CHAPTER SIX
TOMMY
I sit at the back of the chapel of rest. Watching Angie grieve with Calla and Ash is the hardest thing I’ve ever witnessed.
We’ve been here for nearly four hours. It’s getting dark out, but I’m prepared to wait. This day has been hell for them, and until Angie is ready to go, I promised I wouldn’t leave.
My phone buzzes against my chest from the inside pocket of my jacket.
It’s been busy, on and off, for the last twenty minutes, so I take it out and see who it is.
There are five missed calls and seven demanding texts from Chelsea.
No one else. I press the side button, switching it off.
Today, of all days, she needs to give me space.
I haven’t spoken to her since I left New York, but my cleaner confirmed she’d smashed the place up after I left. Since then, I haven’t felt ready to listen to her bullshit.
Gentle sniffs and quiet conversation bring my attention back to the chapel. Angie whispers something to Ash and Calla before they stand and make their way towards me. Ash places his crutches to the side and leans on a chair.
“You okay, man?” he asks with a hushed tone, bringing his wife to his side.
“Hey, don’t worry about me. All I care about is you and your family.”
“Thanks, Tommy. She needed this,” Calla says, nodding towards Angie.
Fuck, I feel for Calla. She seems so small, and her words croak from her throat. It’s got to be hard losing her brother when they’ve had so little time together.
Angie walks over to join us. Her black dress doesn’t disguise her tiny bump. Her bloodshot eyes glance my way. I’m physically hurting inside for her. Jesus, what the hell is she going through?
Ash pulls his wife closer to his side. She looks exhausted. “I think it’s time we went home, if that’s okay with you, Angie.”
“Yes, of course, but I might stay a little while if you’re okay with that,” Angie says, taking a seat beside me. “Would you mind staying with me, Tommy?”
“Sure, whatever you need.”
“Thank you.” A faint, sad smile flickers across her lips.
“See you back at the house.” Ash takes his wife’s hand, squeezing it for a second before he retrieves his crutches again and they leave.
Angie fidgets in her seat. “I don’t know how to thank you, Tommy. We haven’t exactly been close in recent years, but you’ve been so supportive since the accident.” Her hand touches my arm. “You really stepped up for me today.”
“Hey, anytime,” I reply. “I’m glad I could be here for you.”
She nods in thought. “You know, I think today, for the first time, it all became real for me.”
I don’t answer. Ash and Calla already told me her acceptance changes daily.
“It wasn’t until the curtain started closing, it was like…” She pauses for a moment. “It was like something snapped inside. This was it. He was finally leaving me forever. I just couldn’t deal with knowing, he would never come home again.” She glances over at me. “You probably think I’ve lost it.”
I shake my head. “You’re good, Angie.”
She glances down at her hands. “I just didn’t want to face facts.
I still don’t want to face them. There’s so much to think about, and I can’t imagine how to do those things without him.
” She looks down at her stomach and runs a gentle hand over her bump.
“It seems surreal. How many weeks ago were Calla and Ash celebrating their wedding? Was it three weeks? Four? I can’t remember. ”
I want to take her hand, but it doesn’t seem right. “Over a month. Almost two, Angie.”
“Yes. I suppose that makes sense.” Her tone tells me time doesn’t matter at all.
“We were happy that day, and he looked so handsome. He was excited about our baby and beyond proud to be Ash’s best man.
Seeing his sister walk down the aisle was the icing on the cake, and finally, he got the family he’d been missing for so many years.
Then, just like that, he was gone.” She chokes a little.
“I don’t know.” She shakes her head. “Life is cruel, isn’t it? ”
“It can be.”
“I just wish,” she says, continuing to focus on her stomach, “we had more time together. We didn’t get to the really good stuff. God’s plan, eh? Well, he certainly didn’t have any plans for us.” Her lips form a tight line as she attempts to smile.
“You know, one reason I didn’t want a church service for Scott today was because he wasn’t a great believer, but me?
I believed in something. I never imagined some giant father figure sitting on a throne in the clouds or anything like that, but I believed there was…
a presence or plan. Now? Well, now I just think life is life and death is inevitable. Do you know what I mean?”
It's a good way of looking at it. “Yeah. I get that.”
She pauses for a second before asking, “Do you believe, Tommy?”
“I don’t know,” I say honestly. “My parents are into it, and if it helps, then okay. Whatever gets you through.”
She nods again. “I think I’ve come to the conclusion that we are not in control of our own destiny.” She sighs.
We sit in comfortable silence for a while until Angie says, “If it’s okay with you, I just need five more minutes with Scott.”
“You take as much time as you need,” I reassure her. “Do you want me to leave?”
“No,” she says quickly. “I don’t want to feel any more alone than I already am.”
I steeple my fingers and lean forward. “Okay. I’ll wait here. Take your time.”
“Thank you.”
She gets up and makes her way to the front of the chapel, but this time, instead of taking a seat, she steps towards the coffin and lays her hand across it.
“I’ll always love you, Knoxy. In fact, I will walk this Earth loving you until the day we can be together again.
” She kisses her hand, then presses it against the top of her husband’s coffin.
Her tears come thick and fast, splashing against the wood.
I don’t know what to do for the best, but I’m sure if she needs me to steady her, she will ask for help.
It’s better to keep my distance and let her say goodbye in her own way.