Chapter Nineteen
I ’ d convinced my heart.
Almost.
I was also almost sure that the only thing left to do was get my body involved and then everything would fall into place. I had to move the good feelings along, and the first step in the process was resuming sex with my boyfriend. I checked the time. That task would be accomplished within the next hour.
Sam had texted me to say they were coming home much earlier than planned. She and Paul were out for so-called date night and had decided to cut it short. Like hours short. I watched out the window for them. I’d babysat Emily at their home this time, and she was already down for the night. Once they arrived, I’d be out the door and on my way to Dre’s.
I’d done little else than think about us since he’d left the night before. I’d poured over every word, every feeling he’d expressed. I wanted to want the same thing. I wanted to have a mature relationship with one man, to experience a pounding of my heart whenever he entered the room. I’d gone over our entire history, everything we’d been through together and apart.
It was some time that morning when I’d decided that I needed to give us a fair shot. I may not have been a hundred percent confident like him, but I at least owed it to him to try and get there. He’d been there for me over the years, and now it was my turn to be there for him. I was looking forward to seeing his reaction when I showed up and surprised him. Without a doubt, he’d be very happy to know that my residual period that had been hanging around the night before—however scant but still forbidden—was now completely over. I was ready to roll.
I fingered the heart necklace that I’d worn all day. I’d get used to that too in no time.
Their car pulled into the driveway, and Paul hopped out first. He didn’t even wait for my sister before coming inside.
“Hi, Perry. Emily asleep?”
“Yep, for almost an hour.” I went to the door. “I’m gonna take off now. I’ll say goodbye to Sam on my way out.”
“Wait.” His beady eyes darted around. “Christa’s not with you tonight?”
I could practically see his tongue wagging and it disgusted me. Fucking pig. I didn’t know how my sister did it. How someone could be so oblivious to what was going on around them was beyond me.
“No, she’s not.” Dickhead . I walked out. God, if I ever had to live with that guy, I’d be having to check myself for bugs daily.
After talking briefly with Sam, I was in my car and ready to forge ahead. Ready to spend some time with the man who made my heart flitter-flutter. I couldn’t wait to see Stephen again.
Fuuuuuuck.
No no no. Not Stephen. Dre. Dammit. I white-knuckled the steering wheel. I could not make that slip-up again. Stephen: friend. Dre: boyfriend. Three measly letters that made such an astronomical difference.
Got it straight, Perry? Good.
I spent the rest of the drive trying to horn myself up so I’d be ready to pounce. I didn’t want to waste any time.
I pulled up to the curb of his house, noting his car in the driveway. I’d been so hell-bent on getting there right away that I hadn’t considered he might not be home yet. We’d planned on seeing each other after I’d left my sister’s, but he wasn’t expecting me to finish up so soon.
Using my key, I opened the side door and crept up the stairs. The place was quiet and the sun was just starting to go down. When I got closer to his bedroom, I heard the shower running. I didn’t bother flipping a light or making my presence known. I had other ideas.
I stripped off my clothes and decided to join him. He loved shower sex. It’d be the perfect way to start off our night. I smiled, picturing his expression when he saw me wearing nothing but the necklace.
I tiptoed closer and saw shadowy movement behind the frosted glass doors. The space was more than big enough for two. When was the last time I’d joined him in the shower? Hell, when was the last time I’d even been naked with him? I felt bad for making him wait so long.
What came after that last thought occurred in triple-slow speed. My hand was almost to the shower door when I detected a familiar moan. My brain didn’t fully register it at first, and I remembered thinking Why is Christa using Dre’s house to have sex? I pulled open the door, and it still took a few seconds before my eyes would accept it. The mere idea of Christa being in that shower with him was so far beyond my realm of possibilities that I couldn’t believe it even when I saw it .
The moment we all screamed was like someone pushing the fast-forward button. Me running back for my clothes, desperate to claw my eyes out at the sight of my boyfriend fucking my best friend against the wall. Dre throwing out F-bombs and pleading for me to stay so he could explain. Christa crying and also begging me to stay.
Fuck. Them. Both.
Overwhelming revulsion raged until I just wanted to purge everything that had ever been inside me for the past seven years. Ever since I first met that traitorous whore. What I really needed was a rewind switch. I’d go back and turn a blind eye to that girl who’d transferred into my bio class in the middle of tenth grade. I wouldn’t have been the first one to say hi and be nice and ask if she wanted to be my lab partner to make her feel welcome. I wouldn’t have fucking done any of it. I would’ve left that for another, and then she would’ve found a different best friend. Maybe one who also had a boyfriend who liked to fuck in the shower.
