28
Caleb
There’s a beeping sound in the distance and muffled voices around me, but I don’t peek through my fingers. My head is still in my hands, but I’m sitting now in a waiting room. I don’t remember how I got here. Someone must have ushered me inside.
“Caleb, do you want to meet your daughter?”
I think that’s Sage, but I’m not sure because I don’t look up. I shake my head and the footsteps recede.
I’m not meeting her without Charlotte. We will hold our baby for the first time together.
My bones ache, and I have no idea what time it is. I haven’t eaten in hours, but I’m not hungry. I close my eyes and drift off into nothingness.
A little while later, a woman sits beside me. From her perfume, I know it’s Charlotte’s mother. She sobs quietly beside me. I squeeze my eyes tighter and tune her out.
I don’t know how much time has passed when a man enters the room. “I’m looking for Charlotte Tanner’s relatives.”
“I’m her mother. ”
I look up and there’s a doctor in blue scrubs and a mask hanging from his neck. “There was a tear. She’s lost a lot of blood, so we had to give her a transfusion. But her vitals are stable now.”
“Is she—is she going to be okay?”
It feels like an eternity before the doctor responds. He doesn’t smile, but nods instead. “She’s come through the worst of it. She should make a full recovery.”
“Can we see her?”
“Yes.”
Her parents rush past the doctor, but I remain seated. Although I respect that her parents want to see her first, my knee bounces as I wait for the moment to hold her in my arms again.
I can’t believe how close I was to losing her. How stupid I’ve been, wasting so much time traveling back and forth, staying so long away from her.
And for what? More money? More things I don’t need? While I waited in this room, I thought about how my life would be without her. How I would simply go back to the way it was, and the thought fucking depressed me. I live in an apartment above my office. I have no real friends, and my family only cares about my connections. I have no idea where my parents are, and I don’t think they care about where I am. The only person who came looking for me was Charlotte. The only person who calls to ask if I’ve recovered from my cold is Charlotte.
Fuck. I was so stupid.
I can no longer wait. I walk toward her room and see her parents standing over her.
There’s color in her cheeks and lips again. Her skin doesn’t seem so pale. Her eyes flicker toward me and she smiles. “We have a baby girl,” she says.
I nod, and God help me, I fight back tears like a little baby myself. I want to drop to my knees and thank God that she’s alive.
“Is she okay?” Charlotte asks.
“Yes, sweetie,” replies her mother. “She’s doing great.”
But Charlotte’s eyes are still on me, and she’s smiling. “Does she look like you?”
Her mother turns to look at me, and I swallow. “She’s beautiful,” I say because although I haven’t seen her yet, any daughter of Charlotte’s is sure to be as lovely as her.
Her smile brightens the room and my eyes water. I turn away and clear my throat. When I turn back, Charlotte’s smile is gone. “Mom, Dad, can you give us a minute?”
“Sure, honey,” says her father, but her mother frowns. “We’ll be right outside if you need us,” she says, patting her daughter’s hand.
“Come here,” she says, and I do .
“What’s wrong?”
I scoff. “What’s wrong? You almost died, Charlotte. I almost lost you. I—I—”
She grabs my hand, and her grip is so weak, I nearly weep. “I didn’t die. I’m right here.”
“So am I, Charlotte.”
I hold her hand and stare into her eyes.
“Who’s Trudy?” she asks, and for a second I have no idea who she’s talking about. Trudy was the furthest thing from my mind. Then I remember Brigitte’s conversation with Charlotte just before she went into labor.
“God, Charlotte. She’s no one. My sister-in-law tried to set me up with her, but nothing ever happened between us, I swear. I’m so sorry Brigitte called you, and–”
Charlotte squeezes my hand. “I believe you.”
I exhale and kiss the back of her hand. “I promise to take care of you. I’ll never leave you again. You and the baby are my priority now. I imagined my life without you, and it was a sad excuse for a life. It was terrible.”
She laughed. “You don’t have to make me feel better. I’m okay.”
“I’m telling you the truth. It’s as if I’ve been going through the motions of what everyone told me I needed to accomplish to be happy. But I wasn’t happy. I was hustling. I didn’t need to hustle with you. I could just be me, and it was enough.”
