Chapter 29
Febe strode through the office, an hour late from her lunch and budget meeting with Ms. Ilic. Cherish watched her path carefully, her eyes falling on the empty desk across from her. It was the first time Haylee had called out since she’d started working there. Cherish knew she was desperate for cash, so even when she’d been sick, she’d come in.
And she hadn’t seemed sick yesterday.
Cherish focused back on her computer, but it was harder than it should be. The office felt so empty without Haylee there. It shouldn’t. She’d been alone in that room more times than she cared to admit, but something about Haylee’s presence brought her a hope for the future that she couldn’t shake. And Haylee had become so much a part of her life at that point.
Blowing out a breath, Cherish was just about to start on a report when an email from Febe came through. She clicked it, always wanting to make Febe her priority no matter what, and read.
Her stomach plummeted.
Her heart thudded hard.
Cold washed through her, stealing into every nook and cranny of her body.
Hire a new personal assistant?
Immediately?
Cherish looked at Haylee’s empty desk. It still had all of her things there like she was only gone for the day. Was she, though? Cherish’s mouth was so dry. She could barely breathe right. She couldn’t get herself together enough to even walk into Febe’s office and ask.
Snagging her phone, she shot off a text to Haylee.
If Cherish knew one thing for certain, Haylee wasn’t sick today.
Cherish: Where are you?
The read receipt came through almost immediately, but there was no response. No three bubbles popping up to indicate that Haylee was even writing a reply. Cherish froze. Her heart stuttered as she stared at her phone, tapping her fingers on her desk, willing Haylee to just text back already.
Her computer pinged with another email. Cherish held her breath as she opened it, finding a full budget for a new personal assistant. Someone who would make the same amount as Haylee depending on experience. Febe had sent through her updated specifications for the job description and what she wanted added to it.
This was really happening.
Haylee was leaving her.
Cherish’s hands shook as she printed out the information so she could have a record of it when she created the job listing. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it right now. She couldn’t force herself to start creating the position in all their systems. Was she even supposed to delete Haylee from them? Because she was still registered as an employee, and it wasn’t like Febe had told her to remove her access to anything.
Glancing at Febe’s closed door, Cherish bit her lip.
She should have known better. She should have trusted her gut and not put as much trust and hope that Haylee would actually work out. Haylee had a proven track record of leaving jobs, bouncing from one position to another. She never stayed somewhere for very long. But when she’d hit six months, then she’d hit nine months, Cherish had dared to hope that she might make it to a year.
Damn it, she was going to puke.
The migraine from earlier in the morning came raging back full force. It churned her stomach, twisting all the coffee she’d consumed into what was about to be a fountain of bile. There was no other conclusion to draw from this because she knew Febe wasn’t going to fire her.
Haylee was quitting.
Haylee was leaving her.
Cherish’s hands shook as she reached for her phone again to check once more and see if Haylee had answered yet. But there was nothing. She knew better than to fall in love. She knew it and still she’d fallen into the trap of thinking that maybe love could be real. Maybe she could be one of those people who fell in love and had it all.
But that wasn’t right.
Because love always left a trail of devastation behind. She’d seen it happen so many times, but especially with Febe. Cherish closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, swallowing down the bile that threatened to come pouncing out. Haylee was leaving. She’d never said she was there for the long haul. She’d never made any commitments to staying. And Cherish had let her imagination run away with her.
Again.
Why did she always do that?
She’d done it with Febe for so many years, and she’d allowed her fantasies to run wild with Haylee because she’d thought Haylee was safe just like Febe had been. She should have left well enough alone and kept her head down.
“Cherish?” Febe stood in her office doorway with a look of concern on her face. “Are you sick?”
She wanted desperately to say yes, to run home and hide under her covers. She could come back tomorrow and figure everything out when she had her head on straight and could think better. Would Haylee even be in tomorrow? Was she going to be stuck running the office on her own for months again?
“I…” Cherish glanced at her phone with still no response from Haylee. She dragged her gaze up to meet Febe’s. “I think it’s just another migraine.”
“I told you to go to the doctor for those. You have them so frequently.” Febe walked to stand right by Cherish’s desk. “Do I need to take you to get a shot?”
Cherish shook her head wildly. “No. I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Maybe I just have what Haylee has.”
Febe’s face fell. Her lips parted as she scanned her eyes over Cherish’s form before nodding. “Yeah. Maybe. Take the rest of the day if you need. There are only a few hours left, and I’m sure we can survive without you. I don’t want your migraine to get worse.”
“I think I will.” That nausea swirled up again. Cherish’s eyes prickled with tears.
“Call me if you need to go get a shot, okay? I don’t want you taking a rideshare home after that.”
“I promise.” In a haze, Cherish grabbed her phone and purse. She didn’t even bother to turn her computer off before she stood up and stumbled out of the office. She had eighteen hours before she had to be back. And she needed to know what she was going to say to Haylee when they saw each other again.
Because I love you wasn’t it.
“Where the hell were you yesterday?” Cherish dropped her jacket and purse heavily on her desk, immediately spinning around to face Haylee with her hands on her hips. She wasn’t going to put up with being ignored. Haylee might be leaving her but that didn’t mean she had to be an ass about it.
Then again maybe that’s who she was. Love them and leave them.
Cherish should have guessed.
“I-I was sick.”
“Oh bullshit.” Cherish winced at her own rage. She had told herself she was going to come in and calmly ask where Haylee had been, if she felt better, and then guilt her into telling her where she was. So much for that plan.
“What’s wrong, Cherry?”
