Chapter Thirteen
LATE THURSDAY NIGHT Doc sat on Dare and Billie’s patio shooting the shit with his brothers, Sasha, and their significant others, wishing Juliette were there. Sully was snuggled against Cowboy’s side on a lounge chair, absently running her fingers over his stomach, Billie and Dare were eyeing each other like they couldn’t wait to tear each other’s clothes off, and Ezra and Sasha were holding hands, while Gus slept on Sasha’s lap. They’d made s’mores, and little Gus had chatted up a storm before conking out with marshmallow on his adorable face.
It was on nights like these that Doc used to torture himself with what-ifs. What if things had gone differently that fateful summer? What if they’d been allowed to follow through with their plans? When he’d thought about those what-ifs over the years, what hurt the most was knowing without a shred of a doubt that they would still be together, happy, and in love—and conversely, thinking Juliette had betrayed him. Now that they had a second chance, he wanted to barge into every aspect of her and Lucas’s life and stake claim. But he was giving her space to see how things panned out with Lucas, and it was killing him.
He finished his beer and set the empty bottle by his chair, crossing his arms.
“Remember that time Dare wanted to start a band with Doc and Cowboy?” Billie asked, eyeing Dare, who was smirking arrogantly.
“You mean the band that Birdie and I weren’t allowed to join because we’re girls, despite the fact that I’m the only one who plays an instrument?” Sasha asked.
“That’s the one,” Billie chimed in.
“I didn’t need an instrument,” Dare said. “I had great moves, and we had an excellent drummer.” He motioned to Doc, drumming his fingers on his arm, and everyone laughed.
“Shut the hell up.” Doc uncrossed his arms.
“Poor Birdie’s hopes were shot down that day,” Sasha said. “She was excited to make band outfits.”
“We dodged a bullet with that one,” Cowboy said.
“Where is Birdie tonight?” Sully asked.
“She wrangled Rebel into being her wingman, and they went to the Roadhouse,” Sasha said.
“Sounds like we might need to take a ride over there,” Cowboy said.
“No need,” Doc said. “I got wind of her plan and had a talk with Rebel.” Rebel was several years younger than Doc, and Birdie was always trying to drag him into one of her plans.
“I love how you guys watch out for Birdie,” Sully said. “But, Doc, are you okay?”
“ Fine . Why?”
“It’s just that everyone asked about how Juliette and Lucas were doing earlier, and I realized that nobody asked how you were doing,” Sully said. “When I first reunited with my older sister, Jordan, I felt so many different emotions, and I had spent the first few years of my life with her. But you didn’t even know you had a child, and now suddenly you do, and he’s fifteen, and Callahan said Juliette was your first love, and now she’s back. I can’t imagine what all of that feels like.”
Sully was sweet for asking, but there was a reason nobody had asked. They knew he kept his emotions close to his chest. “It’s a lot, but I’m okay. Thanks for asking.”
They were all looking at him expectantly, as if waiting for him to say more. What the hell?
“Okay, I’m sorry, Doc,” Billie said. “I get that you don’t like to talk about your feelings, but I’m dying to know if you and Juliette are going to try again.”
Doc gritted his teeth, not because he didn’t want them to know how he felt, but because talking about it would only make him want it more.
“Inquiring minds want to know,” Sasha urged. “Is the extended-stay motel closed for good?”
“Jesus, Sash.” Doc shook his head.
“What? I know things are complicated right now, but do you and Juliette still love each other?” she asked.
“Of course they do,” Dare said. “When a Whiskey falls, that love is forever. Look at me and Billie and you and Ez.”
“Gus and I are thankful for that,” Ezra said, leaning in to kiss Sasha, who smiled like he and Gus were her world.
“Look, Doc,” Cowboy said. “I admit I’m curious, too, but don’t feel the need to show your hand because we’re nosy.”
With the exception of Sully, who hadn’t known them back then, they’d all been there to support him through the worst of those early years, even when he’d barely given them the time of day. They deserved to know the truth. “Well, I do have a Whiskey heart, so there’s that.”
“ Yes! I knew it,” Sasha exclaimed. Gus made a sleepy noise, snuggling into her. She brushed her hand down his back and kissed his head, whispering, “Sorry, Gusto.”
“Does Juliette feel the same way?” Cowboy asked.
Dare scoffed. “How could she not? It’s Doc. He’s fucking awesome.”
Hell if that didn’t make Doc feel good…and a bit guilty for being a dick when he first saw her again. “Thanks, man. I appreciate that.”
“You are awesome,” Cowboy agreed. “But there’s a lot of water under that bridge.”
“No shit,” Doc said, feeling the need to defend himself. “I know she still loves me, but loving someone and being in love with them are two different things. And yeah, I wish they were here right now. I want to charge into their lives and make both of them give me a chance. But we’ve got much bigger things to worry about and figure out.” Knowing his sister and Billie would probably push for more, he picked up his empty bottle and rose to his feet. “It’s late. I’m gonna call it a night.”
