Chapter 49
BIG NEWS
LEAH
The morning I expected Lourdes back, I woke up feeling like a train hit me.
I had not had a drink in weeks and, thanks her constant texts about whether I’d been drinking water or eating properly, I was taking care of myself.
The roles reversed. Usually I was the one reminding her of these things.
Now, she protected me. Regardless of the work I did, I was paranoid.
I buried the realization of what I knew.
I ignored the fact that my breasts hurt and my back ached.
I told myself it was because I didn’t nail the lift the night before and was off by half a count.
I told myself maybe I was coming down with something, but knew these were all lies to keep me quiet until Lourdes returned home and we could take a test.
I felt sick all the way to the theater. Once I crossed the stage door threshold, I ran to find a trash can. Amid bright-eyed and bushy-tailed chorus dancers, I lost my lunch. Someone ran to Brian, who lovingly rubbed my back until I felt like I was well enough to stand.
“You okay?” He asked.
“I just… I’m fine. I need some fizzy water and I’ll come to.”
Brian settled me on my dressing room couch, looking me over with concern.
“What now?” I asked. “Out with it!”
“Is it catching?”
“Not for you,” I snickered. “Impossible.”
“Is Lou sick? Is she still coming?”
“She’s on the way and should land soon. She will get here just in time. But she’s not doing the run-through with the new dancers like we are.”
There was turnover in the ensemble, which mostly impacted Brian and me. We agreed to go out early and run through our marks and two numbers from the first act that Micheal was most concerned about.
“Okay. We’ll we’re early as ever,” Brian said. “Why don’t you rest here? Like down and I’ll just call for your backup. It’s a good reminder for her if you happen to be out today.”
“I will get it together.”
“Well, here’s a bin.” He sat a small wastebasket near me.
A few minutes later, our wardrobe assistant, Cynthia, answered. “Do you need to go to the ER? Should we call for a doctor?”
“I… am not sick. I don’t think.”
Hands on hips, she gave me a look of disbelief.
“What, my acting chops aren’t what they used to be?” I joked.
“I hate to ask this as… I know you are together with Lourdes, but… could you… you know?”
“Oh, I can,” I laughed. “This was planned, if so.”
Her jaw dropped. “Well, you need a test!”
“I have one at home. I’m waiting on Lourdes. And, I need some fizzy water. I’ve performed this show feeling worse, I swear.”
“Well, your stage manager isn’t so convinced now that he knows you vomited.”
“Shit,” I grumbled.
“If I can give you some plausible deniability, I’d love to. Let’s try the water and some crackers. I’ll be back.”
Cynthia was the most seasoned of all costumers. She’d been in the industry longer than I’d been alive. She had four children and I sensed she flew into mom mode. A few minutes later, she returned with a pop and some crackers, telling me to sit up. She slid me the test.
I gasped, “How did you?”
“Duane Reade. Don’t ask and you should know one way or the other. If so, we won’t lace you as tight.”
I debated whether to take it. Until I was certain, I couldn’t just say I was fine and pretend to pull it together.
I hadn’t even told Lourdes I was waiting.
I slipped into the tiny, grungy bathroom between our banks of dressing rooms, locked the door, and followed the directions. Mid-stream, someone jiggled the handle.
“Just a minute!” I called, annoyed.
I capped the test and sat it on the sink. After finishing, I returned to the mirror to wash my hands.
Don’t look down yet, you’ll only torture yourself.
I knew the feeling well, since I’d had a late period before. My heart soared at the prospect, but the test was a big fat negative. Another knock shook me awake, I went to tuck the test away when I realized the two pink lines—one fainter than the other but visible.
“Just a minute!” I said, as if in a trance.
I cradled the test that held my future. I wiped tears, tucked it beneath the waistband of my yoga pants, and tried not to puke as I left.
“Sorry,” a chorus girl said, “it’s that time of the month. Just came up out of nowhere.”
“Oh, no worries!” I felt very much the opposite.
I returned to the dressing room and plopped onto the couch.
The test sat before me now. I stared in awe and disbelief, unable to comprehend that against all odds, we made it.
