Chapter Fifteen
Kenzie stared at the screen in front of her. She’d said good-bye to Lucy that morning as she and Sami headed back to France. She’d thought about going with them, but her mother had let her in on Dad’s plan and she’d reluctantly agreed that taking a sabbatical was for the best.
Removing herself from the equation would let her father handle things in whatever way he felt served the mission. It also took her twin out of harm’s way.
They’d sat up with her last night, obviously expecting her to cry and wail her pain like she normally would. She would hang with her girls and say everything she needed to say, and they would hype her up so she could move forward and find the right one.
“You heard me, Gabe.” Her twin walked into the office in the basement, but she paced toward the front of the big space, so Kala hadn’t seen her.
Probably thought she was still in bed since her usual routine after a breakup was to lie around for a week or so crying and listening to sad songs, and then on the seventh or eighth day she would rise like a phoenix, put on her sluttiest clothes, declare she was ready to live again, and that looking hot as fuck was the best revenge.
“I want a top-tier Dom. What do you mean what does that mean? Do you not understand words? Why would the fact that it’s three in the morning affect your ability to speak English? We both know you’re awake.”
Kenzie sat back and watched Kala pace. Why was she looking for a Dom? It must be some weird project she had going because the last person in the world who would cheat on her spouse was Kala. Cooper was it for her.
Like Ben seemed to be for her.
It was different this time. The ache felt more…permanent.
Somehow she hadn’t cried as much. Like if she cried, she might get him out of her system and he would be gone.
This. This was why she wasn’t going to fight her parents.
They were going to discuss the situation with Drake and Taylor Radcliffe, but her parents were fairly certain they would be okay with it.
She’d placed her father in a position where he had to ask his boss to change plans because his dumbass daughter slept with another operative and now needed space.
Kala sighed, still pacing. She was dressed for a workout in yoga pants and a tank top that showed off toned muscles.
“I want a Dom who is looking for something permanent, not a fuck boy. I’m talking someone late-twenties to mid-thirties with a solid career and enough self-worth that he wouldn’t ever let a sociopath dictate his life. ”
Fuck. Now Kenzie sat up because her twin was obviously talking about her.
“I don’t know. Buy one if you have to.” Kala huffed, the sound she made when she was impatient. “Don’t tell me that’s not possible. You are Julian Lodge’s son, and when that man farts a million dollars falls out of his ass.”
It wouldn’t work. She’d finally decided that she would need time to deal with this, and getting into another relationship wouldn’t solve things.
She needed to be with herself for a while.
Besides, they had no idea how long they would be in Bliss.
Was Kala planning on having this stud she was trying to get Gabe to buy shipped to Colorado?
She might go into the woods with them. It would be okay. Sure, she would be the fifth wheel, but she could hang with Zach’s mom and stare at the stars and breathe clean air and figure out what her future looked like without Ben Parker.
“Yes, you can use that on your Christmas cards this year. Find me that Dom.” Kala hung up and then sighed when she caught sight of Kenzie. “Hey. I didn’t think you would be up.”
Her sister knew how she handled a breakup. However, she’d never had one like this. One where she ached and she knew she always would.
But she kept it quiet, unwilling to voice her pain for fear that it would be seen as more Kenzie drama.
“I wanted to get some research work done for Lucy before we leave.” She turned her attention back to the screen. She was searching through property records, trying to dig up when that chateau changed hands.
Kala walked over and stood by her desk. “Are you okay?”
Kenzie took a long breath and sat back. “I’m okay. I’m sad, but everyone was right.”
“Kenz, this isn’t about right or wrong. This is about you and the fact that you loved him.
” Kala leaned over, as though she needed to be close so her twin could feel her will.
“You loved him. This isn’t like the rest. You had crushes and fell into relationships because you were lonely and liked the guy.
I understand this is different. You loved him with all your heart.
You genuinely thought Ben Parker was it. I’m so sorry he wasn’t worthy of you.”
Tears sparked, but Kenzie sniffled and tried to hold them back. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to talk to him?” Kala asked.
“What good would it do? Also, if you think I should talk to him, why are you trying to import a top for me?” Kenzie returned with a snort. “When did Gabe get into that business?”
Kala sighed and moved to the chair next to her. “You’re going to need sessions.”
