Chapter Twenty-Eight
IT WAS AFTER midnight when they finally got home. Juliette was a mental mess and trying not to show it, which was as exhausting as the rest of the day had been.
“I’m whipped,” Lucas said as they walked in the door. “I’m going to bed.”
“Okay, sweets. Do you want some Tylenol for your back?” Juliette asked.
“Nah. I’m good, thanks.”
“Come here.” Juliette hugged him a little tighter than usual. “Congratulations on your wins. I’m really proud of you.”
“I am, too,” Seeley said. “Mind if I steal one of those hugs?”
“You’re gonna steal one anyway,” Lucas said, and Seeley embraced him. “Did you ever end up in the hospital after a bull ride?”
“No, but I probably should have a time or two. When I was growing up, if you remembered your alphabet and didn’t have a bone sticking out, you carried on. But ask Dare next time you see him. He got hurt so often, he had an ER bed with his name on it.”
Lucas laughed. “I bet. The night of the bonfire, he told me about the crazy stunts he’s done on his motorcycle. Standing up riding on the highway? Jumping over buses? Is that true?”
“Yes. And don’t get any ideas,” Seeley warned.
“Don’t worry. I’m not that big of a risk taker. I told Layla about how fun the bonfire was. Do you think we could invite her to the ranch for one some night?”
“I think that’s a great idea,” Seeley said.
“Cool.” Lucas yawned. “G’night.”
“Night, buddy.”
“Good night, honey,” Juliette said. She waited for Lucas’s bedroom door to close before looking at Seeley. She felt her maternal mask cracking.
He took her hand, drawing her into his arms, and she closed her eyes, soaking in his comfort and praying her fears were unfounded.
“It’s been a hell of a night.” He kissed the top of her head. “Let’s sit on the porch where we can talk.”
They went outside and sat on the top step. “I miss the porch swing,” she said. “We had one in California at the farm where Lucas grew up. We used to sit on it, and I’d tell him stories or sing to him. In the evenings, he’d lay down with his head on my lap and fall asleep.” Her throat thickened. “I would sit there for hours before carrying him to bed.”
Seeley put his arm around her, pulling her closer. “I’ll build you a swing, darlin’.”
She rested her head on his shoulder, avoiding the inevitable. She didn’t want to voice her worries for fear of making them real. She was well aware that her reasoning made no sense. Her clients had played the avoidance game plenty of times about their ailing animals. But she didn’t care if it made sense or not, her mama’s mind wasn’t ready to go there. “Lucas did great today, didn’t he? It meant the world to him that everyone showed up to cheer him on.”
“It meant the world to them, too.” He kissed her temple. “Talk to me, darlin’.”
“I am talking to you. Did you see how big Lucas’s smile was when they called him up to the stage? He strutted up there like a proud peacock, and when he looked at Layla, I swear I could see her swoon.”
“He’s going to be okay, darlin’,” he said softly, and held her a little tighter.
“Of course he is,” she said too cheerily. “He has to be.”
“I know this is hard to talk about, but we need to. I checked him out after a fall at practice last week, and I didn’t feel anything unusual on his neck. That means this popped up quick. What did his lymph node feel like?”
The words stuck in her throat.
“It’s okay, baby. Take your time,” he said.
“It was hard ,” she said quietly, as if that would somehow make it less real. “It didn’t move when I pressed on it. You know that’s not good.”
He was quiet for a beat. “We’re not going to jump to any conclusions, but she referred us to pediatric oncologists.”
Gutted, Juliette sank back, and her face went cold. “ Seeley ” fell shakily from her lips, eyes stinging with tears.
He cradled her face in his hands. “Listen to me, darlin’. We don’t know anything yet. His blood work was normal. She checked his other lymph nodes, and they weren’t swollen. We are not going to assume the worst. Do you understand?”
She nodded, struggling to keep her tears at bay.
“My cousin Bones— Wayne —is an oncologist in Maryland. I’m going to call him and see what he can tell us.”
“Okay. Can you call him first thing tomorrow?”
“No. This is our boy. I’m going to call him now.”
“You can’t call him this late,” she said.
