Chapter 10
A nirudh was sitting on a bench in the park when Asmee crossed him. She smiled tentatively at him. When he smiled back and waved, she got over her hesitancy and smiled broadly. She skipped over to him.
“Hi, Uncle!”
“Hi, Asmee. Where are you coming from?”
“From my guitar class.”
“All alone?”
“Yeah. It is right here, in the apartment complex. So, Mom lets me go and come on my own.”
“Awesome.”
“Can you show me that magic trick again?”
“Now?” He asked and then he shook his head. “I can’t. I don’t have a coin on me.”
Asmee looked disappointed. Then, her eyes brightened, and she said, “Why don’t you come to my house? We have a box full of coins.”
Anirudh laughed. “I don’t think your mother will like me coming to your house.”
“Well, she has asked me not to visit your house. She never said anything about you coming to mine. Please, Uncle! Please, please, please!” Asmee begged.
Anirudh reluctantly gave in. “Fine. But is your mother at home? She may not let me in.”
“She must be at home. But she is always in meetings at this time. And I have a key.”
He shrugged and got up. “Alright. But just for five minutes.”
Asmee laughed out from happiness and grabbed his hand to lead him towards her house.
“Thank you for helping me that day with the apple, Uncle.”
“Not a problem. I love hitting kids.”
Asmee laughed when he winked at her.
He asked, “What are you learning in your guitar class?”
“I am learning to play ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’,” replied Asmee, as she adjusted her bag on her shoulders.
“Hmm…”
“Do you know what I have realised?”
Anirudh, with a faint smile on his face, asked, “You have realised something, is it? Hmm… What have you realised?”
“Now that I am a grown up, I feel really stupid about learning a nursery rhyme like ‘twinkle twinkle little star’.”
Anirudh laughed heartily. “Really? Why is that?”
“Just think about it. Twinkle, twinkle little star…how I wonder what you are … What utter stupidity! You just said it was a star. Why the hell are you wondering what it is then!”
Anirudh laughed harder.
Asmee went on, “Tell me, isn’t that extremely stupid? Immediately after you said it was a star, why are you wondering what it was? You just said it! I mean…come on!”
“That is so true,” Anirudh said, wiping the tears rolling down his cheeks.
“It is only because we were kids when they taught us this that we did not question these idiotic lines…”
“But now that you are all grown up…” said Anirudh, still laughing.
“Yes. Now that I am all grown up, it is humiliating. To think we learnt all these rhymes by heart…”
“What tragedy!”
“We have all been so stupid to learn it all by heart. And we used to be so proud that we knew these stupid rhymes! Mom would even ask me to sing them for guests. Can you believe that?”
Asmee sighed as Anirudh continued to shake with laugher.
“Will you promise me something?” She asked.
“Yes?”
“Will you tell me if I am learning something stupid now? Because I don’t want to grow older and realise that I was made to learn some more stupid stuff! It is kind of embarrassing.”
He nodded. “Sure, sure, I will tell you.”
“Thank you. Mom never sees eye to eye with me on this. ‘Asmee, everything is important. You have to learn everything. If your Ma’am thinks it is important, it is!’” Asmee mimicked her mother. “God! She just does not understand me. I don’t mind learning important things, but I do mind learning things that are stupid and useless!”
“I understand,” replied Anirudh, nodding.
Asmee looked at him gratefully. “You do, don’t you? You are a far better person than my mother. But you are her age, right? Why are you able to understand this and she isn’t?” She asked with a frown.
“Hmm… Actually, she is not as bright as I am.”
Asmee gasped. Her eyes opened wide. “Really? She isn’t?”
“No.”
“She said she was the topper in her college.”
Anirudh shook his head. “Getting high scores does not mean one is intelligent.”
“It is not?” Asmee asked, astonished.
“No. Intelligence is figuring out things…like how you did with the rhymes.”
“Aah! I never knew this. So, she is actually not really intelligent?”
