27. Graham
TWENTY-SEVEN
GRAHAM
Me: Taking a chance. Am I unblocked?
I sent the text late. When I got back into town, the parking lot to The Grille had been crammed full with trucks and cars and SUVs. Every part of me had screamed at me to turn in, to see her, to make her listen. Instead, I drove past. If she was busy, she wouldn’t want me there.
Once I got inside the rental, though, nerves hit, and I spent the night far too restless. If there was a rink open, I would have spent the time burning off all the nervous energy collecting inside me. It was hours later, after ten, when I finally found my courage and sent the text.
Holly was a wild card and had her own set of rules for living. She opened up to very few and kept the others out with a ring of barbed wire at the top of a cement wall. But there were moments where she forgot to be angry and scared.
Moments where she laughed freely. Where eyes shone with true joy and where her body wasn’t always tense and ready to flee. Where she actually relaxed and allowed herself to be in the moment.
All I wanted to do was give her more of those, without taking away or ignoring the trials she had to reach to get there.
I scrubbed my hands over my face and groaned. She could ghost me tomorrow, although it wasn’t like I couldn’t find her. And this town was small. It’d be easier to find her.
But I wanted her to want it. I needed her to open the door a crack, peer at me through something more than a peephole and a chained door.
To most it wouldn’t be much, but to Holly, it’d be terrifying.
My phone buzzed on the couch, and I practically dove for it.
“Smooth,” I muttered to myself and flipped it over so I could see the screen.
Holly: Five-thirty, okay? I’ll come to you and bring pizza.
Like I’d let her pay for my food.
I shot her my address and then?—
Me: I’ll order pizza. Send me your and Jonah’s Scalecki’s order.
Thank goodness for the earlier conversation with Billy.
Holly: Jonah will be at a friend’s.
I’d have her to myself for a few hours. Perfect.
My phone buzzed again with her pizza order, simple pepperoni and mushroom, like she’d eaten before. I should have known she wouldn’t have changed it.
Me: Thanks, Holly. I promise you won’t regret it.
A thumb appeared on the text, and my heart squeezed. A thumbs-up? Really?
Then…
Holly: We’ll see ;-)
Ahh…there was her sass.
I grinned, and to be a smart aleck, I gave her post a thumbs-up and tossed my phone onto the coffee table. Let her stew on that stupid thumbs-up emoji like I thought she was going to make me do. Served the stubborn girl right.
Shoving off the couch, now that at least plans were set, I headed to the kitchen and grabbed a beer. Holly hadn’t drank in college, and I doubted that had changed, but I still wanted to have drinks on hand. Maybe after-dinner snacks if I could get her to stay for a bit longer. There wasn’t much in the rental as far as things to do, and I hadn’t seen so much as a deck of cards for entertainment.
I’d go get those things in the morning, heading to Boone if I had to. It might be safer. I highly doubted Holly wanted people knowing about me, and spending too much time in town would make the whispers start.
I vividly remembered how she handled them before—with shame and fear and hiding in an office so she didn’t have to deal with it.
Never again. Now, I understood, even if people’s reactions were despicable, but the last thing I wanted was to make things harder for her.
Flipping open my laptop, I got to work. First a grocery order, and then I got nosy.
Surprisingly, there were a lot of school districts nearby. A lot of struggling districts.
It was probably far too soon. I was probably bordering on losing my mind.
That didn’t stop me from looking for or realizing I was grinning when I found an open coaching position.
I hit apply before I could second-guess myself.
Who knows what could happen?
I could always say no if it amounted to anything.
* * *
There was not a lot to do in Deer Creek, especially when trying to avoid spending too much time in town. I spent the morning hiking around Crystal Mountain and then went to Boone for groceries. In addition, I was now the proud owner of some pretty lame board games and card games, and even though it wasn’t exactly in my teacher budget, I upgraded the television in the rental and bought a larger TV. Theirs was so tiny I felt like my dad, wearing reader glasses while trying to watch it from the living room.
I told myself I’d take it home with me, I could use a new one anyway, or I could take it into my classroom. For what? Who knows. But six weeks without a lot to do but watch TV would drive me crazy if I had to keep watching it on something you could only see clearly from four feet away.
It was setup.
The pizza was ordered.
The fridge and pantry were stocked with drinks and snacks.
The only thing I had left to do was to figure out what to say to get Holly to give me a chance to rejoin her life, and let’s face it. I’d never been great at that.
If I could figure out a way to stop sweating through my shirts and dry my clammy palms from nerves, that’d be nice, too.
If only this was happening in Denver. I’d be comfortable in my own home. I’d be more confident.
A laugh burst from me. That was a lie.
It was Holly. I’d always be nervous.
That she hadn’t backed out at the last minute was a small miracle.
My phone rang, and I dove for it. “Maybe I spoke too soon,” I muttered and flipped it over. I expected to see Holly’s name, and instead, a grin broke out.
I answered it. “Hey, Eli. You still alive?”
I’d called him when I was going to be in town for the camp, but he’d told me he was working three twelve-hour shifts and didn’t see how he’d be able to get away.
“Barely,” he groaned. “Crashed last night and was barely able to get out of bed today.”
He was in his residency at Boone Community Hospital. The guy could have gone anywhere after finishing med school at Chapel Hill, but his first choice was to stay in North Carolina. Seemed the boy originally from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, didn’t want to go home and wanted to stay far away from brutal winters that could last up to eight months out of the year.
“Sucks, man.”
School days were long, and I often worked on grading papers for an hour or two at night, and that was after hockey practice, but even then, I was getting to spend hours playing the sport I loved. Eli was investing every second of his day into saving lives and healing diseases and cancer.
