Chapter Thirty-Two
JULIETTE HAD A grueling day taking care of one veterinary emergency after another, running from Weston to Allure to Trusty and back, only to be called to Trusty again . She hadn’t minded all the running around when she’d first taken the job working for Jade, but lately everything was taking a toll.
She’d thought getting the good news that Lucas’s cancer was Stage IA would take their worries away. Stage IA meant it was found in only one lymph node, he had no other symptoms, and it had a cure rate of ninety percent. But while they all felt a surge of relief and hope, it didn’t quell their worries. Lucas was having a port put into his chest next Friday and then starting treatment a week from Monday. He would undergo two to four cycles of chemotherapy. Each cycle lasted four weeks and included two infusions. He’d have one day of chemotherapy, followed by two weeks of rest for his body to recover before having the second infusion.
It was overwhelming to think about, and even though the doctor said some people don’t experience harsh side effects, there was a looming laundry list of them. Juliette knew from the things Lucas had said in the doctor’s office that he was stressing out about possibly losing his hair, getting sick from treatments, and being exhausted. On top of that, he hated that he’d have to take a break from motocross and riding practice. The fact that competition season was over was no conciliation for a kid who’d planned on practicing throughout the year.
Not that Lucas was talking about any of that. He avoided talking as much as he could these days. Although he did ask if he could be homeschooled during chemotherapy. The doctor had suggested he try to maintain as normal a routine as possible. They’d agreed to take it one day at a time and see how he felt after his treatments before making that decision.
At least it was Friday. Juliette could make an early dinner and turn off her brain.
She opened the fridge and scanned the shelves, searching for the chicken she’d taken out to defrost. She rummaged through the shelves and drawers. “Where is—” Shit . She’d forgotten she didn’t have chicken in the freezer, and she’d planned on stopping at the grocery store on the way home.
Wasn’t that the icing on her frustrating cake of a day?
She’d wanted to make chicken Parmesan, one of Lucas’s favorite dinners. He’d been so down lately. The only time his mood lightened was at bull riding or motocross practice or when he and Seeley worked on their woodworking project. Even going driving didn’t excite him like it had a few weeks ago. Riding practice was canceled today because Buck had to go out of town, which pretty much guaranteed that Lucas would be in a shitty mood. Seeley was still going to swing by to take him driving, which might lighten his mood a little. She realized that would be the perfect time for her to run to the grocery store.
Boring dinner thwarted.
She heard Lucas come through the front door and the familiar thud of his backpack hitting the floor. She held her breath, waiting to see what kind of mood he was in.
He headed straight for the pantry.
“Hi, honey. How was school?”
He snagged a bag of chips and shrugged as he plunked down in a chair and tore open the bag. “What’s for dinner?”
She closed the refrigerator, happily announcing, “Chicken Parmesan.”
“Okay,” he said flatly.
His phone must have vibrated, because he pulled it out of his back pocket, read a text, and set it on the table without responding to the message. She’d noticed he’d disregarded several texts lately, and that was worrying her, too. “Do you want a drink with your chips?”
“No thanks.” His phone vibrated again, and he turned it face down on the table.
“Is that Layla?”
“Yeah.” He shoved a chip into his mouth.
“Don’t you want to respond to her?”
“Not right now.”
She wanted to ask if something had happened between them, but she thought better of it and said, “Halloween is next weekend. Do you know when her mom is taking you shopping for costumes?”
“We’re not doing that anymore.”
Her heart sank. “ Oh , I’m sorry.”
“It’s not a big deal. She’s going to a party, and I don’t want to go.”
“Why not? You had so much fun at the last one.”
“It’s just not my thing.”
Now she had to ask. “Did something happen between you and Layla?”
“ No . Can’t I change my mind about a stupid party?” He pushed to his feet and threw the rest of the bag of chips in the trash.
“ Lucas ,” she chided.
“What?” he snapped.
She stopped herself from lecturing him about throwing out food and said, “I know you’re going through a lot right now, and I get that you don’t want to talk to me about it, but I think you should talk to somebody.”
“I’m fine .” He stalked out of the kitchen, and she followed him into the living room.