Anirudh put his finger on his mouth. “Shhh! Don’t tell her. She’ll kill me if she figured out that it was I who told you the truth.”
“Oh no, no! I won’t tell a soul,” replied Asmee, shaking her head. Then, with an afterthought, she asked, “If she isn’t that bright, then how come I am this intelligent?”
Before Anirudh could reply, her face brightened and she said, “Aah! It is all my father’s genes, then?”
They had reached Asmee’s house by then and Asmee unlocked the door.
Anirudh nodded. “I am sure it is. Was he very intelligent?”
“Oh! He was the most intelligent guy in the entire world.”
Anirudh smiled. “I am sure he was.”
He stepped into the house and looked around. The layout of the house was exactly as his and yet, it looked entirely different. While his house was stylish and expensive, hers was artistic and cosy.
A large swing separated the living room from the dining area. The living room was painted in light green colour. The big wall against the stairs that led to the floor above had a mural with peacocks, cows, ponds and lotuses painted on it. Pots of large plants were placed in the corners. A large mahogany bookcase stood on one side of the TV. There were many antiques placed all over the house. A large, crockery unit made of dark brown wood stood as if presiding over the dining table.
“What I don’t understand is how he ended up marrying my mother.”
Anirudh sat down on the sofa in the living room as Asmee deposited her bag near him.
“Hey! Your father may be the most intelligent person in the entire world. But your mother is the most caring person I have ever met in my life.”
“Really? She is?”
“Yes. Don’t you think so?”
“Hmm…yeah, I guess.”
“You are lucky you got her as your mother. She is wonderful.”
“Actually, I don’t really care if she is intelligent or even caring. What I really wish for is for her to be a slightly happier mom.”
Anirudh was taken aback. He saw Asmee’s expression and saw that she was earnest about what she said. She had a faraway look as if she was thinking deeply about something.
He whispered, “I read her hand the other day.”
“You did? What did you see?” She asked back in a whisper.
“I saw that she was going to be very, very happy really soon.”
Asmee laughed. “Really?”
“Really.”
“Do you want some water or some biscuits? I think there was a chocolate bar somewhere…”
“No, I don’t want anything. I just need to use the restroom. Which one should I use?”
“Hmm…You can use the one inside that room,” replied Asmee, pointing to a room on the other end of the dining room with a slight nod of her head. She started to remove her socks and deposited them on the side of the sofa.
Anirudh got up. He walked to the room. There were two rooms. One was closed. And the other was open. Unable to figure out which room Asmee had pointed to, and finally concluding that either one should have a restroom in it, Anirudh opened the door that was closed.
“No!” A scream came from behind him. Asmee came running and closed the door hurriedly.
“Not this room. This is my dad’s room. You cannot enter here,” she replied, panting.
“Oh sorry,” replied Anirudh.
“That room…” said Asmee, pointing to the other room.
Anirudh entered the room and was greeted by an explosion of colour. Dark blue bedsheets with stars, astronauts and the moon with matching pillow cases were put on the bed that was at the centre of the room. The walls were adorned with drawings in pencils and crayons. Artwork hung from the ceiling—paper maché models, toy aeroplanes and a model of the solar system. Various stickers of fairies, female superheroes, and unicorns were pasted all over the head of the bed, the wardrobe and even the arms of the chairs.
Anirudh laughed as he entered the indicated room.
***
Anirudh had just finished showing Asmee the magic trick when Rachanna walked down the stairs. She was so shocked to see him in her living room that she even forgot to greet him.
“Mommy! Mommy! Look! Uncle is making coins appear out of thin air! Do it again, Uncle! Again!”
Anirudh showed her his empty palms again. He moved his hand quickly towards Asmee’s ear. When he brought his hand back in front of her, he had a coin in his hand. Asmee burst out laughing in excitement. “That coin came from my ear!” She cried out.