“He’s family. He’d expect nothing less.” He kissed her and hugged her, then pushed to his feet, pulled out his phone, and made the call. “Hey, Bones. Sorry to call so late.” He paused, listening. “I need some advice…” He walked away as he explained what was going on.
Juliette pulled her phone from her pocket, her heart racing as she opened the browser and typed, What does a hard, painless, enlarged lymph node in the neck mean? Her thumb hovered over the search button. She knew what she’d find, but she hoped to be surprised by something less terrifying. She glanced at Seeley. His back was turned, the phone still pressed to his ear, his other hand balling into a fist.
She glanced at her phone again, debating the search, and her grandmother’s voice whispered through her mind. There’s nothing you can’t do, Juliegirl. Get ahead of the devil so he can’t sneak up on you. Get your ducks in a row, then cut them off. That was the advice she’d given Juliette when she’d told her she was leaving with Lucas and stopping all communication with her parents. She’d taken her advice and had gotten her and Lucas squared away before severing the toxic relationship with her parents.
She needed to get ahead of this devil, too.
She tapped the search icon and held her breath as the results popped up. She scanned the page, phrases hitting her like knives to the heart. Possible cancer or lymphoma…Lymphoma or another type of cancer should be investigated… It became harder to breathe with every line she read.
But she knew the internet was loaded with misinformation, so she went to the Mayo Clinic website, a reference she trusted. She read about healthy swollen lymph nodes being tender, the size of a pea or a kidney bean, sometimes larger, but usually painful. Lucas’s lymph node was the size of a walnut and painless.
She continued reading about all the usual symptoms she knew she’d find, like how they’re associated with runny noses, sore throats, and fever. She read about general swelling of lymph nodes throughout the body, which could be indicative of an infection or an immune system disorder.
But the doctor had only found one swollen node.
She read a list of bulleted symptoms and stopped cold at hard, fixed, rapidly growing nodes, indicating a possible cancer or lymphoma.
With her heart in her throat, she skimmed to the section that talked about when to see a doctor. Her gaze held on the third bullet. If the lymph nodes feel hard or rubbery or don’t move when pushed on.
Nonono. No! Fuck no .
She quickly navigated to the types of cancer associated with such lymph nodes. Leukemia. Lymphoma. Other cancers that have metastasized to lymph nodes.
Metastasized. The word made her feel sick.
She scanned the symptoms of leukemia. Pale skin, red spots on the skin, bone pain, bruising, shortness of breath, dizziness, weakness, weight loss, fatigue. And the symptoms of lymphoma. Night sweats, coughing, itchy skin, shortness of breath. She scanned the other related symptoms, hope rising in her with each one, because Lucas had none of the symptoms mentioned.
She clicked another link, reading about five-year survival rates and cure rates, which, depending on the type of cancer, ranged from sixty-five to ninety percent. It sounded like a fucking crapshoot.
It was all too much.
“A’right,” Seeley said, drawing her attention. “Thanks, man.”
She shoved her phone into her back pocket, pushing away the crapshoot statistics, clinging to the fact that other than one swollen lymph node, Lucas was healthy. “What did he say?” she asked as Seeley neared the porch.
“He told me what we already knew,” he said solemnly. “A firm, immovable lymph node in the neck could indicate certain types of cancer but not to worry until we know for sure. He said the doctor will probably order a biopsy, which is the only way to get definitive results.”
Biopsy magnified in her mind.
“He suggested we see Dr. Santowski. He said he’s a leader in the field. He also said we shouldn’t go online to look this up, because it’ll only scare the shit out of us.”
“Too late.” She went to him. “And he’s right. It scared the shit out of me. Every result mentioned cancer, but I looked up the symptoms of leukemia and lymphoma, and Lucas has none of them. Not a single one. They mentioned other types of cancer, but without any symptoms, maybe this is a fluke, and the lymph node will shrink on its own. I mean, stranger things have happened, right?”
“We can hope, darlin’.” He drew her into his arms, but he didn’t sound convinced. “The good news is that if caught early, the diseases he mentioned are highly curable.”
She didn’t think sixty-five percent sounded highly curable, but she didn’t have the bandwidth to do more research or talk about it. “Did he say anything else?”
He shook his head, still holding her tight. “No, baby.”
