Chapter 2 #3
I didn’t understand I opened the gates of hell by allowing him to capture my mouth in a tender kiss that turned ravenous when I parted my lips.
It was too early to know that man would consume my every thought and my entire soul.
I let him grab my waist and sit me on the counter so he could kiss me more easily.
I trembled when he slid a large hand to the back of my neck, grabbing my hair and adjusting the angle of my head.
I moaned into his mouth when he did something as simple as snake his hand under my skirt and wrap it around my thigh.
To this day, I still can’t say if it lasted hours or less than a second. It was long enough to change me forever, too short that I wanted so much more. He kissed my jaw afterward, my neck. I let him.
It wasn’t my first kiss. It wasn’t even the first time someone put their hands under my skirt.
But I did not have the experience he did. I was a virgin, and he knew that. So, when I rolled my hips to press my core against him, he stopped me with the hand on my thigh. He pulled my head back with the one in my hair, and he looked deep into my eyes.
I’m not going to take your virginity in my bathroom during a party. You should know you deserve better than that.
My eyes were heavy with lust, and I struggled to swallow, but I nodded.
He sucked the skin below my ear, licking it better when I hissed from the pain, and he talked in my ear again. I’m very serious about loyalty. Your cunt belongs to me now, Ella. You’re not going to let anyone else touch it, are you?
Everything inside me melted. My brain not functioning was the least of my problems when I could feel my panties getting soaked by the reaction I had to his words.
I tried to shake my head, but he tightened his grip. Words, he ordered low. Something feral I had never heard before was rumbling in his voice.
No. No, I won’t.
You won’t, he confirmed. Those guys who run after you at school don’t deserve you. I’m going to be the first man to know what it’s like to have you come on his dick. And I can’t fucking wait.
He let me go and took a step back. He helped me off the counter, holding me gently by the waist until he was sure I was stable on my feet.
And you? I asked with the little reality that was left in me. Are you going to be loyal to me? It was a fair question knowing the shit that group usually got into.
I will never break the trust you put in me.
He tucked strands of hair behind my ears before flattening his hands on my cheeks and making me look up at him. I felt like I was on a plane, my ears buzzing, the pressure on my skull heavy.
Luke doesn’t need to know anything. Not until I tell him, okay?
Okay, I repeated.
He smiled, happy with my numb agreement. I hate myself now knowing how dumb I let him make me. All I did was agree and follow. I let him take hold of my mind and make me believe he was bringing me to heaven when all he was doing was corrupting me.
Go home. I’ll see you on Monday.
He dropped a kiss on the top of my head, opened the door for me like a real gentleman, and I walked back down to leave. My head was fuzzy, my steps uneven.
My friend asked me where I was, and I answered bathroom with numb lips. I could still taste him on my tongue, feel his powerful grip on my skin.
Chris took my virginity the week after. He drove me home after school, and I sneaked him into my room.
I didn’t think we were going to go all the way.
But it’s hard to resist someone as handsome as him when he’s got his head between your legs and whispers, I’m afraid I’ll go insane if I don’t make you mine, Ella.
And like he had done with the kiss he said, this is your only chance to stop me.
I didn’t.
And after that, I was well and truly fucked. Pun intended.
I should have known that the men in that friendship group are all messed up in the head.
It doesn’t matter how sweet Chris looks on the outside.
It doesn’t matter that his words are soft, and he acts like a gentleman when he orders me around.
Those men are jealous, possessive. They’re domineering in all the wrong ways.
I was just too stupid to register the toxicity of our relationship.
We had to hide, but I was not allowed to be too close to other men.
Or wear things he didn’t want me to wear.
The clothes weren’t a jealous thing. We had a uniform at Stoneview Prep anyway.
But on weekends, for secret dates, or for parties, he loved to tell me how to dress.
Sometimes he’d come to my house before a party if no one else was there, just so we could spend time together.
He’d lay clothes on the bed while I was in the shower. The first time was quite a shock.
What the hell?
I love that dress on you.
I remember mocking him. We’re not going to church. It’s a Stoneview Prep party. I was going to wear my leather skirt. Don’t you think I look sexy in it?
