Chapter 28 Falling Back Into It
FALLING BACK INTO IT
LOURDES
“Do you know if Leah is okay?” I shouted at Mac over the music. “She’s being weird.”
“She’s quiet, yeah,” he agreed. “Maybe I should go?”
I shook my head no, saving my voice. “I’m going to check on her. Keep chatting up Allie. She likes you.”
He’d hit it off with a woman in the ensemble. Leah made the match, but they did the rest. I left, fighting my way through the crowd to find our grande dame on her phone. She’d hung back in the VIP for ages, only coming out to dance momentarily with a couple of the chorus girls and Brian.
“Leah, why are you being so quiet? Are you okay?” I asked over the pumping bass.
“I just don’t feel like partying,” Leah shouted.
I placed the back of my hand to her forehead and laughed. “Well, you aren’t hot. At least not feverish.”
“I’m just going to call a cab. I’m ruining the vibe. It’s opening night and I just don’t feel right.”
I followed her outside as she requested a cab on her mobile.
Not even looking, she said, “I don’t need you to babysit me.”
“Why are you being like this?
“I just want to go home,” she fought tears. “I need to rest.”
“I’ll make sure you get home okay. Unless you’d prefer one of the men to—”
“Stop with that! I swear to God!” Now we were two actresses arguing on a street in SoHo. “We cannot do this here.”
“Leah, all I meant was if you don’t feel safe or if a guy was making you feel weird, I’d go get your friend.”
“Yeah, okay! Whatever!” Leah grumbled, her accent a strange mix of American and English.
We waited silently for a few minutes in the autumn chill, warmed by the vast amounts of champagne we stupidly consumed. She said nothing. I upset her, but didn’t know how. The car arrived and she slid in, looking out the window and ignoring me.
“Can you at least tell me what I did that made you stew? I didn’t try to start a row, Leah. I was having fun. All I said was that your friend was funny.”
“You meant something else.”
“I didn’t,” I said. “Unless you’re projecting something or I’m confused.”
“I don’t think I am. I think you are.” She turned with tears. “You make comments about my dating life. You insist I cannot be celibate or choosy. You make me sound like a sex-crazed asshole, but… Lou, I’m not.”
Leah broke into sobs and I felt horrible.
I held her hand as she cried. She didn’t fight me off but didn’t curl into my shoulder like I wanted.
Why couldn’t I just say how I felt? The urge to say that the other day she made me hear noises in colors and set my heart soaring with a matchless orgasm overwhelmed me.
But I knew I couldn’t provide what she wanted, so I again held back.
“I just want to take some time. I need to figure out my next five years,” Leah sniffled. “Because I had it made. I had an engagement ring and ovulation test strips and all I wanted was a fucking Oscar.”
“Yes, that’s all!” I laughed.
“Well, it was stupid. I had it all figured out and then… back to the grind. Back to this. Being alone all the time. Stupid! I cannot do it. And then all I feel is judgement from you!”
“I am not judging you. You might feel that way, but I’m not, Leah,” I sighed.
“I thought I had it all figured out. I had this picture of a family I was building and it shattered. But with all of this, shouldn’t I be happy? How ungrateful is that?”
I brushed her cheek. “It’s not sad, Leah. It was hopeful. We need hope to go on.”
Tears ran and finally she collapsed into my shoulder. I held her tight and kissed the top of her hair. She smelled of hairspray to bat down flyaways and her usual perfume.
“I don’t think it’s ungrateful. I do think you deserve to soak up how amazing you still are at this, though.”
“Meh,” Leah grumbled.
I pulled her chin—adorable with a perfect cleft—towards mine. “Leah Roughy, you were amazing. You were beautiful, enigmatic, and owned that stage. You deserve to be top billing.”
“So, I am not a nepobaby or a hack?” She snickered through big tears.
I wiped them away. “You’re a nepobaby, but you aren’t a hack. You are the most beautiful creature on that stage—on any stage. I refuse to hear otherwise.”
I kissed her forehead, soaking up her scent and softness.
Leah let out a comforted sigh and wrapped her arms tighter. We hung there until the car stopped.
“Am I dropping Miss Lennon here or at her place?” The driver asked.
Leah looked at me, shaken from her stupor. “Stay with me. Please?”
I couldn’t refuse. All I wanted was to fall into bed with her—even for a cuddle. She was comfort. She was familiarity. Leah was everything I needed to feel whole right now, much as I didn’t want it. I worried she’d become a crutch but couldn’t walk away.
“I’ll stay,” I said.
“We will see you in the morning,” Leah said to the driver.
We entered her building.
In the elevator, I said, “I’m going to need to head back to my place so bloody early.”
Leah linked her fingers through mine. “No. You’ll just borrow some of my clothes and ride to the theater with me.”
It was too good—just like old times. I remembered us sharing clothes and never parting.
It felt like Sunday mornings soaking up sun coming through the windows and Mondays off with lazy lunches out.
I wanted all of that. I longed to just be.
It was ironic given that all of that forced proximity with Gabe had ended so horribly.
I wanted nothing more than be alone. But with Leah?
It never felt like too much. She was the other half I’d grown to miss when we were apart—even when we were both romantically connected to other people.
Unexpectedly, she kissed me, hands gripping my hair and lips hungry.
I couldn’t stop it. The train was off the track.
As the elevator climbed, so did my need for Leah’s kiss.
I breathed her in. She bit my lip and pushed me back against the cold, hard wall of the elevator—in stark contrast to her soft, warm body which now desperately straddled my leg.
I guess we are going there.
Words didn’t matter as we made our way into her penthouse. We went straight to the bedroom. Once we were both naked, Leah pinned me to the bed and kissed my neck. It was a strange sign of possessiveness I hadn’t seen from her in maybe forever. I needed a breather to figure out what was happening.
“Leah,” I said, “Are you okay with this?”
Her gaze—loving now—settled on me. “Yes, Lou. Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Because I don’t want you to think—”
“I want you so badly I cannot fight it anymore,” Leah confessed. “I want all of you. I need that or nothing.”
Did she mean forever or right now? I cared little as she ground against me. I felt her wetness and hunger for the orgasm I longed to give her. I wanted to watch her come alive.
“I want this, too,” I said.
Leah took that as a sign, beginning to depart from my sightline.
“No,” I said sharply.
She popped up.
“Don’t go down on me,” I said.
“But I want to taste you. I want to get you off and—”
I flipped her on her back, pressing her into the bed insistently.
I cupped her face sweetly. “No. I want to watch you come.”
“I want to watch you come.”
“Well, then let’s try together,” I suggested.