Twenty-Nine
Gavin
I forgot about the kittens. The moment I step through my front door, I’m swarmed by meowing balls of fur. Their mom is nowhere
to be seen, probably sleeping and dreaming of carefree days before the tomcat knocked her up. I pick up the kitten closest
to me, cuddling her against my chest. Pinpricks jab my shin, and I look down to see the tuxedo kitten using his tiny claws
to climb up my leg.
“Chill, Juniper.” I pry him off gently, his squirmy body slippery in my grasp, and hoist him to my chest, then carry both
kittens to the couch and collapse. Cedar runs in from whatever mayhem he was up to and soon all three kittens are crawling
around me, taking tiny, tentative steps, whiskers brushing my cheeks.
It’s hard to be heartbroken while surrounded by this much cuteness, but then I catch sight of Mia’s scrunchie on the arm of
the couch and the reality of what I told her hits me like the slam of a door.
I’ve lost her. Our relationship, our friendship.
Gone. All be cause I asked for more than she could give.
The one thing I told myself I’d never do.
Look where it’s left me. Alone. Well, not counting the kittens who are currently ambling along the top of the couch like a tipsy trio of tightrope walkers.
Juniper pushes his dry nose against my chin, purring. “I bet you’re wondering where Mia is, huh?” I promised this wouldn’t
happen but, in the end, I let her down. I’m no better than all the other boyfriends I’ve told her were no good for her.
Someone knocks, and for a second, I think maybe it’s her. But when I check the Ring cam after sliding my phone out from under
a curled-up kitten, I come back to reality with a thud.
“It’s open,” I call, and Morris comes in, a six-pack from the local brewery in hand.
“Dear lord in heaven, what am I seeing right now?” he asks, setting the bottles down. “Blink twice if you’re in danger.”
“Shut up.” I lay a calming hand on Ash’s gray head as Mama Cat slinks into the room. She’s still nervous, but starting to
follow the little ones’ lead and explore. “You’re just jealous.”
“I am, actually.” He sits down on the coffee table and reaches out a tentative hand toward Ash, who sniffs it, then sneezes.
Morris pulls back his hand with a grimace. “Did they get all their shots?”
“They’re fully vaccinated, no thanks to you.”
“I told you,” he says. “I’m not cut out for pet ownership.”
“We’ll see.” The kittens have to go somewhere. They’re cute now, but my one-bedroom house is not about to become a four-pet
household.
“Are you gonna keep guilting me about getting you to take these cats? Because I can take this beer and go drink in my garage
while I watch the Giants.”
“That’s your team?”
“Why would they not be?”
“You’re from Reno.”
He blinks at me.
“Yeah, okay, that tracks.” I let my head fall back. “Why are you here?”
“Because you missed trivia night.”
“Shoot. I forgot all about it.”
“No shit. Wouldn’t have mattered except Riley stood me up since that guy she’s been texting finally asked her out.”
“What about Carlos?” He’s actually good at trivia, and I think he gets tired of playing with scrubs.
“Once he saw it was just me, he jumped ship. Apparently, he didn’t trust me to answer anything since I, quote, ‘just show
up to heckle people.’”
“Do you not?”
“I sure as hell do,” he says. “But I can’t very well heckle teammates who aren’t there.”
“So you decided to bother me at home instead?”
He fetches pint glasses from the kitchen. “I came to check in on you and find out what’s really going on with Mia.” Elbowing
the cabinet shut, he says, “First she sleeps over, now you’re skipping trivia night. I was expecting to find you here with
her, but instead I found—” he makes a vague gesture at me and the kittens “—whatever the hell this is.”
Wallowing, but I’m not about to admit it. Instead, I frown at him, which is hard, given the purring kitten on my shoulder.
“Don’t get me wrong, she put on a good show.” He passes me a beer. “But if I suck at trivia, your weakness is lying.”
“Not being able to lie isn’t a weakness.”
“It is if you’re a spy.” Can’t argue with that. “Or y’know, a dude who wants to keep a secret.”
I don’t, though. I would shout it from the rooftops if Mia wanted to be with me. Would it suck to hear Scott’s I told you so ? Not at all, if it meant having her. “She’s the one who wanted to keep it a secret. She wasn’t ready. Won’t ever be ready,
I don’t think.”
Morris takes a swig of his beer. “Did she tell you that or did you tell her that?” He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “And don’t give me that actions-are-louder-than-words bullshit.”
“She told me we should go back to being friends.” Even though I laid it out there as matter-of-factly as possible, he flinches.
“Well, damn.”
I take a big gulp and swallow it down, wishing for something stronger. “Yep.”
We drink our way through the six-pack with the buzz of the game in the background. Morris might be a pain sometimes, but he
does know when to keep his mouth shut, and tonight, I’m grateful for it.
