Chapter 17 Desperation
DESPERATION
ASHER
Her entire being lights up when she sees me in the lobby that evening and it’s a punch of the brightest sunshine straight to my withered heart.
It knocks the breath out of me, and I have to take a second to compose myself before I melt into the floor and start panting after her like a lovesick puppy.
It’s ridiculous how quickly this woman has wrapped me around her finger, though luckily she seems to have no idea.
I inwardly chastise my aching gums—now is not the time for fangs—as she walks over, and I take a deep breath to calm the urges hounding me.
Mistake.
All it does is pull her coconut scent in so it’s in my nose and on my tongue and all I want is to let my fangs drop and ravish her. I give her a closed-lip smile instead, and she tilts her head in response.
“Why are you being weird?” she asks, amusement clear in her sparkling eyes.
“Shouldn’t you go get ready?” I change the subject, not willing to get into the many things about her that make me feel slightly unhinged while we’re standing in a hotel lobby.
She rolls her eyes. “Okay then. Are you waiting down here?”
“We can meet at the bar if you want. Then walk over together," I suggest, and she nods.
Turning away, she tosses a quick “Give me thirty,” over her shoulder as she strides to the elevator.
I sidle up to the bar, ordering my usual, which the bartender already knows as I’ve been here every day since we arrived.
I’m not normally a big drinker—well, not alcohol anyway—but it’s been nearly impossible to be in our hotel room without my fangs dropping.
Raya’s scent is everywhere, coconut with a hint of strawberry, and it becomes more enticing by the hour.
So, instead of torturing myself in her space, I’m torturing myself by not being in her space instead.
Honestly, I’m not sure which is worse.
When she steps out of the elevator a half hour later, my eyes pop and I nearly drop the glass tumbler, managing to clatter it against the bar at the last second instead. I feel like a cartoon character, and I don’t blame myself one bit because she is breathtaking.
Her cocktail dress is a sparkling emerald green, the jewel tone bringing out the rich chocolate brown of her eyes, which are further accentuated with long, dark lashes.
I could easily get snared by those doe eyes, and I blink to escape their trap.
Her hair is up, and my fangs ache to meet her exposed neck.
I gulp, nearly swallowing my own tongue when I force my gaze away from her neck and I catch her legs next, because they’re perfection. Toned muscle and creamy skin; I immediately want them wrapped around my head with those heels stabbing into my shoulder blades.
I mutter to the bartender to close my tab for the night, and receive a confirming chuckle that the bill will go to the room. The guy could charge me triple and I’d have no idea, nor would I care.
Raya strides over, and I bask in the confidence radiating from her.
“Sunshine… you’re stunning," I say, reaching out to lightly glide a hand down her arm, then mentally kicking myself because she deserves so much better than that. She’s impossible to resist, and it scrambles my brain.
Raya’s nose scrunches up and I hold back a cringe for whatever idiotic thing I did to cause that reaction.
“Why do you always call me that?” she asks.
“Sunshine?”
Raya nods, her eyes narrowed, and I step back, taking in her newly stiffened posture and the wariness in her gaze.
“Because you brighten the world around you.” My voice softens, and I step back into her when her posture loosens slightly in response.
“You’re like the sun; as soon as you enter a room, it brightens.
When you speak, people listen, and you offer genuine warmth and kindness to literally everyone.
Your smiles radiate joy. You breathe life into everyone around you, including me.
” I consider stopping there, but I’m already in too deep, so why stop now?
I lightly trace the shell of her ear with a finger.
“My life was grey until you burst into it, bringing color wherever you go. You’ve brought light to my darkness, and I’ve come to crave it. Crave you, little shifter, my ray of sunshine.” The last few words come out a low murmur, so quiet I’m not certain she even heard them.
Raya’s eyes are huge, and I suddenly worry that I’ve said too much.
Her gaze flits back and forth between my eyes, and I feel like she’s searching for more than I know how to give.
I want to tell her there’s nothing else to find, I’ve laid myself bare before her, but I don’t.
I stand perfectly still, keeping my barriers down and letting her search for what she needs.
When she seems to find it, her eyes drop to my mouth for a millisecond, so quick I may have imagined it if not for the way her pulse jumps at the same time, before she meets my gaze again.
“That’s…” Raya stops, clears her throat. I have to tear my eyes away from it when she swallows; I haven’t been this tempted in well over a decade.