“Lucas, it’s okay not to be fine. None of us are fine right now. I’m talking with a therapist, and it’s helping me. I think it could help you, too.”
“I don’t need a freaking therapist,” he snapped. “What’s she going to do for me? Is she going to take away my cancer? Is she going to make sure my hair doesn’t fall out? Or I don’t feel like shit when I have chemo?”
His words severed her heart. “No,” she said softer. “But she can help you deal with everything you’re feeling.”
“I am dealing with it,” he said sharply.
“No, you’re not. You’re bottling it up, and I’m worried about you.”
“ Please stop pushing me.” His chin trembled, his words shooting out fast and vehemently. “Not everyone deals with shit as well as you do. I just found out I have cancer, so excuse me for not feeling like going to a party and pretending everything is normal, or wanting to spill my guts to a stranger.” Tears spilled from his eyes. “ Nothing is normal. It’s never gonna be normal again, and I need to deal with it my way. On my terms.”
“I’m sorry, baby,” she said, her own tears falling. “I didn’t mean to push you. I’m just worried about you. I don’t want you to get so overwhelmed you…give up.”
“Give up?” His brows knitted. “Are you worried I might hurt myself or something?”
“No.” She didn’t even realize she’d been worried about that until now. “I don’t know. I guess, maybe. This is the hardest thing any of us has ever had to deal with, and I love you so much, I don’t want anything more to happen to you.”
“ Mom , I promise I’d never do anything like that. I’m not a quitter, and I’d never do that to you and Doc. I know if I ever felt that way I could come to you guys, but I don’t. I just need to deal with this my way.”
“Okay,” she choked out. “I’m sorry.” She drew him into her arms. “I’m sorry. I love you.”
He returned her embrace. “I love you, too.”
“I’ll try not to push you anymore, as long as you know I’m here if you ever do want to talk.”
He held her tighter. “I know.”
Two quick knocks sounded at the door, and they both looked over as Seeley walked in. “Hey.”
Lucas stepped out of her arms, wiping his eyes.
Seeley’s brow furrowed. “Is everything okay?”
“It is now, I think,” she said. “Lucas?”
Lucas nodded. “Yeah, we’re good. And if you’re worried about me offing myself, don’t be. I’d never do that.”
“I wasn’t worried about that.” He looked curiously at Juliette. “What happened?”
“I was worried about him, and I didn’t realize I was pushing him so hard to talk about everything that’s going on. But Lucas reminded me that we all handle things differently.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Seeley hiked a thumb over his shoulder. “Do you want me to take off and give you some time alone?”
“No, we’re fine,” Lucas said adamantly. “She’s not going to push me, and if I need to talk to you guys, I will. I promise.”
“In that case…” He cocked a grin. “Go get your hiking boots or sneakers on, throw a few clothes into a backpack, and let’s get out of here. We’re going on a fuck-cancer camping trip.”
“What?” Juliette asked at the same time Lucas said, “We are ?”
Lucas was smiling , and oh, how Juliette had needed to see that!
“Yes, we are,” Seeley said. “I think we all can use a weekend away from our worries. I’ve got everything ready and waiting at my place.”
“Cool!” Lucas said. “Where are we going camping?”
“The place my grandfather used to take me. He was your great-grandfather. I figured you might want to have something to tell your kids about when you’re my age.”
God, this man…
“What about our horses?” she asked.
“Cowboy’s going to come by later to pick them up and take them to the ranch. Lucas, I’ve got an extra pup tent if you want to invite Layla. I’d be happy to talk to her parents and reassure them that you will not be sneaking into that pup tent.”
Juliette’s heart squeezed. What a perfect way to bridge the gap they’d noticed between the kids.
Lucas pushed his hands into his front pockets. “Thanks, but I’d rather it was just us.”
Her stomach sank. She didn’t know if he was pushing Layla away, if it only seemed like he was, or if they’d broken up and he was embarrassed to admit it, but either way, she felt a pang of sadness for him.
“You sure, bud?” Seeley asked.
Lucas nodded. “Yeah.”
“Okay. Go get your stuff, and then you’re driving.”