The sadness in his voice told her he wasn’t telling her everything, but she knew he was protecting her. Part of her wanted to push, to get every little detail so she would know what they might be up against. But a bigger part of her, the part that needed to stay strong for Lucas, the part that couldn’t afford to go down a rabbit hole that might shred her to pieces, didn’t want to know.
She didn’t care if that made her seem weak or stupid. Right now, she was weak, and maybe she needed to be stupid. She already knew too much. She was scared out of her fucking mind. She melted into him, wearing the safety of his arms like armor. “Will you stay with me tonight?”
He gazed down at her with troubled eyes. “There’s nothing I want more than to stay with you, but what about Lucas?”
“I don’t think he’ll mind. You’re a big part of our life, and he likes it that way. But if you’re worried about it, we can get up before he does, and he won’t know you stayed over.”
“Okay, darlin’. I’ll stay.” He lowered his lips to hers in a slow, sensual kiss. “You must be exhausted.”
“I am, but my brain is on fire.”
“Let’s go inside. I’ll run you a warm bath. It’ll help you relax.” His brows slanted. “You do have a tub, don’t you?”
“ Yes ,” she said with a little laugh. “But you don’t have to do that. That is, unless you’re willing to climb in with me.”
His wicked grin told her he had planned that all along. “Remember how you used to dream about having a big Jacuzzi tub in the cabin, because your grandmother used to let you use hers?”
“I can’t believe you remembered that.”
“I told you, you’re unforgettable.” He slung his arm around her. “Come on. My baby mama needs pampering.”
“Is that what I am to you? Your baby mama ?” she teased as they headed inside.
“Darlin’, you’re so many things to me, I don’t even know where to start.”
On the way down the hall, she stopped to listen outside Lucas’s door. “I think he’s asleep.”
They peeked into his room. Lucas was lying on his back with his phone on the mattress beside him. The covers were pulled up to his belly. His necklace hung to one side, twinkling in the light from the lamp on the nightstand. She remembered when she’d given that necklace to him. She’d wanted him to have a piece of Seeley, and she’d thought Seeley’s good luck charm could help keep him safe, too. If only it were that easy.
“Look at our perfect boy,” Seeley said quietly. “He was made of the purest form of love there is.”
There were no truer words.
“I won’t let anything happen to him, darlin’,” he whispered. “If he’s sick, we’ll make sure he gets whatever treatments he needs. If he needs an organ, I’ll give him mine. I will do whatever it takes, always , for him and for you.”
Choking up, she turned and wrapped her arms around him. “I don’t want to think about any of that.”
“I’m about to help you with that.” Seeley pulled Lucas’s door closed, took her hand, and led her into her bedroom. “I want you to relax while I fill the tub.” He looked around her bedroom and snagged a candle from her dresser. “Do you have any more of these lying around?”
“Just one.” She pointed to the nightstand on the far side of her bed.
He reached for the candle, but stopped short, picking up the framed photo of her and Lucas instead. “Look at you two with that baby goat.” He smiled, studying the picture. “When was this taken?”
“When Lucas was three. It was his first time at the petting zoo.” In the picture, she was crouched beside Lucas, looking at him, and he was caught mid-giggle, petting the goat.
“So you were twenty.” He ran his finger over the picture. “You’re both so beautiful. Look at his little pudgy cheeks and hands. He liked the goats?”
“He loved them. But he called them boats .” She laughed softly. “He had trouble with G s for a while.”
Seeley smiled. “That must’ve been adorable.”
“It was pretty darn cute.”
“I wish I could go back in time and be there with you. I missed so much. I’ll never know how it felt to kiss those pudgy cheeks or hear that infectious toddler giggle kids have.” His jaw tightened as he set the picture down. He cleared his throat, turning a tender smile on her. “I’m glad I’m here now. I’ll never miss another thing.” He picked up the candle. “Okay, sweet girl, your bath will be ready momentarily.”
He winked and headed into the bathroom, leaving her with so many emotions, it was hard for her to separate the gratitude for their coming together from the guilt of her keeping Lucas a secret from him for so long.
She was still thinking about that and stewing over what Lucas was going through, when they climbed into the tub. She nestled between Seeleys thick thighs, leaning back against his chest. The lights were off, the candles flickering on the counters, and moonlight streamed in through the window.
