Chapter 17
UNDUE INFLUENCE
LOURDES
Singing to a live audience left me on a high that film never gave.
I was grateful to have a role in a movie that paid better than any show I ever had in London, but waiting for ‘cut’ didn’t feel the same as the finality of a live audience on its feet.
I longed for the stage. So, when Leah insisted I attend her closing night and sing with her at the reception, I couldn’t have said yes fast enough.
Now, standing only feet away from Leah at a party, I almost regretted my response. She looked brilliant in jade. It was her color. She shone like a star in a room crammed with rich, talented people—elite Broadway types.
I wanted to reach out and tell her more what this meant to me, but I couldn’t even get a word with her.
Leah’s family overwhelmed her. Prince George doted over her.
Patrick Roughy looked on proudly. Leah’s sister Charlotte giggled and talked to their London friends that included the children of many aristocrats including that ginger guy friend of Leah’s born to Prince George’s ex.
“You doing okay?” Gabe put his hand on the small of my back.
I glanced towards Leah to see if she saw Gabe’s advance. She was too consumed in conversation.
“Yes, they’re a lot,” Brian snickered, watching the scene. “If my family was this energetic, I couldn’t handle it—even if they are quite charming.”
I sighed. “It’s sweet. You can say much about the royals and aristocrats who follow in her orbit, but their love for her is genuine. It’s amazing.”
“What is?” Brian asked.
“They never want to change her—not even a bit.” I shrugged.
Brian sipped his champagne. “How so?”
“No one ever asks Leah to be less theatrical, less dramatic, or even less queer.”
“Ah,” Brian said. “Yeah. She’s got that built in support thing from two gay icons.”
He nodded at her dads.
“Yeah.”
I thought back to my own family and the loss of my grandmother weeks before.
It nearly broke me. I would have found out from reading the papers if not for Leah tipping me off.
I don’t know how she knew before me, but she took the responsibility of ringing and listening to me sob for an hour.
Granny adored Leah. My own mother and father hadn’t been talking and just hadn’t thought to tell me that the person I loved most had suddenly died of a stroke.
At least Leah cared. She knew I’d be gutted.
And while she couldn’t fly across the world, she sent me a bouquet and two pounds of chocolates for the trouble and showed up at the funeral without fanfare.
“Oh well, there we go,” Brian said as his partner waved him over. “Take care, darling.”
I raised my glass. “Cheers.”
Gabe moved over in his wake.
“I’m… I’m fine,” I said instinctively.
“Why the long face?”
I thought for a moment about my answers. My carefully crafted response focused on my career rather than my emotional upheaval.
“I miss it. I’d like to come back to theatre someday, okay? So, sue me. Leah is moving onto New York and I’m jealous as hell.”
“She’s hot right now. But c’mon! Theater isn’t where the money is. She doesn’t need money. She can slum it.”
I set my jaw. “I know financially it’s not the best choice for someone like me, but… I love this work. I miss dancing.”
“So, take some classes,” he said. “We’re building a career for you—and a life.”
He wanted me to respond warmly, but I was too distracted.
By now, Leah hung all over a chorus girl, overly familiar.
Was she sleeping with her? It sent a chill down my spine—sending me to a place I hated.
I rarely got jealous of Leah and had no right to say I was owed her time, but I longed to be fawned over.
“I’m taking a minute. I need some fresh air,” I said.
I slipped into an alley crowded with smokers.
“Can I bum one?” I asked a tall blonde guy.
“Sure, babes,” he handed me a cigarette. “You shouldn’t smoke. It’s bad for your voice.”
“I haven’t in years,” I sighed. “But it’s been a night.”
“You’re dynamite—you and Leah. I always stanned Leourdes.”
Leourdes? Did people say that? In one way, the portmanteau made me smile, then panic slightly.
It reflected a state of mind where Leah and I were inseparable.
I missed that place sometimes, then reminded myself of that night before I left and its finality.
Leah chose her wild life. I chose film. And in the end, my life had been flipped upside down.
Gabe built me up and connected me. He cared about me. I’d moved on, right?
I snickered. “Oh, darling, you’re precious.”
I took a long drag and looked off, knowing I’d never hear the end of it when I got back in the theatre and Gabe smelled it. I never smoked—not anymore. I knew better.
“Nope! Not on my watch!”
