Chapter Three
James
He’d been warned. New Year’s Eve in Surf City was the busiest night of the year for the fire station.
They ran as extra support to service the interstate that ran along the edge of their city.
Normally that wasn’t a big deal. Their station could handle the city and interstate but with a massive and deadly five-car accident that night, James wasn’t sure if he would ever get the carnage out of his head.
James was utterly exhausted, barely able to stay on his bike as he pulled into the rear driveway of the house and where his apartment sat empty and dark.
He really shouldn’t be driving. Josh had offered him a ride home but James hadn’t wanted to wait. He just wanted to fall into his bed and sleep. Even if he was afraid to close his eyes.
Shutting off the engine, James sat on the seat of his motorcycle as the bike slowly rumbled to silence.
His arms felt like they weighed a hundred pounds each as he removed his helmet.
The sun would be coming up soon. Too soon.
James always found it hard to sleep after a night shift.
He was not looking forward to even attempting it.
The car, the burning of rubber, the sound of screams. It was all inside him.
It had taken longer to get home after his shift since James was a little scared to be on the road. Instead of taking the main streets like normal, James had stayed on side roads, making his commute take double the time.
With all the resources out in the world, why would someone choose to drive drunk?
One person’s bad decision would now affect so many for the rest of their lives.
It sure the hell would affect James. He set his helmet on the tank of his bike before throwing his leg over.
James’s legs felt as heavy as his arms had just a moment before.
Why was his body reacting this way? What was wrong with him?
Catching his heel on the bike, James nearly fell back on his ass.
Windmilling his arms did no good as he lost his footing.
There was nothing he could do but prepare to crash to the ground.
Firm hands grabbed him under his armpits as someone growled into his ear.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”
No! Not now. James couldn’t handle this. His body shook as he had no choice but to allow the other man to hold him up.
“Are you drunk?” Jacob demanded.
James cleared his throat. “No.” He tried standing on his own. His legs were not cooperating. The shaking didn’t stop.
“James!” Jacob shook him harder and James’s head snapped back. “Are you seriously drunk?”
He shook his head. He wanted to defend himself. James wasn’t even old enough to drink. Not that he wanted to. And with what he’d seen that night, he would never drink and drive.
“I can’t believe this,” Jacob said angrily. His fingers bit into James’s freezing flesh. It hurt.
“Stop,” James pleaded. He hated how hoarse and soft his voice was.
“What?”
“Please stop,” James begged. “I…can’t.”
Jacob’s fingers tightened briefly, then he helped James to stand on his own two feet. James dropped his head as Jacob released him.
“What’s going on?” Jacob demanded.
James opened his mouth then closed it again. How could he explain when he didn’t know? Everything was wrong. His skin was too tight, his head hurt, and why couldn’t he see right?
“Fuck!” Jacob hovered in front of him.
James whimpered. The only sound that he could manage.
Hands cupped both sides of his face. Warm and rough.
“I need you to breathe for me,” Jacob said quietly. “In through your nose and out through your mouth.”
He was breathing, wasn’t he? Of course he was. If he had stopped breathing, he’d be dead just like… He caught a sob. James didn’t want to think about it.
“No,” Jacob said firmly. “Breathe with me.”
Blinking his eyes, James realized that his vision was blurry because he was crying. Once he could focus, James watched the way that Jacob’s chest rose with each breath.
James attempted to copy him.
“That’s it. Good,” Jacob encouraged. He placed James’s hand on Jacob’s wide chest before covering James’s palm with his own. “Just like me.”
Was he doing it right? James just wanted to do something right.
“Again,” Jacob urged.
It was easier to do when James concentrated on the wide chest in front of his eyes. White shirt with black writing spelling out Surf City University. Scott had a shirt just like that. Thinking about his brother made more tears fall.
What if Scott had been out on the road?
“Calm,” Jacob said. “Stay calm. Everything will be okay.”
It would be okay for James. But what about the people that they couldn’t save? Their families would be getting the news very soon that their loved one was not coming home.
Somehow James’s hands had ended up wrapped in the front of Jacob’s shirt. He blinked again. “They’re dead,” he whispered.
Long fingers stroked the side of James’s face.
Why was the professor touching him? Not that James minded. James was grateful. He needed grounding.
“Who?” Jacob asked gently.
James shook his head. He didn’t know their names. Should he have asked?
“That’s okay,” Jacob told him. “You don’t have to tell me.”
