Thirty
Mia
It’s easy to think I’d never act like one of my flawed main characters, but I had the chance to be brave and instead I let
my fears topple our friendship. Even though being together was new, it was enough to show me that things would never be the
same. I can shout at the top of my lungs that it was just a failed experiment, that we should be able to slip right back into
friendship, but we both know that’s a lie.
There’s no saving face or laughing it off or predicting it will be a funny story one day to tell at each other’s weddings
during a toast. I gave Gavin my heart with every kiss and every touch and now there’s no going back. It’s everything I feared,
and the worst part is, I knew this would happen. He said he’d never let me go, no matter what, and then he did.
When I get home, I see a string of we-need-to-talk texts from Kim but none from Gavin.
I would normally be dying to debrief with him about Chip’s Machiavellian methods.
Laugh over the sketchy verbal disclaimer and the ridiculousness of it all.
The ache of missing him is raw. I told myself I did what had to be done to save our friendship, but a friend wouldn’t have asked Gavin to shut off his heart.
A friend would’ve never gone down this road in the first place.
I text my sister and let her know I made it home okay. She won’t settle for that, but I don’t have the energy to explain.
Instead, I pull out my laptop and try to escape into writing. But this time it’s not writer’s block that stops me, it’s a
broken heart. I can’t power through, and for once I don’t try. I put on my coziest pajamas and open one of my comfort reads,
barely absorbing the words on the page until sleep claims me. All day on Monday, I wrestle with a sense of dread as I make
another attempt, but by nightfall I’m still spinning my wheels and I decide I’ve given enough to this project. I close the
document, open my email, and tell my editor what I should’ve months ago. I can’t write a book I don’t believe in, and it’s
time to stop trying.
Of course, it’s not that easy. The next morning my inbox is filled with a frenzy of emails from my agent, my editor, and my
publicist. By midafternoon I’ve spent hours on the phone, and still I’ve come to the conclusion that this is the only way.
Maybe someone else can get the story right, but I can’t.
I should stay off social media, but I get tagged in another video, this one making the case that Sydney and Victor are better
off as friends. Normally I’d get the urge to like it out of solidarity with the poster, but today it makes me mad. They deserve
all of each other, not less. Gavin deserves all my love, but I’m too scared to give it.
I feel like a failure for passing the responsibility on to someone else, leaving a mess for the show’s writers to clean up,
but I gave it my all and came up short. A few times, I composed a text to Evie, telling her what I’ve done. But if I send
it, she’ll encourage me to go back to the bulletin board and my scene cards. Find a way through. But I’ve lost my best friend
and the last thing I want to do is write my way out. Right now I need someone who will tell me this defeat doesn’t define
me, even though right now I feel swallowed whole.
Mia: I did a thing.
Sera: You turned in the book early??? Go, Mia!
Mia: The opposite. I told them I can’t do it.
Nothing, for two full minutes. Then:
Sera: Can you be here in an hour? I’ll send Joe to get us food.
I knew she’d come through. Tomorrow I’ll get back to working on the problem—I’ll need to make the switch from grappling with
Sydney and Victor’s future to figuring out my own—but today I need distance from the mess I’ve made.
Shutting my phone off, I shower, then head out. The drive takes longer than usual because of an accident, so I arrive about
half an hour later than expected, but Sera let me know I should let myself in when I arrive because they’re setting up the
nursery. I find her sitting in the rocking chair surrounded by open boxes and a half-built crib.
“Holy crap.” I stop short at the sight of the mess, at odds with the rest of their immaculate house. “Please tell me you haven’t
been doing this by yourself.”
She shakes her head. “Joe started this morning. Then he got stuck and called Gavin.”
Hearing his name sends a reflexive jolt of happiness through me before I remember that we’re not friends anymore. Might not
be friends again, ever. “Gavin’s here?” I ask, though he’s obviously not. Pretty impossible to hide a six-foot guy in a small
room whose only furniture is occupied or in pieces. “Does he know I’m coming?”
With an odd look, she says, “They’re on their third trip to Home Depot. Didn’t expect it to take this long.”
I’m barely listening, mind spinning. “I can’t be here right now.”
Sera stops rocking. “What’s wrong?”
“Gavin and I sort of...” How do I tell her we broke up when she’s in the dark about what was going on between us? “We were
together. And now we’re not.”
She puts both hands on her cheeks. “Shock, surprise, astonishment, et cetera.”
