Chapter 15
Fifteen
MARISSA
I open my eyes and try to move, but I feel restricted. I look down and Alex’s arms are wrapped tightly around me, and I remember his attempts to comfort me last night. Heat rushes to my face at the thought of how close we are. He and Grace are both still asleep, so I close my eyes, hoping I will fall asleep again. In his arms, I had the best sleep I’ve had in years. Which is surprising, given how uncomfortable hospital beds are.
He starts to wake, and I anticipate him pulling away from me, but he doesn’t. He rests his chin on my shoulder and holds me even closer to him. “Are you awake?” he softly whispers.
Nervous, I pretend to still be asleep, hoping he doesn’t pull away.
He lets out a long sigh. “I love you, Red.” His voice is so low I almost miss it. “I always have.” Gently, he kisses the top of my shoulder, causing a chill to rush up my spine. “God, do you even have any idea what you do to me? You drive me absolutely crazy. I’m sick of fighting this. I am completely at your mercy, Red. I’m yours if you’ll have me.” He buries his face in my neck and pulls me in closer.
There’s a stupid smile plastered on my face as I close my eyes and drift off to sleep again.
“Mamma.” Gracie’s weak voice wakes me, and I notice Alex is no longer beside me.
“Hey, baby.” I get out of bed, walk over, grab her hand, and squeeze it. “How are you feeling?”
“My head hurts, and I still feel funny.”
“You look funny, too.” Alex walks into the room and sticks his tongue out, which makes her giggle.
“Here” He holds out a cup to me. “I figured you could use some coffee as well.”
“Oh God, yes. Thank you.” I move the bench, which Alex was supposed to sleep on last night, over to Grace’s bed and sit.
“Has the doctor been in yet?”
“No, not yet. I hope he comes in soon to give us answers.” I take another long drink of my coffee, and right on cue, the door opens.
“Hello, my I’m Dr. Irwing. I’m a neurologist. I’ve been called in here due to the rarity of your daughter’s situation.” She walks over to Gracie and has her perform a series of tasks to check her fine motor skills. “I have reviewed her test results. Now, the initial thought was a stroke because she had all the classic symptoms. However, there are no signs on tests of any damage that would be caused by a stroke. Also, her blood pressure never went above normal, which is also another indication this was not a stroke.”
“So, what caused all of her symptoms then?” Alex sits beside me and wraps his arm around my waist like it’s the most normal thing in the world.
“It’s called a hemiplegic migraine. Basically, your body reacts as if it is actively having a stroke, but it’s not. Unlike a stroke, all of the symptoms are temporary. Grace’s speech is already back to normal and everything else has significantly improved. In mild cases, someone experiencing one of these migraines will experience temporary speech and vision changes. In more severe cases, such as your daughter’s, temporary paralysis will occur. Although it is uncommon, temporary loss of consciousness, like what happened to Grace, can occur.”
“What caused it? Is it something we did?” I ask.
“Well, there can be several triggers for these migraines. Certain foods and smells can be triggers as well as lack of sleep and extensive exercise. Some of the most common include caffeine, alcohol, and dehydration.” I look at Alex and his face falls. “The most important thing is to make sure she avoids anything that causes her to have these symptoms. Hemiplegic migraines can potentially increase her risk for a stroke. Therefore, I strongly encourage you to follow up with a neurologist once you get back home. There are preventative medications that can be prescribed as well as rescue medications to alleviate the symptoms once they start.” Alex gets up and walks out of the room, and the doctor continues, “I am going to prescribe her a rescue medication. Once you get in with a regular neurologist, they can talk about other meds. We will get the discharge paperwork together, and then you guys will be free to go.”
“Thank you, doctor.” He nods once before leaving.
“Where did Dad go?” Gracie asks.
“I’m not sure. I’ll go find him, though,”
I step out of the room and don’t see Alex in the hall. There is a small waiting room at the end. Maybe he went down there? As I get closer, I can see him through the window, talking on the phone and pacing back and forth. He ends his call just as I am about to open the door.
“Alex? What’s wrong? Is everything okay?
“It’s my fault. I almost killed Grace.”
“What are you even talking about?” I reach out to touch him but he pulls away.
“I gave her coffee, and that’s what caused this.” He leans back against the wall and points his finger angrily at his chest. “I did this. This is on me.”
A tear runs down his cheek, and I can’t help reaching out and grabbing his face with both hands. I swipe my thumbs across his cheeks, wiping away his tears, and pull his head down until his forehead touches mine. “Alex, it was an accident. She said Amanda gave her coffee, so we had no reason to believe it would do anything to her. Nobody blames you but yourself.”
“You were right to keep her from me.” He closes his eyes and grabs my wrists trying to pull my hands away from his face.
“No, don’t you even go there. Look at me, Alex.” I gently shake him, causing him to open his eyes. His brows furrow when he looks at me. “I didn’t keep her from you because I doubted your parenting skills, and you know it. You’ve been an amazing father so far, and that girl loves you more than anything.”
“She’s been perfectly fine for the last twelve years, and now that I’m in her life, she’s in the hospital.”
“It’s funny that you think you’re the only one to screw up.” I let out a sigh and chuckle. “I lost Gracie for a whole hour when she was two.”
“Wait, you what?” he gasps.
“She was sick and not sleeping very well and kept me awake for days. I finally got her to take a nap and decided to take one too. She woke up before I did and crawled through the doggy door.” I chuckle at the memory. “I woke up and panicked when I realized she wasn’t there. I had to get the police involved; it was a whole mess. After about an hour, our neighbor went outside and found that she had broken into his backyard to play with his puppies. You’re not the first parent to make a mistake, and I’m sure you won’t be the last. I’m positive that’s not even going to be the last one you make. What matters is that Gracie is okay.”
“Thank you.” His body relaxes and he wipes his eyes.
“You’re welcome.” I stand on my tip toes and give him a quick peck on the lips before pulling away from him. “Now, get your shit together because your daughter wants to see you, and I don’t want her to see you upset.”
It is well into the evening when we’re finally able to leave the hospital. Gracie had IV meds to help her head. She’s been a bit out of it and saying crazy things ever since. She refused to leave the hospital until we agreed to get her ice cream on the way back. After the ice cream, she passed out immediately.
Alex parks the car, and I get out. Quietly, I open Gracie’s door and carefully undo her seat belt. As I’m about to pick her up, Alex stops me. He picks her up and carries her inside. Just as he gets through the door, she wakes up.
“Dad?” Her groggy voice barely above a whisper.
“Yeah, Gracie?” he answers in a gentle tone.
“Are you and Mom back together?” she asks, making me cringe. I should have expected that question.
“What makes you ask that?” He puts her down and stoops to her level.
“Because I woke up last night and saw you sleeping in the same bed.” She shrugs and rubs the sleep from her eyes.
“Umm… well… I…” Alex starts to stutter and looks to me for help.
“No, Gracie, that’s not going to happen. We’ve talked about this.” I look at Alex and can’t miss the brief look of disappointment before he masks it. “They only gave us one bed. It was more comfortable than one of us sleeping on the hard bench.”
“Okay, but that’s what I want for my birthday.” She crosses her arms, stomps her foot, and pouts.
“Well”— I mimic her stance—“We don’t always get what we want. Now, go to bed and sleep off the meds.” I motion toward the bedroom.
She huffs and marches off.
Alex turns to me and smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Since she’s doing better, do you think you would be okay with Annie keeping her tomorrow? There are some things we need to talk about, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to do it in front of her.”
“Sure, if she feels up for it, I’d be okay with that.”