31. Graham
THIRTY-ONE
GRAHAM
Man, I’d been nervous the other night before Holly came to the condo, but this was an entirely different set of nerves.
It was Wednesday. I spent the last two nights eating at the restaurant while she worked. Monday, Jonah was there for a bit, and I spent some time with him until Paul came and picked him up. We talked about hockey and school, and we colored in some of his coloring books while Holly stopped by and chatted when she could.
He wasn’t there last night, and I’d barely had any time to see Holly, but she’d called when she got home from work.
We talked for hours. She told me all about Jonah and raising him, she told me about how when she graduated, she’d still wanted a job in finance, but outside of moving away, which she knew she couldn’t do, the only financial firm in town was working with Cory Franklin, who happened to be married to a girl who hated Holly. It’d taken me a minute to remember she was one of the three girls who had been the reason me and my friends ate dinner in Caroline’s office the first night I stopped into the restaurant.
I’d never forget the word trash being thrown around then, loudly enough we could hear it. Of course we hadn’t told Holly that at the time, but I was glad she didn’t end up going to work for the guy.
At the end of the phone call last night, she did something I was hoping she would.
Something I thought would take her longer.
She invited me for dinner.
So now I was parking in one of the visitor spots in her cute neighborhood. It was a mixture of homes and townhomes, but they were all well-maintained, and the landscaping was kept up well. Holly had a Fourth of July wreath decked out in red, white, and blue, and like most of the other homes I could see, there were two chairs out front, making it a cozy sitting area.
I climbed out of my truck and then grabbed Jonah’s skates and flowers for Holly from my back seat.
Before I reached the door, it flung open, and Jonah stood in the doorway. “He’s here, Mama!”
“Hey, Jonah. What’s up, big man?”
I held out my hand for a low five, and he punched it with his fist. “Hi, Mr. Graham.”
Holly appeared behind him, walking from around a corner at the back of their narrow townhome. “Hi there.” She was wiping her hands on a towel, simply dressed in cutoff jean shorts and a pink V-neck shirt.
She looked relaxed, at home, and in total mom mode.
The tightness in her smile was the only thing that gave away her nerves.
I stepped across the threshold and handed the flowers to Jonah. “Can you give these to your mom for me?”
He shoved his face into the peach roses. “Wow. These smell great!”
I slipped out of my shoes and closed the door behind me. Holly walked toward me, flowers in her hands, and the tight smile was now soft and easy. “Hi there. Thank you for these.”
I glanced at Jonah, who was watching us closely, and to Holly. I’d kiss her every second of every day I saw her if I could, but I wasn’t sure where we stood on this in front of Jonah.
“You’re welcome.” I set my hand at her lower back and went in for a hug.
She had different ideas, better ones, and pushed to her toes and kissed my cheek. “I’ll give you a better one later,” she whispered.
“Perfect.”
“What’s in the bag, Mr. Graham?”
“This is for you, but we have to wait until after dinner.”
“What? A present?! Mama, Mr. Graham got me a present!”
“I heard,” Holly said in a dry tone. “I think the whole neighborhood just heard.”
The kid definitely had a set of lungs on him.
“Sweet!”
He ran off, leaving Holly and me alone, and me feeling like I was in seventh grade with my first crush on a girl all over again.
“Thanks for inviting me.” I set down the gift bag with Jonah’s skates in it by the stairs right off the door.
“This is weird.”
“A little. But I like your home.” It was mostly cream walls with pops of color from artwork. There were blankets tossed over the worn, dark brown sectional couch, and books spread out all over the coffee table. She might have tried to pick up before my arrival, but she hadn’t gone overboard in making a home with a kid in it look perfect.
It looked lived in, aged some, sure.
Holly scanned her place like she was trying to see it from my eyes. “It’s not a lot…”
“It’s perfect,” I assured her. My own home wasn’t much larger, and the only reason I had that was because my dad handed me a substantial down payment. Holly had done this all on her own. There was no reason for her to be embarrassed.
