40 Celeste
W hen her agent sends her the first roundup of available jobs in the area for the new year, Celeste doesn’t expect to see Gemma’s name attached to one of them. But there she is, clear as day, the lead journalist on a project that’s vaguely reminiscent of “Modern Love in Focus.”
Intrigued, Celeste clicks through to read the description. Unlike the project Celeste worked on with Gemma, this newly proposed one focuses on younger couples and is purely visual media based. And instead of interviewing many different people, it follows two couples over the course of a year, revisiting with them every six months to see how they change—if at all. It’s an ambitious project, and one that sounds very cool at that. Celeste feels a rush of pride that Gemma is at the helm of it.
From watching Gemma’s Instagram Stories—a guilty pleasure of hers that, to her therapist’s chagrin, she could never get rid of no matter how hard she tried—she knows that Gemma relocated to SoCal at some point. She just doesn’t know where and why.
Without logging in, Celeste surreptitiously looks at Gemma’s thankfully public LinkedIn profile. It says Gemma relocated to Citrine’s office in Irvine as a multimedia journalist in May, so eight months ago. A promotion, maybe. But the fact that she suddenly moved to Irvine , where her parents live, of all places, concerns Celeste.
Did something happen with her family? Celeste reaches for her phone… and then stops herself. Aside from wishing each other a happy birthday, Celeste to Gemma in March and Gemma to Celeste in June, they haven’t interacted with each other at all in the past several months.
A year is nothing compared to the eight they previously spent apart, but for some reason, this period of time has felt a lot longer for Celeste, and somehow more excruciating. It’d gotten to the point that she had to resume therapy, which she’d previously quit a couple of years ago, so she could have someone—other than Min-joon, who has his own drama to deal with these days—to help sort out her thoughts and feelings after what happened between her and Gemma.
Unsurprisingly, her therapist, who for years has been appalled by her absolute refusal to engage in romantic relationships, is in good spirits when Celeste updates her about Gemma.
“Maybe you should consider reaching out to her,” Dr. Espinosa cheerfully suggests. “Properly this time. If only to check in on her to make sure she’s okay. Throw the ball in her court. If she chooses to engage with you, then great. If not, that’s great, too. It’ll be a sign for you to respectfully move on.”
Celeste can’t resist joking, “Or I could not talk to her and be forever alone.”
Her therapist sighs. “Or that. And if that’s genuinely what you want, I’d be all for it! I have clients who are aromantic or asexual, and there’s nothing wrong with identifying as such. But, Celeste, we both know you’re not one of them. I’m not encouraging you to jump into a relationship with your ex. By all means, please don’t . However, I feel like it’ll be good for you to just catch up with Gemma, if she’s up for it. She seems special to you in a way that no one else ever was, to the point that you haven’t been able to move on from her for almost ten years.”
“ Ten? ” Celeste balks, sitting up from her seat.
“Right.” Dr. Espinosa checks her notes. “Well, it’s more like a little over nine, since it’s January, and it was December when you first left Gemma. But I’m rounding up in the spirit of the New Year. And it might get to ten if you let things stay the same from now until December.”
Celeste adds “the relentless passage of time” to her list of discussion topics for their next session.
“You deserve happiness, Celeste,” her therapist says, firmly but gently. “I know it’s scary to go for the things you want, especially after you’ve grown up in environments that tell you that you don’t deserve to live the life you want to live. But isn’t it better to be scared and take a shot at happiness, instead of avoiding it all the time?”
Back home at her desk, Celeste stares at the project listing again. After how things ended between them—and how she disappeared from Gemma’s life, once again—Celeste has no idea if Gemma even wants to hear from her again. But there’s no harm in just talking to her and seeing how she’s doing, is there? Especially if something did happen to her and her family?
Thinking back to her therapist’s advice, Celeste formulates a plan. Rather than send a text that could potentially go embarrassingly unanswered, she’ll meet Gemma face-to-face. And what better way to meet Gemma than to apply for this job that she’s really interested in?
“Throw the ball in her court,” Dr. Espinosa had said.
If no one responds to her application, then that’ll be that. Celeste will take it as a sign that Gemma isn’t interested in talking with her at all.
Celeste is terrified. But she tells her agent to submit her for the job.