“I don’t know their names,” James confessed. “They died and I don’t even know their names!” That seemed so important now. Why hadn’t he asked?
“You were on shift at the fire station tonight,” Jacob said.
James nodded even though it hadn’t been a question.
“Did you get called out?”
“So many times,” James managed.
“And you guys lost a patient?”
That did sound like a question. “Yeah.” Lost a patient. That wasn’t quite right. There hadn’t been anything they could do. The three young people in the car had been crushed. Hadn’t stood a chance. “Yeah.”
“I’m so sorry,” Jacob told him.
“Why?” James tightened his hold on Jacob’s shirt.
“I’m sorry that you lost—”
“No!” James wailed. “Why? Why? Why?” He was shaking Jacob now.
“I don’t know, baby. Shh, I don’t know.” He pulled James into a tight embrace.
Even with his hand trapped between their bodies, James tried to get closer to Jacob. Maybe if Jacob held him hard enough, the shaking would stop. What if it never stopped?
“I’ve got you,” Jacob soothed. He ran his hands up and down James’s back.
Where was his jacket? Was that why James was so cold? He had a jacket. Somewhere. He’d worn it to the station. James never rode the bike without the protection of leather. He didn’t have it on now though.
“You’re so cold,” Jacob said. “Where’s your jacket?”
James’s laugh sounded manic to his own ears. Jacob was warm though. James just needed to get a little closer. Closer was good. Closer was vital.
“Come on, sweetheart. Let’s get you inside.”
Inside? Inside sounded good. Inside meant that James didn’t have to try and fail to save someone. No one inside was hurt. “Inside,” James repeated.
He was moving. That was good. His legs worked. Legs were important. If he didn’t have legs, then James couldn’t stand, or walk, or ride his bike. He wouldn’t be able to run into a burning building to save someone. Yes, legs were very important.
“Step up. Careful. I’ll help you,” Jacob murmured.
A blast of cold wind nearly knocked James over but there was an arm around his lower back. That was a good arm. Helpful.
“Another step. Come on. You can do it,” Jacob said.
James thought he could do anything. Wasn’t that why he’d joined the Surf City Fire Department?
Michael and Scott didn’t need him anymore.
His brothers were both thriving in their new environments.
Helping the residents of his adopted city seemed like such a good idea. James hadn’t helped anyone that night.
“Here we are. Do you have your keys?” Jacob questioned.
“Keys,” James repeated.
“Yes. I need the keys to open the door,” Jacob said.
“Okay.” That was smart. Oh! A kiss to his temple? Did Jacob really do that?
“I’m going to reach into your pocket to check,” Jacob said.
James stood still as Jacob reached into his front right pocket. It was sort of weird to have someone else’s hand in his pocket. The uniform pants he wore had deep pockets.
“Got them,” Jacob said quietly.
Got what? Why were they standing outside? It was cold.
The door opened. Was it magic? James wished he still believed in magic. The old books that Michael used to read to them had been filled with heroes and princes that used magic to save the world. Like the cape he had been wearing earlier. That had totally made him feel like he was a superhero.
“Let me get the light,” Jacob said.
James blinked as brightness nearly blinded him.
“You should really leave a light on when you are working late. It’s not safe to come home to a completely dark house,” Jacob told him.
“I wouldn’t have to worry about it if I was a superhero,” James shared.
“Even superheroes need light,” Jacob told him.
James pressed his lips together. That wasn’t true. Some superheroes must be able to see in the dark. That would be an awesome power.
“Let’s sit on the couch,” Jacob suggested as he towed James forward.
With his hand still wrapped in the front of Jacob’s shirt, James didn’t have to worry about losing his hold on Jacob.
“Here we are.” Jacob sat in the corner of the worn gray couch and pulled James down with him.
He was probably sitting too close. The fog was lifting from his brain. James knew having his thigh pressed to Jacob’s was a bad idea. He just couldn’t remember why.
“Do you need some water? Food?” Jacob asked.
James slammed his free hand on Jacob’s knee. His body was twisted since he still fisted the cotton covering Jacob’s chest and now dug his fingers into Jacob’s knee. “Don’t leave.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Jacob promised.
Such a sweet promise. James nodded as he closed his eyes. Immediately the scene that they’d been called to earlier flashed in his mind. James popped his eyes back open, looking around frantically.
“Shh,” Jacob whispered. “You’re okay. Everything is okay.”