Chapter 39
THIRTY-NINE
Juniper
I have a sense of optimism about the future that I haven’t felt in…
I don’t know how long. I don’t know if it’s something in the New York air or because of my meeting with Grace and Rachel, but it feels like my insides have shifted around and I’m different somehow. Fundamentally changed by this trip.
“Yeah, me too,” I reply. “I’ve enjoyed out girls’ trip.”
“And it’s not just been any girls’ trip. We didn’t go to Colorado Springs, Mom. We’re in New York City.”
I laugh. “No, we go a little farther afield than Colorado Springs, don’t we.”
“We like to spread our wings!” Riley says, taking her hand from mine and holding out her arms. She drops her arms to her sides and slides her hand against mine again.
It’s the start of what’s to come. She’ll need to hold my hand less while she goes out into the world.
I’ll always be here when she needs me. My mom was right, Riley needed this as much as I did.
She needed to see that you can be a long way from home and still feel connected to the people you love.
We both needed to see that it wasn’t so scary to leave Star Falls. Even if it was just for two nights.
“Mom!” Riley yells, pointing ahead of us. “There it is. That’s Radio City Music Hall.” The familiar facade of the venue comes into view—the star-spangled banners hanging side by side next door, the illuminated red lights. “I can’t believe we’re here.”
I laugh. “Neither can I,” I say.
“Do you think we’ll meet Vivian again? She did send us the tickets.”
“Oh, honey, she’ll be super busy getting ready to sing beforehand and likely she’ll be exhausted afterwards.
I don’t think we’ll see her.” I brace myself for Riley’s disappointment, which still has the ability to grip me by the heart.
We have VIP tickets, but there was no mention of a meet and greet.
“Yeah, that makes sense. This is her job. She’s not on vacation like she was in Star Falls.”
My little girl. She’s growing up. I don’t bother to tell her she wasn’t on vacation in Star Falls.
“But I did get to meet her. Not many people can say that. No one else in my class has met her.”
“I bet they haven’t.”
We show our tickets to the staff member on the door.
“Welcome,” they say. “Please make your way to the VIP lounge up the stairs and to your right. One of my colleagues up there will direct you.”
“VIP lounge?” I mumble, as we head toward the stairs.
“It means very important person,” Riley says.
“Thanks,” I say, rolling my eyes on a smile. Riley doesn’t quite understand the implications of being directed into the VIP lounge. I’m not sure I do. It’s not like we’re actual VIPs. Maybe it’s not a big deal.
“Please, may I see your tickets,” a uniformed man says at the top of the stairs. I pull out the tickets again.
“Just this way.” He indicates we should go through a door. “There is direct entry to your box from here.”
Our box?
We push through the door into a bar area.
It’s a fairly small space, with a glass window overlooking the auditorium.
There are a few people on one side of the window talking.
They’ve all got suits on and look quite a lot older than Vivian’s average fan.
I thought I was going to be the oldest one here tonight.
And we’re not dressed up. Riley has her Vivian Cross t-shirt on with plain leggings.
I’m in jeans and a white shirt. I’m not sure how long we’ll last in this VIP lounge.
“Drink, madam?” a waiter with a tray of drinks asks.
“Is this alcoholic?” I ask, pointing to a champagne glass that looks like it’s holding orange juice.
“Yes. Or if you want something non-alcoholic, we have virgin mojitos over at the bar.”
“Mommy, can I have a mojito? Frankie said she had one when she went to Miami last year and they were the best.”
I swallow, wondering how much a virgin cocktail will set me back at Radio City Music Hall. Probably a week’s worth of groceries. “I think we’ll stick to water,” I say. “Mojitos are too much sugar on top of an already exciting evening.”
Riley shrugs. “Boring.”
“Water is available at the bar,” the waiter says.
I’m going to have to ask for tap water. They probably only have bottled.
We head over to the bar and I ask for water, and as predicted, the bartender opens a fresh bottle and pours two glasses.
I pull out my wallet, where I’ve stuffed my dollar bills.
He slides two glasses over to us. He doesn’t ask for any money.
“How much is that?” I ask.
He grins at me. “It’s no charge, ma’am.”
“Oh,” I say, a little surprised. I pull out a couple of bills and set them on the bar. “Thank you.”
“Thank you,” he says.
I pick up both glasses and hand one to Riley, before heading across the room to look at the auditorium.
“Is that the stage where she’ll be performing, Mom?” Riley asks.
“I think so,” I say. I wish we could just go to our seats. I feel awkward and uncomfortable. Like we’re hillbillies who’ve come up to the big city. New York has felt like home until right now.
“Shall we go and find our seats?” I say to Riley. “We can figure out where the restrooms are and get situated.”
We get directed down a corridor and through some more doors. “You’re Orchestra 4, Row CC,” the usher says to us as we arrive at another set of doors. “Best seats in the house,” he says with a grin.
“Thank you,” I say, as he directs us into the auditorium.
We find our seats eventually and I have to triple-check. The seats are three rows from the front and right in the middle. Riley’s going to have the time of her life.
“Mom, you have to take a picture of me!” she says.
There aren’t many people in the auditorium yet, and Riley poses in front of the stage and I take at least three hundred pictures.
We’re posing for a selfie when Riley says, “You think Fisher will be here?”
I almost lose my balance, I’m so distracted by her question, it’s like my brain can’t process which way is up. “No,” I reply. “Why would you think that?”
