Chapter 7
Seven
ALEX
I thought driving by this place was bad, but actually being inside it has my brain on memory overload. While I wait for the hostess, I look around the almost empty diner and realize that Isa isn’t here yet. Good. That will give me a moment to calm my nerves.
The diner hasn’t changed much in the last thirteen years. Same teal tables and black booths around the outer edges with tables and chairs scattered throughout the middle. There are a couple of older men sitting on the stools at the counter in the far corner talking about the weather.
“I’m sorry for the wait. How many?” the hostess appears in front of me.
“Just two. Can we actually have that booth?” I point to the back corner. She nods and leads me to the one I picked.
After a few moments, the waiter comes by. “What can I get you to drink?”
A shot of vodka, make it a double . Oh, right, this is a diner. “I’ll have a coffee, black, please.”
He quickly returns with my coffee, and I’m left waiting for Isa. This feels all too familiar. I can’t tell you how many times we came here back then. You could seat yourself then and each time Isa picked this booth. It was her favorite spot. She liked to people watch and from this booth you can see the entire inside of the diner as well as the parking lot through the window. After she left, I risked getting caught to come and wait for her here. I spent hours at this table, hoping she would walk through those doors.
“Are you even listening?” Jen waves her hand in front of Isa’s face. I let out a laugh but quickly cover it with a cough.
“Oh, uh, yeah.” She reaches under the table and pushes my hand back down her thigh.
“Well, what do you think?” Freedom asks, popping a French fry in her mouth.
Unable to help the smirk that pulls at my lips, I lean in closer and whisper, “Yeah, Red, what do you think?”
Usually, I am reserved and a bit more socially awkward in situations like this, but something about her brings out a different side of me.
“Wh-what was the question again?” Her cheeks quickly turn a deep shade of crimson, and I take a sip of water to hide my amusement.
Freedom looks from her to me and then back to her before mumbling, “I give up,” as she rolls her eyes.
Isa pushes my hand away from her completely and slides out of the booth. “I need to use the restroom.” She looks at Jen and motions in the direction of the restroom. Jen gets up to go with her, obviously getting the hint. As they walk off, Jen turns around and points two fingers at her eyes and then back at me, warning.
“Are you going to tell her?” Freedom hits my arm.
“Tell her what?”
“Oh, just that you love her, want to get married, and ride off into the sunset to have tons of babies with her.” I glare at her while she laughs. “No, but you should see your face right now. You know what I’m talking about, though.”
“There’s nothing to tell, Free.”
“Yeah, okay,” she scoffs. “Hmm, let’s see, your name isn’t Adam.” She holds up her hand and starts counting on her fingers. “You’re wanted by the cops; you’re not technically supposed to be in this country; the reason you always have that damn hood pulled up is that you’re trying to avoid being caught on any cameras; oh, I don’t know, maybe the fact that every moment you spend out in the open with her puts you both in danger?”
I run my hand through my hair. “I’m not going to let anything bad happen to her. I swear.”
“You don’t get it. You are the something bad that’s happening to her! I love you, Alex, but she is my best friend, and I can’t do it anymore. Do you know what it’s like to wonder every single time the phone rings if it’s going to be that call? The call where someone tells me you are either dead or in jail? It’s bad enough that I’ve had to accept the fact that I’m not always going to have my big brother around, but I’m not strong enough to handle losing both of you…” She trails off, wiping her eyes before getting up and storming off from the table.
Books slamming onto the table interrupt my trip down memory lane. Her unruly auburn hair pulled back into a bun, eyes wide in exasperation.
“Ah, so you have decided to show up. I was beginning to wonder if you’d run again.” I take a sip of my coffee.
“Listen, Adam?—”
“Alex.” I cut her off.
She takes a seat across from me before continuing, “Listen, Alex, I didn’t want to run, but I was young… and scared. At the time, it felt like my only option.”
“You sure that wasn’t your plan all along? To get close to us and then vanish like nothing ever happened? You didn’t even give us your real name, Ma-ris-sa.”
“Isa is short for Marissa, and Jenkins is my mother’s maiden name.” She rolls her eyes. “But that’s funny coming from you— Alex Schwartz. Don’t act like I was the only one who gave a fake name. At least mine made sense. Isa was a nickname; it was the name I’d been called all my life. I just stopped using it when?—”
“You decided to turn your back on all of us,” I finish her sentence.