“You are more than enough.”
“You are everything to me.”
She swallows and tears gather in her eyes.
“Don’t cry. I don’t ever want you to cry.”
“They’re happy tears.” She sniffs. “I want to meet our baby. Can you bring her to me?”
I nod and squeeze her hand before leaving the room and inquiring with the nurse about the baby. “She’s in the nursery. Sage’s been looking after her while Charlotte regains her strength.”
“Which room is that?”
“Just down the hall.”
I find Sage in the nursery, and she stands from the rocking chair. “Is she awake?”
“Yes,” I say and smile. “She’s good and asking to see the baby.”
Sage walks up to a crib and lifts a tiny bundle wrapped in a pink blanket. “Here she is,” she says, smiling at the baby.
She places her in my arms and my muscles freeze. “I’ve never held a baby before. What if I hurt her?”
“You won’t hurt her,” says Sage, fixing the blanket. “Go take her to her mother. ”
Slowly, I walk back to Charlotte’s room. When she sees us come in, she raises her chin, trying to catch a glimpse of her.
Carefully, I lower the baby into Charlotte’s waiting arms and finally, for the first time, look down at our daughter.
Her face is small and round. Her eyes open ever so slightly and she fusses when she looks up at the light. I can’t tell what color they are, but her lips are red and her skin is olive. She looks like nothing I’ve seen before, and yet she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on next to Charlotte.
“You’re right, she’s gorgeous,” says Charlotte
I move the blanket away from the baby’s face and a tiny hand shoots out and clasps my finger. Her grip is strong, and my finger turns white at the tip. But instead of pain, my eyes water from an overwhelming sense of gratitude. “Thank you. You’ve given me a life I couldn’t even imagine for myself.”
She looks up at me, and a tear falls down her cheek. “I’m so happy right now.”
“We’re moving into the house together as a family. I don’t want to miss another moment.”
“What about work?”
“I’ll schedule meetings all in one day and the rest of the week I’ll work from home. Hell, I’ll even hire a helicopter for anyone who wants to meet here. Anything not to be away from you.”
“Oh, Caleb. You don’t have to do that for me.”
“It’s not just for you. It’s for me, too, and this little one.”
I look down at her cherub face. “What should we call her?”
Charlotte smiles. “What about Katherine?”
I think about it and catch a glint in Charlotte’s eyes. “Why are you smirking?”
“Because we can call her Kitt for short.”
“Kitt?” I laugh, loving the reference. “It’s perfect.”
*
Working from home has been a lot easier than I thought it would be. I set up an office in the house. It’s a corner room with plenty of windows and a beautiful view of the river below. A few partners have taken me up on my offer to fly them in, and I can’t get them to leave; they love it up here. Who knows, Cedar Brook Falls may have an influx of city slickers wanting to settle down here.
There’s a knock on my door, and I expect to find Charlotte with Kitt in her arms, but it’s Charlie instead.
“Hey, is everything all right?”
“Yeah. Are you busy? ”
I have at least three other contracts to look over, but Charlie’s never interrupted my work. I figure this must be important.
“Not at all. What’s going on?”
“Baseball tryouts at the school are tonight, and I don’t think I’ll make it.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because all the other boys have been playing for years and I’ve only been practicing for months.”
“Come here, Charlie, and take a seat.”
He sits in the large black leather chair in front of my desk. “First, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been playing. I know players that started playing travel ball at eight-years old and they never made it to the MLB, and then there are those who didn’t start until they were twelve or thirteen, and are some of the best players in the league. Do you understand what I’m trying to tell you?”
He shrugs.
“It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been playing. What matters is how much heart you have when you play. Coaches see that and they scout for it. They want self-motivated players, players who listen and learn. You don’t have to be the best right now, Charlie. You just have to put in the work to get there.”
He looks up at me and narrows his eyes. “Are you sure? ”
“Of course, I’m sure. There’s one thing I know, and that’s baseball.”
“Do you think you can toss the ball with me outside for a bit?”
“Absolutely. I’ll be out there in ten minutes.”
