Chapter 11
Eleven
MARISSA
My stomach feels queasy.
I can’t tell if it is from the drop in altitude, being back here for the first time since the fire, or knowing I’m about to face the people who I was once closest to. The wheels finally touch down, and I let out a shaky breath. I can do this. I look over at Grace. She’s so excited as she stares out the window. I can do this for her. It’s only a few days. If things don’t go well, I don’t have to come back.
“Hey.” Alex grabs my hand, and as much as I don’t want to, I pull away, causing him to frown. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I force a smile. I am absolutely not fine, but he doesn’t need to know that.
“No, you’re not.” Shit— is it that obvious? “If you don’t want to meet up with everyone right away, I can call off the welcome party. The three of us can just hang out for a bit until you’re comfortable.”
“Welcome party?” I swallow the lump forming in my throat. “Please tell me you’re joking.” My fight- or- flight instinct has been triggered, and all I want to do is run away. Which is hard to do when you’re in a foreign country where the only people you know are the ones you want to run from.
“It’s not necessarily a welcome party. Everyone is just excited to meet Grace, so they are all more than likely going to be at my house when we get there. If you want me to make them leave, I can.” He reaches for my hand again, and this time, I don’t pull away. His gentle squeeze is reassuring. “I mean it. I want you to feel welcome in my home.”
“Maybe you and Grace should go back to your house, and I should go… I don’t know? Anywhere else.”Chewing on my bottom lip, my heart rate starts to pick up.
“What’s the real reason you don’t want to see them?” He grabs my chin gently and pulls my lip from between my teeth with his thumb.
“The real question is, why would they want to see me.” I straighten in my seat and lay my head back against it
“Honestly, I don’t know that they do.” He lets out a frustrated sigh. “You really hurt them. As I’m sure you remember, Freedom wasn’t the same after the fire, and then you just disappeared. They lost two friends in a matter of weeks. I don’t think Jen ever got over losing you. So, no, they probably don’t want to see you. “
“I never even thought of that.” I hang my head down in front of me.
“I know.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Look, you’re going to have to face them at some point. If you don’t want to do it right away, that’s fine. It doesn’t have to be tonight, but you do owe it to them to at least listen to whatever they have to say, no matter how harsh it is. You don’t get to run away from the consequences of your actions forever.”
My mouth is so dry all that I can do is nod. As the plane comes to a complete stop and the seat belt light is turned off, the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach intensifies. Suddenly, the plane feels way too small, and I feel like I’m suffocating. I get mine and Grace’s bags out of the overhead compartment and wait impatiently for the door to open.
Once we are off the plane, I can breathe a little better. Turning to Alex, I ask the question I hadn’t even thought of until now. “Who is picking us up?”
“I believe Freedom is, but I’m not entirely sure.” He leads us through the airport toward the parking area.
Grace reaches up getting my full attention by taking my hand. “I can’t wait to meet everyone.”
“They’re going to be just as excited to meet you.” I squeeze her hand reassuringly.
“Oh my God!” I hear someone yell as we turn a corner. I see a tall slender woman in a band t-shirt and jeans. Her wavy chestnut hair is flowing down her back and finally I realize it’s Freedom. She pulls Grace into a hug. “You must be little Freedom. I’ve heard so much about you.”
“Hey Free.” I say, trying to sound confident, but it comes out in a meek whisper.
“Isa– I mean Marissa.” She looks me up and down and breathes out a sigh. “You’re here. You’re actually alive. Can I hug you?”
I nod, and she wraps her arms around me. It's a bit awkward at first but I hug her back. She holds me for way longer than necessary, but I can’t bring myself to pull away. Before I can stop them, thirteen years of unshed tears roll down my cheeks. The tighter she holds me, the harder I cry. It isn’t until my shoulder starts to feel damp that I realize I’m not the only one crying.
“I’m so–”—I choke on my words—“I’m so sorry.”
“Hey, Isa, long time no see.” Matt walks up behind Freedom, and we pull away from each other.
“It’s Marissa.” I correct him.
“You’ll always be Isa to us.” He looks at Grace and then at Alex. “Seriously, you couldn’t tell she was yours? Dude, she looks just like you!”
“It’s not like I was expecting to have a twelve-year-old kid out there.” He shrugs
Grace is clearly confused by the lack of introduction, so I take it upon myself. “Grace, this is Matt. He’s… Well, he’s Matt.”
“He’s Freedom’s best friend,” Alex adds.
“Hi, Grace.” Smiling, Matt sticks his hand out to her. “It’s nice to meet you. How was your flight?”
“There were some bumpy bumps, but other than that, it was good.” Grace puts her hand in his and shakes.
“Come on, Alex.” Matt grabs my bag. “Let’s get the car and give these girls a moment to catch up.” He walks off toward the parking lot, motioning for Alex and Grace to follow.
