
She smiles. ‘I missed you, more than you can imagine. Let’s not argue like that again.’
‘I know. I missed you too, and I’m sorry I cut you off.’
‘I should never have stuck my nose in. I was being a typical overprotective sister, but I’ve learned my lesson and I’ll never do it again.’
‘Hm. Based on how this has turned out, maybe I should be grateful you stuck your nose in before things with Luke went any further. Can you imagine how much worse this would have been if we’d got more involved? I’m already wondering whether I’m the only one.’
‘You don’t think there are others, do you?’ she says, looking horrified.
‘Who knows? Maybe he’s like the medical equivalent of a sailor but, instead of having a girl in every port, he’s got a nurse from every shift.’ I laugh humourlessly.
‘I want to castrate the bastard.’
‘I do too, but I sincerely hope whatever his wife is dreaming up is worse.’
‘Let’s hope so. Nobody messes with my sister and gets away with it.’
‘Apart from you, of course.’
‘I said I’m sorry. Listen, I’ve got to collect Isaac from nursery before they fine me for being late. Come and have dinner with us tonight. You don’t have other plans, do you? You’re not on shift?’
‘I’m not and I don’t. Certainly none that include bloody Luke.’
‘Give me ten minutes to change. I’ll call Greg and get him to pick up a takeaway on the way home for us all, by way of an apology. It’s the least we can do.’
I smile at her. ‘Why not? You’re on.’
Something about what she’s just said is niggling at me, but it’s not until we get out into the car park that I realise what it is.
‘Tash, you know you called Isaac by his actual name earlier, don’t you?’
‘Did I?’
‘Yes. Not a satanic reference in sight.’
She smiles. ‘I think we might be hitting a bit of a developmental milestone. He’s not being quite as evil as he has been.’
‘I see. And the plans for another baby?’
‘We’re still talking about it. It kind of got bumped down the agenda because I was worried about you.’
‘I will survive this, you know.’
‘I know. But you liked him. Before all this came out, I mean. You were falling for him.’
I sigh. ‘I was. I still can’t believe he made up all that shit about his mother being frail. She thinks he’s delusional, did I tell you?’
‘Really? That’s a pretty big thing to say about your own child.’
‘I know. I’m not sure there’s a huge amount of love lost there, if I’m honest.’
‘Sad. I mean, I know I’ve called Isaac every name under the sun lately, but I’d defend him to the death if I had to. I’ll see you at home, yeah?’
* * *
‘Typical narcissist behaviour from an only child,’ Mike pronounces later that night when I’ve recounted the story to him and Sarah. Dinner with Tash and Greg has buoyed me back up a little, and I’m now enjoying the calming effects of a glass of wine. ‘I always thought there was something shifty about him.’
‘OK. One, you’ve never actually met him.’
‘So? I have your descriptions to work with, and Lena was very clear she didn’t like him.’
‘Lena is hardly someone whose judgement I trust with this kind of thing.’
‘Fair enough. I did warn you about him being an only child though.’
‘Which brings me on to my second point. He’s not an only child. He has a brother.’
‘What?’
‘Yup. How does that fit into your theory?’
‘Older or younger?’
‘Older, why?’
‘Could still work. Younger sons are often mollycoddled, nobody coming up behind them to steal their crown. Similar deal to being an only child in some ways.’
‘You’re reaching now,’ Sarah tells him, tucking her feet under her on the sofa as she takes a sip from her glass. ‘Quite apart from the fact that you’re the youngest child yourself, my younger brother is a total sweetie. He certainly wouldn’t pull the kind of stunt Luke has, because he knows Mum and I would be down on him like a ton of bricks if he did.’
‘Ah, but you’re looking at a matriarchal household. Totally different set-up.’
‘So let me get this clear,’ Sarah says slowly. ‘You’re now expanding your frankly weird only child obsession to include youngest sons, but only where there aren’t older sisters to keep them in line? Getting seriously tenuous, isn’t it?’
‘You just wait. When I publish?—’
‘Yeah, yeah.’ She cuts him off, rolling her eyes at me. ‘I do love him, but how you put up with this is beyond me.’
I’m starting to understand how people must feel when they’ve been totally cut off from the world and emerge to find that everything has changed. So far today, I’ve learned that my supposed boyfriend isn’t at all who he said he was, my sister is becoming weirdly maternal and now Mike’s girlfriend has just mentioned that she loves him, and he hasn’t even flinched. Normally, the merest hint of the ‘L’ word would have him running for the hills.
‘Are you all right, Tilly?’ Sarah asks. ‘You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.’