As he tossed the bottle into the recycle bin, Billie said, “Nice mic drop.”
“More like an escape,” Sasha said. “I’m happy for you, Doc. I hope it works out.”
“Me too,” Sully said. “There’s a light in your eyes when you talk about Juliette, and there’s a tenderness to your voice when you talk about Lucas. I was secretly hoping you still had feelings for her.”
He looked at the girl who had been stolen from her family and endured years of horrible things. If any of them deserved an extra reason to smile, it was her. “I don’t think there’s anything or anyone in this world that could ever take those feelings away. Y’all have a good night.”
Doc pulled out his phone as he walked home and texted Juliette. They’d texted earlier, but he was dying to hear her voice.
Doc: Hey darlin. Still up?
Juliette: Yes. My body is tired but my brain is going a million miles an hour.
Doc: Mine, too. How’d things go with Lucas tonight?
Juliette: It’s tense between us, but not as bad as last night.
Doc: That’s good.
Juliette: I know, but I wish I knew how to fix this.
Doc: Can I give you a call?
Juliette: Yes.
A smiling emoji popped up.
He called her as he walked down his driveway, and his dogs ran over to greet him.
“That was fast,” Juliette said.
“Sorry,” he said, petting his pups. “Do you need more time?”
“ No . I was kind of hoping you’d want to talk.”
Well, shit. Now he was grinning like a fool. “What I want is to be there with you and Lucas, helping you through this.”
“I know you do.” She was quiet for a beat. “What about you, Seeley? Don’t you need help, too? I mean, last night was a lot. I was a little worried it might make you want some distance, and that would be perfectly understandable.”
“Distance is the last thing I want. Don’t get me wrong. This is big, and obviously we need to get to know each other again, and I want to get to know Lucas. But it’s always been you, Juliette. Plain and simple.” Worried he’d scare her off, he said, “But that’s not what matters right now. Let’s talk about Lucas and see how we can ease the tension between you two.”
“Okay, but I want you to know that your feelings always matter to me.”
He headed up to the porch with the dogs on his heels and sat on the top step. “I’m glad, darlin’.” He wanted to barrel down that road, but it was too easy to get lost in the high of Juliette caring about him. “Tell me what happened with Lucas tonight.”
She explained how Lucas wasn’t mean or disrespectful like he had been last night, but he was distant and sullen. “It’s like he doesn’t know how to act around me anymore.”
“Maybe he doesn’t. It’s only been a day, and all of our emotions are still raw. The summer all that shit went down, I shut everyone out.” He told her how he hadn’t opened up to his mother until she’d stopped pushing him to. “It might be easier for Lucas to come to you on his terms.”
“You think I should stop trying to talk to him about it?”
“Not completely. Maybe let him know you’re there if he wants to talk, but try not to push too hard. Not that you are—”
“No, you’re right. I am pushing. I can’t help it,” she confided. “I just want to make things better. Every time I see him, it’s right there , front and center in my mind.”
“I get it. It’s like that for me, and I’m sure it is for him, too. He feels like his world has exploded, so maybe you need to show him that his daily life isn’t going to change, and you’re still the same mom you were two days ago.”
“How am I supposed to do that?”
“I’m not sure. Is there a way to show him that even though it feels like his life has imploded, some things aren’t changing, like bull riding and school and practicing driving?”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea.”
“I think he just needs time,” Doc said. “Is this how he usually handles stress? Closing himself off?”
“Sort of. He used to share everything with me, but over the last year or so, that’s been changing. He keeps things closer to his chest.”
“That sounds like typical teenage behavior.”
“I know, but I don’t have to like it.” She laughed softly. “But this feels bigger.”
“Because it is, but we’ll figure out how to get through to him. I don’t want him harboring resentment like I did. That’s a tough way to live. He needs to know he can trust us, and we have to earn that trust. I’ll talk to my mom to see if she has any suggestions.”
“Your mom gave me the name of a therapist, and I called to make an appointment. I’m waiting for a call back.”
“That’s a good start.” He petted Pickles. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“I missed so many years of your lives. I want to know about all of them, eventually. But I was hanging out with everyone tonight, and Gus, Sasha’s fiancé Ezra’s little boy, was running around, chatting about a hundred different things, and making s’mores. He’s in kindergarten, and suddenly he climbed into Sasha’s lap, curled up with sticky little hands and cheeks, and fell right to sleep.”
She laughed. “At that age, it’s like they’re Energizer Bunnies until their batteries run out. That’s so sweet.”
“It was, and it made me realize how much I missed with Lucas. I was wondering if you could tell me about what he was like when he was little.”