Seeley gathered her hair over one of her shoulders, kissing the one he bared. “Close your eyes and relax.”
She closed her eyes as he bathed her, his hands moving down her arms and over her stomach. It felt good. Soothing. But her mind was still racing. “I can’t stop thinking about Lucas.”
“I know. Me too.”
“He’s going to freak out when he hears he’s seeing an oncologist.”
“I’ve been thinking about that.” He kissed her neck. “I think we should keep things as normal as possible. There’s no need for him to worry until we know what we’re dealing with. Once you make the appointment, say it’s a doctor appointment . Keep it general.”
“But he’s smart. He’ll know when we get there.”
“And at that point we’ll explain that we wanted him to see a specialist who looks at swollen lymph nodes all day long because they’re the most qualified to figure out what’s going on.”
“That’s a good idea. He’ll understand that.” She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, feeling a little better.
He kissed her shoulder, cupping water in his hands and pouring it over her breasts. “Now, how about you close those beautiful baby blues again, and let me redirect that pesky fire from your brain to other, more appropriate places?”
“I like the sound of that.”
She closed her eyes, and his warm lips trailed up her neck. “Your mind can only think of one thing at a time. Think about me kissing you.” He slicked his tongue along the shell of her ear and sucked the lobe into his mouth, sending rivers of heat slithering through her. “My hands on your body.” He kissed her neck as he cupped her breasts, teasing her nipples, sending prickles of desire chasing over her skin. One hand moved between her legs, teasing her where she needed it most. She gasped, rocking against his talented fingers. “Think about my mouth on your pussy.”
He worked her clit faster, his cock pressing temptingly against her back. He caressed, kissed, sucked, groped, and teased, distracting her in the most glorious ways, driving her out of her freaking mind. He rolled her nipple between his finger and thumb as he teased her clit, sending heat searing through her core and drawing a whimper. “Oh…God.”
“That’s it, darlin’. Let me hear those needy sounds,” he said huskily, and sank his teeth into her neck at the same time he pinched her nipple. Spikes of pleasure shot through her, and “ Seeley ,” flew from her lips like a plea. She tried to turn toward him, but he held her in place.
“Not yet, beautiful.” He continued his masterful assault, quickening his efforts between her legs, lavishing her breast with gropes and tweaks, bringing her to the verge of orgasm. His mouth was a sinful storm of taunts. Biting, sucking, and kissing. Need coiled hot and tight deep inside her as she writhed and moaned, splashing water over the sides of the tub. “My greedy girl. You’re so ready to come, you’re shaking.”
“Yes. Please.”
He pushed two fingers inside her, using his thumb on her most sensitive nerves, and she gasped at the shock of pleasure it brought. He stroked and teased until her entire body vibrated with desire. He sank his teeth into her neck, pinching her nipple and doing something magical with his fingers, sending a hailstorm of white-hot sensations raining down on her. She cried out, but he reached up and turned her face, capturing the sounds with his mouth as waves of pleasure consumed her, and the world spun away.
When she finally started to come down from the peak, her body still trembling, he said, “Time to ride my cock, baby,” his dirty words revving her up again. He turned her in his arms, sending water over the side of the tub, and held her hips, his dark eyes eating her up as she perched on her knees above his hard length. “You’re too damn tempting.”
He pulled her forward, sending another wave splashing onto the floor, and lifted her higher, his fingers pressing into her flesh as she straddled his mouth, and— Holy hell. How was this even possible? She grabbed the wall to keep from tipping over as he used his tongue and teeth in ways she never thought possible. Her body was flaming inside and shivering outside from the cool air on her wet flesh, but she didn’t care. She could barely hold on to a single thought. She wasn’t even sure she was breathing as her orgasm crashed over her. She clamped her mouth shut to keep from waking Lucas, and Seeley shifted, lowering her onto his long, thick cock. She gasped, pleasure consuming her like wildfire as he pumped and thrust, sending them both careening into a world of ecstasy so bright and hot, she couldn’t imagine anything more perfect.
As they came down from their high, he gathered her in his arms. “Come here, my sweet forever girl,” and took her in a slow, passionate kiss, showing her how wrong she was. Because every moment with him was more perfect than the last.