“Awesome!”
As Lucas ran toward his bedroom, Seeley went to Juliette and slid his arm around her, pulling her into a kiss. “Are things really okay between you two?”
“I think so. He’s a good communicator when he wants to be. He put me in my place. He’s really struggling, but he wants to handle it his way. He still does not want to talk to a therapist.”
“He gets that from me. I fought my mom tooth and nail after all that shit went down. We’ll keep our eyes and ears open. I think he’ll talk when he’s ready to.”
“I know. I just wish I could make it all go away.”
“You’re preaching to the choir, darlin’.” He kissed her.
“It was really sweet of you to plan this camping trip.”
“With his moods lately, I was a little worried he wouldn’t want to go. I wasn’t sure you’d want to, either.”
“I’ve never been camping. I think it’ll be fun.”
“Good, and since Layla’s not going, Lucas will have his own tent.” He grabbed her butt, holding her tight against him, and like a match to kindling, her body heated. “Once he’s asleep, I get you all to myself.”
“Just me and the big bad wolf?” she teased. “How will I ever survive?”
THEY PICKED UP the camping gear at Seeley’s house and hiked a long way, weaving between trees and around brush and boulders. The farther they hiked, the more Lucas opened up, sharing how great it felt to be away from everything and asking Seeley about his hikes with his grandfather. Juliette felt lighter, too, silently musing that they were like trees shedding their leaves.
Eventually they came to a lake, but while Juliette knew it had to be the same lake she and Seeley had gone to, it had taken a lot longer to get there, and nothing about their surroundings looked familiar. As they unpacked their supplies, Seeley waved a flashlight. “This is for telling scary stories by the campfire later.”
“That sounds fun,” she said.
“You were afraid to watch the movie Scream with me,” Lucas said. “I don’t think you’ll like telling scary stories when it’s pitch-black out here.”
“Hey, your mom might not like horror movies, but she’s still tough.” Seeley put his arm around her. “Right, darlin’?”
“Darn right,” she said, secretly worrying that Lucas might have a point. But there was no time to dwell on that, because the guys were getting ready to set up the tents.
They weren’t those easy vinyl pop-up tents she’d seen on social media. These were canvas, and they looked ancient. They dumped the supply bags onto the ground, and out tumbled poles, connectors, ropes, stakes, and a bunch of other stuff that looked like way too much hardware for two tents.
“What is all this stuff?” Lucas asked.
“I think they’re the parts we need to set up the tents.” He picked up a pole, eyeing the other parts littering the ground. “This’ll be an adventure. I haven’t set one of these up since I was a kid.”
“I can help,” she offered.
“It’s okay, I got it,” Seeley said.
“Then I’ll help Lucas.”
“I want to set up my own tent,” Lucas said. “Besides, you’ve never even been in a tent.”
“He’s got a point,” Seeley added.
“Neither has he ,” she insisted. It was like they got into the wilderness and turned into cavemen.
“Yeah, but it’s in my blood,” Lucas said.
How could she argue with that? Especially when he said it bursting with pride, and hearing it brought a shine to Seeley’s eyes. “Whatever,” she teased, and took Wynnie’s advice, letting them do their thing while she collected sticks for a campfire. She got a kick out of listening to them egging each other on and racing to see who could figure out how to erect their tent first.
They ended up helping each other. When they were done, Seeley showed them how to make a campfire as the sun went down, while doling out lessons in fire safety. He taught them about checking for local fire restrictions, never lighting a fire if it’s too windy or too dry, clearing the area of any flammable brush, and making sure to bring enough water, or having a natural water source nearby to put out the fire afterward. Hence, the lake.
“And when you put a campfire out, there are three steps to follow,” he explained. “Douse it with water, mix the water with the embers, and as my grandfather always said, douse it again, because Mother Nature’s a finicky gal .”
Watching Seeley teach their son the things he probably would have taught him years ago had he been given the chance warmed her heart. He was firm but kind, making sure Lucas knew these were serious lessons.
“And when you think it’s completely out, stick your bare hand in it,” Seeley said. “If you feel any heat, the fire isn’t out, and you need to do it all over again.”
