Chapter Twenty
K ate Lambert: You don’t look too good. Are you okay?
Adam Zepecki: You’re looking less hot than usual. Feeling all right?
Stephen Davidson: I’m worried about you. Should I be?
I answered the first two with: No, but I will be. I didn’t want to lie to them and say I was fine when obviously by my appearance I was anything but. I wasn’t up for fooling anyone by calling a piece of shit beautiful. That’s how I felt, and I was positive my looks reflected that. Honestly, I really didn’t care. It was only Monday, one day since my world had been fucked up, and I’d still made it into work. Everything else was optional.
Hmm. I rubbed my hands over my face. I had no clue how to respond to the third. Stephen rarely used chat, but that wasn’t the confusing part. I wasn’t sure how to decipher his message. Was he worried because he thought I was mentally unstable or because I looked like crap?
I’d expected to get reamed out first thing that morning over what I’d done to his date, but… nothing. The nearly half-over day had progressed without a word, and I didn’t know what to make of it.
I decided to answer him with a simple: No.
The phones kept me busy, so I was thankful for that. During a lull, I powered up my cell. Then I blocked both Christa and Dre’s numbers. I was not ready to deal with either of them yet.
I weeded through the seventy-three texts to find only one worthwhile.
I tried calling before work. You’d better not be ignoring me, girl. I have amazing news! Kenny moved in!! I finally wore him down!!! Not literally yet. Still working on that one, hoping for tonight ;)
Reading his text was the bright spot of my day. It even forced a smile out of me. He loved his exclamations, so I gave him a bunch.
I’m so happy for you, sweetie!!!!!!! Not ignoring you, I promise. I’ll call later and fill you in on everything. Have fun tonight xoxo.
My line rang. “FiTech, Perry speaking.”
“Can you come into my office, please?”
“I’m pretty swamped out here.”
“It’ll only take a minute, Perry.”
Shit. This was it. I didn’t think I could handle him staring at me in disapproval on top of everything else. I’d messed up and done something foolish and rash. I didn’t want him thinking I was some crack muffin.
I logged my phone off and went into the glass box. The walls seemed narrower. Crushing, even.
“Have a seat,” he said.
“I thought it was only going to take a minute?”
He stared at me all right, but it wasn’t with disapproval. It was concern. Like a ‘make sure my fingernails are short so I don’t use them on myself or others’ concern. I wasn’t sure why, but being in the same room as him just made me want to cry.
“You look like you’re not feeling well. Would you like to leave early?”
“I’m still doing my job fine.”
“That was never the question.”
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I just….”
He moved in closer. “You just what?”
I just had one of the roughest nights of my life and I wasn’t in my right mind. I didn’t mean to be a psycho to your date and it’s none of my business anyway. We’re only friends, and I don’t want to lose that friendship over something idiotic I did.
“Perry?”
“I’m just having an off day, that’s all.”
By his frown, he didn’t buy it. “What were you apologizing for?”
Was it possible that he didn’t know? But how? Since there hadn’t been a Wengo’s wet T-shirt contest going on, he would’ve come back and wondered what happened. All she had to do was describe the crazy bitch who’d doused her with her own drink, and he would’ve connected the dots. I was wearing frickin’ pink too. Combined with my physical features, how was that for a dead giveaway? Yet he acted like he truly didn’t know. It made no sense.
“I’m apologizing for not being myself right now,” I said softly. I pleaded with my tears not to make an appearance. Then I threatened them for good measure. “But I will be soon. Honest.”
“Perry….”
His tone, it was too thoughtful. I couldn’t take it. “I really need to get back now, Stephen.”
I left before he responded. When I plopped down at my station, Kate said, “Your cell’s been going nuts.”
I grabbed it off the table and read the first text from an unknown number.
Please don’t do this, baby. Let me see you, talk to you, anything. Just don’t shut me out. One more chance. That’s all I’m asking.
Oh, that’s all? Well, in that case… eat shit and choke on it, motherfucker. And what number was he calling from? Dammit. I powered it off yet again.
My work line rang. “FiTech, Perry speaking.”
“Perry, please don’t hang—”
Click . Oh hell no. He was not going to start messing with me at work. I never wished so badly that he was my boss so I could whip out that policy and yell harassment.
I turned on my phone long enough to shoot off a quick text.