‘I’m fine,’ I tell her, plastering on a smile. ‘I guess today has just been a lot.’
‘What would you do, if you were the wife?’ Mike asks Sarah, evidently happy to be distracted back on to my problems.
‘Oh, easy. Cut a sleeve off all his shirts, scratch some motivational messages into the paintwork of his car, hide raw prawns in the curtain poles.’
‘Raw prawns?’ I ask.
‘Mm. I read a story about it somewhere. This woman stuffed raw prawns into the hollows of the curtain poles and, of course, they started to smell after a few days. The cheating husband and his new partner tried everything to get rid of it but couldn’t work out where it was coming from. Can you imagine? It must have honked.’
‘Our curtain poles are solid,’ Mike tells her firmly.
‘Oh, don’t worry. I’m sure I could find somewhere to hide them,’ she replies, smiling sweetly. ‘Anyway, you’re not going to do anything to deserve them, are you?’
‘Absolutely not. I may be many things, but I’m not a cheater.’
Sarah looks at me again. ‘I feel so lucky to have landed one of the good ones,’ she says with the merest hint of sarcasm and, to my surprise, this makes me laugh. After the events of today, laughter seems totally inappropriate, but I can’t seem to stop it bubbling out of me as the absurdity of my situation hits home.
‘What’s so funny?’ Mike asks.
‘You,’ I tell him. ‘Don’t get me wrong – you’re one of my best friends and I love you dearly – but I’ve always considered you to be a bit of a bastard where women are concerned and I vowed to keep clear of men like you. Life’s fucking topsy-turvy when you’re actually Saint Mike.’
Mike is looking slightly hurt. ‘I think bastard is a bit strong, Tilly.’
Thankfully, Sarah joins in with my laughter. ‘Get over yourself, Mike. If I had a pound for every woman at the hospital who warned me off you, I’d be a wealthy woman.’
‘Really? Why did you go out with me then?’
She softens. ‘Because I was curious, to begin with at least. I wanted to know what the fuss was about. And then… And then I discovered I liked you. You’re OK, once you let people in.’
‘Gee, thanks, I guess,’ he harrumphs, but he’s swiftly disarmed when she leans forward to give him a kiss.
This display of affection is enough to bring me up short. Their guilt-free love is too much for me to deal with all of a sudden.
‘I think I’m going to go to bed,’ I tell them.
‘Are you OK?’ Sarah asks.
‘Honestly? No. But I’ll find a way through it. I don’t really have a choice, do I?’
Mike comes over and wraps me in a hug. ‘You’ll be OK, you know,’ he says into my hair. ‘Luke’s a class-A dickhead who deserves everything he’s got coming to him, but none of this is your fault.’
‘The rational part of me knows that,’ I tell him, pulling back so I can look into his face. ‘It doesn’t stop me feeling responsible though. I keep thinking about poor Cindy and how she must be feeling. Is she trying to put a brave face on it and play happy families, or is she putting ground glass in his food? Whichever it is, you can assume she must absolutely hate my guts, and that’s the hardest part.’ A tear starts to run down my cheek. ‘I kind of hate my guts right now.’
‘Shh,’ he soothes. ‘You’ve done nothing wrong. Hold on to that. You wouldn’t have gone anywhere near the two-timing bastard if you’d known what he was like.’
‘Thanks, Mike,’ I tell him as I gently pull away.
‘He’s right, you know,’ Sarah adds. ‘You’re the innocent party here just as much as Cindy is.’
‘Yeah, well. I think I’m going to head to bed anyway. I’ve had enough of today,’ I tell them as I turn towards my bedroom door. ‘Thanks, for everything.’
I can feel their concerned eyes boring into my back as I go into my room but, having talked it out with Tash and now them, I feel there’s nothing really left to say. I’m wrung out and dog-tired as I climb under the covers, but my dreams are full of recrimination. In one, Richenda is blaming me for leading her precious son astray while Cindy looks on, her eyes burning red with hatred. In another, Luke is trying to sweet-talk me into bed, only the bed is in the maternity unit of the hospital and Cindy is already on it, pushing out the largest baby I think I’ve ever seen. The weirdest ones of all, though, are the ones in between them. Of all the people to be featuring in my dreams tonight, I wasn’t expecting Jonathan Barwell and Will, but I’m glad they’re here. In amongst all the madness of my head, they’re providing welcome doses of calm. I may not be able to make head nor tail of the crossword clues that Jonathan is calling out, but Will is telling me it’s OK, that he’s got everything under control and I don’t need to worry. I know he’s talking about the situation with his father rather than me, but I find it reassuring nonetheless.