Chapter Twenty-Two Stephen
T he flames scorched my face, so I slid my chair back. It was still too damn hot for a fire, but another hour should take it down at least ten degrees. I found myself staring at the patio door more often than not. What the hell was taking them so long?
“Dude, relax.” Alex reached behind us and grabbed a Spotted Cow from the cooler. “They must be hitting it off. Your sister and your… whatever she is are getting along. That’s a good thing, right?”
“Fuck, I told you it’s not like that. She’s not feeling well, and I’m just worried about her.”
I took a sip of my own beer and leaned back. Alex had arrived shortly after they’d gone inside and he’d been giving me shit since.
“Hey, you’re the one who didn’t want to listen to my advice. Now look at you, You’re all jacked up. Fucking around with her is messing with you. Look, I’m not trying to say she’s not worth it, but maybe you should take it easy for a while. You’re still over in Operations, and don’t even fucking tell me she still has a boyfriend.”
I clenched my jaw. I couldn’t answer the boyfriend question. I had the feeling they were having some major problems, but I didn’t want to get involved unless she asked for my help. I said I wasn’t going to fuck up her life and I meant it. It was a bitch keeping a respectable distance, though.
“I’m not fucking around with her.”
“You’re not? What are you doing with her, then?”
I raked my hand through my hair. “Fuck, I don’t know. I just like her, all right? Like being with her. We’re friends, that’s all it is.”
Perry and Jillian came out, arms filled with food, looking all chatty. I could see Perry’s face illuminated by the back porch lights and she had a big smile. Without even realizing it at first, I smiled along. Obviously, she was doing better.
Alex let out a low whistle. “You hear that?”
“What, you whistling?”
“No, the sound of a whip, and you haven’t even had any pussy yet. You’re telling me you seriously don’t know what’s going on? You’re screwed, man. You’ve got it bad.”
I shot him a ‘shut the fuck up’ look as they neared closer. I’d saved her a seat next to me, but fuck if I didn’t have the sudden urge to pull her down onto my lap.
“Hello, Perry. You’re looking lovely as ever.”
“Oh hi, Alex. Nice to see you again.”
I was just waiting for him to be a dick to me and kiss her hand or some shit like that, but he let her pass by without incident. She sat beside me and immediately snatched the pretzels and dip.
“This stuff is amazing, Jillian.”
“Thanks. Better keep it away from Stephen, though. He’ll empty the whole bowl himself.”
I scooped up a hunk of Jillian’s famous beer dip with a pretzel and shoveled it into my mouth. “Don’t worry,” I whispered. “I’ll share with you.”
“You’d better or you’ll be sitting somewhere else.”
I laughed. “You do know this is made with beer, right?” A lot of beer. There was no mistaking the taste.
“I know, but I won’t hold it against it.”
I took some more dip, my gaze lingering a little too long on her legs. They looked incredible in her short shorts. Damn, another cold shower tonight.
“So, what’d my sister give you in there? You seem to be much better now.”
“Just a bottle of water.”
“Then I was right.” I smiled. “That’s what you needed.”
“Oh don’t look so smug. Everyone needs water. And I stood the whole time, didn’t use a chair once. I guess you don’t know everything, buddy.”
“Yeah, what’s with this guy, huh?” Alex thumbed in my direction, then leaned over me. “Not knowing the things he should. You wouldn’t believe the stories even if I told you.”
“Really? Why don’t you try me?”
She leaned over me too, and I was stuck between fucking loving it and wanting to move her to the opposite side of the fire. What the hell? Their faces were almost touching. I didn’t even get that close to her.
“Nah. I don’t think your buddy would like that too much.”
“All right,” I said, pushing him back. “You’re fucking right on top of me here.”
He grinned. “Sorry about that. Perry, you’d better back up too and give him some room.”
She laughed, and while they didn’t get that close again, they were bullshitting back and forth like the best of friends. Yeah, I should’ve been happy that they didn’t hate each other, but I wasn’t. I also should’ve been happy that she was fitting in so well, but I just wanted her to myself.
Right or wrong, I wanted her, period, and the fact that I couldn’t have her was messing with me big-time. I couldn’t even do something as simple as taking her hand.
Alex was right. I was screwed.
I tried talking with Val and Tony a while, but I was distracted. My mind kept wandering to the woman beside me. I wanted to be friendly with her, but I sure as fuck didn’t want to be in the same league as Alex or any of the other people whom she was ‘just friends’ with.
“Knock knock.”