“I’ll get the gloves.” He runs out of the office and leaves the door open. I sigh, realizing there are a few things I still have to get used to living with others. But I wouldn’t ever go back.
I email Travis. “Taking the rest of the day off. Text me if there’s anything urgent.”
I pick up my phone and stuff it in the back pocket of my jeans. Walking through the house, I call for Charlotte.
“In here,” she says, her voice coming from the kitchen.
She’s holding Kitt, but the baby is fussing. Standing in front of them is Jason. With a creased brow, Charlotte’s rocking Kitt back and forth, but it’s not helping.
“Here, let me try.”
She looks at me. “I thought you were working.”
“I was. I’m finished now. Hello, Jason.”
“Hi.”
Charlotte hands me the baby and a jolt of pure happiness fills my blood as soon as she’s in my arms. Her cheeks have filled out these past couple of months and her eyes are open and searching the world around her. She coos, and it’s the most perfect sound I’ve ever heard.
“I don’t understand you, Jason. Why can’t you come?”
“What’s going on?” I ask.
Both Jason and Charlotte have their hands on their hips, and it appears like an old Western showdown.
Jason narrows his eyes as I hold the baby. “He doesn’t want me, anyway. He wants him.”
Him?
Oh, this is about Charlie.
“He wants both of you, Jason. Is that so hard for you to understand?”
“Look. You were right. I’m not ready for this. Just tell Charlie I’ll see him later.”
“Later, when? Tonight? Next week? Next year?”
He doesn’t answer and my muscles tense. The asshole better not run out on Charlie now that he’s finally grown closer to him.
I hand Kitt back to Charlotte and turn to Jason. “Why don’t we have a chat in the backyard?”
“I don’t think so, man. I have nothing to say to you.”
“Well, I’ve got something to say to you.”
Despite his belligerent stance, he follows me outside. I pull out a chair from the plush new patio set Charlotte bought and take a seat. Jason prefers to stand, it seems .
“What’s going on, Jason?”
“Nothing.”
“You’re running again.”
“I’m not running.”
“Fine. You’re abandoning your family again.”
“Fuck you. You think you’re so righteous because you’ve got it all figured out. But you’re not.”
“I don’t have it all figured out. I’m figuring it out as I go. But just because I don’t have the answers to all my problems doesn’t mean I get to run out on my family.”
“There, you have it. This is your family. Not mine. You won, okay?”
I tilt my head back and inhale sharply. “You’re such an asshole.”
“Fuck you, I’m leaving.”
“Well, that is what you’re good at.”
He stalks back over and points his finger at me. “Just because you have more money doesn’t make you a better man than me.”
“I didn’t say that. And I don’t believe it, either. I just think you leaving makes you an asshole.”
“What’s my place here? You’ve taken it. I’ve lost Charlotte. I’ve lost Charlie. What’s the point?”
“The point is, you’re still his father. I may be here for the everyday stuff, but that doesn’t mean he won’t need you. How do you think he’ll feel when he finds out you’ve left? How will he feel knowing that his father is alive, yet doesn’t want to spend any time with him? Yes, you’ve lost Charlotte, and don’t ever fucking think about getting her back. But I can never take Charlie from you. So don’t give him up.”
Jason’s hands are on his hips, but he sniffs and turns away. “I don’t know how to be a father.”
“And I do? But being here is already half the battle.”
“I can’t compete with you.”
“It’s not a competition. He’s yours. I will take care of him and be there for him as much as I can, but I can’t replace you unless you let me. Don’t let me.”
“He’s got tryouts tonight.”
“I know. And you’ll be there.”
He rubs his face and sucks in his breath before exhaling loudly. “Yeah. I’ll be there.”
I stand up. “Good. I’ll bring the beers.”
I shake Jason’s hand, and his face is drawn. I’ve met people like him my whole life. They quit before they even get started. But Charlotte’s never quit and Charlie isn’t backing down from tryouts, so I’m not gonna let this man give up on them. Not if I can help it.
“Come on. After we play catch with Charlie, you can help me build some bookshelves in his room. I can use a hand.”
“What’s wrong with his old bookcase?”
“There was a minor incident at the other place. Everyone’s fine. Actually, it’s a funny story…”