Rachanna laughed, looking at her excitement. Her gaze moved to Anirudh and her smile faltered. Anirudh got up. They both looked at each other in hesitation. They averted their eyes immediately and looked elsewhere but within a minute, they were looking at each other again.
Anirudh’s presence had discomfited Rachanna. It was the first time in a long, long time that a single man, who was not a plumber or an electrician or a carpenter, was in her house. Even the occasional men who came to her house always came with their spouses. It felt strange having Anirudh in her house. And on top of that, he had applied his cologne a bit too much today. It projected through the living room, going straight to her head, making her feel woozy.
She knew she had to ask him to leave. But the recent incident at Raji’s house was still fresh in her memory. Why should she ask him to leave? For whom was she doing that? What was the use of disconnecting herself from things and people she liked? Society was going to think what it was going to think.
She’d clearly seen that, even after toeing the line, exactly as was expected of her. They did not think kindly of her. They only thought what they wanted to think. And Rachanna felt that they already thought so badly of her that her actions or words were not going to make it any worse. She might as well do what she wanted.
“I was just leaving…” he said.
Rachanna exclaimed, “No! It’s okay. Do you want something to drink?”
“No, no, I am fine.”
“Uncle, I have a question,” quipped Asmee.
“Yes?”
“If you can make coins appear out of thin air, then how come you needed coins to start with? You said you could not do the trick because you did not have any coins.”
“Aah! That! I need coins to pay the Coin Fairy.”
“Coin Fairy?” Asmee scowled. “You are lying, Uncle. There are no fairies!”
“No? Are you sure?” Anirudh asked, frowning.
Asmee laughed. Then, she turned to her mother. “Okay, Mom. I am going to play now. Bye, Uncle!”
Anirudh laughed as Asmee ran out of the house. Rachanna looked at Anirudh and smiled. “Fairies work only till they are five years old.”
“Aah! I missed that memo,” said Anirudh as he flashed her a smile. Rachanna’s heart somersaulted. It was the first time she was seeing him smile in a long time. And it was heart-warming. She wanted him to keep smiling. It made her own heart feel light and warm. She smiled back.
Then, she hesitatingly asked, “Do you…do you want to stay for dinner?”
Anirudh looked at her, surprised. More than him, Rachanna was surprised that she had asked him to stay for dinner. She flushed and clarified, “After all, I promised your grandmother…”
“What about the neighbours?” He asked, almost smirking.
She shrugged. “You are already here, …so…”
He thought about it before he finally nodded. “If you are sure.”
“I am sure,” she replied, nodding back. Her heart was speeding at dangerous levels, but she genuinely wanted him to stay for dinner.
He shrugged.
“Sit down and make yourself comfortable. I will start preparing dinner.”
“I’ll help,” replied Anirudh, as he followed her into the kitchen.
“Do you know to cook?”
“I do. What are we preparing?”
“I am making dosa s. I thought I’ll make carrot chutney too.”
“Carrot chutney? This is the first I am hearing of it.”
“It is Asmee’s favourite. You prepare it just like how you make tomato chutney, but you just add a carrot to it. You can also make capsicum chutney. Very similar. You sit. I’ll cook.”
Anirudh sat on the kitchen ledge while Rachanna brought out the vegetable chopping board and began to chop the vegetables.
“You have a nice house,” remarked Anirudh, looking at the neatly arranged kitchen.
“Yeah. I like it too. But I like your house better.”
“Move in then,” blurted Anirudh.
Rachanna flushed as she looked up. Anirudh looked awkward as he shrugged. “Sorry. It just came out.”
She looked placated. “It’s okay,” she murmured.
“I apologise for that day too. When you came to my house…”
“Yeah…” she replied, cutting his explanation short. “It’s fine.”
There was an awkward silence for a few moments. The sound of the knife as Rachanna chopped the vegetables echoed in the silent kitchen.
“Asmee forbade me from entering her father’s room,” said Anirudh, grinning and trying to start a new conversation.