Are you kidding me?
“Who’s there?” Perry said.
“Someone at your door looking to borrow pretzels.” Alex turned over the empty bag.
“Sorry. I’m all out too.”
“Mike picked some more up when he was out,” Jillian said. “I’ll go get them.”
“Oh shit. That’s right. You asked me, didn’t you?”
“Yes, Mike, I did. Dammit.”
I stood up. This was perfect. “No problem. I’ll run to the store. It’ll only take a few minutes.” I looked at Perry. “Go with me?”
“Sure.”
“Don’t you want me to come along too?” Alex said as we were walking away, and I flipped him off behind my back.
“Having a good time?” I asked when we got in the truck.
“Yeah, I am. Thanks for dragging me out.”
“Anytime.”
“Just curious. How old is Jillian? She looks too young to have a teenager.”
“Thirty-two.”
“Wow. I would’ve thought her closer to your age, maybe even younger.”
“I’ll be sure to tell her that. She’ll like you even more.”
“Do you get along with her husband?”
I glanced at her. “Mike, yeah. I don’t see him much, but he’s all right. Why do you ask?”
“He’s not someone I’d picture her with, that’s all. I don’t get that feeling that they’re meant to be together.”
“Oh that’s right. You have a knack.”
“Hey, how’d you know?”
I chuckled. “I heard you say that to Kate at the Brewhouse. So tell me, Miss Relationship Fortune Teller, why doesn’t your special talent extend to yourself?”
She was quiet. Shit . “I shouldn’t have said that, Perry. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“It’s okay. I know you were never a fan of Dre’s, even though you didn’t know him.”
“Who said I had to know him? You don’t know Mike either. I think you’re just jealous because you’re not the only one with ‘special’ feelings. In fact, I was thinking about hanging up a shingle over my office door next week: ‘Stephen Davidson—Love Guru.’”
She smacked my arm. “Shut up.” But she said it laughing, so all was good.
We picked up the pretzels and minutes later we were back at Jillian’s. It was much too soon. I didn’t want to go back to sharing her again.
When she didn’t get out of the truck right away, I asked if she was ready for me to take her home.
“No, just give me a minute. I’m enjoying the solitude. I guess I’m just a little peopled out.” She faced the window. “It’s so pretty out here.”
Not nearly as pretty as what’s inside . I couldn’t stop staring at her as she looked out the window. Her hair was the color of the rich coffee I brewed every morning. I wanted to bury myself in it. Get high as I drank her in. It was fucking torture not touching her.
“We don’t have to go back up to the bonfire. If you’re not ready to go home, we can stay here and talk a while. Or you can just daze out if you’d prefer.”
She turned to me and smiled. “Yeah, okay. I think I’d like that.”
“Great.” I was so happy she’d said that. “I’ll just drop off these pretzels and be right back.”
I went up and spoke with Jillian, warned Alex to keep his distance, and came back with several blankets. I popped the hatch and arranged them.
Perry was out and leaning against the frame. “What’s this?”
“A place for us to stretch out and relax. It’s better than the seats.”
She nodded, then crawled in. I did the same, keeping my distance as well. But what I wouldn’t give to pull her next to me and lay her against my chest.
“You weren’t kidding,” she said. “The skies are so clear.” She propped herself up a bit. “Um, I don’t have to worry about a turkey hopping in with us, right?”
I laughed. “No, you’re safe.”
You’re always safe with me.
It felt like we were in our own little corner of the world, free from outsiders. I could hear voices behind us, but they weren’t close enough to decipher the words. They were easy to ignore. If only it were as easy to ignore that she wasn’t mine.
I’d been trying so hard not to fuck up her life, but what if I was doing that very thing just by being in it? And what if I was doing the same to myself? This situation we were in couldn’t be good for either of us in the long term. I never expected that night I’d called truce to develop into something that left me needing much more.
“Perry?” I started to think she’d fallen asleep.
“Mmhmm. ”
“If I was making you uncomfortable, you’d tell me, right? I never want you to feel like I’m acting inappropriately or doing something that feels wrong to you.”
“Of course I’d tell you. You’re a good friend, Stephen.”
She took my hand and squeezed, and I felt the jolt both physically and emotionally. How could I have ever thought that what I felt for her wasn’t sexual? It was highly sexual. It just wasn’t only sexual.
She dropped it just as quickly. The greater part of me was relieved. I didn’t think I had enough willpower left to resist any more contact.
I was a good friend.
I was so screwed.