Chapter 13
Leah
I stood on the threshold of the house, regretting that I’d agreed to shower here, and I hadn’t even done it a single time yet. Being here every night to shower was going to make it harder to avoid him, and that was penciled in at the top of my to-do list right now. For some reason, he came within fifty feet of me and all the calm composure I’d perfected in the last ten years melted away. I went from being carved out of granite to an unwrapped chocolate in a five-year-old’s sweaty hand.
If he said one word out of line, I was going back to the bunkhouse bathroom, in spite of the fact that they never put the toilet seat down and the water was usually cold. And if I flashed every single one of them on a weekly basis? It was a small price to pay for my sanity. Why did Kade care about that anyway? It was my body. If I wanted to walk around topless, I could. As far as I remembered, there was no clause in the contract about nudity.
I was about to force myself to knock when he swung the door open and stepped out of the way for me to walk in.
I stayed on the porch. “I was thinking?—”
“If you’re going to shower here, you need to just come in.”
My plan of staying on the porch was thwarted by his hand on my back, steering me inside. That gooey chocolate was now turning into a syrupy mess. I might’ve resisted with some distance, but when his hand touched me, something short-circuited inside, frying all my neurons until they no longer functioned. It felt like they were all stumbling around my brain like drunken sailors on a long weekend.
“You did tell me not to so much as even knock on this door,” I said, trying to put enough edge in my voice that it would disguise how my body was butter in his hand.
“And now I’m telling you to do it.”
If he didn’t sound almost defensive, wasn’t running his hand through his already tousled hair, I might’ve walked out. Instead, I stayed put, not backing up or walking in, my instincts battling it out and coming to a stalemate. It felt like there was some strange line I was crossing, and I couldn’t figure out whether I should take that step or not.
“I’ll show you to the bathroom you can use,” he said, taking a few steps and then waiting to see if I’d follow.
I hesitated for another second and then forced myself to move another foot.
I’d caught glimpses of the inside, but standing in the living room, the heart of Kade’s home, somehow felt different. It wasn’t anything like how it used to look when we were kids, and it wasn’t what I’d have expected from this man. Everything was well done but not to the point you were afraid to touch anything. The weathered leather of the couch lured you over to it, and the thick wool area rugs broke up the wide-planked wood floors, looking warm and inviting. Even the fireplace, currently burning through a stack of logs, filled the place with a lived-in scent. The most shocking thing about it was just how warm the place was, and not just in temperature. It was exactly how I would’ve imagined the old Kade might decorate his home and completely at odds with the man he’d become. I didn’t know the man who stood before me anymore. And what I did know didn’t mesh with this place.
“This place is really nice,” I said, glancing around.
“Thanks. This is still the main room that was always here, but I gutted it and expanded. Same with the porch.”
I’d already known that. I’d spent so many hours on that porch that I recognized every ding in the wood, even now. After my father had died, one of the things that comforted me most was sitting with Old Man Hawk on the porch. He’d make me hot cocoa and give me cookies. He’d tell me stories about the history of Montana and, most of all, just be there when so many others in my life seemed to be falling apart. When my mother wouldn’t get out of bed all day and my brother was off trying to figure out how he was going to survive, he was here for me. That was before he’d gotten sick, though. Then I’d come here and slowly started to trail behind Kade, handing him tools as he fixed things, even though he wasn’t much older than me.
“Come on, the guest bathroom is this way,” Kade said.
His voice drew me back to the present. This was a different time, a different person, and I couldn’t forget that.
I didn’t move. I’d felt like I could handle this compromise, but being anywhere close to Kade was a dangerous idea. I couldn’t come here to his house and shower every day. No way. Not if I wanted to stay strong.
“Actually, I didn’t come here to shower. I’m going to the bunkhouse. Elijah said he fixed the bathroom door, so it won’t be an issue anymore.” I backed up a couple steps.
“Then why’d you bring a bag?” Kade asked, watching me as if he didn’t just read me like a book, but had read me so often that he could quote my opening lines.
“Elijah said he’d fix the problem, so I don’t see the issue.” I was gripping my bag as if he were going to try to take it hostage, even though he looked almost as lost in this space as I was.
Then he said, “Can you use it as a favor to me?” as if it were actually important.
I didn’t know what to say. He sounded so much like the Kade I knew that I was nodding before I could stop myself.
I followed him down a hall and into a guest bedroom that had its own bathroom.
“You can have this one to yourself.” He walked out of the bedroom, shutting the door to the suite.
I looked around at the comfortable room, with a queen bed and pristine white duvet. He’d had this empty bedroom available and put me in the shed to keep me away from him. I couldn’t get soft just because he was having a moment for whatever reason.
I put my bag down and showered in what seemed like an endless supply of hot water.
I didn’t dry my hair, but twisted it in a bun as I threw my stuff back in my bag to go.
When I walked out, Kade was in the kitchen cooking.
“Thanks,” I said, walking toward the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Hang on.” He took a step in my direction and nodded toward the kitchen. “I made some extra steak if you’re hungry?”
Again, he was trying to throw me off with glimpses of the man I knew. Or thought I’d known.
“No—I mean, thanks, but I’ll grab something at the bunkhouse. Chuck is there cooking.”
He nodded, looking disappointed, but I had to be imagining that. I couldn’t forget who he was now.