She smiled. “Yeah, she only allows her grandparents and me inside. It’s a very sacred space for her.”
“What’s in there?”
“Just his work desk, his bed and his stuff…clothes, photos, etc. We have videos of him playing with Asmee; she loves to watch them again and again and again.”
“She must miss him.”
“She does not remember him at all, though she claims to. But yeah…she does miss him. If anyone talks about their father at school, it upsets her.”
“And you? Do you miss him?”
Rachanna looked at him before she shrugged. “I am trying not to.”
He nodded. “I think it’ll be hard for you to move on if you have a dedicated room in your house for him.”
She laughed. “You have a point. But Asmee needs it. She needs a father.”
“And an empty room is playing substitute,” he stated.
She nodded. “Well…what can I do?”
She started to fry the vegetables as Anirudh sat in the kitchen. A wonderful aroma soon filled the house, making him hungry.
He got down from the ledge and opened the fridge. “Do you have any sweets?”
“Only chocolates.”
“Nah! I need a sweet… Don’t you have anything? Laddu ? Gulab jamun ?”
She shook her head. “We don’t eat gulab jamun . Too many bad mem…” she said and then she stopped midway as they looked into each other’s eyes.
She flushed and looked away. Anirudh settled for a chocolate and sat back on the kitchen ledge. They were quiet as he ate the chocolate. She refused when he offered some to her.
“So, have you not eaten gulab jamun after that night?” He asked.
Rachanna, her back now to him, shook her head.
“Hmm. It is still my favourite sweet,” he declared.
She did not answer. She switched off the stove and turned to look at him. “We have to wait for it to cool.”
He nodded.
“You want some juice in the meantime?”
He shook his head. “Nah! I don’t want to spoil my appetite. I am looking forward to that carrot chutney.”
Rachanna laughed as they both sat down in the living room. She looked at him with a sudden interest. “So, what about you? What are you doing, Anirudh?”
He titled his head back. “Oh God! I was hoping you won’t ask that.”
She laughed. “Well, I did.”
He looked forlorn for a few moments. Then, he said, “Absolutely nothing.”
“Why not?” Rachanna asked, clearly not surprised by his answer. She already knew that much from his grandmother.
“It’s a long story.”
“Hmmm,” she said. Then, putting on a grave expression, she asked, “Is it because of your brother?”
“Ah! No, no. Is that what my grandma said to you? That I stopped working because of my brother…”
“No, no. I came to that conclusion all on my own. You cannot blame your grandma for that. So, if not your brother…then what?”
“I actually set up a company with a friend of mine. We ran it quite successfully for seven years.”
“Then?”
“Things did not work between us and I cashed out of the company.”
“You gave it all up? Why?”
“Frankly, I do not have a better answer than that I hated that guy. I know it sounds childish, but it is a very valid reason. It is one of the leading reasons for businesses to close shop. Trust me! The partners must get along with each other.”
“Wow! Is it?” Rachanna asked, surprised.
“Being business partners is pretty much like being married. You need to get along with your partner…else you are cursed to a miserable life.”
“Hmm… Why do you hate him so much?”
Anirudh laughed and shook his head. “It’s not that simple.”
“Alright, alright. Do you want to talk about your brother?”
He was taken aback. “No, no. I most definitely do not want to talk about him. Do you want to talk about your husband?”
Rachanna laughed and shook her head. “No, I don’t want to talk about Samay.”
Anirudh stiffened. “Samay? His name was Samay?”
“Yeah, why?”
Anirudh’s face cleared as if he had just realised something. Rachanna was puzzled by his reaction before it struck her too. She flushed.
“So that night…?” He started.
“Sorry…” she replied as she looked down at her nails.
There was silence for a few moments.
“I think the vegetables must have cooled by now. Do you want your dinner now?” She asked.
“Yeah, sure.”
Rachanna smiled as she went into the kitchen. Anirudh had dinner that night sitting on her kitchen ledge. After the few initial incidents of awkwardness, all that was leftover was conversation and laughter.