I winked at him, gripping my towel and blowing him a kiss with my other hand. I thought we were joking around.
He kept a soft voice when he pointed at the bed. You’re going to the party wearing this dress, or you’re not going.
It’s not that I didn’t love the dress. It was a purple silk wrap-around dress, coming down just above my knee. It was sexy in a discreet and elegant way. It was what Chris Murray’s girlfriend would wear. It was beautiful.
But it wasn’t what I had chosen.
Which was the whole point for him. He wanted control.
And like the stupid girl I was. I gave it to him.
Okay. I shrugged like it was nothing. I put the dress on without fighting.
I made a big mistake.
But how was I supposed to know it was a terrible decision when in exchange for my agreement, he gripped my jaw gently, angled my head perfectly, leaned down, and murmured against my lips, you are such a good girl, Ella.
And he kissed me like he meant it, too.
From then on, everything I did was somehow directed by Chris.
And the little times I fought back…
I squirm under the covers, pressing my thighs together. Chris introduced me to a brand of erotism I had never even thought of in my wildest dreams.
He wasn’t ashamed of saying to my face that he was training me.
He wasn’t the least bit worried that I was too young, too innocent, that he was ruining me for anyone else. If anything, his favorite thing was knowing I would never move on from him once he’d made me exactly the way he wanted.
And I know now that he succeeded. Because no one compares to him. Hell knows I’ve tried to find someone who could give me what he did.
No one can. It’s his personal brand of torture that I need.
The first time I fought back was the day before the Stoneview Prep Halloween ball.
We were in the car on the way to the gym. My head was still heavy with sleep at six thirty in the morning.
Ella.
Mhm? My chin was resting on my hand, my elbow against the door as I watched the gated mansions on our way to Stoneview Prep.
Did you let Sylvan Morte invite you to the ball?
My heart dropped to my stomach. The calmness in his voice when he was mad was terrifying, but I stayed strong. He might have been angry at me for going to the ball with someone else, but I was fuming that we still had to keep our relationship a secret from my brother.
What was I meant to say? I can’t go with you, can I? Unless you’ve finally grown a pair of balls and want to talk to Luke?
Ella, he said gravely. You’ve been so good. Do you really want to test the limits now? Push the boundaries to see how far I’ll allow you to test me?
Maybe. I could have stomped my foot. It was a good thing we were in the car, and I couldn’t act even more childish. Unless you want to talk to Luke, of course. Then I can tell Sylvan to find a new date. But I’m not going to show up alone just because my boyfriend wants me to be his little secret.
I’m going alone. His patience was wearing thin. I could feel it. I just wasn’t sure what happened when it snapped.
I wanted to push back, and he knew it.
Do it. The whisper was the most threatening thing he’d ever said to me. His eyes were on the road as he turned into our school parking lot. Test me. It’s only normal in a new relationship to see how far you can push the other, isn’t it? As long as you’re willing to pay the consequences.
I’m going to the ball with Sylvan. It took all my strength to say that.
He parked his car, looked at me, and nodded.
That was it. That’s what happened when good boy Chris Murray snapped? It was almost disappointing.
To this day, I still remember everything so clearly.
My hand slides under my sheets without my control.
I press it against my lower stomach, play with the band of my sleep shorts, and pull away again.
There’s an ache inside me. I need to press against it badly when I think of what happened that day.
The women’s locker room was empty. It was often just me at that time of the day. I changed into gym shorts and a sports bra. I was tying my hair up when the door opened carefully.
I rolled my eyes at Chris. Seriously? What are you doing here?
He was wearing his large Stoneview Prep burgundy shorts and a dark blue training t-shirt with the school crest on it.
He sat down on a wooden bench by the lockers and manspread like the room belonged to him. Come here, he said calmly. He was poised, unlike in the car where I could feel the tension. He had taken the time to calm down before coming to me again.
So I walked to him, thinking he was going to apologize for our silly altercation.
He didn’t.
That day, Chris showed me the limits I was testing. Proved there was no slack whatsoever on the leash he had wrapped around my neck.
That day, he introduced me to what happened when I wasn’t a good girl.
Punishment.