Oh my God. My best friend.
The searing betrayal made me pause while I struggled for a breath. They used that to their advantage and were soon practically right on top of me. At least I’d had the decency to get dressed. All Dre managed to do was throw on a pair of shorts, and Christa only wrapped in a teeny towel. I snorted with disgust. Yeah, like I’d expect any decency. They were fucking cunts. Both of them.
“Don’t fucking touch me. Either of you.”
“Perry, please.” Dre’s voice was desperate. I ripped off the necklace and threw it at him.
I stared Christa down. “For someone who can barely stand to be with a guy more than one night, can I assume this was a one-time thing?”
She didn’t respond.
“How long, then? How long has this been going on?”
“I… um…. ”
“How fucking long?” I yelled.
“About six months,” she whispered.
Six months? Christa couldn’t even do six hours with one man, much less six fucking months . Tears were streaming down her face, and that made me hate her all the more. Who the fuck was she to cry? I deserved to cry. Not her.
“Perry, please let me explain,” Dre said.
“Explain? You want to explain ?” He reached for my arm and I recoiled. “I said not to fucking touch me.”
“You have to believe me. I meant every word I said last night.”
“Oh, except the part where you only want me and no one else.”
“We were ending it,” he said, and Christa nodded furiously. Fucking bitch . “That’s why she was here tonight. We both knew what we were doing was wrong and it couldn’t continue. I only want to be with you from now on, Perry. We were saying goodbye.”
A strange maniacal laugh escaped my throat. “A goodbye fuck? And here I thought saying goodbye was done with vocal cords and not dicks. But I guess I was too stupid to know that, seeing as though I never went to college.”
“Perry—”
“All the women out there, Dre. All the fucking women you could have screwed and it wouldn’t have mattered, and you had to go and pick the one that would hurt me the most. The one woman in the world who meant everything to me.”
Yeah, bitch. ‘Meant,’ as in past tense. Go ahead and keep balling your eyes out. I don’t give a shit anymore.
“Perry—”
“ What part of ‘off-limits’ didn’t either of you fucking understand! You know what? I don’t care. I’m done.”
I took off for the stairs and Dre called out. “Perry, please! I know what you did to my truck, and I forgive you, okay? Can we please just be even and move on? What happened tonight will never happen again, with Christa or anyone.”
I stopped, dizziness rushing through me. What I did? I turned to see Christa standing there behind him, and I must’ve given her such a pure look of bitterness and disappointment that she flinched. Then her face drained white. What I did? Not we but I ? So much for our pact. So much for our seven-year friendship shot all to hell. So much for respecting each other enough to never go after the same guy. So much for all the times I spent holding her hand when….
Holy fucking shit . Her pregnancy scare. Could that have been…? No. Didn’t know. Didn’t care. Neither of them was my concern anymore.
“Screw you both. You deserve each other.”
I was back in my car, taking off as fast as I could. I was on autopilot the entire way back home. Well, it used to be home. Fuck. Them. Both.
I darted inside and threw together as much stuff as possible, as quickly as possible. There was no way I wanted to run into either of them. Ever again. I wished for them both to come down with an epic case of…. Hmm, which one involved crater-sized pus-oozing scabs? I wasn’t up on all my venereal diseases, but that was the one I was hoping for.
Although I was in a hurry, I ran into Christa’s room and pulled that nasty bottle of piss from her dresser. Then I opened her bra and underwear drawer, about to saturate every damn piece she had, but I stopped myself at the last second. Fuck. I tossed it to the floor. She wasn’t worthy of my restraint, but I was trying to be a different person. I didn’t hold back on her account but mine.
I grabbed the couple large bags I’d filled and hightailed it back to the car, then drove several blocks away to be out of the vicinity before pulling over. I had no idea what I was going to do; I just couldn’t live with my backstabbing ex-best friend anymore. I stroked my hands over the wheel as if that would help me figure this shit out. My parents were out of state, my sister… yeah, no. Not with her dickhead husband on the premises. The only one else around I’d feel comfortable enough asking was Stu.
Okay, that was the plan. If I had to, I could always check into a hotel for the night, but that wasn’t a feasible long-term option. It was barely even a short-term one. I didn’t have gobs of money to burn. God, I was going to explode. How could they screw me over like that? How could she ? It was her knife that had plunged the deepest and would leave the cruelest scar.