***
After dinner, they sat in the living room with ice cream bowls.
“So, what are your plans now? What do you plan to do?” Rachanna asked.
Anirudh rolled his eyes at her. “You are sounding too much like my grandma.”
“No, seriously.”
“Seriously! You do sound a lot like my grandma.”
“Anirudh!” Rachanna exclaimed, laughing.
He sighed. “Alright. Nothing much. I intend to waste a few more months. I am hoping to figure out what I like and then do that.”
“Hoping to figure out? Are you telling me that you are going to start something entirely new?”
“Yeah, why not?”
She was astounded. “I mean, why? If you take up a new career, you’ll have to start at the absolute bottom. Learn about it. Get some experience. It might be years before your career will take off.”
“Yeah… So?” Anirudh asked, still not able to get her concern.
“So, what will you do in the meantime?”
“In the meantime, I will learn about it, get some experience…”
“No, no. What will you do for money?”
“Aah! You could have just asked me that directly. I am rich. I can afford to take a few years off to start something.”
“Exactly how rich are you, Uncle?” Asmee asked, finishing her ice cream and putting the empty bowl on the table.
“Very rich.”
“Rich enough to buy me a new guitar?”
“Asmee!” Rachanna reprimanded.
Anirudh laughed. “Hmm… How much does a new guitar cost?”
“Around eight thousand rupees, I think,” replied Asmee, ignoring her mother.
He pretended to be shocked. “Aah! That much! No, I don’t have that much money.”
Asmee’s face fell. “Aah! Too bad. So, you are not really that rich?”
“Well, he cannot afford to waste money buying a new guitar when you already have a good one. And neither can we,” said Rachanna firmly. “Why don’t you go to bed? It’s late already.”
Asmee put on a sad face. “Will you be coming to tell me a bedtime story?”
“No. You can read a story yourself. You are a big girl. But I will give you only five minutes, okay?”
“Ten minutes,” bargained Asmee.
“Okay, fine, ten minutes. After that, the lights should go off. I will be watching.”
“Okay! Good night, Amma . Good night, Uncle.”
“Good night, Asmee.”
Rachanna gave her a kiss and Asmee went to her bedroom.
Rachanna turned to Anirudh and said gratefully, “Thank you for that. I don’t encourage her to ask for things that she does not need. And I don’t buy them for her either. She should know the value of money.”
Anirudh nodded. “I totally agree. I grew up in a middle-class family, so I know the value of money. Though I am rich now, I continue to be extremely grateful for what I have. This gratitude comes only when you know the value of money.”
“Exactly. I keep teaching her some simple financial stuff from time to time.”
“Really? Amazing. You should teach the kids that. It is extremely crucial for everyone to know. Especially since our school education is blatantly lacking in the subject.”
“I know. But she knows a bit too much. And it has started to backfire.”
Anirudh laughed. “I can imagine.”
Rachanna watched Anirudh laughing. He looked very handsome. And suddenly, she felt a wave of loneliness wash over her. She began to wonder what it would feel like to be in his arms. How would it feel if he should just hold her? Tight. Once.
Before she knew it, it became a fervent wish. Once. Yes. That would comfort her. But then, would she be able to draw all the comfort that she’d require for a lifetime from just that one hug? She hoped so. If there was to be a hug, she had to try and maximise all the comfort that she could get out of it. But then, she sighed. Even that one hug was out of scope. Her heart ached. All she could do was wish. She was grateful that at least that was allowed. There was no law against her dreaming about it.
“What are you thinking?” Anirudh asked astutely.
“Oh! Nothing…” replied Rachanna as she flushed. “Want some more ice cream?”
“Yeah, sure,” replied Anirudh, extending his bowl to her.
She took the bowl from him and went into the kitchen. She was glad to have an excuse to get away from him for a few moments so she could compose herself.