“We thought you were dead. We mourned you, and now you’re here. It’s a lot to take in.” There’s a hint of sadness in her voice that cuts like a knife, knowing I caused it.
“If I could do it all over, I would have done things differently. I would have at least let you and Jen know what was going on. I was scared, Freedom. I knew I had to protect both Grace and myself, and the only way to do that was to cut ties with everyone.”
“We would have helped you. You didn’t have to do it alone.” She wipes the tears from her face. “I wish you would have reached out.”
“Hey, wait.” I grab her arm, stopping her as she turns to walk away. “I know nothing I say or do will ever make up for what I did, but I truly am sorry. I hope one day you can forgive me.”
“I understand why you ran away, and I don’t hate you for it. You know me, I like to believe things always work out exactly how they’re supposed to, even if we can’t see it. I can’t be mad when you may have unintentionally saved my brother’s life.”
“What do you mean?” I look at her, confused.
“He gave up on finding you and turned himself in. That’s when he discovered the truth about what happened and was able to prove his innocence. If you had told him about Grace, none of that would have happened. He’s a free man and can be the kind of father she deserves.”
“Wow,” I chuckle, amazed that she isn’t angry. “Your pep talks have gotten a lot better over the years.”
“Oh, shut up!” Freedom shoves me playfully, and we walk off in the direction the others went.
The ride to Alex’s house is quiet—except for Grace talking a million miles an hour. She has asked everything from what the national bird of Germany is—it’s an eagle, by the way— to what Freedom’s favorite food is—chocolate cherry cheesecake. Now, she’s asking Alex how to say different words in German such as: hello, goodbye, good morning.. Watching those two interact swells my heart . She’s needed this, that is painfully clear to me.
When we pull up to the house, I am pleasantly surprised by what I see. It is a decently sized cabin-style house with a stone walkway leading up to the front door. Colorful flowers line the walkway and the sides of the house. Are those African daisies? My favorite flowers.
Did he do that on purpose? No, there’s no way he would remember that, right?
“You don’t seem like the type to have a flower garden, but the daisies add a nice touch.” I say as I get out of the car.
He stops walking for a moment, turns to me, smiles, and then continues on. “I remember you having them planted in pots on the windowsills of your apartment. Planting them here felt like having a piece of you here with me.”
And I’m officially speechless.
“Mom, wake up, you don’t want to miss the welcome party,” Grace says, shaking me awake.
I must have fallen asleep after we got settled into our room. Traveling is always tiring, but adding in the pressure of seeing everyone again, I am both mentally and physically exhausted. Seeing Freedom went better than I had hoped it would, so I am hopeful the rest of the meetings are just as smooth. After getting up, I put on a light blue sundress, and opt for some light makeup.
“Are you ready to go meet everyone else? I ask, and she nods vigorously. “All right, let’s do this.”I take Grace’s hand for comfort and lead us down the stairs and out the back door. She makes a beeline for Alex, and I take a moment to take in my surroundings.
The backyard is considerably larger than the one at the front. On one side, there is a patio with a grill, and a large stone table with a crate of beer on it. Alex and Matt are standing around the grill, drinking beer and laughing. The other side has a fire pit with patio furniture circled around it. I recognize a couple of other people from back in the day, Charlotte and Derrick. I contemplate walking over but decide against it since we were never that close. Freedom is the only one I wouldn’t feel extremely awkward around, but I don’t see her anywhere.
“Isa!” I hear someone scream approximately two seconds before I am tackled, and almost knocked to the ground. Well, I guess I can give up on convincing people not to call me that.
Once I finally get out of the mystery person’s hold, it takes me a couple of minutes to recognize who it is. “Jennifer?”
“Oui,” she chuckles.
Without saying another word, I pull her into a hug. Hugging her heals something in my soul I didn’t even know was broken. “I– I don’t even know where to begin. Not a day goes by that I haven’t thought of you.” I finally let her go from the death grip of a hug’. “I know, I know I should have called or —”
“Hey, it’s okay.” She puts her hands on my shoulders and gives me a gentle shake. “I don’t want to think about all of that. You’re here now, and I want to focus on that.”
“You don’t hate me? Why? I don’t deserve your kindness after what I did. You guys needed me, and I wasn’t here.” I just can’t understand how both Freedom and Jennifer are being so nice about this. There’s a feeling of impending doom in my stomach, like this is going to blow up in my face.
“I could never hate you. I was pretty mad at first, but then I heard about Grace, and I didn’t stay that way for long.”
“Word still travels fast around here,” I say, chuckling.
“Of course, you know none of us can keep a secret. Come on, I want you to meet my husband, André.” She starts walking toward the people sitting around the fire.