“It wasn’t easy for me, okay.” Bullshit. “Not knowing how my friends were and not knowing if you were alive or dead or locked up somewhere absolutely destroyed me. I may have given a fake name, but my relationships with you all were never fake. Wait.” She narrows her eyes at me. “How are you even here? Why aren’t you in prison?”
“I didn’t give you a fake name, Red.” After looking around the diner, I lean across the table toward her and whisper, “Alex Schwartz is an alias. Adam Schaefer is still a wanted man.”
“What?” Her eyes go wide. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
“I am.” I can’t hold back my laughter anymore. I pull away from her and sit back on my side of the table. “I told you I was innocent.” Her stunned expression sends a knife straight through my heart. “You didn’t believe me, did you?” She casts her eyes down to her fidgeting hands before slowly raising them to meet mine. She opens her mouth to say something but I don’t give her the opportunity.
“Not that you care, but I actually spent three years in prison. At one point, I ended up in a cell with a man named Stefan, the brother of an old coworker. As it turns out, his brother was the one who murdered my boss and was also the reason that Stefan was in prison, so he had no problem turning on him and telling all of his secrets as payback.
“Alex, I?—”
“Are you guys ready to order?” the waiter interrupts what I’m sure is going to be another lie about how she does care or how sorry she is.
“Yeah, I’ll just have a burger and fries,” I order and pass him the menu.
“I’ll have a club sandwich and fries.” She does the same, then turns back at me as he walks away. “So, how long have you lived in East View?”
“I don’t live here. I’m only in town for the summer program.”
“Oh,” she says with a hint of… is that sadness in her voice? “Where do you live then?”
“Technically, I live in Ewigherz.” This time, she doesn’t try to hide her disappointment. I’m not sure how to take that. Does she want me to be closer? Oh, Grace, ’she’s thinking about what’s best for Grace. That’s all it is. “Well, my house is in Ewigherz, but for now, I’m here, and depending on how the summer program goes, I could be offered a permanent position.”
“Oh, well, I’m glad there’s a chance you’ll be staying close by.” She smiles, and I can tell it’s genuine until she catches herself, and her face returns to a neutral expression. “I mean, that’s what is best for Grace. I would hate for her to finally meet her father, only for him to move a thousand miles away.”
“Now that I know I have a daughter, nothing will stop me from being a part of her life. If that means moving here permanently, then so be it.” The waiter brings our food, and there’s a moment of silence while we both start our meals. “There is a favor I would like to ask.”
“Oh, and what is that?” She stops eating and focuses her attention on me.
“At some point, and I know it’s probably going to be a while, I would like for Grace to visit Ewigherz. You know how much my family means to me. I would like her to be a part of that. I’ve already told Freedom about Grace, and of course, she’s excited to have another niece to spoil. She’s also pretty excited to have someone named after her, which she didn’t think would ever happen. You know, with all of the laws back home.” I try not to sound as excited as the idea of her coming to Germany makes me feel.
“Absolutely not.” She slams her fist down on the table garnering the attention of those around us. “She barely knows you and doesn’t even know you’re her dad. Do you expect me just to let her go halfway across the world with you? What mother would do that?”
“Not right now.” I keep my voice calm to not upset her more. “But one day when you’re both ready. I’d like you to come too. It’s not like I want to take her away from you; I just want her to meet my family. It’s something that’s really important to me. I’m not the only one who’s missed out on her life.”
“I have no interest in ever going back to Germany.”
“Why? You afraid to face the ones you once pretended to care about?”
“I did—I do care about them. I never stopped caring about any of you. That doesn’t mean I want to fly halfway around the world to be reunited with people who probably don’t want anything to do with me.”
“You’d be surprised,” I mumble under my breath.
“What?”
“Nothing.” I refuse to explain myself.
“How are Freedom and Annie, by the way? Oh, and please tell me Free and Matt are married with at least four kids and two dogs.”
“Ha, one can only hope.”
She frowns. “Please tell me they are at least dating?”
“Nope, and it is extremely frustrating to watch. They’re so in love with each other but so oblivious.”
“I swear someone needs to smack them both upside the head,” she chuckles. “It was always obvious they were meant to be together; maybe one day they will get their shit together and have their happily ever after.”
It’s funny how people used to say the same thing about us. I’m not telling her that, though. “We’re all hoping. As for Annie, she married an American she met while away at university, and they have twin girls, Marlee and Mayci.”
