Chapter 43 The Worst Part
THE WORST PART
LOURDES
Itook my dad to the airport after a weeklong visit.
I didn’t realize one person could suffer through repeat performances of the same show and still rave about me, but Dad could.
He took over in my grandmother’s stead. We made him dinner on the last night.
After Leah and I performed for the cameras and ripped off the plaster publicly, everything felt easier.
I worried when the other shoe would drop.
Sadly, it did as I rode with him to JFK in a big black SUV that made him feel important.
“It’s as if I am The Queen or something!” He joked. “I wonder if this is how Prince George and Patrick feel. Do they take cars everywhere?”
“Instead of what… teleporting?” I snickered. “No, Dad. I mean, George was a pilot and he still flies sometimes—Leah is, too, but she’s behind on that.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah, she has a need for speed and driving with her is terrifying. I have no idea if that is genetic. However, her dads are strangely normal, and it freaks me out sometimes. They drive cars. It’s fine.”
“I never know what to think. They’re nice guys.”
I nodded.
“We should all get together in London when the show is over,” Dad said. “Your mum would like to meet them.”
“Uh… I don’t know how that would go, Dad. She’s been openly homophobic about Prince George her entire life. And while Leah can handle it, I do not want to put George through that out of respect to him.”
My father’s face fell. “Lou, I think she could—”
Leah and I came out to the world in the biggest way.
For Leah, it was no surprise to hard launch our relationship in a blaze of glory; but for me, it was a leap of faith.
While some people took the approach of declaring our appearance a “publicity stunt” or declaring it was “our Lesbian Era”, most embraced us.
Mum hadn’t acknowledged it, something that haunted me.
I hadn’t lost my agent or any gigs, but the dust wasn’t settled and my mother had yet to be on board.
All I wanted was to hear she was proud. I settled for nothing, but couldn’t stomach the idea of her launching into a targeted homophobic rant at Leah’s lovely parents.
“I’m not ready for that, okay? I’m not. Don’t press me.”
He nodded. “Okay. I get it. But when will you be back in London?”
“I dunno,” I said. “I am up for a role, but the longer things go on, the less confident I am. My agent has heard nothing. I think she’s just trying to be kind. If I get it, we’ll move back.”
“You and Leah?”
“Well, me first, but then Leah. I think we’re sort of settled on the idea.”
“Ah,” Dad said. “Well, that’s good.”
“Yeah. We’ll be around more. It doesn’t mean Mum can be rude to Leah, though.”
“No. Of course not.”
His gaze fell to his left hand as it braced on his knee. He wasn’t saying something.
“Dad, is everything okay?”
“Sure,” he lied.
I shot him a look that said bloody well tell me that he read well.
“They found more cancer, sweetheart.”
My heart sank.
“How, where?”
“My lymph nodes. Which means… of course… it spread and we didn’t expect that. The imaging was better and the doctors are good. But, they found it and now I must do a new treatment.”
“But they will be able to fix you, right?” My throat felt scratchy.
“Sweetheart, they can try to give me a couple of years, but it means the cancer is more invasive than we first thought.”
“How much more?”
“My four to five years is now two… at most.”
My stomach churned and tears ran.
“This is why I didn’t want to tell you.”
I squeezed his hand, “No dad, I needed to know! This is good to know. I’m… sorry.”
“I’m sorry too, kiddo. I don’t know how else to say it. I am sorry for the time I lost, but… also grateful for the time I had with you this week. It will be so good to have you back in London.”
“Yeah,” I sniffled. “It will.”
I dropped him at the airport, unable to stop my tears from running the whole way. I gave him a big hug and took in his woodsy scent.
“I love you, Dad. I’ll be home soon.”
“I know, honey,” he put on a brave face.
As he left, he wiped tears. I knew this hurt him, too. I hated it. I cursed the fact that he’d worked so long and so hard to make my life better only to finally retire and find out he was dying.
Then, came more bad news.
As we left the terminal, my mobile rang. It was my agent. Mentally, I wasn’t prepared for good or bad news. Thankfully, it was less news and more no-news. But in this case, I knew no news was not good news.
“Yes?” I asked, voice throaty from tears.
“Are you alright? I’m sorry to ring you on a Sunday, Lou.”
“It’s okay. I just dropped my dad at the airport. I’m fine.”
“Oh,” she said. “Well, you know… we heard something from Caleb’s team.”
“And? They went with someone else?”
“Not exactly. They pushed the show back to take the time they needed.”
“Oh,” my heart sank. “So, they’ll have Lana back?”
“Lana wants six months maternity leave, so it’s not feasible. They are still trying, Lou. But… it is on hold.”
On hold. How many times did any given actor hear that in their career? It was usually the kiss of death. If you weren’t constantly on their mind, you didn’t exist. You rarely resurrected the buzz in a casting agent’s mind a year on.
“Well, thanks for letting me know. Just so you’re aware, I’m relocating to London after we wrap. I want to be closer to my parents. My father has cancer. I want to be closer at least.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Thanks. I’m okay.”
“Well, don’t give up. I know you want to, but… this isn’t dead. I still think Caleb is so in love with you, he can make it work.”
I doubted that. “Well, who knows. For now, I have a paycheck and that’s a relief.”
No matter what was happening, my agent stuck by me. By some miracle, the possibility that I could still play Charity before I died remained. Too bad, none of it seemed to matter. All I could think about was the loss of my father.