“That sounds dangerous,” Juliette said. “He could get burned.”
“That’s why it’s a three-step process,” Seeley said. “Too many people do a half-ass job of putting out campfires. That’s how many forest fires are started. If you know you can’t walk away until you’ve put your bare hand in the remains, you tend to take the time to do it right. You got that, Lucas?”
Lucas gave a curt nod. “Douse it, mix it, touch it.”
“Attaboy,” Seeley said.
They cooked hot dogs over the fire and enjoyed the potato salad Dwight had sent along. They made s’mores and had a contest to see who could stack theirs the highest. They cracked up as they tried to fit the monstrosities into their mouths and ended up with chocolate and marshmallow all over their faces. Seeley pressed his chocolate-marshmallow lips to Juliette’s cheek, getting her all sticky, which Lucas thought was hilarious.
“You think that’s funny, huh?” She got up and went to kiss him.
He jumped to his feet, walking backward, waving his hands. “No way.”
“Oh, there’s a way!” She lunged toward him, and Lucas took off running.
She chased him, and he hollered, “Doc! Save me!” Seeley ran after them, but he grabbed Lucas from behind. “What the…? Traitor!”
Seeley laughed, and Juliette sauntered over making kissing sounds.
“No!” Lucas was cracking up, throwing his body from side to side, trying to break free. “Doc, lemme go!”
“No can do, buddy.”
Juliette planted a sticky kiss on Lucas’s cheek, and then she planted one on Doc’s. Big mistake. He went after her, and so did Lucas. The three of them ended up tumbling to the ground in a heap of flailing limbs, bursting with laughter.
She couldn’t remember the last time she or Lucas had laughed so hard.
They washed up using lake water, and now they were telling stories in the moonlight.
Seeley held the flashlight by his chin, illuminating his face in the creepiest way, and spoke in a low voice. “There used to be a club for kids eight to ten years old called Young Hikers. They’d go hiking on the weekends and stay overnight in the wilderness with a camp counselor, who was usually a kid in their twenties. One warm September night, a group of kids were hiking the Appalachian Trail, and there was a boy named Tommy, who befriended another kid named Jimmy. The boys became close, sticking together during the entire three-hour hike. Jimmy even showed him the thin leather necklace he wore as a good luck charm. Tommy had never had a good luck charm, and since his birthday was coming up, he made a mental note to ask his parents for one. That night they were staying in a log shelter that had cots along both walls and rough openings in the walls for windows, but there was no glass, and there was no door.”
He paused, the sounds of crickets chirping and animals scurrying under the brush breaking the silence. “After dinner, they played some games and told ghost stories around the campfire, like we are. The counselor told a story about a werewolf that lived in the woods and ate children. That made the kids a little nervous, but he reassured them that he was only kidding, and then he told a bunch of silly stories that put them at ease. When they got up to go to bed, the counselor teasingly told them to be sure to check under their cots for the werewolf. The kids were like, yeah, right , laughing him off. But Tommy was still a little nervous, so Jimmy said he’d sleep in the cot next to his. They stayed up as late as they could, talking until they both fell asleep.”
Seeley’s gaze moved between Juliette and Lucas, who was as riveted by the story as she was. “The next morning, Tommy woke up excited to see his new friend, but Jimmy’s bed was empty, his backpack was gone, and most of the kids were outside already. Tommy quickly ran outside to find Jimmy. When he didn’t see him anywhere, he asked the other kids if they’d seen him. But they had no idea who he was talking about. It was like Jimmy didn’t exist. But Tommy knew his new friend was not a figment of his imagination. The counselor told them to get their things together because they were heading out soon, so Tommy went back into the shelter with the other kids to change out of his pajamas and grab his backpack. But Jimmy didn’t return to the cabin. Tommy’s stomach started hurting, his nerves made him shaky, and when he picked up his backpack, the contents fell out because he’d forgotten to zip it closed. He scrambled on his hands and knees, collecting his things as the other kids ran outside with their backpacks. When he reached under Jimmy’s cot, he felt scratches in the wood floor. He looked closer, and saw they were claw marks.”