“Oh, Seeley , he was beautiful and so freaking cute, it was ridiculous.”
He laughed. “I’m sure he was the cutest baby ever born, and I bet you were beautiful when you were pregnant.”
“I was round, but he was beautiful.”
“I don’t believe that for a second. I’m gonna need to see proof. Send me pictures.”
She laughed. “Seriously?”
“What do you think?”
“Okay. But you’ll see. I was like an Oompa Loompa. Hold on.” When her text rolled in, she said, “The first picture was taken the week before Lucas was born. The second was in the hospital the night he was born.”
“Let me put you on speaker so I can look at them.”
He put her on speaker, and his heart felt like it was going to explode as he took in an image of the fun-loving teenage girl he’d known, standing by a fence wearing black leggings and a sky-blue sweater, her belly round with his baby. Her cheeks were fuller, her hair a little wilder, and she was absolutely gorgeous, but she looked too young and innocent to go through everything that she had. In the second picture, she was gazing at their baby with so much love in her eyes, it made his chest ache. Lucas was impossibly tiny, swaddled in a pink and blue blanket, with a dusting of dark hair.
“I told you I looked awful,” she said.
“The hell you did. Baby, you’re beyond beautiful, and Lucas was by far the cutest baby ever born. I wish I could have been there to rub your belly and your feet, and feel him kick, and hold your hand when you gave birth. Look at you with our boy.” Overwhelmed with emotion, he laughed. “You were so damn young, and you took on the fucking world. You amaze me, darlin’.”
“ Seeley ,” she said a little bashfully.
“You do, Jule. Tell me what I missed.”
“I don’t even know where to start.”
“At the beginning. You continued going to school after he was born. What was that like?”
“I hated leaving him with the nanny when I went to school, but from the minute I got home, he was in my arms or on my lap.”
“Lucky boy. What was his first word? How did it feel to hear him speak for the first time? I want to know everything.”
She laughed softly. “His first word was mama , and when he said it, I cried.”
“I can only imagine.”
“I just loved him so much. With all the stress with my parents and the guilt of bringing Josh into it, everything Lucas did felt like a miracle. Like something good came out of all that mess.”
“Something better than good. Something wonderful.”
“He is wonderful. Although he sure wore me out when he was little. He started walking before he was a year old.”
“That’s my boy.”
“I kind of love hearing you say that.”
“I’m surprised at how much I like saying it.” He’d thrown away the dream of having a family of his own when he’d lost Juliette. He was starting to wonder if fate had a hand in his life after all, and the universe somehow knew she’d come back into it. “Do you have more pictures?”
“Only about a million.” She laughed softly. “One sec.”
After a moment, his phone chimed, and he scrolled through pictures of Lucas fast asleep lying on his back in his crib wearing one-piece pajamas with horses on them, his tiny hands balled into fists beside his head. There was another of him crawling across a blanket when he was a little bigger, his thighs pudgier, and one of him standing up, holding on to a coffee table, wearing a blue-and-white romper. His hair was thicker, his cheeks chubbier, and his pudgy feet were bare. And another of him sitting on Juliette’s lap eating ice cream with chocolate dripping down his chin, flashing an adorable toothy grin.
“These are incredible. Look at him, with those pudgy cheeks and big blue eyes. How old was he in the picture with the ice cream?”
“Three, I think. He loves ice cream.”
“Do you still love it?”
“I ate an entire pint last night. Do you remember when we used to raid the kitchen in the main house?”
He laughed. “How could I forget? You were so cute and flustered when Dwight caught us.”
“How did he always know when we were in there?”
“My old man and Dwight know everything that happens on the ranch.”
“Uh-oh. Do you think they knew about us sneaking into the cabin?”
“I didn’t used to think so, but I’ve learned that nothing gets past Tiny. Tell me more about when Lucas was little. What was he like as a toddler?”
“ Busy . I swear he got into everything. It was exhausting, and I never knew if I was doing things right. Some days I thought I was the worst mother in the world for bringing him into such a messed-up situation. But then I’d look at him sleeping in his crib, and…Seeley, there are no words to describe the love I felt.”
His chest tightened. “I wish I’d been there for both of you.”
“Me too. I know you would have loved him as much as I did. He was the sweetest toddler, and he was funny, too. He pronounced things wrong, like hippups for hiccups, and he’d ask for chocolate squirrel ice cream instead of chocolate swirl. But I think the cutest thing was when he was hungry, he’d say, I’m honey, Mommy .”
Doc laughed. “That’s adorable. I wish I could have heard him say it.”
“I have a video with him saying it. It’s a little shaky because I was holding the phone and chasing after him. Give me a sec to find it. I used to pretend I didn’t hear what he said, hoping he’d say it again. I know that’s awful, but he was so cute. I couldn’t resist.”