“Come in,” she finally said, giggling like she was as nervous as I was. “We’re only making this weirder. Jonah wanted to help make dessert, so he’s probably destroying the kitchen right now.”
“Jonah bakes?”
“Brownies from a box mix. Don’t get overly excited.”
“I like brownies from a box mix.” I liked it even more that he was baking and with her in the kitchen. “I used to love helping my dad in the kitchen. I’m glad you do that with him.”
She smiled at me over her shoulder and then brought the flowers to her nose. “I remember.”
My mouth split into a grin. She remembered .
“I’ve learned a few things the last few years working with Caroline, so I hope you like what we made. Nothing special, but Jonah loves spaghetti, and it was easy, so…”
“Holly.” I reached out and tugged on her hand. She frowned down at my loose hold on her before lifting her confused and worried eyes to me.
“What?”
“I’m here because I like you. I already know I like you. You don’t have to worry about impressing me. I’m already impressed.” I tried to look around the corner for Jonah but couldn’t see him, so I took a risk. A quick tug on her hand had her falling back into my chest. “And trust me, I was very impressed on Sunday.”
I kissed her quickly but firmly, and as she turned away, her cheeks were peachier than the roses.
I took that as a win.
* * *
Jonah shoved the last bite of his brownie into his mouth and shouted, “Can I open my present yet?” Brownie dust flew out of his mouth.
“Jonah!” Holly cried. “Not with your mouth full. Please. Good gracious.” She wiped crumbs off the table and brushed them back onto his plate.
I covered my own mouth so he didn’t see me laughing.
There was no reason to be nervous at all. As soon as I saw Jonah dumping brownie mix into a large silver bowl when Holly guided me to the kitchen, the night became Jonah’s show. He gave me a tour of their house and pointed out where his bedroom was. Took his time showing me all the things he liked in there the best. His Lego, a couple hockey posters, and some Nerf guns I promised him I’d play with him another night.
He kept up his one-man show all through dinner, talking about school and hockey and all the things he loved, barely giving Holly and me a chance to say anything to each other.
What we did share were a bunch of glances and smiles and even laughter.
I raised my brows to Holly, and she gave me a nod.
“Go get it, kid. But be careful. It’s kind of heavy.”
He clamored off his chair so quickly it tipped to two legs before re-righting itself with a thunk of wood hitting the tile floor.
“He’s so damn funny,” I told Holly.
“He’s excited.” She glanced toward the front door. “I don’t…well, he doesn’t have a lot of men in his life, you know?”
“It might make me a jerk, but I’m kind of glad to hear that.”
Her cheeks turned pink as she rolled her eyes. “Shut up,” she mumbled.
“You always say that’s not nice,” Jonah scolded Holly as he carried back the large bag. It dragged on the floor, and he kicked it as he lifted it to the chair. “You should say you’re sorry.”
“Yeah, Holly,” I teased and pouted. “You should say you’re sorry.”
She tossed her napkin at me and growled playfully. “Open it up, kiddo. What’d he get you?”
Attention diverted, and the subject changed, Jonah cried out, “I don’t know, but I can’t wait to see!”
He tore at the bag like he’d turned into a feral animal, and red paper went flying. Once freed from the bag, he dug into the wrapping paper with the same excitement, and soon, his eyes were rounding into large orbs, and his jaw was dropping. “Skates?” he asked, almost so quietly we had to lean in to hear him. He wiped his hand over the box of Bauer hockey skates and stared at me in awe. “You bought me new skates?”
“Thought you could use an extra pair.” I didn’t want to point out that the old ones were too worn and not sturdy enough. Holly was doing her best, and a great job at that.
He gaped at me and stared at his mom. I’d never seen him so silent. And then he ran around the chair and threw his body into me. My arms wrapped around him on instinct.
“Thank you. Thank you so much, Mr. Graham! This is the best thing I’ve ever seen.”