“I’m going to be in the woods. I think that will be my session.”
Kala’s brows rose. “I thought you were staying with Nell and Henry.”
“I’d rather go with you,” she said quietly. Watching Lucy’s mom and dad would remind her of what she wasn’t going to get in the future. No one to grow old with. She was left with the memory of what she’d thought she had. That was the hardest part. Acknowledging that only her feelings had been real.
“Then we’ll enjoy the woods.” Kala reached out and held her hand as the door opened and Lou walked in, carrying her laptop.
“Hey, guys,” Lou said with a bright smile.
“Kala, I was hoping I could catch you. I need someone to put on the nanite suit. I’ve got some stuff I’ve been working on, and I need a test subject.
I think I’ve figured out how to easily split them up.
I’ve been worried ever since that time Kenz got caught in that strip club and couldn’t find her clothes and had to wear Coop’s shirt when we ran through the streets of Bucharest. If one of us was wearing the nanite suit, we could transfer some and she would have been fully covered. ”
Fun night. They’d been monitoring an arms dealer who liked strip clubs, and whoops, Kenzie got made and had to run in pasties and a thong.
It would be nice to have had some clothes.
“Ooo, can you also find a way for them to form warm boots? Europe is cold, and cobblestones are rough on a girls’ toes, if you know what I mean. ”
Lou frowned. “Yeah, anything hard is tough. Trust me. Your father has tried to convince the little suckers to form bulletproof vests, but we’re not there yet.”
“Where do you want me?” Kala asked her bestie, willing to spend a couple of hours indulging the mad scientist. Kala liked it when Lou went all technical on her.
“Locker room is probably best.” Lou grabbed a file folder.
“The Internet is good in there, and no one will need to bleach their eyes if I mistakenly have the nanites fall off your body.” She grinned suddenly, an inventor on the verge of a breakthrough.
“Actually, that’s kind of what I’m trying to do.
To get them to separate but in a super-controlled manner. It’s exciting.”
She’d worn that experimental suit the day she and Ben had first made…first had sex. Maybe that day was where it had all gone wrong.
“Come with us,” Kala offered, joining Lou at the door.
“It’s going to be dead down here because everyone’s out of the building but the Canadians.
Ollie’s at his club dealing with contractors.
Sami and Lucifer are on their way to France, and Coop and TJ are getting ready for us to move out.
The ’rents are at MI6 headquarters meeting with the big boss.
You’ll end up hanging with Tim if you’re not careful.
Or worse. Sosa might show up and ask an infernal amount of questions. ”
“Don’t worry about Tim,” Lou said. “He’s sick. I asked if he wanted in on the experiment, but apparently he ate something he shouldn’t have last night, and let me tell you, you do not want to walk into his bathroom.”
She was suddenly glad she hadn’t tried the pizza. “I’m good here. I think I could use the quiet. I want to finish this before we have to leave. Not a lot of Internet in the woods.”
“And that’s why we like it.” Kala gave her a wink. “Lou and I will drag you to lunch. I want some fish and chips before we go.”
It would be nice. She would sit by the Thames and have a pint and some fish and chips and simply be.
That was what she needed to work on. Being. She sometimes found it hard to sit with her own feelings. It was easier to turn the world into a soap opera, but this time it was serious, and she wouldn’t move on if she didn’t deal with the hollowness she felt.
She didn’t have to have any plan beyond taking some time. In the past she would throw herself into anything else to distract her, but her feelings for Ben deserved time and attention.
“Are you willing to talk to me this morning or are you planning on pretending I don’t exist?”
She steeled herself because Ben was in the doorway. He looked worse for the wear. Tired. She wanted to run to him and stroke his hair and make him get back in bed. She would cuddle him while he slept.
He wasn’t hers to take care of.
She plastered what she hoped was a steady smile on her face. “It’s fine. What do you need? I’m finishing up the property reports. I’ll send them to you and the team this afternoon.”
“I’m not talking about the op, Kenzie.” His eyes were on her, and despite his obvious state of weariness, there was a predatory gleam to them.
Her whole body responded, but she wasn’t giving in now. “I think we should keep this professional. I’m willing to talk to you about anything having to do with the mission.”
“Except you’re running away from the mission.”