She sent the video, and Doc watched Lucas climbing onto the couch beside Juliette, saying, I’m honey, Mommy. I’m honey , in a chirpy little voice. She was clearly trying to stifle a laugh as she said, What are you? and a frustrated Lucas said, Hooonnneeey. I’m honey!
Doc’s heart swelled, and he laughed again. “That’s too damn cute. You know I’m going to listen to it a thousand times tonight.”
“I told you he was the cutest baby ever. He was a mischievous rascal, too. When he was three, he drew on the walls with crayons, and when he was four he refused to pee in the toilet and would only go outside.”
“In all fairness, that’s a rite of passage for boys.”
“His preschool teacher was not impressed.”
Doc laughed, and she laughed too.
“What else did he do?”
“What didn’t he do?” she said. “There was a period of a few months when he wouldn’t wear shoes or socks. That was a fun battle every morning before school, but it wasn’t quite as bad as when he was six and decided he didn’t like wearing pants.”
“I can’t blame him for that.”
They both laughed. She shared more funny stories about things Lucas had said and done and sent pictures of the first time he’d ridden a horse by himself and his first days of kindergarten and first grade. She told him that when Lucas was in third grade, he’d decided he didn’t need to go to school anymore because he was going to be a cowboy when he grew up. “Then there was the time when he was ten and he became enamored with a stubborn old horse named Gray, but Gray wouldn’t give him the time of day.”
“That’s rough for a kid who loves horses.”
“You’re telling me? It broke my heart, but Lucas was determined to make friends with him, and he didn’t want any help doing it. He went out to the horse’s stall every morning before school with carrots and apples, trying to coax it over to him, and every day after school he’d go to the fenced pasture and try again.”
“He’s tenacious. That’s a boy after my own heart.”
“Mine, too, but the horse wasn’t having it, and Lucas was frustrated. It was hard to see him so bummed, but he refused to give up. One night I caught him watching a YouTube video on how to make friends with a stubborn horse, and he got so embarrassed.”
“Why? He was researching. That’s a smart move.”
“I know. That’s what I told him, but he said cowboys should know how to make friends with any horse.”
Doc chuckled. “I love his attitude. Did he ever get through to the horse?”
“Yes, after what seemed like forever. The horse finally ate the treats, and a few days later he let Lucas pet him. Lucas continued going out to see him every day, and a couple of weeks later, Gray started coming to the fence when he saw Lucas heading over. Lucas was really proud of that.”
“He should be. I hate that I missed so much of your lives.”
“Me too.”
“I’m going to do right by him, Jule. That’s a promise.”
“You already are.”
They were both quiet for a moment, and he wondered if she wished she was with him as much as he was wishing he was with her.
“Do I hear crickets?” she asked. “Are you outside?”
“Yeah. I’m sitting on my porch with my beasts.”
“ Aw. Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“I know you said you were with everyone tonight. But I don’t really know who everyone is anymore. Did you mean your family?”
“Mostly. I was with my brothers and Sasha, and their significant others.”
“Are they all married now?”
“No, only Dare and Billie. They got married over the summer. Cowboy and his girl, Sully, got engaged in the spring, and Sasha and Ezra got engaged the morning I ran into you at the hospital.”
“Wow. You guys have had a busy year. Congratulations to all of them. I’m not surprised Dare and Billie are married. Remember how we used to make bets about when something would happen between them?”
He smiled. “Yeah.”
“How did their friend take it? I can’t remember his name. The other daredevil.”
“Eddie,” he said sadly. He told her about Eddie dying and how it had caused a rift between Dare and Billie for several years.
“That’s so sad. They were all so close. I’m glad Dare and Billie have each other now. What about Sully and Ezra? Do you like them for Cowboy and Sasha?”
“Yeah, I do. Very much.” He told her about Sully’s background and how she’d come to the ranch and about how Sasha and Ezra had gotten together. “They’re all really happy. I think they’re with the people they were always meant to be with.”
“I’m happy for them.” She sounded a little forlorn.
“Are you okay?”
“Mm-hm. I just…Do you ever think about what it would be like if my father hadn’t ruined everything?”
“Yeah, I do.” They were both quiet again.
“It’s so unfair. I hate my father for what he did to us.”
“You’re not alone in that, darlin’.”
Doc made his way inside as they talked, and an hour later he was lying on his bed with the dogs, and Juliette was yawning sleepily on the other end of the phone. “I’d better let you go.”
“Sorry,” she said softly. “I don’t want to end the call. I like hearing your voice.”
“I don’t want to, either, but you should get some sleep. We can talk tomorrow.”
“Promise?” She didn’t give him a chance to respond. “ Ohmygod , I did not just say that. I’m hanging up before I embarrass myself any further.”
He laughed as the line went dead and said, “I promise, darlin’. Love you.”