I looked over as Leah entered the alleyway. With one firm grasp, she ripped the cigarette from my hands and tossed it.
With a firm stomp she put the cig out. “No! I will not lose you to cancer, Lou!”
I rolled my eyes. “Leah, it’s just one.”
“Yeah, well, it’s one you don’t need,” Leah said. “I hate it when you smoke. You know that.”
“Yeah, yeah, well I needed it.”
“Why? You were amazing!” Leah shook my shoulders. “God, you were fucking lightning! Thank you for doing that for me. It felt like it was just yesterday.”
I wanted to believe her. She stepped closer—to the point where I could almost taste the champagne and smell the Dior that always wafted off her. I sensed she wanted to kiss me, but I wanted to avoid that confusion.
I deflected, “I saw you all over that woman—the good dancer. You have a type.”
“Lou, she’s a friend. I swear. And to my knowledge, she’s straight. She’s a great dancer and that is all. You’re reading things in where they don’t belong.”
“Much has changed in a few months, huh?”
“For you or for me?” Leah asked.
“For us both. You’re on a campaign for a Tony and I’m…” I couldn’t find the words.
“Going to be a huge film actor! I heard people just won’t stop talking about—”
I cut her off, “It’s a rom-com, Leah. You don’t have to act like it’s Citizen Kane.”
Her face sank and her cheeky grin slid from the corners of her red lips. “Well, I… I just thought you were happier. You told me that was what you needed and—”
“Unlike you, I have to pay the bills,” I said, harshly. “I do not have daddy buying me a place in the West Village.”
Angered, Leah said, “He didn’t. I did. I see Brian told you our plans? It’s time for me to pay him back on the other side of the Atlantic by letting him crash. I don’t need you being a total bitch because I bought a house.”
I shook my head. “I’m not.”
She crossed her arms and leaned against the brick wall. “Yeah, sure.”
“Leah… I miss this. I miss all of it and you, but it’s not my reality and you know that. When I left… I had valid reasons.”
Leah nodded. “And so did I. It wasn’t meant to be. Yadda, yadda. But hey, here’s something!” Her face lit up like a Christmas tree once more. “I’m supposed to shoot a cameo in that movie Theater People. I’m coming in for a few weeks. My agent just told me. I could just come and spend the summer.”
“I… wow,” I said. “You don’t need to—”
She looped her hand in mine and turned, eyes locked. “I want to. Hell, I need to. I finally have a break. You’re shooting. I know you don’t need to babysit me. I’ve been in LA before—”
“Leah, you have no idea—”
“What? Do you not want me there?”
In truth, I did. I desperately wanted her to live in my house and wake up with me every morning just as I had before when I was still in London.
And that’s why I always kept her at arm’s length from really solidifying into the partner I longed to make her.
I knew I’d fly too close to the sun. The minute I let myself have that ending was the minute I ended my entire career.
Gabe would react poorly to Leah’s reappearance.
I dropped my gaze to our shoes. Both glimmered in the streetlight.
“Lou, I love you,” Leah said. “I always will.”
Her words took me by surprise, but I reminded myself she didn’t mean it—not like that.
“I know that,” I murmured. “We may have started as rivals, but now we tell each other everything and—"
Leah pulled my chin towards hers. “No. I fucking love you.”
She emphasized it in an undeniable way.
“I’m still super fucking angry you didn’t join me here. I wanted you to come along so badly. I’ve been so jealous of all you’ve done, and I’ve missed you so much.”
Why had she waited so long to tell me she loved me? Her words were more like a dagger to the heart than comfort. Thanks to her confession, I began to doubt all my choices. If she only said this months before in that stupid pub! The urge to kiss her overwhelmed me. Sadly, I knew that wouldn’t help.
“Leah, I wished I was here. This whole time—”
Before I could even have a moment, Gabe appeared. My heart sunk and my stomach churned. I knew how this looked, and what he was going to say. Leah glared at him, moving closer to me, protective almost.
“Well, there you are,” he glared at her.
Leah crossed her arms. “We just need a moment.”
“Uh-huh,” Gabe’s voice grated with annoyance. “Well, we have places—”
“Gabe, just give me a few more minutes.”
Leah switched up her approach. “For gossip. You know how it is. We like to catch up.”
He relaxed, rolling his eyes playfully. “Ah, yes. Well, I will be at the bar.”