28. Holly
TWENTY-EIGHT
HOLLY
I pulled into the resort’s guest parking, and my stomach dropped like I was going down the first hill on a roller coaster. Seeing Graham again was more difficult than I’d ever imagined, and I’d definitely imagined running into him on a street. But I imagined him married, maybe. With a child or two of his own. I’d imagined seeing him in the distance, holding his wife’s hand, teasing her with that arrogant smirk of his, promising all the fun they’d have later. Perhaps I did it for my own self-preservation. If I imagined him having the life he was meant to have, it was easier to let him go.
That I ran into him in Boone was surprising enough. That he was insisting on staying in Deer Creek was completely unexpected.
Was it bad? It should be. I shouldn’t have unblocked his number. I should have told him to leave.
Graham had a way of loosening all the bolts on my locked walls, and six plus years later I still hadn’t fully found a way to keep him out. Worse, given the last day to consider it, I was having trouble remembering all the reasons why I should.
Goodness. The sheer audacity of him to even consider lifting his shirt yesterday. Who was I kidding? I’d thought about that moment, tried to remember from before what she looked like. He was older now, but stronger. He’d stayed on his workout regime, that was for sure.
I parked my car, turned it off, and climbed out.
With a heavy sigh, my shoulders fell. I was heading into the belly of the beast with no protection.
The condo Graham got was on the first floor, according to his text, but I didn’t need to get it to know. This was one of the oldest resorts on the mountain, or at least it’d been around since I was born. While locals might not spend the nights at the resort, we’d all had our fair share of day trips to do some tubing and skiing. Cole and Trina took Jonah and me last winter, my first time being able to afford such a thing, and we’d had a blast zipping down the hills right by the string of condos where Graham was staying. A three-story building, you only had to go inside to get the elevator upstairs. The downstairs condos all had parking on one side, and then the view of the slopes on the other.
I headed up to Graham’s door with trepidation taking over, slowing my steps and stealing the warmth from my fingers. I’d be in such a better position to see him if I knew what I wanted. If I’d thought anything I wanted was possible.
My hand lifted, and my knuckles barely grazed the door before it flung open. Warm air from the inside rushed toward me, and it took all my nerves and fears right along with it.
There he was, arm extended, same arrogant grin, same well-built body. All that caring expression and soft eyes plastered on his face for the entire world to see, and it was directed at me.
He reminded me of exactly how he used to look when I’d come to see him. Absolutely thrilled, with maybe a hint of honor. I’d never quite understood it, but man, it felt just as good now as it did then.
“Stalking me?” I teased.
“Anxiously pacing.” He grinned right back and stepped aside. “Can’t even lie about that. Half expected you to text me and cancel.”
I shrugged and stepped inside, slipping out of my sandals as I did. “I half expected to do it myself.”
The door closed behind me, forcing Graham to move closer. Man, he was tall. I wasn’t short, but I’d always liked the fact I’d had to lift my chin to meet his gaze. Those dark eyes of his were richer, no less darker, and I was certain there were more gold flecks rimming the pupils. “It’s good to see you.”
I swallowed down the lump in my throat, but nothing could wash away the goose bumps at his admission.
Graham had always had a way of making me feel special. Worthy. Sure, I’d maybe gone to him with a hand extended in self-defense, ready for the shoe to drop, but I’d had a reason for it then. I had a reason for it. Now, as I looked around his condo, his laptop opened and on the coffee table, and a glass of water set next to it, I couldn’t grasp why .
Why would I keep pushing away someone who wanted to be close to me? Hadn’t I learned in the last six years that life required company and help? That friends and community made life better?
I cleared my throat and grinned at him. “You’re still the same,” I told him, and I meant it as a compliment.
His smirk grew. “In some ways, I’m even better.”
“So arrogant.”
He knocked me with his elbow. “You like it.”
God help me, I did. I really did.
“Dinner should be here in a few minutes. I wanted us to have some time to talk first.”
“What’s first?” I asked and couldn’t believe I was being so blithe about the whole thing. “My family drama or your perfect life?”
“Not perfect,” he said, and while his grin flattened, his teasing tone didn’t. “Well-adjusted and healthy, maybe.”
Same thing, I figured, but what would I know?
“Want anything to drink? Water or tea?”
“Tea?” Back in college that was one of the first things I’d asked for.
Graham shrugged, like he wasn’t ready to admit he remembered the conversation I was. “I know how to purchase more than condiments these days.”
A soft laugh fell from my lips. “I’ll take water, but thanks.”
“Kettle’s above the coffee pot if you change your mind.” He reached into the fridge and proved his statement about purchasing more than ketchup correct. It was stocked with vegetables, drinks, and a variety of containers that looked like yogurt.
He came back with a bottled water and handed it to me. “Thank you.”
“I’m assuming you still don’t dhink…” He let that thought trail off.
I shook my head. “Not really, maybe something occasionally, but definitely not when I’m driving or when I have to pick up Jonah.”
“Understood.” He nodded. “Mind if I have a glass of wine?”
“Of course not.” He turned and went to the kitchen. I opened my water while he grabbed a corkscrew. Halfway bringing the water to my mouth, I paused, watching him work.
How was it possible for so many muscles to pop using a corkscrew? I didn’t even know if I’d seen that many arm muscles. Bottle open, he grabbed a wineglass, and while he filled it, I went and took a seat at one of the chairs.
