Chapter 40
FORTY
Fisher
I know Vivian’s assistant is saying something, but I can’t focus on anything at the moment other than Juniper’s scent of honey blossom that still swirls in the air even though she’s yards away.
“So shall I put a plus-one down for the party?” Hailey says.
“Sure,” I say.
She makes a note on her phone. “Great. I’ll tell Vivian.” She scurries off, and I snap my head back toward where I last saw Juniper and Riley. I scan the rows near where they were standing, but I can’t make them out. The lights have already dimmed. Vivian’s due out on stage at any moment.
Seeing Juniper was the last thing I expected tonight.
I’d half considered sending them some tickets.
It’s the only performance of the album in the US for the public, and I knew Riley would want to see her.
I didn’t think there was any point. It never occurred to me that Juniper would leave Star Falls.
Not even to take Riley to a Vivian Cross concert.
Now I feel like a prick. But she told me she wanted a clean break. That’s what I’ve been trying to do. To forget her.
It’s impossible.
Seeing her has brought everything into focus.
I spent years thinking I had everyone figured out.
I helped people discover their dreams yet kept everyone at arm’s length.
In all honesty, that’s why Gerry was probably able to steal talent from me.
I kept people close but not too close. I demanded authenticity without giving it.
Gerry. My brother. He hated me so much, he built a whole empire just to tear mine down. And I get it now. I understand his pain. I have the same hole our father left in him. We both carry it. We both push people away.
I’ve done the same damn thing with Juniper. Expected her to give more than I’m offering.
Juniper.
She makes everything complicated in the most beautiful way.
I kept telling myself we were from different worlds—me with my skyline and contracts, her with mountains and morning sunlight.
But the truth is, I kept her at arm’s length because I didn’t want her to be another person who could leave me with a hole.
Because if I let myself fall for her, she has the power to undo me.
But there’s no one I want more.
I wish we’d had more time to talk. I thought she’d decided she didn’t want to pursue anything with Grace.
She thought it would be too much pressure with everything else that she had going on with Riley and her job.
I can’t help but wonder what changed her mind.
Or maybe the catch-up with Grace was just a social thing. Maybe she’s not working with her.
I have so many questions.
I want to know whether she likes New York. Somehow, it’s important that she doesn’t hate the place I call home. I want to know if they’ve been to the Met. Did they do a tour? Have they had an ice cream at Serendipity? Have they been to FAO Schwarz? Where are they staying? When are they leaving?
There’s so much I want to say. So many things to talk about. So much of me I want to show her.
Maybe Juniper’s right. Maybe there’s no point.
We know that we each have to go back to our corners of the world in the end.
Maybe it’s just reopening a wound. I understand why she wanted to walk away and not look back.
I thought I wanted that too. But seeing her?
Here? Now? I can’t think of anything worse than her and Riley going back to Star Falls and me not having had the chance to see more of them.
I want whatever I can get of Juniper, however painful it might be to leave her when the time comes. However big the hole. If the time comes.
“Hey.” Jack nudges me. He’s sitting beside me. I didn’t even notice him arrive. “Hi.”
“Hi,” I mumble, and glance back over my shoulder. I remember that Jack’s here with his niece. I lean forward so I can see Felicity. “Hi, Felicity. Are you excited about the show?”
She gives me a high-five and nods. “Really excited,” she says.
“You okay?” Jack asks.
“Not really,” I admit.
“Not looking forward to the show?” he asks, his tone sarcastic.
“Juniper’s here.”
“She is?” he asks, scanning the faces behind us. “I thought you weren’t going to see each other after you left.”
“I didn’t know she’d be here. Vivian sent her and Riley tickets.”
“And you’re pissed?”
“Uncle Jack, you can’t say pissed,” Felicity says. “I’m a child.”
Jack sighs. “Just don’t tell your mom.”
“What’s in it for me?” Felicity asks.
“You get to come to Vivian Cross concerts.” Jack turns back to me. “You’re upset that Vivian sent her tickets?”
I shake my head. “No, I’m not upset. No, I am upset. I just…”
“You’re a mess,” Jack says. “Did you speak to Juniper?”
“I did. And I miss her.” I can’t say this to Jack because he won’t understand. How can anyone understand? But I say it anyway. “I think I’ll miss her for the rest of my life.”
He regards me with a frown. “I’m not very good at giving advice.
Certainly not about women who you might miss the rest of your life.
Most of the women in my life I’ve known for as long as I’ve been alive.
The last girl I dated I was at preschool with.
” He sighs. “New York is a very small place. I don’t get the chance to miss anyone.
But if I thought I’d miss a woman my entire life.
.. I’m not sure what I’d do, but I’d do something. I don’t think I could just walk away.”
“You’re right, you’re a terrible advice giver.
Knowing I should do something doesn’t help when I don’t know what I should do.
” Music starts to play from behind the curtain and the crowd starts to go wild, screaming, clapping, and trampling the floor.
“It’s not like I can just leave New York and my business and move to Star Falls.
You wouldn’t even dream about doing that. Would you?”
“Yes, but that’s me. You can do anything you damn well please. If you think you’ll miss her forever, you need to be with her.”
More unhelpful advice from Jack. I need Worth.
“She lives two thousand miles away,” I say.
“Make it happen,” he says simply, like all I have to do is cross Fifth Avenue and she’ll be there, ready and waiting.
“But how?” I ask.
“Fisher, you’ve done hard things your entire life.
You’ve been practically estranged from your parents since college.
You’ve discovered hundreds of talented artists, set up a successful independent record label that’s signed the biggest artists in the world.
Figuring out how you and Juniper can be together isn’t even on your top ten list of the most difficult things you’ve done in your life. Figure it out.”
“I’m in love with her,” I splutter out, and I clutch my chest, not sure if my heart’s still beating.
“I can tell. I’m not an expert when it comes to these things, but I know that losing a woman has never caused me to miss a gym session, let alone given me the miserable face you’ve been wearing for the last few weeks.”
“I keep thinking it’s going to get better, but it keeps getting worse. She’s all I think about. She’s all I want.”
“Then what the hell are you playing at? You know how to go after what you want. Make it happen.”
There’s a smash of drums and the start of the intro to the song Vivian and I wrote together. I can’t take credit for any of the lyrics. But the melody is mine. I produced this one, too. It’s one of the later tracks that only just made it on the album.
I glance over to where I last saw Juniper and Riley, but I still can’t see where they are.
I just don’t want them to leave before I get a chance to speak to them.