Mia would normally be the one showing up at my doorstep after a breakup. I think of all the times she told me there was someone
better out there for me, not knowing I was hoping that someone was her. That hope is gone now, and even though I knew we couldn’t
go on the way we were, I wish I could take it back. Come up with another answer. But my last thought before falling asleep
is that I don’t know how to not love her.
My head is killing me. It’s the next evening, and the pounding headache I woke up with hasn’t left. Likely a combination of
not bothering to hydrate after being in the sun all day, a few beers last night, and no sleep. My heart is aching, too, but
I’d rather not dwell on that.
I sneeze. Possibly catching a cold from the river water, too.
Joe frowns at me. “You sure you’re up for shortstop?”
I’m not up for anything, but I need the distraction. Figures that today would be the one time they don’t put me in the outfield.
“Just a little tired.”
“From the couples retreat?”
“Mmm-hmm,” I answer.
“I get it,” he says. “Between the physical challenge and the emotional work, it takes it out of you.”
“Yep.”
With one last sidelong look, he jogs over to his position at second base.
Between my headache and thoughts of Mia, I miss an easy ground ball and drop a catch that would’ve stopped a run. I’m getting
glares from Joe, and it’s one thing to let myself down, but he vouched for me. Then again, he also threw us to the wolves
in the form of not-a-therapist Chip. I’m so caught up in my thoughts that I nearly miss tagging a guy trying to steal second.
By the time the inning’s done, I wish I’d stayed home, and from the looks of my teammates, so do they. Back in the dugout,
I ignore their scowls and take a pull from my water bottle, fingers hooked in the chain-link fence.
Next to me, Joe does the same. “I take it things didn’t go well at the retreat?”
“You could’ve warned me our relationship would be under a microscope.”
“That’s kind of the point,” he says. “Examine things. Find what’s working, and what’s not.”
“The whole thing, turns out.”
“Your friendship with Mia is rock-solid.”
I drop my water bottle in my bag and turn, sagging against the fence. “Yeah, well, we didn’t go in as friends.”
He pulls off his sunglasses, brown eyes full of concern. “You were in a fight?”
“We were...” I hesitate, because whatever I tell him, Sera will find out, one way or the other. He’s no good at keeping
secrets, and this isn’t something I’d ask him to keep from his wife. But Mia worked so hard to keep it from them so we wouldn’t
make things awkward. Too late for that. “We were together. We hadn’t put a label on things, but I did what you said. I told
her I wanted more than friendship, but in the end, that was more than she could give.”
“All this went down at the couples retreat?”
“Afterward. Chip’s methods sort of pushed us over the edge.” I fill him in on what’s been happening between Mia and me, ending with the nightmare of the floating raft exercise.
By the time I’m done, he’s shaking his head. “I’m sorry, man. We just meant to give you a nudge.”
More like a punch in the gut. “You and Sera really liked the program?”
He glances out toward the field. Our team is next at bat, but the others are chatting, too, and no one’s made a move to start
the inning. “Chip’s methods are unconventional, but we learned a lot about each other. This was more of a trial run, though.
After the baby comes, we plan to sign up for some actual therapy because the transition can be a strain on the marriage.”
Despite my mood, I smile at him. “Look at you, all grown. You’re going to make an awesome dad.” I expect Joe to grin, but
he looks down.
“I don’t know. I gave you terrible advice. Isn’t that half of what being a father is?”
Shit. “I didn’t mean to make it sound like your fault. You gave me a push, but I was the one who wanted more. You were right—we
weren’t going to be best friends forever.”
“Maybe you would’ve, though. You lasted this long.” He leans against the fence next to me, looking as defeated as I feel.
“I only encouraged you to speak up because I really thought she’d feel the same. I catch her looking at you sometimes and...”
“That’s what gets me. She feels something for me, I know she does.” The way she kisses me... “But she was scared I’d break
her heart, and guess what?” I throw up my hands. “I did.”
“She broke yours, too,” he says. “Don’t go shouldering all the blame.”
My heart is broken, but it’s not Mia’s fault that she doesn’t trust love. Her doubts are hurting her, too. But hearing it wasn’t all
me helps ease some of the guilt. “See that?” I nudge him. “Coming back in with the dad wisdom.”
He shakes me off, but he’s smiling. It makes me feel a little better. I don’t want things to change between me and him and Sera. Wishful thinking, probably.
“Joe, you’re on deck,” one of our teammates calls, and he lifts a hand in acknowledgment.
“I know things are rough right now,” he says, looking over his shoulder to where the first batter has already struck out.
“But please don’t let this be the thing that pushes you to move. Even on your worst day, we don’t have a hope of winning without
you.” He grins, and I do my best to smile back.
A few months ago, I would’ve told him there was no way I’d ever go back to the farm. But as hard as it would be to leave behind
all my friends, maybe a fresh start is exactly what I need.