Seeley’s voice went lower, sounding eerier. “Tommy’s heart was pounding, fear prickling his skin. He quickly looked under his cot, but there were no scratches in the floor. He ran around checking under each of the other cots, and there were no scratches under any of them. He jumped frantically to his feet to go tell the counselor, but the counselor was already standing in the doorway. Tommy ran to him, but before he could say a word, the counselor bent down, bringing his face inches from Tommy’s. That’s when Tommy noticed Jimmy’s leather necklace hanging around the counselor’s neck, and when the counselor asked what was wrong, Tommy saw that he had fangs.”
“Whoa!” Lucas said, and started laughing. “That was awesome!”
Juliette’s chest was so tight, it hurt. “That was terrifying. Lucas, are you going to be okay sleeping in your own tent tonight?”
“ Yes. It was just a story.” Lucas glanced at Seeley and said, “I told you she’d get scared.”
Seeley laughed and put his arm around her. “Don’t worry, darlin’. I can take down a werewolf.”
“I’m not scared .” She shrugged out from under his arm. “I just wanted to make sure Lucas was okay.”
“Uh-huh. Right, Mom.” Lucas grinned.
“ Whatever ,” Juliette teased. “I’ve got a scary story for you. Keep making fun of me, and I’ll go find a werewolf to gobble you up.”
“A’right. That’s enough,” Doc said with a laugh, and handed Lucas the flashlight. “Your turn, bud. Make it a good one.”
Lucas held the flashlight under his chin, eyeing them, and spoke as low and creepily as Seeley had. “One time there was a kid who fell off a bull, and he found out he had cancer.”
Juliette’s and Seeley’s smiles plummeted.
“I’m kidding !” Lucas exclaimed. “But you should see your faces.” He laughed.
“Lucas, that’s not funny,” she said, worried. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“ No. I know having cancer isn’t funny, but that kind of was the perfect scary story. I mean, Doc told a story about werewolves. At least mine is real.”
“Buddy, your cancer isn’t just a story to us,” Seeley said.
“I know . I get it. I’m not stupid. But isn’t this our fuck-cancer camping trip?” he asked. “I know you love me, and this scares the crap out of all of us, but it’s my cancer. Can’t I try to make it not so horrible in my own head? I mean, if I can’t be sarcastic about it, then it’s just this awful thing that I can’t stand to think about. And that sucks even worse.”
Juliette took a deep breath, struggling to understand and keep her emotions at bay.
Seeley held her a little tighter and said, “Did it make you feel better to joke about it?”
“ Yes ,” Lucas insisted. “But not if it gets you guys mad.”
“We’re not mad,” Juliette said. “You caught us off guard, that’s all. We worry about you.”
“Mom, remember when I was sick last year and puking all over the house? I had that awful fever, and you were really worried about me, remember?”
“How could I forget? I had to clean up all the puke trails, and you could barely hold your head up, so yes, I was worried.”
“I called myself the barf train, remember? As sick as I was, joking about it made me feel better. That’s all I was doing. I didn’t mean to worry you guys.”
She remembered him calling himself the barf train and realized she had to separate her feelings from what their son needed. “It’s okay. You’re right, honey. You’re the one who has cancer, and you should be able to say the things that make it easier for you to deal with.”
“Just give us a little warning next time, will ya?” Seeley pushed to his feet and ruffled Lucas’s hair.
“Yeah, sure. Wimp ,” Lucas teased.
“Wimp, huh? We’ll see who the wimp is when you’re stuck alone in the dark.” He took the flashlight from Lucas. “Time for some flashlight tag.”
“Yes!” Lucas popped to his feet. “I’ve never played. Are there rules?”
“Yeah. No phone flashlights, and whoever is it counts to twenty-five before searching.” Seeley handed Juliette the flashlight and said, “You’re it. Let’s go, Lucas! ”
Juliette was still processing what Lucas had said, but as they took off running, their voices and Lucas’s laughter cut through the air, embracing her like a gift. A gift . That was exactly what Lucas’s shocking story was. He was dealing with his disease after all, and that gave her a little window of hope that he wouldn’t push them, and everyone else, away completely.