Chapter 16
16
It’s Thursday afternoon and I still haven’t heard anything from Richenda about what Cindy plans to do or how I’m supposed to handle the rendezvous with Luke tomorrow if it goes ahead. I’m a complete jangle of nerves and I’ve never been so grateful for the pressure of work to keep my mind off things. After a certain amount of thought, I’ve concocted a story involving a nasty case of thrush that I can wheel out tomorrow in case Richenda doesn’t come through, but I’ve been phone watching all day. I’m now trying to distract myself by visiting Jonathan again; he’s made great progress and is on the verge of being allowed home, now that Will has organised to stay with him. The mental health team appear to have decided to accept his story that it was a one-off and that he doesn’t pose an ongoing risk to himself, but are nonetheless reassured that he won’t be alone. His liver also seems to have escaped the worst of the damage he could have inflicted on it, although it will be closely monitored with regular blood tests.
‘I know this is irregular, Tilly,’ he says to me when we’ve completed the latest crossword, ‘but I’d like to invite you to Sunday lunch with us sometime, as a way of saying thank you.’
‘Oh, there’s no need for that,’ I assure him. ‘It was a team effort, anyway. I’m just glad to see you doing so well.’
‘It may have been a team effort to begin with, but I’ve come to really enjoy your visits. It’s the least I can do. Bring your husband, wife, thirteen children, rabid dogs, whatever. We don’t mind, do we, Will?’
‘The rabid dogs might be an issue,’ Will says with a smile, lifting his head from his sketch pad. ‘I think you’re supposed to report them, but the rest should be doable. Don’t let him bully you into coming, although he does cook a mean roast.’
‘The first thing my Geraldine taught me when she realised she was getting too weak to cook,’ Jonathan explains. ‘“A man needs a decent roast dinner inside him once a week,” she’d declared. And that was that. She started with the basic roasts, then puddings, before moving on to midweek dishes. By the time she really couldn’t manage the kitchen any more, I was quite proficient.’
‘Dad does a pretty good curry too,’ Will adds.
Jonathan’s eyes crinkle in amusement. ‘I had to teach myself that one. Will’s mother was never a fan of spicy food, but he and I like them, so I just used to do something plain for her on curry nights. Maybe we’ll resurrect them now you’re home for a bit.’
‘I’d like that,’ Will tells him.
Spending time with Jonathan and Will feels like an oasis of calm in the turmoil of my own life. Although neither of them could be described as chatty, the long silences are comfortable; two people totally at ease in each other’s company. I haven’t told them anything about Luke, obviously. I don’t know either of them well enough for that, and it would feel like dumping a truckload of manure on the nicely groomed lawn of their relationship. Will, as far as I can work out, arrives every day as soon as visiting hours begin and doesn’t leave until they end. Whenever I’ve dropped by, he’s had his nose either in his sketch pad or his laptop while Jonathan either works on the crossword or reads the paper. It wouldn’t surprise me if hours sometimes pass without either of them speaking. I assume Will is working when he’s on the laptop, but I don’t know what he does. Although I won’t take Jonathan up on his lunch invitation, I can practically feel myself unwinding as I imagine him bringing out a perfectly cooked joint, with crispy roast potatoes and steaming vegetables. In fact, I may have just involuntarily sighed with pleasure, as I notice Will giving me an odd look.
‘Everything all right there?’ he asks quizzically.
‘Yes. It’s just been a busy week,’ I tell him.
‘Here’s one you should be able to get, Tilly,’ Jonathan announces, but he’s interrupted by my phone. I’m instantly on high alert, especially when I see the caller ID.
‘Tilly, it’s Richenda,’ she informs me unnecessarily as I slip out of the room into the corridor. ‘Sorry it’s taken so long but, well, it’s probably best if I let Cindy explain when you meet her.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I say aghast. ‘Did you say meet her?’
‘Yes.’ Richenda’s tone implies that this is the most obvious thing in the world, but it never crossed my mind and the thought fills me with horror. ‘She’d like you to come to my flat tomorrow, at half past one. Can you make that? I assume you can because you’re supposed to be meeting Luke at two, aren’t you?’