Wengo’s. That’s where I’d stop first. Stephen had already invited me, and there was a good chance he’d still be there. I had a strong urge to see him. I wasn’t looking for a guy to fuck to help me forget Dre for a night. I was looking for a friend to make me laugh for a while, or to piss me off in all the best ways. I had Stu, but at the moment, I needed the unique friendship that only Stephen brought. Whatever the hell that meant.
My head was still mucked up when I got to the bar. By that point, my phone had been going off consistently with either texts or calls. I checked to make sure they were from no one important—only Christa and Dre, so nope—then powered it off for the night. After that, I scanned the lot for his truck, relieved when I found it. I felt better already.
I went inside and declined the offer to be shown to a table. I weaved through the crowds instead, looking for the face I recognized. It was packed—ten-cent wings and two-for-one drinks will do that. I caught sight of Stephen towards the back. It felt good to have my lips curve the right way after the shitstorm I’d just trudged through.
I moved closer, about to get his attention when I stopped dead. A blonde—a beautiful one, fuck her—draped her arms around his neck, whispered something into his ear, and kissed him. Kissed him . My mouth hung open. He left then, going in the opposite direction towards the restrooms. He never saw me .
The woman took that moment to look around, and before I could leave, she’d made eye contact. Her head tilted in a manner that indicated she recognized me, but she was no one I had ever seen before nor ever wanted to see again. She took a few steps over with a smile that made her look even more attractive. I hated her.
My body was quicker than my brain. I met her steps forward, and the next thing I knew, I was taking the drink from her hand and flinging it at her. I didn’t stick around for the aftermath. I was sure I’d left a soaked, seething slut who was probably too blown away by a stranger’s actions to do much of anything for a minute or two.
It wasn’t until I was in my car driving away that I realized what I’d done. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I was a fucking mess. I was a ticking time bomb that had used up all its willpower when I’d held back from stinking up Christa’s drawer. She had been the one to deserve it, but instead, I’d lost it on some poor girl who’d done nothing to me. And for what? Because she was affectionate with my friend ? Stephen would probably never speak to me again after that, outside of work crap. Unless he had a thing for psychos.
I just needed to get this night behind me. My next and hopefully last stop was Stu’s. I pulled up in front of his place and hopped out, leaving my bags in the car. I had it all mapped out: I’d make a big bowl of popcorn, clear his cabinets of cookies, and pull all the ice cream from the freezer. Then I’d mix it all together, curl up on the couch, and watch some blood-and-guts action movie. The gorier the better.
As I was crossing over the sidewalk, I nearly collided with someone. “Sorry,” I said. I really needed to pay attention. “I wasn’t looking where—Kenny?”
“Hello, Perry. I thought that was you.”
“Do you and Stu have plans tonight?” I eyed the bottle of wine he had in one hand and the bakery box in the other. Good thing I hadn’t hit him harder or it all would’ve been splattered on the ground.
“Oh no, did you two? You’re here, so you must’ve. I don’t want to interrupt anything.”
“Nah, nothing important.” I smiled. “Is this a surprise?”
I swore his face lit up. He was adorable in a preppy kind of way. He glanced towards the house and then back at me, talking quietly. “I know Stu confides in you, so pretend I didn’t tell you, okay? I’m just so excited.” He leaned in closer to my ear. “I’m ready to take that leap. Why keep torturing myself? I know he loves me, and I’m going to tell him tonight that I accept his offer to move in.”
“Ohmigod! That’s wonderful, Kenny!” I said a bit too loudly.
“Shhh.” He looked at the house again.
“Sorry,” I whispered. “I’d say good luck, but I know you won’t need it.” My heart felt all gushy. At least not everyone sucked at relationships. “You’re going to make him so happy tonight.”
He grinned. “Thanks, Perry.”
I patted him on the back. “Now go. I’ll catch up with him later. I’m sure I’ll be hearing all about it soon.”
I trudged to my car, ecstatic for them, ready to smack my head against the window for me. This was what Stu was waiting for, hoping for; I was not going to destroy that for him by asking to crash their party of two.
But damn it all. Now what? Argh. I wanted to run through the streets screaming until I passed out. And if that happened to be on a park bench or under a viaduct, so be it.
I got back in the car and seriously considered spending the night in the back seat when I made myself swallow down the distaste already. I needed a place, and it wouldn’t frickin’ kill me to go there.
Twenty-two minutes later, I was standing on the porch, throwing up in my mouth.
“Sure, Perry. Come on in.” Paul peered around the door. “Does your friend need somewhere to sleep too?”
With all the toothpaste I was going to be buying, I could’ve saved money going to a hotel.