“Listen, yeah…I’ve been debating this, and I can’t say too much. I’m not even sure if I should tell you?—”
“Spit it out, Eli.”
“I saw Holly.” My breath left in a heavy whoosh, and I fell onto the stool at the kitchen bar. “The hospital?”
I chuckled. I hadn’t told him I’d also seen her. Had considered it, but I was waiting until he was off his shifts to give him the news that I was closer than he thought I was.
“Blew me away to see her. You okay? I mean, I know it’s been years, but…”
“I actually saw her myself.”
“No shit. Really?”
“Hockey camp. Turns out she has a son who was there.”
“What the…? A son?” He paused, and it took him a minute to ask, “Yours?”
“Not a chance, and it’s actually a long story that’s not mine to share. But yeah, so I’m glad you called, because you should know I’m here. In Deer Creek.”
Silence hit, and then Eli didn’t say anything, and my pulse kicked up. The man had mastered the silent pause when shock hit. It wasn’t exactly the excitement I thought he’d share.
“You don’t…are you okay? That I’m here? It’s not forever, but I figured since I saw her and we talked some?—”
“Has she told you?”
“About her son, Jonah? Yeah, she told me all about that. Him,” I quickly corrected. Jonah wasn’t a that or a thing. He was a cute little kid.
“Not her son. Shit.” He cursed again, and now that kicked up pulse started racing when I remembered what he said earlier. She was at the hospital. Why ?
“Eli,” I said with a warning tone.
“I can’t…I can’t say much, but well, shit. I saw her leaving her gynecology appointment.” So she had a woman’s exam. Big deal. “She didn’t exactly seem happy to see me, Graham, and then a nurse came up to her, handed her a card, and said she could call if she had any questions before the biopsy results came back.”
“What?” I was glad I was sitting. “Biopsy? What… hers ?”
“It could be anything. Probably should be minding my own business, but yeah. I mean, I don’t know what’s going on, but I could find out.”
“No.” Absolutely not. “You’re not breaking into a patient’s files for me, Eli, and besides.” I paused and cleared my throat. “She’s going to be at my rental any minute for dinner, actually.”
“Really?” He chuckled then, more surprised than amused. “I would not have imagined she would have given you the time of day again.”
“I can be persuasive.” Tenacious, actually, was what she called me, but my humor quickly faded. “What else could it be? Give me something other than the worst-case scenario that’s running through my mind.”
My mom died of cancer. For weeks before that diagnosis, I’d heard that whispered word when my parents didn’t think I could hear.
“It could be a lot of things. Benign would mean not cancer. But that could still mean a growth of some sort.” He sighed through the phone and then yawned. “It could come back as nothing, too. Scar tissue? Maybe an infection? It’s hard to tell without knowing her symptoms or why she had it done. And even then, it’s all guessing and hoping until the results come back.”
“Yeah.” Dammit. I didn’t want to know this. I shouldn’t know this. “I should go. I have to figure out what to do with this.”
“I’m sorry, Graham. I probably should have kept my mouth shut, but I was so surprised, and then I didn’t know if that was something you’d want to know anyway.”
“It was. It is . I’m glad to know it.” Would she tell me? Was it any of my business? And now that I knew…what did I do with it? “I’m just not sure if it’s my business yet.”
And wasn’t that a hard thing to realize? Holly and I could have very different ideas of how we wanted this night to go. I definitely knew we had different ideas on how the next six weeks should go.
“So, you’re in Deer Creek, then.”
“Yeah.” I laughed a little and looked down at the floor. “Figured I had six weeks with nothing to do, so why not?”
“Why not?” He chuckled with me and then sobered. “You talked to your dad? Told him?”
“Not yet.”
I did, all those years ago when I was worked up about the fact her dad killed Sophie. My dad showed up at one of our games in Raleigh, something I’d expected and known was happening. Having my dad in the crowd supporting me, despite growing up in Raleigh, always meant the world to me. After Mom died, he was all I had. Thank God he hadn’t fallen apart like Holly’s dad had. It took him two minutes of watching that game to clock that something was wrong with me.
After the game, our coach gave me permission to go have dinner with my dad instead of the team. I met him at a restaurant across from our hotel. He hadn’t let go of our hug on the sidewalk outside before he said, “Tell me what’s going on.”
I broke down in tears. Right there on the sidewalk in the city where I grew up, where anyone could see me. I couldn’t hold it in. Not then. Not around my dad.
It all spilled out over drinks and appetizers, and by the end, all Dad said was, “I’m sorry, Son. Sorry you’re going through something so difficult.”
No judgment, at least not verbally. No anger or disappointment. Life was life, and we all got kicked in the teeth once in a while. He understood that more than most.
Now, if I told him where I was and what I was doing, I’m not sure he’d initially be so understanding and accepting, but my dad was a good man. One of the best. He’d come around eventually. What I knew for certain was that Holly would never sense or feel a hint of his doubts if he had them. He’d keep that contained.
Eli sighed. “Be smart, Graham. I like the girl. But she put you through the wringer once before. Not sure I want to see it happen again.”
“I appreciate that, but I’m a big boy.”
“No kidding. I saw your last Instagram pic. You should work out more. Eat less fat or something.”
“Shut up.” I laughed. “I gotta go. She’ll be here soon.”
“We’ll get together soon, yeah?”
“Send me your schedule. You’re the busy one.”
“Ain’t that the truth.”
We hung up.
I checked my phone to make sure I didn’t miss any texts or calls and then glanced at the clock.
Great. I had five minutes to pace and wonder and worry.
Biopsy. Hadn’t her life already been hard enough?