10. Chapter 10
Chapter ten
S eptember flies by now that students have settled into their routines. I’m enjoying each of the Bible studies I’m leading (even the earlier-than-preferred Friday morning senior group). I’m on my way out the door for church when a text comes through.
BAILEY
Hey Teegan. Would you have time for dinner this week? I’m usually available after 6:30. Or I’m even open tonight if you’re free.
I’m busy practically every weeknight, so I decide to jump right in and get this awkward first hangout over with.
My evenings are pretty packed M-Th, but I could do dinner tonight! Taco Lucha ok?
BAILEY
Sure, sounds good. 6:00 work?
Yep! I’ll meet you there!
I arrive at church a couple of minutes late and slip into a seat next to Sarah and Catherine. It’s been fun sitting with different people each week, especially when I’m running late and don’t want to walk all the way up to the front where Joy and Caleb typically sit.
A minute after I’ve gotten settled, Brooks slips into the row in front of us and sits next to Will.
Fantastic .
I do my best to stay focused on the worship songs and the sermon, but I’m only halfway successful. As soon as the service ends, Will and Brooks turn around to talk to us. We’re casually chatting about life when Brooks throws out an idea.
“I saw an advertisement that the pumpkin patch is doing spooky corn mazes every Saturday night in October,” he says. “Our group should go together sometime.”
“That’s a great idea!” Catherine pipes up. “Can we go this Saturday? I’ll be out of town the next weekend, and Joy is hosting that game night for our group the third Friday of October.”
Will and Sarah murmur agreement, and Brooks looks to me. “Yes, totally!” I chirp. “That will be totally fun.” It will be totally fun, minus the bonus torture time with Brooks. “You should send that over the group chat,” I add.
We all mingle a while longer in the church lobby before parting ways. Of course, Brooks falls into step beside me on the walk out to my car. Apparently, God’s idea of helping me keep my distance from Brooks is by forcing me to practice distancing myself whenever he’s nearby.
“How’s everything going on campus?” he asks.
“Oh, it’s great!” I reply. “The Greek houses are already gearing up for homecoming, so some of the girls are getting busier. But it’s a contagious energy.”
“Are you still thinking of coming to visit Sofia at The Hangout sometime?” Brooks inquires as we reach our cars. Parked right next to each other.
“Umm, yes, I’m hoping to,” I respond aloud. Could you let me know a week you won’t be there so I can choose that week to visit? I add internally.
“Any exciting plans for the day?” he asks. My usual knack for easy conversation is failing me right now. That’s the third question in a row that Brooks has asked without me asking anything in return. Pull it together, Teegan. Don’t be obvious about how much his presence throws you off.
“I’m getting dinner tonight with an old acquaintance from college who moved back to Brooklyn,” I say .
“Oh, cool—was she in your sorority?” Brooks asks.
I shrug one shoulder. “No. She was in our rival sorority that I told you about. We . . . weren’t exactly close in college. But it will be good to catch up. What about you? Anything revolutionary on your schedule?”
“Unless you count grading tests as revolutionary, not quite,” he responds with a wry grin.
“I don’t know, a chance to sing through your remix of ‘Bad Blood’ could be pretty exciting,” I tease, even though I know I shouldn’t be teasing Brooks.
Brooks laughs. “Unfortunately, we’ve moved beyond the Revolutionary War now, but maybe I’ll pull out the song to keep grading interesting.”
We smile at each other softly until I abruptly open my car door. “See you on Wednesday!” I exclaim as I move into my car.
“Yep, see you then,” Brooks responds, before singing a line from his song while opening his car door.
I can’t stop the smile that springs to my face, but I’m quick to banish it as I drive away.
“What made you decide to come back to Brooklyn?” I ask Bailey before stuffing a queso-laden chip into my mouth.
Bailey is slow to answer. Her hesitation catches me off guard. “Sorry if that was somehow an intrusive question!” I quickly add. “You don’t have to answer that.” Even though I don’t know how that could be an uncomfortable question.
“No, it’s fine,” Bailey begins, setting a taco down on her plate. “I tried working alongside an independent nutritionist and health coach in Texas. It was fine. But I didn’t really love working with her. And I never really felt like I found good community there.”
I nod, hoping that gives her enough encouragement to continue sharing .
“Brooklyn was the one place that felt the most like home. Or the closest thing I’ve ever felt to home, I guess,” Bailey says, dropping eye contact.
Swallowing my bite, I clear my throat. “You didn’t want to move back to California, where you grew up?”
“Oh, heck no,” Bailey retorts. Based on her widened eyes, I think she surprised herself with her strong reaction.
All of my best-developed social skills have not prepared me for this conversation. I stare dumbly at Bailey, completely lost as to what to ask next.
“Look, Teegan, I probably should have kicked off this conversation with an apology,” Bailey says, finally looking me in the eyes.
I was not prepared for that either. “Okay?” I question.
“I know that I wasn’t kind to you, Lana, and Amaya when we were students,” Bailey starts again. “I was rude and condescending, and that’s something I deeply regret.”