Marissa’s eyes light up at the mention of Annie and her girls. “That makes me so happy. I can’t believe Annie is a mom now, too. Oh!” She waves her hand. “What about Jennifer? Did she ever make it out of Ewigherz? I know it was always her dream to travel the world.”
“She did. She and her husband live in Paris. The whole group still tries to get together at least once a month, but Jen and André are usually only there virtually. Maybe you could join them sometime.”
“I’m not sure about that.” She scrunches her nose. “All right, tell me about Dom. Is he still the same womanizer he always was?”
Dominik Fucking Becker. Jennifer’s older brother. We were friends at one point in time, but that ship sailed long ago. I always hated how he flirted with Isa when she made it clear she was off-limits. “Dom is Dom. Some things never change.”
She nods and laughs a little before becoming serious again. “What about you, Alex? Are you married, or is there a girlfriend? Does Grace have any little brothers or sisters?” She looks down and picks at her nails.
“No, no children—other than Grace. Marriage has never been something I was really interested in, and honestly, nor has dating. There have been a few flings here and there, but nothing serious.” When she hears that, she looks up, making eye contact. There’s a hint of something there I can’t quite place.
Since she chose this topic, I decide to ask the one thing I’ve been too afraid to since bumping into her at the café. “What about you? Is there a stepdad or future stepdad in my daughter’s life?” The thought of that hurts more than it should. I convince myself I only want to know because of Grace—not because I care about Marissa’s dating life.
“No, Alex, nobody. Nobody has ever even come close to replacing you.” She looks up, meeting my gaze. I can’t help but get lost in those beautiful amber eyes. “And there’s only one man who deserves the title of Gracie’s dad, and that’s you. She’s going to be happy to know the truth finally. She’s been asking so many questions about you lately.”
“I’m not sure I’m good enough to deserve that title. She wants to meet her dad, but what if she’s disappointed it’s me? What if I don’t live up to her expectations, and she hates me for it?” The thought of letting Grace down is an unbearable weight, which crushes my chest.
“Alex, she already adores you. You should hear the way she talks about you. I don’t think you can do anything wrong in her eyes. Trust me, you’ll be the favorite parent,” she sighs, “And I’m going to have to get used to sharing her.”
“When do you plan on telling her?” I try not to get my hopes up that it’ll be soon, but I would tell her right now if it was up to me.
“I want to wait until the summer program is over. I think we should do it together. She’s going to hate me when she finds out, so you’ll need to be there to comfort her.” Her eyes glaze over with unshed tears, and for the first time, I actually feel bad for Marissa.
“Thank you for letting me be there.” I reach across the table and grab her hand before I even think about what I’m doing. There’s always been this unexplainable pull toward her. She looks at my hand and starts to pull back. She stops and looks up at me like she’s not quite sure how to react.
The waiter comes to collect our empty plates and brings the bill, signaling that our time is almost up. Once he walks away, she grabs the books and arranges them between us on the table. “All right, these are scrapbooks I made of everything. They start with the night I found out I was pregnant.” She points to the first, a brown leather-bound book with crimson accents. “This is the first one. It is everything up until her first birthday. The next starts at one and it continues from there. Feel free to make any copies you would like.” She stacks the books so that the first one is on top, and I can lay them out in order.
Despite her protests I pay the bill for both of us, and we make our way to the parking lot. We both awkwardly stand in front of the building unsure how to leave things. Do I hug her? Do I just say goodbye? Luckily before I can overthink too much she speaks up.
“Okay, well.” She puts her hand in her back pockets. “I will call you to set up a time to meet and tell Grace the truth. Goodbye Alex.” Without waiting for me to respond she walks away.
I head back to the hotel eager to see what these scrapbooks hold. Once inside I lay out the books on the bed in order from the oldest to the newest and open the first one. The first page has Freedom Grace Summers on it, surrounded by pink and yellow flowers and butterflies. From there, the rest of the pages are covered in clear page protectors.
The next page holds a positive pregnancy test with a poem about unexpected blessings written above it.
After that, IT’S A GIRL is written in big pink letters. In the middle of the page is a sonogram with the word girl typed in the middle. I pull the page out of the protector to get a better look and a piece of paper, yellowed with time, falls out on the bed. I pick it up and gently unfold it to find a neatly written letter.