She filled his bowl with vanilla ice cream and decorated it with chocolate chips. She poured some chocolate sauce on it and then she sprinkled some raisins. It took her a few minutes to do that, but she was still unable to get herself together. Her heart was still racing.
“Who is this?” Anirudh called out from the living room.
Rachanna took the bowl and went back to him. He was looking at the photographs on the showcase.
“Oh! My in-laws.”
“Nice. Where are your parents?”
Rachanna hesitated. Then, she shook her head. “I don’t talk to them.”
“Why not?”
“They were against my marriage to Samay.”
His eyebrows shot up. “You walked out of the house for him?”
“Yeah.”
“Was he already sick when you married him?”
“Yeah.”
Comprehension dawned on his face. “Aah! No wonder your parents tried to stop you.”
“Hmm.”
“But he is dead now. Why are you still not talking to them?”
She sighed. “They are still angry. They are like, ‘We told you so. You ruined your life on your own. Now, don’t expect our help’.”
“And you refused their help?”
“Of course. In fact, I didn’t even ask for it in the first place...”
“Hmm…” he said as he ate his ice cream. “He looks good.”
“Yeah.”
“How was it?”
“How was what?”
“The last few years…”
Rachanna’s expression turned gloomy. She murmured, “It was like a slow dance with despair. If only it had been quicker…it would have been much easier for him.”
“Must have been very hard for the people around too. For you especially.”
“Yeah…” said Rachanna, nodding slightly and avoiding eye contact. “It was.” After a few minutes, Rachanna said unconvincingly, “We are good, Anirudh. Asmee and I. We truly are. We are managing well.”
“Hmm…”
She frowned. “Don’t ‘hmmm’. It sounds like you don’t believe me!”
He looked at her. “It does not matter what I believe. What matters is what you believe. If you believe you are happy, then that is it.”
“I am. We are.”
“Good.”
There was silence for a few moments as Anirudh studied the rest of the photos while eating his ice cream. There was also Rachanna and Samay’s wedding picture.
“This is a good one,” said Anirudh, pointing to the photo.
“Yeah.”
“He looks so good. Hard to imagine he was that sick.”
“Yeah…”
Anirudh placed the empty bowl on the table and turned to her. “Okay. I have to leave now. Thank you so much for having me over.”
Rachanna hesitated before she said, “Why don’t you stay for some more time?”
Anirudh looked at her, surprised. “Well…what about your neighbours?”
“I don’t care. I… I like talking to you. Don’t you?” She asked, looking at him with desperation.
He looked back at her and nodded slowly. “Of course. I do like talking to you.”
“I am feeling light and happy after so many days. It’s so easy to talk to you. I just want to talk to you… Why do I have to explain it so much?” Rachanna asked, a hint of exasperation in her voice.
“Well, I have all the time in the world,” he replied, grinning.
Rachanna relaxed and smiled at him gratefully. Anirudh was tempted to point to her that after claiming to be happy, she immediately followed it up by saying that she was feeling happy after so many days. The anomaly of her words was glaring. But he let it slip. It was not worth hurting her. She was after all feeling happy after so many days.
***
Later that night, after Rachanna had changed into a night dress and was about to switch off the lights, she took one look at Asmee. She was in a deep sleep. And she looked like an angel. Gratitude filled her heart as she looked at her daughter. She was so glad that she had Asmee. Asmee was her entire world.
Rachanna switched off the light. And as she lay down next to Asmee, she felt a new wave of loneliness wash over her. It was so powerful that she struggled to breathe. She got up and switched on the light. She looked at Asmee and muttered, “I am not alone. I am not alone. I have Asmee.”
Rachanna hugged Asmee and closed her eyes. She began to imagine, to dream…anything to block the anxiety that was spreading through her body. But the dreams only left her feeling lonelier. Anirudh was showing her what she was missing. He was making her feel lonelier than before. She needed to resist him! It was too much for her…
That night, they both slept with the light switched on for the entire night.