Do not call me at work again. Do not text or call my cell again. Do not force me to get a new number. You brought this on yourself, so do not ask me for anything ever again.
After I hit Send, I turned it off in case he couldn’t follow simple directions. Then I rapped on Stephen’s door.
“You’re right, I’m not feeling too great. Can I still leave early?”
I came into work the following day not feeling much better than the day before. Possibly even worse. After I’d left early, I went to the Domes and sat there for another couple hours, switching between the desert and rain forest. Then I’d gone back to Sam’s, played with Emily a while, and turned in before the sun went down. I’d been completely restless, spending way too much energy thinking about Christa and how a person could be so cruel to someone they’re supposed to care about. I had to get it together. She wasn’t worth another sleepless night.
I’d been one of the first to arrive that morning. Stephen was already there but on a call with his head lowered. Kate and Alex were nowhere in sight yet. I plunked my purse down underneath the table and got ready for a new day. This one would be better; I’d make sure of it. I reached around to fire up my computer when I noticed something pink and lumpy propped up against it. I pulled it out and… jelly beans?
Upon closer inspection, it wasn’t just jelly beans, but a bag of cotton candy Jelly Bellies with a note that read:
If a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, a hundred spoonfuls should be able to knock out anything that ails you.
Stephen
I started laughing. Then I popped a handful. I loved this flavor. I tucked them safely into my purse, then turned around. He was watching me.
I still had a few minutes, so I went to say thank you. It wasn’t until I was in his office when it really hit me. My “thank you” sounded more like “blub, blub, sob, wail, gaargh.”
He was immediately near me, touching my arm. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
I wiped my eyes. “That was just so considerate of you, Stephen. Thank you.”
He blew out a loud exhale. “Jesus, Perry. They’re only jelly beans. You were scaring me for a second there.”
I managed a smile. “Sorry. But that was probably one of the best gifts I’ve ever received. I guess I got a little emotional.”
Now he was really looking at me strangely. I couldn’t explain much more than that. I couldn’t explain why it had hit me so hard. I couldn’t explain that he got me.
“I, um, just really like sugar.” I laughed. “I didn’t ask for the sweet tooth of a five-year-old, but hey, we gotta play what we’re dealt, right? ”
He wasn’t laughing with me. “Perry, what’s going on with you?” I shrugged. “I texted you last night, but when I didn’t get a response, I figured you went to sleep early.”
“You did?” Damn, I’d never turned my phone back on. “I had my phone off.”
“Yes, I wanted to check how you were doing.”
“That was nice of you.” Okay, I was going to have to mention this sometime. But only part of it. “Since I’m here, I should tell you that I have a new address for the time being. Is that something I can handle with you, or do I need to go to HR?”
“Why?”
“The truth is… I got into a horrible fight with Christa and moved out. That’s why I’ve been this way. It’s kinda tearing me up.”
“I’m sorry.”
His expression was sympathetic, and I truly didn’t want that. “Don’t be. Please. Shit happens. Sometimes friends aren’t meant to stay friends forever.”
Hmm. I wonder what Freud would say about that one. Unlike the cat guy, he was one of the old dudes I remembered well from my high school classes.
“I agree. Where are you staying?”
“At my sister’s.”
Please, please, please don’t ask, ‘Why not Dre’s?’ I did not want to talk about it yet.
He nodded. “I can take care of the address change. Do you want to talk about it?”
I chuckled lightly. “No.”
He opened his mouth, shut it, opened it again. “All right. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
I could read it all over his face. He wanted to say more. But he didn’t, and once again, I was so very appreciative.
“Thank you, Stephen. ”
He smiled. “What are friends for?”
When I returned to my station, Kate was there. “Feeling any better today?”
“A little.” At least now I am.
“Hey, before we start.” She scooted her chair close to me. “There was a guy here looking for you yesterday. Black truck, tattoo sleeves, built. Know him?”
Shit. Dammit, Dre. “Yeah. Who did he all talk to?”
“I’m pretty sure just me. He was pulling up as I was walking out. I told him you left early and then he took off.”
“Okay, thanks.”
“Who was it?”
“Dre.”
Her eyes widened. “ That’s your sorta, kinda boyfriend? I was beginning to think he didn’t exist. Wow, he’s pretty hot.”
“He’s also my ex,” I whispered, “for good this time. But I don’t want to talk about it, okay?”
