Chapter 38 #2
Maybe Riley needs to see China, just as much as she needed to see New York.
It’s good for her to experience all the people and the smells, as well as the Met and Radio City Music Hall.
My mom was right. Star Falls is a beautiful place, but there’s an entire world out there, and I don’t want Riley to be afraid to spread her wings and experience all that life has to offer.
Then she’ll know, not just believe, that Star Falls is the best place on the planet.
“But I do want it.” As soon as I say the words, I understand how true they are. I don’t have to give up on my dreams just because I’m a mother. I want to be an artist. That’s where my heart has always been.
“That’s good to hear,” Rachel says. “One step at a time is how these things work. I don’t want to push you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”
I pull in a breath, feeling a new sense of confidence. “Great. But I’m going to do my best to be as flexible as possible,” I say.
“Good,” Grace says, nodding enthusiastically. “It’s good to know you’re keen.”
“And if you decide you want to work with me, I see my job as to protect you, as well as promote you,” Rachel says.
“This is why Rachel’s perfect as your agent,” Grace adds.
I nod. If Grace thinks Rachel’s the right person, then she’s the right person. Fisher trusts Grace. I trust Fisher.
“Tell us what you’re working on,” Rachel says.
“Space,” I say. “Not astronaut-space. Space and negative space,” I say.
It’s the easiest way I know how to describe what I’ve been trying to paint in the last few weeks since Fisher.
Any of my unfinished works have been set aside, and I’ve been trying to paint what I feel: loneliness.
“I’m trying to communicate loss,” I say.
Rachel and Grace both nod at me, willing me to say more, but I’m not sure if I can.
“Oh wait. I took some photographs. Nothing’s finished yet.”
“Wow!” Rachel says as I pull up the first image.
It’s a lapis lazuli blue circle. And around the outside is a similar blue with a tiny amount of white added.
It’s almost the same color, but not quite.
The paint around the edges of the circle is thicker, and you can see the paint strokes all heading toward the circle like it’s trying to get the circle to stay.
“It’s a little different to what I’ve done more recently. ”
“It’s very bold,” Rachel says. “And very interesting.”
“I haven’t shown it to anyone before. Not that I show my paintings to many people anyway.
I don’t get many visitors on my website.
Although, I did have someone call me the other day.
Someone who stayed at the Colorado Club wants to buy a piece from me for their apartment. That’s really nice, right?”
“For them,” Rachel says, and Grace laughs. “They’re lucky to be getting you when you’ve not been exhibited yet. I’m willing to bet they know a little about art and see your potential.”
I shrug. I’m just pleased to be making another sale. I can top up Riley’s college fund with most of the money this trip cost. It will make me feel less anxious.
“This feels like a good place to start for your first exhibition,” Rachel says. “It’s fresh and different from your other work, but not so different that we couldn’t display some of the pieces the Colorado Club didn’t buy alongside it.”
“I agree,” Grace says. “It makes sense to use the historic stuff. It’s slightly softer, but still impactful. And we’ll do the first show in New York.”
The pulse in my neck starts to throb, and I swallow, trying to keep my panic at bay. “My first show?” I ask. “When are you thinking?”
“We can be guided by you. Makes sense to have the opening during a school vacation. That way you and Riley will both be able to come to New York.”
My mom will want to come, I think to myself. And my dad. They’re not art lovers, but they’ll be proud. I think.
“Are you thinking soon?” I ask.
“We can do some planning, but we don’t have to set a deadline,” Rachel says. “But we will need to see some of your newer pieces sooner rather than later.”
I take a couple of breaths, trying to calm my body.
Energy has started to fizz through me, and I realize that actually, I want a date in the calendar.
I’m excited. I want people to see my work.
Maybe it will be a complete disaster, but an exhibition at a New York gallery is what I used to dream about as a kid.
This is what I’ve been waiting for my entire life.
“I want to work toward an exhibition,” I splutter out. “I have the entire summer where I can paint. Riley can come to the studio or can be with my parents.” I want this. I want this for me. I want this to show Riley that you can follow your dreams no matter your age. I want to be a painter.
“Good!” Grace says, beaming at me. “In the meantime, I’m going to reach out to my network and see if I can arrange some influential collectors to see some of your pieces.
If we can get a sale from them, it will help us build buzz going into an exhibition.
I think I might have someone for one of the pieces you just showed me in your studio—the blue piece. ”
“Oh right,” I say, nodding. “So if that piece is sold before the exhibition, then you’ll need more—”
“Not at all,” Rachel says. “Any buyer would be more than happy to lend it to us for the exhibition, and we can mark it as sold. And before you reach out to anyone, Grace, we’ll revisit Juniper’s pricing.”
Grace smiles. “Of course you will.” She nods toward Rachel. “Told you she was good.” My anxiety must show on my face, because her smile drops when she looks at me. “But there’s no pressure,” she says. “We’ll work with whatever timeline works for you. If it takes two years, it takes two years.”
“I’ll have all summer. But things get busy when Riley and I go back to school.
Once the semester starts, if I just had some time in the week, it would be easier.
If I worked part-time and Riley was at school, I’d have a lot more hours in the studio.
” I do have that money from the Colorado Club that I’ve put aside for Riley’s college fund.
But I really don’t want to spend it on living expenses.
If I was certain I could replenish it, then maybe that would be an option.
“When you say you think you have someone who might be interested in buying the blue piece, can we talk numbers? I’m just wondering if maybe if I sold some pieces before the show, I might be able to reduce my hours a little. ”
“That sounds like an interesting idea,” Rachel says. “What kind of salary would you be looking to replace?” she asks.
“I make twenty-five thousand six hundred a year.”
Rachel and Grace exchange a look. And I feel like I’ve overstepped.
“Obviously, I would still work, so I’m not saying I’d need to replace that entire amount. And we could cut back. Although, I’m not sure where—”
Rachel interrupts me. “Grace is going to sell that blue piece you’re working on, and what you get from that will cover your salary for an entire year, along with any amount you’re going to have to pay for materials.”
I swallow, trying to take in what she’s saying. “Twenty-five thousand, just for one painting?” I ask. “Are you serious?”
Grace and Rachel both nod, like what they’re telling me is no big deal.
“And you think I’d definitely sell one? I wouldn’t want to give up my job entirely in case I didn’t… It’s a lot to think about.”
“And no one is pressuring you to give up your job,” Rachel says.
“You should do what you’re comfortable with,” Grace says. “Going from being surrounded by children all day to being in your studio alone might be too big of a change to make all in one step.”
I can’t believe I’m even considering giving up my job.
It’s been the only thing keeping Riley and me afloat all these years.
Bill has always done the bare minimum. But they’re right, I don’t need to give it up completely.
Maybe I just need to test these new wings over the summer and see if they work.
See if being an artist feels like me. I have a feeling it will.