Curling my feet up underneath me, my gaze drifted toward the ski slopes. It was early enough that the sun was still high, but it lit up the slopes and hills of the mountains for miles. In an hour or two, twilight would come, and the tops of the trees would turn everything to beautiful pinks and oranges and purples. Deer Creek had a lot of faults, and life there hadn’t been easy, but there was no arguing that I’d grown up and spent my entire life in one of the most gorgeous areas a person could live.
“What are you thinking?” Graham asked as he took a seat in the middle of the couch and slapped his laptop closed.
“What?”
“You had your thinking face on.”
I laughed. “I have a thinking face?”
“Yep.” He leaned back on the couch, legs bent and spread. He cupped his glass of wine gently, like he’d learned how to hold a glass with perfected manners, and draped one arm over the back of the couch. A king on his throne came to mind.
He said no more. I bit my tongue so I didn’t ask what it looked like.
“Huh,” I said instead.
Graham laughed. “You still don’t give anything away, either.”
“Trust me,” I drawled. “I’ve given away plenty.”
It was meant as a joke, but it fell as flat as his expression. Pushing his lips out to the side, he nodded. Apparently I wasn’t the only one with a thinking face.
“How long until the pizza is coming?”
“Why? In a hurry to get out of here?” There was no teasing glint in his eye, only narrowed eyes filled with worry.
“No. How’d you hear about Scalecki’s?”
“Met Billy at the store across the street yesterday morning.”
“Ah…he’s a good man. He give you any other tips?”
“Said Caroline’s food isn’t too shabby, but I already knew that. And to answer your question, pizza will be here any minute.”
“So…”
“I never told you why Piper said Sophie and I were engaged.”
“So we’re just gonna jump into it all then.”
Graham chuckled, like he thought my sarcasm was adorable, and sipped his wine. “If I’m only guaranteed a few hours, then yeah.”
“All right.” I tried to relax back into the chair but found it impossible. Not because of the furniture. It was worn and comfortable with large armrests. Any other day, I could sit curled up in the chair with a blanket, a cup of tea, and enjoy the view with a good book.
Tonight wasn’t that night.
“Hit me with it,” I said and leaned forward to set my water down.
“I told you that we all grew up as friends.” At my nod, he continued. “Sophie and I were obviously really close. I can hardly think of a time when I didn’t know her. I’m pretty sure our moms became best friends when they were pregnant or something.”
I smiled. It would have been so lovely to have been friends with someone for that long.
My heart thumped in my ears. He’d had such a different life than mine. Outside of losing our moms, we had practically nothing in common, and yet, what he had was what I always wanted. What I wanted to give Jonah.
I opened my mouth to tell him all of it, but the words stuck to my throat.
“Piper.” Graham sighed. “Piper moved in later, around the time we were probably Jonah’s age, now. All three of us were best friends for a long time.”
“I remember.”
“She didn’t have an easy life, and all those years ago, I didn’t think it was my story to share, but really, her family was a mess. She had an older brother who was in trouble all the time and a dad who really wasn’t nice to her or her mom. He cheated a lot. I think he even hit or hurt her mom. She kind of clung to Sophie and me, especially our parents. She needed that stability, and when I lost my mom, all of that got worse. I told you once that she wasn’t a bad person, just protective.”
And then she lost Sophie…
It all made sense. The way she so rudely handled everything, tried to physically shove me out of the way at the first game of his I went to. Suddenly, I saw Piper in a whole new light, and she wasn’t necessarily the villain I’d painted her as. “She was hurting and didn’t want to lose you.”
“Exactly.” He leaned forward and brushed his hands down his thighs. “When I grew up and started playing hockey and getting other friends”—he looked at me and blushed—“and girlfriends, Piper started seeing that shift. By then, my mom was sick. She got it in her head that since Sophie and I had known each other forever, we should be together. It wasn’t that Sophie and I hadn’t considered it. There might have been a kiss or two, and yeah, I loved her, but not that way.”
“The box Piper handed you that day.”
“So stupid.” His nostrils flared, though, and there wasn’t anything funny about it. “It was a plastic ring I won for Sophie when we were kids. In one of those gumball machines.”
I nodded.
“Exactly. Sophie kept it because it was funny. That’s all it was. Nothing more than kids joking, and I might have asked her to be my girlfriend that day or something. I don’t remember. Piper was just starting shit that day on campus. To be honest, that’s it. Piper was hurting. She had a crap family, lost her best friend, lost my mom who was a second mom to her, and she didn’t want to lose me. I think after Sophie died, she thought she and I could have something, you know? I’d made it clear that wouldn’t happen, but…” He shoved his hands through his hair and groaned. “It sounds ridiculous and childish.”
“It’s not.” I uncurled my legs from the chair, losing the need to be in such a self-defensive mode. “Don’t you think I get that? That after my mom left and my dad turned into one of the top two town drunks and I had no one but Caroline, that I wouldn’t have given anything to have someone close to me? I would have fought to keep that, too, with everything I had.”
He took a sip of his wine and sighed. “I know, Holly. That was why I wanted the chance to explain everything that night. I knew you’d understand.”
And I hadn’t given him the chance. Hadn’t tried. I still wasn’t sure it would have done much good, but I at least could have taken the time to listen. I’d left him thinking that he and Sophie were engaged, even when I told him it didn’t matter. I’d left him thinking that maybe had I listened, it would have. I cared about him a lot. I’d started imagining things with him I couldn’t have ever thought I’d dream of, and I’d been so callous toward him.
The doorbell buzzed, a high-pitched ping sliced through the air making both of us jerk our heads toward the front door.
“Saved by the bell,” Graham teased, but there was a coldness to his voice as he got up and answered the door.
So, apparently, he was still ticked about that night.