“Okay.”
Adam came strolling in, and I sent out a silent ‘thank fuck’ that he and Christa hadn’t lasted longer than a night. I would’ve felt obligated to tell him about her little shower screw and…. I was just relieved it never came to that. He was way too good for her.
I turned on my phone and was surprised to see only one text, and it was from Stephen. Dre had technically done what I’d asked, but I guess I hadn’t made myself clear enough. I typed out a message to his alias number.
Do not come to my work again. I mean it, Dre. I need this job. Do not fuck with it. If you try to contact me again in any shape or form, I will get a restraining order.
I highly doubted I had grounds for one, but I wanted him to take me seriously. Everything was still so new, so raw. What the fuck did he expect from me? Did he honestly think this was something I’d just get over? He didn’t just cheat. He cheated with my best friend .
Ex-best friend.
Fuck. Them. Both.
I brought up Stephen’s text, needing something sweet to cover the sour.
Hi, Perry. Wanted to say I’m thinking about you. You told me I shouldn’t worry, but I can’t help it. I do. I’m here if you need anything. All you have to do is ask. I hope you’re feeling better and that you’re getting enough rest. Sorry if I shot that all to hell right now by waking you up with this text. But if I didn’t piss you off too badly (or even if I did) feel free to text back any time.
Oh, Stephen. Jelly beans have nothing on you.
Thursday morning saw me back in his office. I’d made it a whole two hours until his sharp eyes must’ve detected something. I was dealing with shit the best I could, and yeah, maybe I was a little mopey, but I was still doing my job just fine. I hadn’t bitched or blubbered to a client yet. Cut me some slack here.
I’d made it through the rest of Tuesday and most of Wednesday without any issues until I decided to clean out my purse. I’d found a small card tucked away that Christa had given me for my last birthday. It was filled with bullshit about how close we were and how much she loved me, blah, blah, blah. Whore . It first made me sad. Then angry. Then I developed a sudden interest in medieval torture devices.
“You need to get out of this dark cloud you’re in, Perry.” I glared at him. “It concerns me. Even more than before.” I crossed my arms and glared harder. “That must’ve been some fight between you two.”
“Yeah, it was. ”
“And you still don’t want to talk about it?”
“Nope.”
“Then you leave me no choice. We have to get you out of here.”
A surge of anxiety spiked through me. “Stephen, no. I need this job. No one’s complained, have they? I haven’t let my work suffer.” I was going to start babbling. I knew it. “Even when that delusional woman called the wrong number screaming because she thought I was the hairdresser who’d botched her bleach job, I kept my temper in check. She called me an incompetent twat, and I didn’t even tell her to go fuck herself. That’s got to mean something and—why are you looking at me like that?”
His lips twitched up a bit. “Your position is safe, Perry. And it’s not when you’re pissed off that worries me. It’s when you’re depressed.”
“Then why do I have to get out of here? I’m definitely teetering on the ‘rip your head off’ side of the seesaw today. That should put your mind at ease.” Although to be fair, I’d been running so hot and cold lately that could change again at any second.
“I didn’t say ‘you,’ I said ‘we.’ Grab your stuff; you’re leaving with me.”
“Wait, what? I can’t just leave.”
“Yes, you can. I’m putting you down for a personal day.”
“Stephen, this is ridiculous. And what about you? You can’t just leave. You’re the damn boss.”
“Yes, I can. I’m already scheduled for meetings the rest of the day anyway. Conference calls that make no difference if I’m signed in or not. Roger and Adam are more than equipped to hold down the fort for the remaining hours.”
Roger? Oh yeah. Our group leader. Second in command. He reminded me of a church mouse on downers, so it was too dang easy to forget he was even in the room.
“Where exactly are we going?”
“You’ll see when we get there. Now go. Get your purse or whatever.”
I was so puzzled by the bizarre turn of events that I didn’t move. It felt like my teacher was asking me to skip school with him.
“I promise you’ll have fun, Perry. I’m not planning to make you walk scaffolds.”
I tilted my head. “How’d you know I’m scared of heights?”
“I know.” He tapped his watch. “Time’s a wasting here.”
Huh.
I left his office and turned off my computer, then made sure I had all my things. Kate was on the phone, but she swiveled around and gave me a questioning look. I whispered, “I’m leaving. Talk to you tomorrow.”