“Don’t you dare call me that.” Cherish pointed her finger directly at Haylee. “You don’t have that right anymore.”
Haylee paled, and Cherish knew she’d pushed this too far. She had taken it a step over the edge. Haylee had no idea why she was so mad, why she was burning with rage, and it was all turned on her. Cherish grimaced and ran her fingers through her hair. She’d barely slept the night before. Every time she’d turned over, that same raging nausea came right back, and it had nothing to do with a migraine.
“Cherish,” Haylee corrected. She stood up, coming around her desk. “I don’t understand what I did.”
“You’re leaving.” Cherish’s voice broke, and tears were threatening to spill down her cheeks. She couldn’t make the words make sense. She wanted to tell Haylee what she was feeling. She wanted to yell at her and make her hurt just as much as she did. Because the worst part of all of this was that Cherish knew she was the one who was going to be hurt. She was the one who was going to be left in the dust.
Just like she always was.
“I’m not leaving.”
“You are!” Cherish screeched. “I have to create a job listing for your position. You’re leaving.”
“I…” Haylee stopped talking and shook her head. “I can’t talk about it.”
“Like hell you can’t.”
“Cherish.” Febe’s voice rang through the office suite. “My office. Now.”
With no other choice, Cherish walked away. She held back her tears as she stalked into Febe’s office. As soon as she was inside, she couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. She brushed her face with her hands, wiping the salty demons and cursing each one.
“What’s going on with you?” Febe asked as soon as the door was shut. “I’ve never had to break up an argument with you before, and this is twice I’ve done it between you and Haylee.”
Cherish shook her head, clenching her jaw shut sharply. She wouldn’t say anything. She didn’t want to get Haylee in trouble, and she certainly didn’t want to feel Febe’s wrath turned in her direction.
“Cherry, I’m not going to do this anymore. I’m tired of it.” Febe crossed the room and leaned against her desk. She didn’t come off as someone who was going to yell. Which was probably a good thing.
Though Cherish deserved a reaming. She knew she did. She was acting ridiculous. Why was she so afraid of Haylee leaving her?
“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“It won’t.” Febe crossed her arms. “Because if it does, I’ll suspend you. I let you off easy the first time, but I’m not going to do that again. Consider this your warning.”
Shame overwhelmed her. She should have known better. Everything with Haylee had been building to a pinnacle, to this. The trust between them had been strengthened and then stretched, and Cherish was damn sure it was going to snap at any moment. Because she just couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn’t handle this.
“Do you understand?”
“Yes, Ms. Aarts.” It was the only appropriate thing she could say.
“Now, what’s going on with you? I’ve never seen you act like this before.”
“Nothing is going on.”
“Do you like her?” Febe seemed to genuinely be asking.
But Cherish couldn’t answer her. She couldn’t even begin to comprehend what it would mean for Febe to know what she and Haylee had done. She would be fired for that. It was unethical, and they both knew it. Cherish held her breath, not answering.
“Because I have to tell you, this bully routine is unbecoming.”
Bully? Cherish jerked her chin up and shook her head. “I’m not a bully.”
“Could’ve fooled me.” Febe’s look was cross. “Because this is the second time I’ve walked in on you pushing your weight around with Haylee. I won’t stand for it. But not only that, it’s so unlike you. You’re one of the sweetest people I know. It’s why I asked you to come here and work with me. You’re brilliant and caring and you get the job done.”
None of the platitudes sunk in. All Cherish heard was that she was being a bully. And she was. Febe was absolutely right. She shook her head and blinked back even more tears. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.”
“No, you both deserve an apology.” Cherish crossed her arms tightly, frowning. “I’m sorry. I haven’t been an exemplary worker. I’ve been distracted, and I’ve screwed up more times than I can count in these last few weeks. I need to reevaluate what I’m doing and why and make better decisions.”
“Fine.” Febe pointed to the closed door. “But Haylee deserves an apology. I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you. You got along fine until the gala, and now suddenly you’re treating her like the enemy. Quit it.”
“I will. I promise.” Cherish sucked in a sharp breath. “And nothing’s going on between us.”
Because that was the truth. If Haylee was leaving her, which she absolutely was, then they were done. Cherish had been foolish to put any more hope in their relationship. “I'll apologize right now, and I’ll set up the open position on our internal boards before searching elsewhere.”
“Please do.”
Cherish turned to leave, but as soon as her hand touched the doorknob, Febe’s voice caught her attention again.
“I hope your migraine from yesterday is better.”
“Just peachy.” Cherish didn’t turn around and look.
She walked out and stood in front of Haylee. She hated that she had to do this. No, that was wrong. She hated that she’d been such an ass that she was now groveling and hoping that would be enough to make this right.
Haylee swallowed, looking up at Cherish from her desk and shaking her head. “I wanted to be the one to tell you.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Cherish glanced at her toes. “I’m sorry. I was out of line, in more ways than one. I shouldn’t have yelled. I should have just talked to you like the adult I’m not sometimes.” Cherish cringed. “I hope you can forgive me.”
“Of course,” Haylee answered, her lower lip quivering. “I don’t know what else to say, but I’m not holding this against you.”
“Well, thank you.” Cherish tightened her shoulders, another migraine pounding its way up the back of her neck into her skull. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to create a new job listing for your position and start interviewing candidates.”
Cherish turned around before she could start crying again. She took a few steps to her desk to steady herself and sat down. She could do this. She could get through the next few weeks with Haylee there. Then she would be gone, and Cherish would be right back where she started.
Only this time she would remember.
Love wasn’t worth it.