‘Umm, Richenda,’ I begin, desperately trying to think of a way to avoid what will undoubtedly be a very uncomfortable encounter. ‘When I said I was happy to fit in with whatever Cindy wanted to do, I didn’t think that would include, you know, face to face. I’m sure I’m the last person she wants to see.’
‘Nonsense. It’s only natural that she’d be curious about you, and she thinks that the best way to approach this is for the two of you to ambush him together.’
‘I’m really not sure?—’
‘Half past one,’ she interrupts. ‘Don’t be late, will you?’
Before I can protest any further, she disconnects the call. All the peace that I felt sitting in Jonathan’s room just now has vanished as the reality of my situation comes crashing back in. I want to go back in there, to pretend everything is all right for just a little longer, but I feel polluted after my conversation with Richenda. She may not have said anything directly, but she made it pretty bloody clear through her tone that I am nothing more than the ‘other woman’, who is to do what she’s told.
‘I’m going to head off,’ I tell them as brightly as I can, sticking my head around the door. ‘I’ve got some stuff to do.’ Mainly burying my head under the duvet and hoping the world will go away, but they don’t need to know that.
‘Before you go, Tilly, I’ve got something for you,’ Jonathan says. ‘They’re talking about letting me out tomorrow, so I’d hate to miss you.’ He hands me a piece of paper. ‘It’s our address and phone number,’ he explains. ‘Come and see us, please. I expect we’ll be driving each other mad within a few days, so you’ll be doing us a favour.’
‘Thank you. I might just do that,’ I tell him, glancing briefly at it before folding it and sliding it into my pocket. I won’t, of course, but it was nice to be invited.
* * *
I must be crazy, I decide, as I make my way towards Richenda’s front door the next day. How have I allowed myself to be dragged into this? Mike was furious when I told him what Cindy was planning, and practically forbade me from coming.
‘This isn’t about you,’ he fumed. ‘I mean, it is a bit, but it’s mainly about Cindy and her arsehole husband. She’s setting you up as a scapegoat, and that’s totally unfair.’
‘If it helps her to get closure though,’ I offered weakly.
‘Sod her closure. What about your closure? Who’s looking after you in all this? Maybe I should pull a sickie and come along as your wingman.’
‘I’m a big girl,’ I assured him. ‘I’ll hold my own.’
I don’t feel like a big girl as I reach out to ring the doorbell. I feel like a naughty schoolchild who’s been summoned to the head teacher’s office. The situation hasn’t been helped by the fact that Luke called as I was parking the car to tell me he was just leaving and couldn’t wait to see me. I hope Richenda manages to intercept him before he arrives at my flat and finds I’m not there.
‘Tilly, you made it. Do come in.’ Richenda sounds more like she’s greeting a lunch guest than her son’s soon-to-be ex-lover. ‘We’re just in the sitting room. You know the way. You can hang your coat on the rack here.’
Any chance of escape is cut off as she stays firmly behind me in the hallway. I feel a little like I’m being marched to the gallows as I turn into the sitting room.
Cindy is sitting in the armchair under the window, but gets to her feet as soon as she sees me. The first thing that strikes me about her, besides her terribly neat baby bump, is that she is absolutely flawless . Her long blonde hair is pulled back into a simple ponytail, but it has the kind of soft sheen that you only see in shampoo adverts on TV. Her pale skin is like porcelain and totally blemish-free, apart from one small mole on her neck to remind you that she is actually human. Her blue eyes are set wide, giving her a slightly Scandinavian appearance, and her nose has that slight button-like upturn at the end that people pay cosmetic surgeons thousands to try to reproduce. I’m briefly distracted enough to wonder if it’s all natural before I’m brought back to earth with a thud as she speaks.
‘You must be Tilly,’ she says in a voice utterly devoid of warmth, holding out her hand. ‘Thank you for coming.’
Her hand is cool in mine, and she stares unblinkingly into my eyes as we shake. I may only have met her a few seconds ago, but it’s already clear to me that Cindy is not someone you mess with.