He shined his massive smile up at me and then to Holly, who sniffed and blinked harshly. “Isn’t it amazing, Mama? I finally have my first pair of brand new skates! Mr. Graham is amazing!”
“It’s really amazing, kiddo.”
“Wow.” He turned back and hugged me tight. I kept my gaze on Holly, watching her son hug me as her eyes filled with tears. My own started to feel the sting of dust in the air. “Thanks so much, Mr. Graham. It’s really nice. They’re my favorite.”
I patted his back and wished I was comfortable enough with him, with both of them, to pull him into my lap and hold on to him even longer. “I’m glad, Jonah. I’m glad you like them.”
“Like them! They’re the best! When do we get to go skating again?”
“Friday,” I told him. Holly and I had worked out the plans last night on the phone. “Your mom said I can take you Friday, so we’ll break them in then, okay?”
“Awesome!” He pulled out of my arms and went back to his box, brushing his hand over the top again.
“Brand new skates that no one’s ever worn before. This is so great.” He bent over the box and hugged it. I gave up on blaming dust as my vision grew blurry.
He wasn’t just a sweet and smart kid. He was thankful, too. And that said it all about how he’d been raised.
I looked to Holly to see her wiping away tears beneath her eyes, and I sucked back my own.
“Can I try them on, Mama?” he asked. “Just for a bit?”
“They should come with guards,” I told her, in case she was worried about her flooring.
“In the living room,” she said, nodding. “Give Graham and me some time to clean up, okay? And then we’ll have to do bedtime soon.”
“Bath, too?” His face scrunched up in displeasure.
Holly chuckled. “How about we give you a night off from the torture of clean skin?”
“New skates and no bath? It’s like Christmas! You should be here all the time, Mr. Graham!”
He picked up his box and took it to the living room, having no idea that was what I would love most, too.
Something told me I only had to be brave enough to ask for it.
I stood and helped clear the plates and take them into the kitchen. It was around the corner from the living room, giving us a moment of privacy.
“You okay?” I asked Holly as I stood next to her near the sink. “That seemed like more than happy tears.”
“It’s…I knew he’d love the new skates. I didn’t ever think he realized…you know? That he doesn’t get new stuff like the other kids?”
“Come here.” I pulled her in for a hug. “He’s an incredible kid, Holly. His excitement and awe over that just shows how well you’re doing with him. He doesn’t need new things, but he appreciates them.”
“But I want to be able to give him everything he wants.” She sniffed against my T-shirt and slowly draped her arms around my lower back. “Sometimes it sucks knowing I can’t do that, no matter how hard I try.”
“Hey. That’s because you’re a good mom. He sees that. He loves you.”
“I know.” She pulled back. “I love him, too. So stinking much. It’s so weird sometimes when I look at him and think I’ve raised him, that he’s my son…but also my brother. Sometimes I just want to be the fun big sister, but I have to be the mom, too. It’s so weird.”
“Does he know?”
She shook her head and flipped on the water to start rinsing plates. “No. I don’t want him to. Not now when he’s too young to understand. I don’t want him to have to carry the burden of knowing our mom didn’t want him, either. But when he’s older, probably? He’s asked me why I don’t have a mom and why he doesn’t have a dad, so we’ve talked about her some, but it’s so heavy. I want to spare him all of that.”
“That’s what makes you a good mom and big sister, you know. You’re looking out for him.”
“He’s an easy kid to love.”
“So is his mom…his real one. The one who’s been there for him.”
I hadn’t meant to say it. It slipped out. Based on the way her jaw unhinged, she hadn’t expected to hear it. But the truth was out. Holly had a grip on me and my heart since the first night I met her. She lit up my life when I needed to shed my own pain. Losing her had brought it all back tenfold, for so much longer, and I wasn’t sure I ever shook it away again fully.
At least not until I saw her again.
There was no point in hiding it.
“Mr. Graham!” Jonah shouted. “They fit! Come see!”
“Saved again,” I muttered.