“That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.” She reaches up and cups one palm on my jaw. “Thank you, Ash.”
“Ash?”
“Ash,” she shrugs, “feels like it suits you for some reason.”
It does feel like it suits me, but only from her. If she’s a ray of sunshine, she’s effectively burning my demons into ash with only her presence. I’ll take all of it—all of her—that I can get.
I offer an elbow for her to take, if she wants.
“Shall we?” I ask.
Her smile is a soft one, nearly heartrending in its tenderness. It fills my chest until I’m worried it’ll burst.
“We shall," she says, and tucks herself right in against my side, both hands wrapped around my biceps as we walk back out to the lobby.
Her heels click a staccato beat against the floor, and I can’t help glancing down at them.
I force my thoughts away from the pictures forming in my head; pictures of her without the dress, pictures of the dress pooled on the floor around her shoes, pictures of my hands gripping those incredible thighs, and what her face might look like when she comes.
I’ve actively avoided getting involved with a coworkers in the past, but here I am, falling head over heels for this ridiculous shifter.
I suck on my teeth as we walk across the street to the seafood restaurant, tonguing my fangs in an attempt to lessen the ache, but it does no good. As I knew it wouldn’t.
It’s her. She’s under my skin and irritatingly stuck there.
When we follow the hostess into the reserved section in the back, heads turn toward us and I do my best not to glare at the eyes running up and down Raya’s body. If I had hackles, they’d be up in arms, and as it is I have to pinch my mouth shut to stop the growl threatening to emerge.
She isn’t mine, and I have no right to be so territorial or possessive.
That thought is unbearable, and everything in me rebels at the idea of not having her.
I want her to be mine, and I want to be hers.
The idea that we aren’t anything close to that starts an irritating headache behind my eyes.
I dig my fingers into my temple, only now realizing what trouble I’m in.
“Are you okay?” Raya asks, her voice quiet as she squeezes my arm.
I look down at her, and although she’s still smiling, there’s concern in her gaze.
“I’m fine," I say, doing my best to look reassuring. Based on her pinched eyebrows, I’m not doing a good job.
I pull her chair out for her to sit, doing my best to prevent my gaze from lingering on Raya’s legs as she gracefully lowers herself and smoothes her short dress over her thighs.
It feels like tearing my own eyeballs out, but I manage it somehow.
I take the seat next to hers, accidentally-on-purpose brushing my knuckles down her thigh when I drape my napkin over my lap, satisfaction floating through me when goosebumps break out across her skin.
We sip on our drinks, making small talk with the others seated at our table as we wait for the meals to be served.
I don’t participate much, which isn’t out of character for me, but I am much more invested and attentive than usual.
Of course, my attention is solely focused on the enchanting creature next to me.
Raya is animated, polite and friendly to everyone, and fully engaged in each conversation she’s drawn into—which is basically every single one.
I meant what I said earlier; she radiates light and it draws people to her.
Everyone wants to speak with her, make her smile, hear her laugh, be graced with her attention.
I can’t blame them for it, because I feel the same way.
When the servers come around with our orders, I tug at my shirt cuffs and sigh at how slowly this dinner is progressing. I’ve been holding myself back as best I can, but I can’t help tracing my fingers along her leg, brushing her arm with mine, nudging my knee into hers at every chance I get.
All I want to do is sprint back up to our room where I can have Raya and all of her attention to myself.
I don’t eat much; vampires can eat human food, but it doesn’t do anything for us and I prefer not to as it doesn’t always sit well.
I pick at the fresh seafood, pushing it around so it looks like I ate more than I did, and keep an eye on Raya’s plate.
When it looks like she’s done and has carefully crossed her utensils over the remaining scraps of food, I stand and offer my hand.
Raya’s eyes bounce up to mine in surprise, a question in her gaze.
“I thought you might want to turn in early, since we have an early flight tomorrow. I’ll walk you back to the hotel, if you’re ready to go?” I offer in explanation, not feeling one iota of guilt for the lie. We don’t fly out until mid-afternoon, but no one else needs to know that.
A rosy flush creeps up her neck as she places her hand in mine, and one side of my mouth tilts up at the corner.
“Right, probably best to call it a night. It was great chatting with all of you!” Raya waves as we leave, tucking her hand against my upper arm again. It takes all of my concentration not to flex my muscles in response to her light touch.