‘Please, take a seat,’ she continues, her tone now more that of an interviewer as she indicates one of the other chairs. ‘I thought it would be a good idea for us to have a chat before Luke arrives. Richenda, now that Tilly’s here, would you mind giving him a call? She’s going to tell him she thinks she can smell gas, and can he come right away,’ Cindy explains as Richenda leaves the room and she settles herself back in the chair. ‘We tried various scenarios, but that seemed the one most likely to work. While we wait for him, why don’t you tell me how you ended up fucking my husband, hmm?’
I stare at her, speechless. ‘I didn’t mean to…’ I begin lamely.
She smiles grimly. ‘I’m sure you didn’t mean anything, and yet here we are. So how did it start?’
‘He joined the unit where I work,’ I say quietly. This is excruciating.
‘Yes, but I’m going to stick my neck out and assume you’re not fucking any of your other work colleagues, so why him? What’s so special about him that you couldn’t resist?’
She’s riling me now, making me feel like I’m the villain in this piece and a part of me wishes that I’d brought Mike as a wingman after all.
‘Look,’ I tell her more firmly. ‘It wasn’t like that, OK? He came on to me, if you must know.’
She sighs. ‘Of course he did. You were mere putty in his hands. Did you know he was married?’
‘Of course not!’
‘So, he chased you. Tell me.’
‘He started by coming with me on breaks. We got on really well, and things developed from there.’
‘I need you to be more specific.’ She’s not giving an inch.
‘Fine. We started meeting for lunch, and yes, I was attracted to him. I wanted him, and he made it pretty clear he wanted me too. It wasn’t long before we were having lunch and then going back to my flat afterwards for sex. Is that specific enough for you?’
To her credit, if my blunt speech has hit home, she’s not showing it.
‘And what was this for you? Just a casual fling, scratching an itch, or were you falling for him?’
‘I wanted more. I’m not a casual fling person. It was one of the few things we argued about.’
‘Why?’
‘Because he said he couldn’t give me more. He spun me this whole story about his mum being frail, and how he had to be around for her. That’s why we only ever had lunchtimes and afternoons together, because he said he had to get back to relieve the carers.’
‘Clever. And of course you both work shifts, so you were free to meet up in the middle of the day, when I would have been at work.’ She stares at me for a long time without speaking. ‘You know this has happened before,’ she continues eventually.
‘I do now.’
‘Lucy, the one in Milton Keynes. She’d totally fallen for him. I think she hoped he’d leave me for her. God, the tears and histrionics. So exhausting. I had to take out an injunction in the end to stop her calling at all hours of the day and night, begging to speak to him. In hindsight, I probably should have let her have him. Would have saved me a hill of heartache. What are you planning to do?’
‘About what?’
‘Luke, of course. Are you hoping that I’ll quietly bow out, leaving you two to build a little love nest together? Risky strategy, given his past history, but you might think he’s worth it.’
‘Luke and I are done,’ I tell her firmly. ‘I’m only here because Richenda pretty much made it impossible for me to refuse. After today, I never want to see him again.’
‘Tricky, given that you work together. How are you going to manage that?’
I sigh. ‘I don’t know. I’ll have to figure something out.’
Our conversation is interrupted by a ping from my pocket.
‘Is that him?’ she asks as I pull it out and look at it.
‘Yes,’ I tell her. ‘He says there’s an issue with his mum’s carers that he needs to sort out urgently, so he might be a bit late.’
She laughs bitterly. ‘At least he hasn’t forgotten his manners. Don’t keep the lady dangling.’
‘How do you manage to stay so calm?’ I ask her. ‘I’d be tearing the place apart.’
‘Oh, I’m fuming underneath, don’t worry. But I learned early on in life that screaming and shouting don’t get you very far. Also, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t know you or anything about you. What you’ve said sounds completely plausible and, given his past history, I’m inclined to believe you. But how am I to know you’re not a complete fantasist, making this up, until I see the two of you together and hear what he has to say? Why do you think I insisted on this being a face-to-face thing? Richenda told me about your whole fake courier act and you have to admit that does make you sound a tiny bit unhinged.’
Before I can explain or she can elaborate any further, the doorbell rings and my heart leaps into my mouth once more as I hear Richenda greeting her son.