Before she could hang up and grill me, I took off. As I walked out with Stephen, I couldn’t stop shaking my head over the whole thing. Freaky.
He drove, and I was a quiet passenger as I watched out the window, trying to figure out where he was taking me. We hopped on the freeway and headed east, merging right. Okay, downtown was out. We passed the airport, then merged left.
“Are we going to Chicago?”
He smiled. “Not this time.”
Hmm, what did that mean? Another thirty minutes and we were nearing the border. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. I’m keeping you in the state. This time.”
What was even around here? There was that cheese castle and a few porn/paraphernalia shops—excuse me, adult bookstores —and I stole a quick glance at him. My face flamed right up. Fuck, Perry. This is your friend, not your sex buddy. Pull your mind out of the gutter.
He turned off the exit and it dawned on me then. I started bouncing in my seat. Why it hadn’t occurred to me earlier with the signs and billboards, I had no idea.
“Seriously?” I asked when it was in sight .
His smile was so beautiful. “You happy?”
“Seriously,” I said again. “I’ve always wanted to come here.”
He laughed, pulling into the Jelly Belly factory lot. “I can’t believe you never have.”
“Me neither.” It wasn’t as if it was a far drive; I just never made it. “I mentioned it to Dre once, but he said…. You know what, never mind.” Since Stephen told me I was leaving with him, I hadn’t once thought of Dre or Christa, and that felt too good to tarnish with unhappy memories.
We went into the lobby where there was only a short ten-minute wait, considering it was in the middle of a weekday. Then the train pulled up, and we were ready to roll.
They gave us little paper hats to wear, and Stephen took mine, placing it on my head. When he brushed a piece of my hair away and tucked it under, I shivered at his touch. I closed my eyes without realizing, taking in a breath. I opened them quickly only to find him staring at me. My pulse jacked high, along with my temperature. Was this what it was like to ‘share a moment’? If so, I could understand the hype.
An older couple climbed in behind us, breaking our contact. He cleared his throat and looked down, pulling out his phone. “I need to get a picture,” he said.
“Oh, let me,” the woman said, leaning forward. “I’ll take one of both of you together.”
As we sat there in our silly little hats, smiling for the photo, I felt something shift inside me. Whatever that was I couldn’t determine, but fortunately, by the end of the tour it had shifted back.
“Check out the orangutan, Perry.”
“Shut up.”
“But it’s made out of jelly beans. Doesn’t that make you want to run over and kiss it?”
I narrowed my eyes at him, then punched his arm. “Don’t ruin it for me.”
He laughed. “I’m glad you feel there was something to ruin. You enjoyed it, then?”
The train came to a halt and we stepped off. It’d been about a half hour of candy-making displays and jelly bean art and sitting close to someone who was becoming my very good friend.
“Yes, I did. Thank you.”
He grabbed my hand. “It’s not over yet.” He led me into the gift shop and over to the sample bar. “Go nuts,” he said.
I gazed at the colorful beauty inside the glass that contained a gazillion different flavors. Where to begin? “I’ll start with the peach and toasted marshmallow and tutti-frutti and blackberry smoothie and buttered popcorn and strawberry daiquiri and cappuccino,” I told the guy behind the case, pointing every which way. “And oh, the draft beer too.” Stephen raised an eyebrow. “It’s for you, silly. You’re the one who likes beer.”
“Yes, but I prefer mine without sugar.”
“Come on, please. I don’t want to eat all these alone.”
And I didn’t. Stephen was either a good sport or completely batshit, but he let me pick out whatever I wanted, and he ate it without complaint. He couldn’t prevent himself from making faces while he chewed, but that only made me laugh harder.
Laughing and eating jelly beans. What a wonderful way to spend an afternoon.
By the time we were done and back in the truck, my stomach was happy and my heart was light. The dark cloud had dissipated. I couldn’t believe he’d done something like that for me.
I glanced over. “Now it’s my turn to ask if you’re feeling all right. You put away almost as many as me, and I’m no amateur.”
“It was worth it to see you laugh again.”
I stared out the side window, doing whatever I could to tug back that piece in me that was struggling to shift over. We shared a friendship, and that was all. And that friendship was beginning to mean too much to me to throw away. I didn’t want to interfere too intimately in his life, and I didn’t want him to interfere in mine. I just wanted to continue what we had.
Because he got me.