Ummm, where’s the guidebook for discussions like this? Because I’m lost. She was condescending and rude. But is it rude of me to agree with her?
Thankfully, Bailey continues talking before I need to formulate a response. “The truth is, I was really jealous of you three.”
I laugh out loud but then clap a hand to my mouth.
“Bailey, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have laughed,” I apologize. “That was so rude of me. I’m genuinely a little . . . perplexed as to how you could be jealous of us? You were the Queen Bee of TriAlpha. The Queen Bee of Townsend, really. You always oozed confidence and were surrounded by people.”
Bailey sighs. “I know I projected that image, that I came across as ‘popular.’” She accentuates the word with air quotes. “But I always wanted the closeness the three of you had. I never really found those deep relationships with anyone in TriAlpha. Everything was always surface level. And, well . . . I had a lot of insecurities coming into college.”
She’s fiddling with her napkin, and I silently give her space to continue .
“I grew up really wealthy. Ever since I was a baby, there’s been a trust fund with my name on it. And my parents just always assumed I would live off of those funds. They never expected anything of me. Never thought that I would make a career for myself.” Bailey pauses again. “I chose to come to Townsend as my petty way to get back at them for their lack of belief in me. Found a small, no-big-deal university in the middle of Kansas instead of choosing one of the posh private universities they wanted me to attend. Because, really, they only thought my degree would be a trophy, not something I’d actually use.
“When I met you three our freshman year, Amaya had all these lofty career goals and the charisma to achieve them. Lana was ridiculously driven, with her life path all mapped out and supportive parents cheering her on. And you were always the social sun that everyone revolved around in Arrow. People genuinely wanted to be around you because you made everyone feel so special. You created so much joy, like it was your sole mission to make people have fun. The three of you had these clear ambitions and people in your corners.”
Bailey’s eyes well up with tears as she continues. “And you had each other. This special connection—even your own made-up group nickname. I just wished that I could have a fraction of the friendship and vision and support that you all had. But I let that jealousy and insecurity drive me to act like I was better than you, that I had everything together. I covered it up because I didn’t want anyone knowing how lonely I was.”
There’s a lull as Bailey stops talking and wipes her eyes. I know I should respond, but I still feel too stunned to know what to say. Reaching a hand across the table, I place it lightly on Bailey’s arm to buy my brain time to formulate thoughts.
“I wish you would have said something in college, Bailey,” I finally say. “I’m sorry that you were going through that without anyone knowing. And I’m sorry that I didn’t make more of an effort to get to know you or include you in our friend group.”
Bailey waves me off. “No, it wasn’t your fault, Teegan. The way I treated you all didn’t exactly invite deeper friendship. I was completely immature and snooty. I know I was. ”
“Even so—we could have done more to build a friendship with you. We were immature too, not making an effort to see beyond the surface of your actions. Will you forgive me for that, Bailey?” I ask.
“Even though I don’t think you really even owe me an apology, I absolutely forgive you,” she responds, earnestness in her eyes. “Will you forgive me as well?”
“Of course!” I assure her. “With you being back in Brooklyn now, maybe we can have a fresh start.”
“I’d like that.” Bailey smiles, but then the corners of her mouth fall again. “Do you think that Amaya and Lana would be open to hearing an apology? Or are the bridges totally burned? I wouldn’t blame them at all if they didn’t want to give me a second thought.”
I’ll make sure they give it thought. “I think you could absolutely reach out to them. Maybe let me give them a tiny heads-up first?”
Bailey nods, then picks up her taco. “Thanks for giving me another chance, Teegan.”
After leaving dinner with Bailey, I immediately send a long voice memo to the Beef group chat. We already had our weekly video call earlier this afternoon, and I know they’re both busy this evening, but I couldn’t delay filling them in on what Bailey shared.
AMAYA
Wow. I never ever would have guessed that she acted that way because she was jealous of us. I mean, it always seemed like she had a whole posse from TriAlpha following her every move
LANA
You know what—Mateo tried to tell me once that Bailey was jealous of me. Right after she confronted me at that Arrow meeting after Mateo and I had started dating.
At the time, I blew off the suggestion, but turns out my insightful man was right all along
She’s planning to contact you both to apologize, so prepare yourselves. Please respond well to her!
LANA
I can respond well!
LaLaaaa—we all know you have zero poker face
LANA
Rude
AMAYA
She’s right
LANA
Double rude
This is why I told Bailey to let me give you a heads-up first. Now your reaction won’t be so raw
LANA
Fine eye roll emoji
And you too Madame President. We all know how much you wanted a repeat homecoming win senior year just to rub it in Bailey’s face
AMAYA
Hey! I wanted to win to prove that AOPi was the best
. . .
AMAYA
Fine. Maybe also to stick it to Bailey just a little. ok, I promise I’ll be nice
Good. I think she’s genuinely sorry and needs some friends
LANA
You’re right, Teegs—we all could have done a better job at trying to befriend Bailey instead of letting her get under our skin so much
AMAYA
I’m willing to wipe the slate clean. We all made immature mistakes, and we can all do better
Well said. This is why I love you both so much. One of so many reasons heart hands emoji