Soon, Lou would bust in here and I’d tell her the news.
We’d be happy and make plans. We’d move to London. It would be a beautiful new life.
Unfortunately, that plan didn’t come to fruition. Instead, I napped on my sofa. Cynthia woke me delicately.
“Leah, it’s time to get ready. Are you alright? We need to make a call.”
I stared over at the test and nodded. “I can do it. But, no tight laces.”
Cynthia beamed. “Oh, sweetheart! That is good news!”
“Where is Lou?” I asked.
“She’s enroute. Michael called her. It will be tight, but we’ve had worse.”
“Okay,” I said. “I promise I will perk up.”
After a protein bar, I was in full makeup and ready to go, when Lou burst into my dressing room in nothing but a robe. Her face was stark white.
“Brian said you were vomiting. What is going on?” Lou looked petrified.
“Close the door,” I said.
“Leah, did you… are you?”
I answered, holding back a big smile, “I’m pregnant. I didn’t want to tell you like this. I took a test to be sure I wasn’t about to infect everyone and get the show cancelled in its final weeks.”
“You’re pregnant?” Lourdes gasped.
I couldn’t talk or gloat. Her expression felt difficult to read. I was sweating bullets waiting to get into my costume.
“Lou! Lou!” Brian’s voice broke our silence.
“Yes?” I answered for her.
Brian rushed back in, already dressed. “Seriously, Lou, they are losing it. Leah… are you alright, love?”
“She’s fine,” Lourdes said, protectively. “Still a little under the weather, but improving. Tell Anna I am sorry and will be right there.”
“Got it. Well, I love you to bits. Get better, sweets,” Brian said.
Brian was always the sweetest soul. He left knowing Lourdes had this under control, but I felt bad for blowing him off.
“Thank you,” Lou closed the door, then turned. “Now, what do you need?”
“I just need a fizzy water. Can you get me one?”
“I will make sure we get one, baby,” Lourdes said sweetly. “Your understudy—”
“No, I just need some water. Once the adrenaline kicks in, I will be fine. I just need my dress.”
She said nothing as she left. Internally, I panicked and worried she somehow changed her mind while in London. Thankfully, Lourdes returned from the fridge and gave me a forehead kiss before sitting the bottle before me.
I cracked the seal, “I had this whole thing planned before you got delayed. I was going to take the test with you at home. It’s over there, by the way.”
She turned in the direction I nodded. Lou rose to examine it. She held it for a while, taking in the finality of two lines that meant nothing out of context. She turned back, still silent, but tears running. Just like that, my fears abated.
She choked out, “Leah, we’re having a baby. I don’t care how I found out—just that you told me. I’m happy and we will celebrate later.”
She kissed my head. “I’ve got to go, or they will kill me, okay?”
“I know,” I said.
“Are you really okay?”
“I feel better already,” I lied.
If I manifested it, it would come true.
After sucking down the beverage, my assistant returned and piled me into the rest of my costume. They attached the wig and dusted me with a good deal of powder, then set me free. Pretending all was well, I made it backstage in time to see Lou waiting in a robe. She had half an act to get dressed.
I laced my fingers through hers. Lou turned, looking me over.
“I’m good,” I whispered as the curtain rose.
“Okay, good. You look better,” Lou said.
I gave her a quick, silent kiss. “I’m going to be okay.”
“We’re having a baby,” she whispered. “That is a good thing. We will get you home right after the show.”
“I still feel like shit,” I admitted.
“Well, we both know you’re a good actress.”
“Say it again,” I snickered.
“Everyone knows you’re getting an Oscar, so be quiet.” Lou squeezed my hand. “I’m so proud of you.”
Proud. I loved her for that. We were happy about the baby, but she reminded me how much she loved me as a person. I was her person. We were in this together.
The crowd erupted at my appearance on stage and everything else flew by the wayside.
I performed this show with pneumonia before.
I could manage this. Could I manage it for the next couple of weeks?
Only time would tell, but as we finished our encore, I convinced myself I could keep it under wraps with a bit of health.