I narrow my eyes at her sarcastic pantomime, and she drops the act. “You knew and let me come over anyway?”
“He played softball with Joe yesterday,” she says. “Don’t be mad. Neither of those men can keep a secret. It’s why I didn’t
tell Joe the gender of the baby.”
Her casual announcement totally distracts me from being upset that Gavin confessed the truth of our relationship, which was
probably her plan. “You found out?”
She puts a hand on her belly. “No way I was waiting nine months when we’ve waited years. But Joe wouldn’t be able to keep
it to himself. He’d tell all our friends and family, and I don’t want them to force names on us or be obnoxious. So I’m keeping
it to myself.”
I’m impressed by her willpower. “How can you keep a secret that big?”
“Why don’t you tell me?” she says. “You’ve been keeping a pretty big secret of your own.”
The hurt in her eyes fills me with guilt. “It was really new. And we—” I swallow against a sudden lump in my throat. “I was
worried it would change the dynamic. And then there’s the book. There was so much riding on getting it right. Not just for
my own career, but the actors’, screenwriters’, crew’s.” As I say it, I realize how selfish it sounds. “I wanted to protect
what was happening between us by keeping it separate, and telling you and Joe would’ve opened everything up.”
She sighs. “Well, I have a confession of my own. Joe and I have thought for a long time that Gavin might have feelings for you.” At my startled expression, she laughs. “Hon, that man has been wrapped around your finger since I’ve known him. We thought we’d grow old waiting for him to make a move.”
“Gavin knows better than anyone how I feel about dating friends.”
“Which is why Joe and I intervened. We saw you two being all cutesy at the party and it looked like you finally might be ready
for a nudge.”
“The couples retreat.” Gavin was right about the matchmaking.
She rocks back, smiling. But then her face falls. “Except we didn’t know you were already together. It was meant to get you
to admit your feelings, not talk yourselves out of them,” she says, shaking her head like we’re hopeless.
The rumble of the garage opening fills the quiet house, and I look toward the door in horror. “They’re back.”
“Maybe this is good. When you texted, I thought this could be the perfect opportunity to get you two in the same room together,”
she says. “Don’t you want another chance to talk through things?”
“Trying to talk things out is what got us into this mess in the first place,” I hiss. “That and your meddling.”
“If you would’ve told us in the first place, we wouldn’t have had to meddle,” she says, green eyes sparking with indignation.
“I didn’t want to make things awkward for everyone.” I raise my brows at the sound of car doors slamming. “Seems like that
was the right choice.”
“Was it?” she whispers back. “Because holding back with someone you’ve been close to your whole adult life seems like the
mistake to me.”
I glower at her, but there’s no time for a reply because the guys’ voices get louder along with scuffling and grunts.
Curiosity gets the better of me, and I poke my head out the door.
Gavin is backing into the hallway, struggling to maneuver a long box through the entrance.
At the sight of his muscles bunched underneath his tee, triceps bulging, my stomach gives a pleasant twist, before my brain catches up to the fact that things are over between us.
I duck back into the room before he sees me. “What am I supposed to do?”
Sera crosses her arms, but between her perch in the rocker and her baby bump, she hardly looks intimidating. “Have a conversation?”
“About how I told my editor I can’t finish the book because I’m an emotional wreck?” It makes me feel so vulnerable. “I might’ve
just tanked my career, and I can’t even talk to him about it. He told me no matter what happened, he’d be my friend.” My voice
hitches at the word. “He lied.”
Sera’s face melts into sympathy. “Oh, honey, I didn’t realize.”
A loud thud vibrates the wall, and Joe shouts, “Careful!”
Eyes darting between me and the doorway, Sera says, “Hide.” At my blank look, she makes shooing motions. “In the closet, hurry.”
It’s stuffed with unopened boxes, and I wedge myself between them, half in and half out. There’s no way the folding door will
close. A thought hits me. “My car,” I whisper to Sera. “They must know I’m here.”
But it’s too late to come out. Joe and Gavin have reached the nursery. He glances over and when our eyes meet, his face lights
up in a grin. I smile in response, but then the weirdest thing happens. His whole face shutters, like blinds pulled over a
window, and that’s when I remember everything’s changed. This isn’t another of Mia and Gavin’s escapades. There’s just me,
hiding from the person I care most about. It’s not silly, it’s sad.