“Well, will you look at that? I do still have a sister.” A loud voice comes from behind me, and I turn to see Jen’s brother Dom. “I haven’t seen you in so long. I almost forgot you existed.”
Dom’s not a bad-looking guy but he’s never really been my type. With long blond hair, blue eyes, and tattoos covering ninety percent of his body, he’s much more my sister’s type than mine.
“You’re not getting rid of me that easy.” She rolls her eyes and hugs him.
“Oh, and who’s your friend?” He takes my hand and kisses the back of it before giving me a wink, which makes Jen and me both laugh out loud.
“Well, I guess some things really don’t ever change, do they?” I pull my hand out of his.
“Oh shit. Isa? I didn’t even recognize you.” He pulls me into a bear hug. I swear I have been hugged more tonight than I have in thirteen years.
He pulls back but keeps his hands on my waist. “We need to grab a drink while you’re in town. I’m pretty sure I still owe you one.”
He may not be my type, but his incessant flirting always made Alex jealous, and judging by the glare we are both getting, that hasn’t changed either. I slide my hands up Dom’s arms and drape them over his shoulders. “I would love to have that drink with you finally. Just don’t be surprised when I out-drink you,” I laugh, glancing behind him to see Alex throw his beer bottle back into the crate and storm off toward the house. I should feel bad about what I’m doing, but I don’t.
Jen looks at me like I’ve gone mad until she notices Alex slamming the door. She looks back at me and shakes her head. “All right, that’s enough. I would actually like for you to meet my husband before you end up in my brother’s bed.” She grabs my hand and starts pulling me across the yard.
“I’m not going to end up in Dom’s bed,” I scoff.
“I know. We both know exactly what you’re doing.” She rolls her eyes. “All right, Marissa, this is my husband, André. André, this is Marissa. She was my best friend back in the day.”
André is the definition of tall, dark, and handsome with dark brown hair, espresso colored eyes, and perfectly tanned skin. I can definitely see what Jen sees in him.
I reach out to shake his hand. “Ravi de vous rencontrer.”
“Enchantée.” He leans in and we kiss each other’s cheeks. “Parles tu fran?ais?”
“Nope, that is the extent of my French knowledge,” I laugh. “I never thought having to learn how to greet someone in French in that one class in college would come in handy, but here we are.”
“Umm, Annie should be here any minute.” Freedom says behind me, causing me to jump. She and Jen exchange glances, and I can tell Freedom is trying to communicate something I’m not meant to understand.
“I’ll go take Grace inside and set up the video games for her to play with Marlee and Mayci when they get here.” She walks around me and back toward the house.
“What was that about?” I ask, but she doesn’t answer.
“Oh, look who it is. The bitch who decided to disappear without a trace is here pretending to be one of us again, like nothing ever happened.”
Instantly, I freeze. I should have known if anyone was going to cause a scene it would be Annie. “Excuse me?” I turn around to face her.
“You. Don’t. Belong. Here.” She claps her hands after each word to make her point.
“Annie, I–”
She slaps me across the face. “That is for breaking my brother’s heart.”
I clench my fists at my sides and try to remind myself that I deserve this. That she has a right to be angry with me.
“This.” She slaps me again. “Is for lying to all of us about who you really are and making us think you were dead.
“And this–”
I grab her hand before she can slap me again. “First of all, I know you’re mad and have every right to be but this is what we’re not going to do. You are not going to put your hands on me again. I was invited to come here by your brother, and I’m pretty sure this is his house, not yours. So, if you have a problem with that, you can take it up with him.” I drop her hand. “My daughter is here somewhere, and if you expect to have any kind of relationship with her, you will not disrespect me like that in her presence again.”
“Alex is her father. We don’t need you here to have a relationship with her. So, you can just go back to the US and continue to live your life as if we don’t exist.” She crosses her arms and her eyebrows knit together. “You really thought you would just show up and everyone would welcome you with open arms?” She looks around at everyone else.. “And it looks like you guys did exactly that. I can’t believe you.”
“What the fuck is going on?!” Alex yells as he comes out of the house.
“I was just making sure this bitch knows her place.” She steps closer so we are chest to chest.
He pulls her back and steps in between us. “It doesn’t matter what your feelings are for her. She is the mother of my child, and you will not disrespect her. Do I make myself clear?”
“So, you’ve just forgotten all about what she did to us?”
“No, but the way you are acting is unacceptable.” He turns to me, takes my face in his hand, and rubs his thumb over my cheek. “Are you okay, Red?”
He said I deserved this, and now he’s comforting me? Did he take my side against his sister? I swear he’s giving me whiplash with all of the mixed signals.
“I’m fine.” I pull out of his hold. “I need to go check on Gracie.” Pulling away from him, I make my way to the house to find Grace. I can’t do this anymore. I need to get out of here and go back home.