“Well, he works with her, doesn’t he? Why wouldn’t he be at her concert.”
Call me na?ve, but I didn’t even contemplate Fisher being here. Maybe it’s because I associate him so strongly with Star Falls. “Lots of people work with her, honey. Fisher doesn’t go to all her concerts.”
She looks downcast. “I really thought we’d run into him. I didn’t realize how big New York was.” My stomach churns at her disappointment. I really didn’t realize how attached she’d gotten to him in such a short space of time. It was what I’d tried to avoid, and I thought I’d been successful.
I press a kiss on her head. “Yeah, it’s even bigger than I imagined too.”
“Fisher!” Riley screams, and pulls out of my arms.
I look up—and see the man whose name she’s screaming.
My heart soars in my chest and my body starts to shake. And my entire world grinds to a halt.
Fisher.
My Fisher.
All tousled hair and broad shoulders. He’s right here, coming toward me.
Riley jumps into his arms and he lifts her up, grinning. Pulling her into a hug. Then he looks up and our eyes lock. Even though I know it’s impossible, it feels like the ground is shaking. Like I’m going to topple over. I grab on to the back of the seat where I’m standing so I don’t fall.
I’ve missed him so much.
Did he know we’d be here? Did he ask Vivian to invite us? Maybe he’d been the one to offer the tickets. I don’t know how these things work.
“Hey, Juniper,” he says, in his easy-breezy British way as he comes closer. “I wasn’t expecting to see you guys tonight.”
“I just knew we’d run into you!” Riley says. “I’ve been telling her all day we’d see you.”
“You have,” I say. “And you were right. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting to see you, either.”
“You got tickets?” he asks. “They’re pretty hard to come by.” He leans forward and places a kiss on my cheek. Maybe I’m imagining it, but he seems to linger a little longer than he needs to.
“Vivian sent them,” I explain.
“Oh,” he replies. “That makes sense. That’s nice of her.”
So he didn’t arrange this? Does that make this awkward for him? I know we’d agreed to a clean break, but it’s so good to see him.
“She’s really nice,” Riley says. “I really like her.”
Fisher grins at her. “You could have called. I could have given you a city tour.”
I smile. “We’re only in town one more night. We came in yesterday and… I thought you’d be busy.”
He sighs. He looks a little bit like the spark has gone from his eyes.
“Everything okay?” I ask.
He searches my eyes as he pulls in a breath, and it’s like he wants to say something but he can’t. Riley’s dancing around at our feet, and here we are in public, Vivian Cross about to come onstage. It’s not exactly the time to chat.
Except, it feels like he’s telling me he misses me.
And I want to tell him that right back. But what’s the point?
Maybe we do both miss each other. Maybe Fisher didn’t come back to New York and forget about me right away, like I’ve assumed he’s done.
But where does that leave us? No further forward.
His life is here and my life is in Star Falls. It’s an impossible situation.
“Are you coming back to Star Falls soon?” Riley asks.
He pulls his mouth into a smile. “I’m not sure,” he says. “Probably when Vivian records her next album.”
“My mom misses you,” Riley says. “And so do I.”
My stomach lurches, but I don’t correct her. She’s not lying. She’s obviously picked up on my heartache, however much I’ve tried to hide it.
Fisher and I smile sadly at each other. He doesn’t tell us he misses us too. Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn’t. Either way, it doesn’t change anything.
“I spoke to Grace,” I say, in an effort to change the subject.
“You did? While you were in town?”
“Yeah, earlier today. We went to the gallery.”
“I read my book,” Riley says.
There’s an announcement off in the distance, and more people start to fill the seats. People pass by and slap Fisher on the back. He’s dressed in a navy-blue sweater and jeans, but this must be work for him. We’re probably keeping him from it.
“How did it go?” he asks, just as a woman with red hair and glasses approaches us.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but can I grab you for a second, Fisher?” she whispers in his ear, and he nods.
He turns to us. “I’m sorry, I’m going to have to go. There’s something… someone I have to—”
“It’s fine,” I say. “It was good to see you,” I say.
He looks into my eyes like he wants to say more again, but I look away. We’ve said it all. There’s no need for an epilogue in this story.
“It was really good to see you,” he says. “Maybe we can catch up later. Have you eaten?”
I nod. “We grabbed a slice of pizza on our way over here,” I say. “You go and enjoy your evening.”
The woman with the red hair calls him, and he glances between us. “Pizza. Yeah, good. Well, enjoy.”
“Good to see you, Fisher,” I say, and I manage to get the words out before my voice cracks. He heads over to the seats in front of us to the side. My throat tightens, and it feels like I’m not going to be able to breathe unless I get outside or have a drink or something.
I can’t stay here all evening and focus on anything but Fisher, ten yards away from me. This entire evening is going to be complete torture for me.
“You okay?” Riley asks.
“Sure,” I say on a smile. “I think the show’s going to start any moment now.
Let’s get in our seats.” I deliberately don’t look across at Fisher.
I can’t. I’m going to do my best to pretend he’s not there.
I can still feel his cheek against mine as he kissed me.
I can still smell his cologne that smells like expensive, freshly ironed linen.
The lights of the auditorium dim, and I’m hopeful that Fisher will fade into the blackness and I’ll be able to focus on Vivian Cross.
Something tells me there isn’t a show on earth that will be able to pull my attention at the moment.